Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Will You Be There? ❯ Wiil You Be There? ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the G boys, I just borrow them from time to time to play with and return them a whole lot happier, ne? Also I don't own the song "Will You Be There?" either, it belongs to Michael Jackson and as such all rights are his, I'm just borrowing it for this fic.

Warnings: Angst, Sap, Heero POV, Song fic, Shonen ai.

Pairings: 1+2

Rating: PG. 13 (falls over, I can still write those?)

Spoilers: Yes. Mainly for the episodes 10 - 14

Archive: http://gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com

http://sweetlysour.net

http://www.theforsakenwk.com/

Those with permission to archive my works feel free to take it, anyone else, please ask.

Summary: Heero has self destructed in Wing and now lies unconscious. While in his comatose state his mind is still active and brings to the fore all his deep, dark secrets.

// Indicates song lyrics //

"Will You Be There?"

April 2004 ShenLong

I felt the detonator in my hand and gazed out at the landscape for one final time. In front of me stood my enemy and I allowed my eyes to rake over the tall suit. I shook my head. I would have enjoyed nothing more than to have continued my battle with my enemy, but it was not to be. The order had come through and I had to follow my orders.

My breathing hitched as I sent a silent thank you to my metal partner and asked his forgiveness for destroying him.

Understandably, Wing declined to reply, preferring to stand in silent testimony, waiting for the inevitable.

As my thumb depressed the trigger my last thoughts were of a heart shaped face, thick rope of hair and expressive violet eyes, all belonging to the pilot 02.

Regrets?

Only one.

As the blinding flash of light surrounded and engulfed me, and my body exploded with pain, I wished I had gotten to know 02 better.

// Hold me

Like the river Jordan

And I will then say to thee

You are my friend. //

From the first time I laid eyes on that slender figure, heard the husky, sweet voice and felt the pain of confrontation; I was intrigued.

Breaking me out of the military hospital was an act I never thanked him for. He did everything he could to assist me; and what did I do in return?

I sabotaged his Gundam.

As much as I wanted too, I could not admit to him that he was my friend... and that I wanted more than friendship.

And now...

It was too late.

// Carry me

Like you are my brother

Love me like a mother

Will you be there? //

Darkness surrounds me, silence greets me and strangely enough, there is no pain. I feel a sensation of floating, akin to being carried.

Am I dead?

Has Shinigami come to claim my soul? He already has ownership of my heart, even if he isn't aware of it.

// When weary

Tell me will you hold me?

When wrong will you mold me?

When lost will you find me? //

I surrender myself to the cool hands that gently hold my soul, tired of the never ending cycle of battle, repair and battle again.

02 called himself the God of Death, the Great Destroyer. Without fear I feel myself relax into the darkness. Tell me, Shinigami. Will you find me?

A pair of dancing violet eyes appear before me and instinctively I am drawn towards them.

Despite the war, despite the missions, my heart aches with need, my arms long to hold, my body desires to be owned.

Those violet eyes begin to fade until once more I am alone in my darkened prison.

// But they told me

A man must be faithful

And walk when not able. //

This war was everything I had been trained for. For as long as I can remember I had endured sessions, both physical and mental, that left me exhausted. My body make-up was modified, enhanced if you like, so that I can continue to perform where others would falter.

Failure was not an option given to me.

My mind was constantly barraged with physics, chemistry, mechanics, astro physics and schematics to name a few. I was also subjected to subtle conditioning, my emotional side being slowly but surely eradicated so as to keep me focused entirely on the mission.

// And fight till the end.

But I'm only human. //

Day in and day out I was drilled, tested, educated and brainwashed until the war, its missions and my part in it, were the only things my consciousness would accept. They toasted their success at finally creating the 'perfect' weapon.

But they forgot one thing.

One thing that even I was unaware of until I met 02.

I'm only human.

And when I found 02, I found my humanity.

// Everyone's taking control of me

Seems that the world's

Got a role for me. //

I have vague recollections of times before Dr. J. Sometimes I get flashes of my childhood but they are brief and certainly not enough for me to know who I really am or how I came to be here. The only solid memories I have are from when J took over my life.

Training is the only clear memory I have now, being trained, if not for one thing, for another. Someone always seems to be telling me what to do, controlling me.

My destiny, so it seems, was planned out for me before I was even born.

Strange that.

No one ever asked me what I wanted to do with my life. It was all preordained and like the good little soldier I was, I complied without question.

Until a certain pilot raised doubts and sparked reactions., penetrating my impenetrable shell.

// I'm so confused

Will you show me?

You'll be there for me?

And care enough to bear me? //

The hand of friendship was extended without question or demand and while I at first refused to acknowledge it, he persisted.

In his own quiet way he continued to be there, always smiling, always helpful. Even in the darkest of times he would bring a ray of sunshine to my black existence.

Many times, without words, he managed to let me know he was there for me.

He cared.

I wish now that I'd had the courage to tell him that his efforts had been appreciated.

Maybe, in his own way, he knew.

// (Hold me)

(Lay your head lowly)

(Softly then boldly) //

Through the darkness that is now my existence I can feel gentle arms surround me, my body carefully tended. The touch is soft yet firm, everything I imagined it would be and while I can feel the caress as my wounds are treated...

I cannot acknowledge it.

