Harry Potter - Series Fan Fiction ❯ See My Life, Through Your Eyes ❯ Warning -- Ditz Ahead ( Chapter 1 )

See Prologue for Disclaimer.


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Chapter One: Warning - Ditz Ahead

(Opening the book, Remus cleared his throat and began to read…)

Chapter One : The Boy Who Lived

Peter : Well, I'm glad to hear that.
James : Hear what?
Peter : That he lived.
Others : (roll eyes)
Peter : What? I don't like it when things die. Especially rats.
Sirius : (sarcastically) I wonder why?

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank-you very much.

Peter : Your welcome.
James, Sirius : (shakes there head)

They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.

James : These people sound like no fun.
Sirius : I have a feeling that's going to be an understatement.
Remus, Peter : (nods in agreement)

Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings,

Sirius : What kind of name is that?
James : A stupid one…
Peter : Perhaps, they were in the bathroom when they thought up that name?
Others : (start at Peter for a few seconds, then start laughing uncontrollably)

(several minutes later)

Sirius : (through tears of laughter) Maybe -- maybe they make -- lax-laxatives.

(all start laughing uncontrollable again)

(five minutes later)

which made

Remus : (pauses dramatically)

drills.

Peter : Oh! That explains the name. They grunt when they push the drill!
All : (start laughing)
Sirius : (half laughing, half mockingly) Fearfully fascinating job, you've got there, Dursley.
Peter : (nodes his agreement)

He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache.

Peter : Why do I suddenly have a picture of a cow with a handlebar mustache stuck in my head? (blink)
Others : (look at each other for a minute as they get the picture of a cow with a mustache formed in their minds...)(start laughing uncontrollably)
Peter : (doesn't see what's so funny)(blink)

Mrs. Dursley was thin

Peter : Isn't there a nursery rhyme about a guy name Jack Sprat and his wife along these lines?
James, Sirius : (looking confused) What?
Remus : Never mind...

and blond and

Remus : You can't use two and’s in the same sentence!
James : Moony... You're strange...

had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors.

Peter : I used to have a neighbor just like that, but the funny part was that she was short. She always wore a big straw hat and sunglasses. Kind of reminded me of those muggle detectives...
Sirius : Used too?
Peter : My mum finally told her to mind her own business -- she didn't put it that nicely, though -- and she moved away.
James : What's a detective?
Remus : It's kind of like an Auror.
James, Sirius : (eyes get big) Oooo...

The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley

Sirius : DUD-ley!? (starts laughing)
James : I wonder if he's a real dud?
Sirius : With a name like that!? He has to be!

and in their opinion there was no finer by anywhere.

Remus : Key word - their

The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters.

Sirius : Sometimes I wish that people didn't know that I know James.
James : Hey! (smacks Sirius)
Sirius : OW... (rubs head) But, I don't mind if people know that I know James' parents or cousin.
James : (glares at Sirius and smacks him again)
Sirius : (glares at James while rubbing his head)

Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister,

James : I try to do that, but my parents wont' let me.
Sirius : I try to forget my whole family. But....
Remus : It's kind of hard, since they go to the same school as you.
Sirius : Hey! That's my line!
Remus : (dryly) Well...maybe I wouldn't be able to say your line before you if a certain someone didn't say it so much...
Sirius : (mock anger) Wormtail! Why did you keep on telling Moony my line!?
Peter : (blinks cluelessly) What? I didn't tell him anything...
Remus : Wormtail...he's only joking...
Peter : (blink)Oh...
Others : (roll eyes)

because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were was unDursleyish as it was possible to be.

James : (raises eyebrow) And that's a bad thing?

The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that.

