Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Words of the Heart ❯ Part Five: Never ( Chapter 6 )

Part Five: Never

Summary: You're everything I'll never have. Duo realizes they can never happen.

 

 

Never

 

I was almost killed today.

Twice.

The bullet that lodged itself just beside my belly button was actually the second attempt on God's part. It was the discovery of another attempt to over throw the government that nearly got me the first time.

It's been six months since Heero's decision to ….God this sounds so high school, but it applies to us more than most….to break-up. Six months of peace talks and signed treaties and an all-around absence of terrorists. Perhaps peace had finally been secured enough for Heero to reconsider his decision.

We had talked, just the day before the emergency strike, about going out to see that new action flick. A tentative, almost date. A reaching hand, testing the fires again.

Figures I'd get fucking burned.

I thought my damned heart would stop when Une called us up to her office like that. I didn't even really understand the words until she started barking out individual assignments.

All I could see and hear was the ending of our life together.

The hole in my belly came from protecting a civilian so I suppose Heero will be proud of that accomplishment. Everything for peace and all that jazz. I can't help but wonder, some days, if he'd even shoot me if it was ordered to be for the good of the people.

He even had the nerve to visit me, a few days after surgery, to cancel our quasi-date. Said it wouldn't be a good idea, what with my recovery being slow and the Preventers being backed up from the strike. Maybe another time.

Maybe not.

They've just moved me my own private room in the ICU today. I'll be here a week before the docs will let me go home on strict orders not to fucking breathe funny. Quat, Tro and Fei will be checking up like mad.

Heero actually showed up just a few hours ago- tried to make decisions for me again, at the hospital. I told him it wasn't his place anymore. I told him I wanted to rest- I did, really but it was just too hard to look and at and see he's everything I'll never have.

So, I'm on my own again. Figures. My history dictates a fresh, new start is in order- to get over what I've lost. I just can't- I can't stay here with him and start this cycle all over again.

Heero's guilt is punishing us until all that'll left between the two of us is bitter, bitter hatred and misunderstanding. I'd much rather take the good memories I already have of my messy-haired lover and let them keep me warm on the nights when I really need it.

Never thought I'd be thankful for an internet connection in my room. Une should get my resignation promptly but the foiled terrorists should keep her busy long enough for me to get released and get my ass in gear long enough to get back to Howie and the Sweepers.

Maybe that fresh start will come with a bit of history behind it.

I'll miss you, Heero.