// (Hold me)

(Love me and feed me)

(Kiss me and free me)

(I will feel blessed.) //

Locked inside this dark prison I am unable to communicate. Yet somehow I know I am still alive. Gentle hands tend my broken body, clean and dress my wounds. The soft touches felt born of love, something I have yet to experience.

I am aware of nourishment finding its way into my system, aiding my body in its recovery. I ache to be able to let you know how much I appreciate the tender care. But try as I might, I cannot escape the silence of my world.

So like the sleeping beauty of fable I continue to reside in this lonely, desolate place; awaiting the kiss of my prince to awaken me.

// (Carry)

(Carry me boldly)

(Lift me up slowly)

(Carry me there) //

I have no idea how much time has passed. Time ceases to exist in this shadow world of mine. Mostly it is lonely, no sounds and nothing to see except an endless inky blackness. Oh, how I long to hear your voice, the laughter spill from your lips.

I try to speak, to cry out to you that I am here, imprisoned, lost; but while my mouth feels like it opens and my lips form words, no sound is forthcoming.

I have to fight my way back. But I cannot do it alone. I need you, need you to support me, call me back as I claw my way free.

// (Save me)

(Heal me and bathe me)

(Softly you say to me)

(I will be there.) //

Something is different.

The blackness is no longer as dark. I feel the scratchiness of a warm wash cloth as my immobile shell of a body is cleansed and there is a fleeting moment of pain.

Does this mean what I think it means? Am I managing to make my way back?

A whisper of words and my darkness thins a little more.

"I'm here, Duo," my muted voice states.

// (Lift me)

(Lift me up slowly)

(Carry me boldly)

(Show me you care) //

The darkness is beginning to thin even more but sadly not enough to allow me full recognition of my current position.

The soft, gentle ministrations continue,; the care so obvious in them and slowly but surely, I know I am returning from this cold imprisonment.

// (Hold me)

(Lay your head lowly)

(Softly then boldly)

(Carry me there) //

Even as I remain in this state of 'suspension', caught between the planes of existence, the caring and love I can sense around me gives me the strength to fight even harder to return.

There is but one face of death I long to see.

// (Need me)

(Love me and feed me)

(Kiss me and free me)

(I will feel blessed) //

"Come back to me, Heero."

There is no mistaking those soft words this time. But I am still without voice to respond to the quiet plea so I force myself to fight harder.

How can I deny the simple request? A gentle brush of lips against mine and I begin to feel the fibers that hold me here, snapping.

One by one they break, their hold on me weakening. The violet eyes of the only death I know are calling me. I gather all the inner strength I can find and try even harder to climb the wall of this prison, to escape and return to you.

// In our darkest hour

In my deepest despair

Will you still care?

Will you be there? //

The memory of what happened; the reason for my lonely exile becomes clearer to me, piece by piece as I slowly break through the barriers of confinement.

The closer I come to returning to consciousness the more I am aware of you tending to my healing body whilst comforting my broken soul.

// In my trials

and my tribulations

Through our doubts

And frustrations. //

As I continued my slow journey back to the normal plane of existence so all that had happened to me thus far returned to torture my mind. The small victories, the long hours spent planning the missions, carrying out orders and as you were so fond of saying, 'winging it' when things didn't always go as planned. All were replayed in full color.

But throughout it all one thing stood clear and firm, constant.

You were always there.

//In my violence

In my turbulence

Through my fear

And my confessions. //

Regardless of what occurred in our many battles thus far, no matter how violent and bloody they were, somehow you came through smiling.

As loathe as I am to admit it, I need that smile. It anchors me, soothes me and banishes my fears.

Now I have one more confession...

Shinigami has taken possession of my soul.

// In my anguish and my pain

Through my joy and my sorrow

In the promise of tomorrow. //

The closer I draw to waking so the stronger the pain becomes, but I will not let it rule me for I have been given a second chance, a chance I'm willing to take.

The violet eyed death that commands my soul could have easily handed it over to his namesake but instead he tended me, reaching out and sharing in my pain and anguish, opting to give me a promise of more tomorrows if I wished.

I am grateful for that chance. This time I won't ignore what is locked deep inside me.

This time I will let him know.

// I'll never let you part //

The light is piercing stronger through the dark curtain of my mind and at last I will be able to break the surface and live again.

I feel your presence beside me; somehow you instinctively know I am returning to you. This time I will tell you what has been bottled up inside me. From this day forward I will never take for granted your offered friendship. No. Instead I will welcome it, nurture it and hopefully it will blossom into something more.

// For you're always in my heart. //

The words are ready in my throat, the light breaks through and the locked door of my prison opens.

I am free!

My eyes flicker open. It takes a moment for them to adjust but I can make out your form as it hovers over me. Fingers brush tenderly against the skin of my cheek. I feel lips against mine, a warm kiss of welcome and for a second the pain is gone.

I know I need to find my vocal chords, to let you know that the care, attention and loving devotion you have given me whilst I was locked in my coma were appreciated, welcomed and needed.

My eyes manage to clear a little more, focusing on the sweet face before me, the face I know I have fallen in love with.

I blink, my pupils shrinking and dilating. I open my eyes again, hoping that this time I will clearly see the face of the one I long for at last.

My vision consents and clears, everything is revealed in stark clarity and I search for violet, I find... emerald? My voice, while scratchy from disuse, works. I manage to speak...

"...Trowa?"

~ Owari ~