Remus : More like, the Potters didn't want their son mixing with Dudley. Especially because of the name.
Sirius : (mutters) Look who's talking...
Remus : (heard what Sirius said) My name is unique. At lest my name doesn't have D.U.D in the beginning of it. And look who's talk, yourself, Sirius.
Sirius : (sticks tongue out at Remus)
James, Peter : (shake heads)

When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening

James : Wait! Remus you said two ands in that one sentence... How come you didn't say something?
Remus : I wanted to see if you'd notice...
Others : (just look at each other)
Remus : Besides, it's not improper this time.
James, Sirius : (roll eyes)

all over the country. Mr. Dursley hummed as he

Peter : I wonder what he was humming...
James : (starts humming the Hogwarts school song)
Peter : (blinks) How does he know that song? He's a muggle...
Others : (shake heads)

picked out his most boring tie for work, and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair.

Peter : Brat.
Sirius : Wait a minute... How can Mr. D be picking out a tie while Mrs. D was gossiping and wrestling a screaming brat into his high chair? Is the high chair in their bedroom? Isn't it suppose to be in the kitchen? And if it is in the bedroom, how are they going to get it down stairs with Dudley in it?
Remus : I don't know. Why don't you write the author an ask them.

None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window.

James : Why should they? Their muggles.

At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek,

Peter : (gasps loudly) Some evil wizard has turned Mr. Dursley into a chicken!
Others : (look at Peter)
James : And that would be a bad thing?
Sirius : If I was around, I'd do it.
Peter : (eyes get HUGH)
Remus : Wormtail, what's the matter?
Peter : (shakily point a finger at Sirius) He -- He's turned...EVIL!
Sirius : MWHAHAHA!
James, Remus : (roll eyes and shake heads)
Peter : (shaking uncontrollably)
James : Careful, Wormtail...you'll wet yourself.

and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing

Remus : Aaaa! Four conjoinings in one sentence!
James : Moony! STOP DOING THAT! It's getting annoying!
Remus : Tell me about it!
James : THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, AND YOU KNOW IT!
Remus : Alright...ALRIGHT...I won't do it again. Happy now?
James : Yes. (nods head) Thank-you.

his cereal at the wall.

James : Brat.

"Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house.

James : My father wouldn't have said "little tyke"! He'd have spanked me!
Remus : Mine too.
Peter : (nods agreement)

(a minute latter)

James, Remus, Peter : (looks at Sirius)
Sirius : What?
Others : (continues to stare at Sirius)
Sirius : When I was little, it was the only time my father and mother liked me.
Remus : (stares at Sirius for a minute) Well....That does explain a few things.
James : (nods in agreement)
Peter : (clueless)
Sirius : (glances at his friends) Wha... Hey!
James, Remus : (snicker)
Peter : (blink)

He got into the car and backed out of number four's drive.
It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar -- a cat reading a map.

Peter : What's so strange about that? McGonagall does it all the time.
Remus : Wormtail, he's a muggle. He doesn't know about animagi.
Peter : (blushes) I...I knew that.
James, Sirius : (look at each other as if to say, "Yea, right")

For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen -- then he jerked his head around to look again.

Remus : And crashed into the car coming from the other direction.

There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of? It must have been a trick of the light. Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive -- no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs.

Peter : Unless your McGonagall!
Sirius : That cat isn't McGonagall, Wormtail.
Peter : It could be. You never know...
Sirius : (mutters under breath about some people's stupidity)
James : (looks at Sirius)
Sirius : What?
James : Nothing.
Remus : (starts snickering)
Peter : (blinks)

Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind.

Peter : (mutters) I wish I could do that.
Remus : What do you mean, Wormtail.
Peter : I can't ever give myself a little shake and forget about a cat. Especially tabby cats...
Remus : (???)
James : The last time Wormtail transformed he ended up running into a certain gray tabby cat...and wound up being chased through half the castle.
Sirius : He left quite a mess behind himself, too. (snicker)
Peter : Shut up, Sirius! That wasn't funny...
Sirius : To you maybe... (smirk)
Peter : She almost killed me!
Remus : (trying not to laugh) Moving on...

As he drove toward town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.

