Hana Kimi Fan Fiction ❯ Looking Back ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: If you owned them, would you be wasting time writing about them? I didn't think so.

A/N: Okay, my first dip into the pool of hot men that comprises HanaKimi. Be gentle, as my mind is still hazed by the raw sexual power of these boys, therefore not functioning properly.

This fried brainstorm is a result of a One Hour Challenge from Destiny's Gateway Romance Archives. Challenge #286: One of the "couple" is sleep deprived and accidentally says something they shouldn't have.

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Looking Back

Looking back on it now, I can't believe that I ever thought I would be able to hide it from Sano. I mean, if we had not lived in the same room, or my clumsiness had not landed me on top of him so often, then perhaps I would have managed it. But, come on, let's face facts here. I always forgot to lock the bathroom door when taking a shower, I always tripped and landed in his lap, I always wound up in his bed while half-asleep, I always…well, you get the idea. There were a million opportunities for Sano to discover that I lacked certain, uh, physical attributes.

Mine was not the perfect plan, and I was extremely careless. One might say deliberately so. Around my other classmates, I was cautious of my disguise---usually, anyway. But some tiny, irrational part of my brain was working against me when it came to Sano Izumi. It wasn't that I had admired him for so long, it was that I had fallen in love with him. I simply couldn't seem to help myself.

He would appear, and I would blush and stammer and trip and generally act, well, girly. Here I was, Ashiya Mizuki (a conveniently androgynous name), in a prestigious all-boys high school, railing against anyone who dared to call me effeminate or cute, but knowing how painfully accurate the appellation was. It was to be expected, since I am cute and effeminate. I am, after all, a girl.

I know now that the only reason my charade lasted as long as it did was thanks to Sano's constant intervention. I was a little flighty back then, and never put the pieces together that he knew my secret almost from the beginning. I was too terrified to look past the surface of events, content to delude myself into a false sense of security by blithely ignoring the obvious signs. After all, I had reasoned naively, if it looked like a duck, walked like a duck and quacked like it duck, there was no way it was a peacock, right?

Since Sano never actually said he knew my true identity, I blissfully accepted that as testament that he didn't know my identity. Sigh. I can't believe I was ever that self-delusional. Now, though, I've matured, and I can look back on everything with that perfect, painful 20/20 hindsight.

I also want to reach out and slap my younger self for being so patently oblivious. I could have saved many people years of emotional torture and frustration---including myself. I am still awed and amazed at Sano's iron self-control. The only thing that held me back from attacking and ravishing that amazing body of his was my own inexperience. Since I was never entirely certain what the demanding signals my own betraying body was sending me meant, the mass confusion that erupted whenever he was within 20 feet of me obscured my baser impulses screaming at me to kiss the boy breathless.

Thank God for male hormones, though. If Sano hadn't starting pushing the limits, then who know how long I would have let the charade continue. And I brought it on myself.

Don't think the irony of the situation was lost on me, because it wasn't. I just was so twisted around trying to combat the clashing urges to get closer to Sano and simultaneously push him away, that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. But those wonderful, impetuous, crazy sex-starved chemicals did finally get the better of my love after one compromising situation too many.

Oh, is that a smile I feel on my lips? Hmmm. Yes, it is. Even after these past few years of everyday living, the memory still stirs something in me, creates that delicious heaviness in the pit of my stomach.

I can remember it all so clearly, as if it happened just this morning. We had stayed up all night cramming for exams, and the last thing I remember was looking into Sano's bloodshot eyes (it should be illegal for a man to look that damn beautiful when obviously sleep-deprived) and urging him to bed. After all, he didn't really need to study, and was only up to help me.

I think I hauled on his arm, trying to drag that tall frame over to his lower bunk. I think. I can't be positive, because the room had started to fade around the edges as sleep finally settled into my fuzzy brain.

The upshot of the entire scenario is that I woke up quite warm and comfortable, lulled by a repetitive sound murmuring in my ear. That noise made me feel safe, and loved, and as if I never wanted to move again. But I had to move, or else there would be an embarrassing stain on the sheets. I vaguely recalled having drunk an entire bottle of water before passing out in a study-induced stupor, and it was coming back to haunt me.

Groaning, I shifted slightly, trying to put my hands under my body to lever up. But my hands were trapped under something heavy and feeling of velvet over steel. I recall screwing my eyes shut and praying to every god I could think of that I was not in the position I feared: lying on top of Sano's lean, muscled body with my arms wrapped around his torso.

During my earnest pleas to a higher power, I felt strong arms tighten around my waist, effectively pinning me in place. So much for divine intervention.

I wiggled a bit, trying to see if there was any way I could peel Sano's arms off of me, but all of the jostling caused a different problem to emerge. I remember freezing, but I couldn't tell you what was running through my mind at that instant other than awareness of pure sensation. In my struggles to get free, our hips had aligned. Perfectly. Oooh, so perfectly. My breathing hitched and I fought the insane urge to press against that welcome intrusion.

