Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ You Don't Know Me ❯ You Don't Know Me ( Chapter 1 )

You Don't Know Me

This is the first installment in my "Single POV" series. This is Heero's view. Kinda angsty, but that's our Heero. No major warnings…I think it's 1x2. He's talking to someone. I just thought it was Duo who never understood him very well. Anyhoo…enjoy! //_~

Bold=Lyrics

It starts with one

One thing I don't know why

It doesn't even matter

You said you loved me. I never actually thought about it before. Why did you love me? How could you love me? I was a product of the system. I hated everything and destroyed things for a living. Well, I guess you did too, but that's not the point. I just never understood why. I mean, you were there and you were kind to me when you thought I needed it, but how could you have loved an unloving soldier? Why?

How hard you try

Keep that in mind

I designed this rhyme

To explain in due time

Now that the wars are over, we can go our own separate ways again. Right? You were just a body that made me feel better. I never needed human contact. I was trained that way. You used to beg and plead for me to open up more. I didn't want to! I didn't need to! It didn't matter how many times you made romantic dinners for us, or bought me flowers, I knew it wouldn't work as soon as we didn't need each other anymore. You might as well stop trying. I can't love you anymore. It's over.

All I know

Time is a valuable thing

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

Watch it count down to the end of the day

If I were to spend the rest of my life with you, would I be happy? I couldn't tell you. I honestly don't know. Our lives are like cats. We live in luxury for a while, but when it's our time to go, we either leave nice and peacefully, or in a bloody heap at the side of the road. I know for a fact that I would go in a bloody heap. Whether it is in my Gundam or by a familiar face. You would be quietly in your own bed one night, after dreaming about me. The thoughts alone would kill you. It sounds morbid, but that's the way it goes. I don't fear death. I actually welcome it. I think it would offer me everything you couldn't. I'm sorry.

The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal

Didn't look out belowWatch the time go right out the window

Do you honestly think that we Gundam pilots have lived real lives? We never had childhoods, or parents that loved us. I know that one day the world will be destroyed and I'll be there to witness it. You know when that day will be? When I finally tell you how much I hate you. If there was a word for what you make me feel, I think it would tear my heart out just to say it. Not that you haven't taken it already. I've heard people say that time flies when you're having fun. Well, time flies for me when I'm making people suffer. Now it's your turn. Suffer.

Trying to hold onBut didn't even know

Wasted it all just to

Watch you go

Inside my soul aches for you. I don't want you to leave, by death or otherwise. The feelings have always been put away by my soldier's instinct. I think my body can't handle all of the feelings at once. I ruined it all for us. Maybe I just wanted to see how much you would hurt if I left you. Some sick joke huh? I guess I never really had much of a sense of humour. Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone anymore.

I kept everything insideAnd even though I tried

It all fell apart

What it meant to me

I tried so hard to feel for you. If there wasn't so much hardware in my brain, I'm sure I could have. My life, is misery even in its better times. But there's nothing I can do about it. You meant the world to me, and I stood by and watched as you slowly fell apart. Please forgive me.

Will eventually be a memory

Of a time when…

I tried so hardAnd got so far

I can't remember much of anything anymore. Sometimes I can see your face. Smiling, as usual. But the beautiful images are quickly covered by visons of destroyed houses and bases. Dead bodies lie strewn about the ground. It was no life for a fifteen-year-old. I know that now, but I didn't then. I tried to give it my all and actually succeeded. But after it was all over, I couldn't stop. I made it to almost Lieutenant level! If I had worked for OZ, they would have had a huge party for me and you would've been there with your hair done up, and a nice suit on. I would have loved to see that. I miss you.

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

I had to fallTo lose it all

But, if I sit back and really think about things, all of the courageous things I did for the Cause meant nothing to you. You just wanted me to be normal and to love you. But I couldn't do it! And the only thing I've destroyed since the wars ended was your heart! I guess I had to fall from grace before I could truly see what it was like there. It was your bright smile, and your cheerful nature. Two things I never could have achieved.

But in the end

It doesn't even matter

One thing I don't know whyDoesn't even matter how hard you try

I need you. I want you. You need me. You want me. Why didn't it work out? Why? Because I was a lying sack of shit that couldn't do anything right. Because you were the kind loving person all people should be and I was just something put together by some fools who wanted to help the Earth. What about helping me? No matter how many times I killed myself for you, it never made a difference. Why not?

I tried so hard

In spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your propertyRemembering all the times you fought with me

You'd always say to me, "Why not be like the rest of us Heero?" Maybe I couldn't. Maybe my life wouldn't let me. Maybe fate wouldn't let me. If we went out, you acted like I was just some bitch you were towing along for the ride. You didn't own me! I could've lived my own life. Maybe I could have…and we never even got along. If we weren't screwing each other senseless, we were fighting about stupid, petty things, like who didn't change the roll in the bathroom. Who cares?! If it was empty, change it. No questions. Don't complain, don't explain. That's what I was told. Maybe everything I was told was a lie…

I'm surprised it got so far

Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymoreNot that you knew me back then

I wouldn't mind seeing you for a minute in the street. I'm not killing anymore. But I'm sure you knew that. I've cut my hair. And guess what? No more spandex for me! I'm an all jeans man. Tight blue ones. They're nice. But did you even notice before? I know you used to pester me about what I wore, but would it make a difference now? Probably not. You don't know me…

But it all comes back to me

In the end

You kept everything insideAnd even though I tried

But you did notice. You were always trying to change me. You always had that mask on and you never showed your true emotions. I wish you had. I did my best with you! We were just too incompatible. Why does it happen like that?

It all fell apart

What it meant to me

Will eventually be a memoryOf a time when…

My life is gone. My love is gone. If I think really hard, I can remember you. You'll never be forgotten. Don't worry. But the times are changing and so am I. It's time for me to move on and to forget about you Duo. As of now, you are just a memory of the terrible past I lived. You were the light that led me to believe there was something worth living for. As long as you're happy with Wufei, I won't complain. He'll take good care of you. I'd say ai shiteru, but it does seem unwarranted. Nevermind then. I'll just say good-bye.

I put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

And for all thisThere's only one thing you should know…

Good-bye Duo. Devil or not, I'll see you in Hell some day.

Lyrics~In The End by Linkin Park