Sirius : This man sure does have a one tracked mind. Drills... How can anyone want to think about drills? Especially in the morning?
James : (shrug)

But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people. People in cloaks.

James : (shakes head and mutters) Muggles...

Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes -- the getups you saw on young people!

Sirius : Hey! I don't wear getups!
James : Shut up, Padfoot... Keep reading Moony.
Sirius : (glares at James)

He supposed this was some stupid new fashion.

Sirius : (mutters incoherently)
James : (smacks Sirius, hard)
Sirius : OW! (rubs head and glares at James)

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdoes

James : Hey! People who wear cloaks aren't weirdoes! I resent that!
Remus : (sighs exasperatedly) Will you STOP talking! I'd like to get past the third page!
Peter : (tries to inches away from Remus while nodding his head)

standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older then he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak!

Peter : A Slytherin supporter!
Remus : (glares at Peter)
Peter : (cowers)

The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt -- these people were obviously collecting for something....yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills.
Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office

Peter : I wonder why...
Remus : (mutters something about some people's lack of memory)

on the ninth floor.

Peter : Oh! That explains it! He's afraid of heights!
Remus : (growls) Do you want to find out if your afraid of heights? Because if you do, I'd be willing to oblige! We can test it out on James' SECOND floor window.
Peter : (makes a strangled sound while trying to inch away, and falls off the bed)
James, Sirius : (are now starting to look scared too)
Peter : (remains on the floor...far away form Remus)

If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls swooping

Peter : (meekly) Can...can we talk now? You're past the third page... [1]
Remus : (growls)
James : (mutters) Guess not.
Remus : (growls again)

past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl at nighttime.

Sirius : (mutters) Muggles...
Remus : (eye starts twitching)
Peter : (inches even farther away from Remus)

Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood until lunch time, when he thought he's stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy a bun from the bakery.

Peter : (meekly) He sounds mean... (starts at Remus hoping he won't get tossed out the window for talking)
Remus : (just continues to read)

He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks

Sirius : (growls)

until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them

Peter : (crawls back onto the bed) Hungrily!
James, Sirius : (roll eyes)

angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy.

Sirius : Well that explains the “peck” reference earlier. He's a chicken.
James : If I was a muggle, I'd be afraid of wizards too. You never, ever know what they might do to you.
Sirius : (smirking) True...true...
Remus : Yeah...You two should know all about that, wouldn't you.
James : (trying to act innocent) What are you implying, Moony?
Remus : Shut up and let me finish reading already!

This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying.
"The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard --"
"-- yes, their son Harry --"
Mr. Dursley stopped dead.

Peter : (screams) Someone's hit him with the Killing Curse!
Remus : IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP PETER, YOU'LL BE NEXT!
James' cousin, Alexandra (aka Lexi) : (bangs on the wall in-between James' and her room) If you don't quite down in there, I'll kill the lot of you!
James : (blows a raspberry at the wall)
Peter : (gone ghostly white... He's just been yelled at by two people and someone has killed Mr. Dursley in cold blood; poor thing, he just can't handle it)

Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers

Peter : (blink) He's not dead? -- RUN FOR YOU LIFE!
Others : SHUT UP, PETER!
Lexi : You're dead Potter! (marches out of her room and right over to James' door and opens it)
James, Sirius : (jumps off the bed and slams the door in her face)
Lexi : (bangs hard on the door while trying to shove it open)
James, Sirius : (struggling to keep door shut)
James' Mum : (marches upstairs) What is going on up hear? Lexi, leave the boys alone!
Lexi : (bangs one last time on the door) Just you wait, James Harris Potter, when you lest expect it...
James' Mum : (says warningly) Lexi...
Lexi : (marches back into room)
James' Mum : (waits a minute before walking back down stairs)
James, Sirius : (gets back onto James' bed)
Remus : (continues to read)

He looked back at the whispers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it.
He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache,

Sirius : (stroking imaginary mustache)

thinking....no, he was being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't sure his nephew was called Harry. He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold.