Insanity won out over caution, and I distantly heard a moan float out into the air. Now, contrary to what you may be thinking, I was not ignorant of what was going on down there. I had lived in an exclusively boy's world for the best part of three years. One of my best friends was a gay doctor. How could I not be aware of the mechanics of the male body? I even knew that Sano's, um, state, was most likely the typical morning reaction, but my own suddenly sensitized nerve endings weren't interested in the `whys' of biology and simply screamed at me to revel in the fortuitous anatomy lesson.

I was so wrapped up in the new sensations racing through my blood like wildfire that I missed it when warm hands slid under the hem of my shirt to clasp my waist. The skin contact broke through my haze and I gasped, stiffening. I could feel the heat climbing to the surface of my skin, the force of my mortification not confining the blush to my cheeks but making it an all-over affair.

I still flush whenever I remember that instant of knowing you've been caught doing something very, very naughty. Then the spell that was holding me immobile broke and I resumed my struggles to get free, adding in gasps of pleasure (we were still pressed together) and babbles of apology.

I failed miserably to escape, but in my humiliation I didn't hear Sano's own groans at my frantic movements. Only when he clamped those long, strong fingers of his over the bare skin of my hips (when had he slid those wonderfully talented digits under the waistband of my pajama bottoms?) did I freeze again.

I cracked open an eye, peeking at him from under my lashes to gauge the depth of his anger at me. The sight that met me, though, still dances tantalizingly in my imagination.

His face was so beautiful in that moment, a strange mixture of intense pleasure and pain as he struggled for…well, I didn't know at the time what the battle was about, only that he was waging one within himself. I thought if I got off of him, then that would help, so I renewed my efforts to squirm out of his hold. I still shiver at the memory of that low, sexy growl he let loose at the movement, and those dark, gorgeous eyes opened to pin me with the most indescribably heated look I have ever experienced.

"Woman, if you keep that up, I will not be held responsible for the consequences," he warned me, the strain in his voice as patent as the desire I saw in his eyes.

I remember gasping out more apologies before his words clicked into place. I was absolutely stunned. Sano had called me "woman", and I didn't think it was an insult. My eyes had to have as big as saucers when I turned them up to meet his equally stunned, yet possessive, gaze again. I felt him run the palm of his hand over the curve of my hip.

"Did-di-did you just call me…," but I trailed off, brain completely lost as I saw Sano lift his head to mine.

I remember thinking frantically that he was going to kiss me, and I'm almost positive that I had some plan to stop him because, well, he thought I was a boy, right? It wouldn't be fair for Sano to unknowingly kiss a girl if he really preferred boys. I struggled against the fierce temptation to give in to the kiss, if only to experience it once. Thankfully though, my wonderful, brilliant man guessed my dilemma and ended my doubt.

Pausing a hair's-breadth from my lips, he locked that passionate gaze on mine and whispered, "You are the most beautiful, frustrating, bone-headed woman I have ever met, Mizuki."

I was as mesmerized by the feel of his warm breath feathering across my face as by the significance of his tender words. He had stressed the gender appellation, and I knew right then that everything would work out between us.

"I cannot believe you thought you fooled me all this time," he brushed his lips across mine in a petal-soft kiss, "and I love you for it."

After he spoke those words, he simply waited, and I could see his heart in his eyes. I could feel the tears gathering, sliding down my cheeks to drop onto Sano's face, and I didn't waste any time pressing a series of quick kisses to his mouth, cheeks, nose, eyes---anywhere I could reach. Laughter bubbled up in my chest and spilled out, mingling with the warm sound of Sano's own.

The giddiness subsided a bit, and I could feel Sano slide his hand into the hair at the back of my head, pressing my face down to his, and he kissed me. I don't mean the feathery touches or joyful pecks of moments ago, but a passionate, claiming kiss full of heat and love and promises.

The next few minutes were a haze of roaming hands, gentle murmurs of appreciation, and incredible sensations. The combination spiraled up inside of me until I felt I was going to explode from the force. Then I realized there were specific parts of me screaming for release---and they weren't the ones I now know to associate with Sano's passion.

Remember what woke me in the first place? Well, it made itself known tenfold, so I pulled back abruptly, dashing for the bathroom. I think I yelled something like, "Gotta pee!" because I could hear my love's laughter floating after me.

That pretty much characterizes our relationship now: full of love and laughter. Not to say we had it easy those last few months before graduation, because we didn't. But we decided that it was best to continue my playacting at being just another boy.

Nakatsu, of course, knew right away that something had happened between us, but supported us fully. I even convinced Sano to let me tell him my secret. Nakatsu took the shock much better than I had anticipated, and I think it gave him the closure to move on to other relationships. He is, after all, a very attractive man.

Don't tell Sano I said that. He gets upset even if I mention Umeda-sensei's drop-dead gorgeous looks, regardless of his sexual preferences. But Izumi will always be the most beautiful man I have ever seen, not because of his appearance, but because of his heart.