Remus : Interesting choice in names. Harvey means "battle worthy" and Harold means "leader of the army". Could the author be trying to tell us something?
Sirius : Like what?
Remus : Like this kid is going to be a great warrior and maybe have an army some day...(shrugs)
James : What does Harry mean? Since where on the subject…
Remus : Harry means "home ruler" -- Harry is the Medieval English form of Henry, which is derived from the Germanic name "Heimiric". "Heim" meaning "home" while "ric" means "ruler" it can also mean "power". [2]
Sirius : Well, if the author is trying to tell us something, it's got to be that this kid is going to be powerful. And if that's true...I'd hate to meet him if he's had a bad day.
Peter : (nods in agreement with Sirius)
James : (looks at Remus strangely)
Remus : What?
James : How do you know what these names mean?
Remus : My mum has a book on names. I got bored one day and skimmed it.
James : Oh. (he was far to used to Remus reading just about anything to think much of it -- he was the Ravenclaw personality of the group after all)

There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her -- if he had a sister like that....but all the same, those people in cloaks....
He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door.
"Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passerby stare, "Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!"

Sirius : Is it just me, or does that person sound like Flitwick?
James : It's not just you. I thought the same thing, but that's impossible. He can't be in this story...it's fictional.
Remus : Well, I also thought of Professor Flitwick, but I wonder if he's drunk or something... I don't think he'd normally say "muggle" in front of one.
James : (sarcastically) That's all we need, a drunk Flitwick. He's already too happy, imagine what being drunk would do...

And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle

Remus : If Dursley as big as I think he is... There's no way this Flitwick like person could reach his middle, much less hug him around it.

and walked off.
Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot.

Peter : (squeaks!) Flitwick's made Mr. Dursley grow roots! (shudders)
Sirius : Stop that Wormtail! The Flitwick impersonator didn't make Dursley grow roots! (sighs exasperatedly)
Peter : (still looks scared)

He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was. He was rattled.

Peter : (squeaks! again)(starts to say something)
James : Don't even say it Wormtail!

He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.

Sirius : (squeaks!)
James : Not you too! Wormtail's sickness is contagious!
Sirius : (says in a hushed, horror filled voice, eyes wide) He doesn't approve of imagination!
James : (smacks Sirius very hard)(looks at Remus) Quick! Keep reading, before he says something even more stupid!
Remus : (nods and continues to read)

As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw -- and it didn't improve his mood -- was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around the eyes.

Peter : Hi, Professor McGonagall! (waves)
James : That is not McGonagall, for the thousandth time!
Peter : (says as if he knows) Yes it is.
James : (growls)
Remus, Sirius : You can't growl! Only Padfoot/Moony and I can! (growls) Stags don't growl!
James : Just read Moony!
Sirius, Remus : (grumbles)

"Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly.

James : (sarcastically) Like that's going to work on a cat...

The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look.

James, Peter : See...
James : (looks at Peter)
Peter : It is Professor McGonagall! The stern look!
James : (throws up hands) I give up!
Peter : I'll bet you twenty gallons that it is Professor McGonagall.
James : You're on, because I'm certain you’re wrong.
Peter : (says confidently) We'll see.

Was this normal cat behavior?

All : Yes.
Peter : Especially if you McGonagall.
Others : (roll eyes)

Mr. Dursley wondered.

Sirius : ...If he should just go walk off a cliff.
James : I shall help you make that tough decision...YES! You should!
Remus : STOP INTERRUPTING ME! AND LET ME FINISH!
James, Sirius : (squeaks!)
Lexi : (bangs on wall) Shut up in there! We're trying to study!
Sirius : (raises eyebrows) Study? It's only the end of the first week of summer vacation.

Trying to pull himself together,

Peter : (starts to say something)
Remus : (growls and glares at Peter)
Peter : (squeaks!)

he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife.
Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter

Sirius : Who wants to bet that whatever Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter aren't as bad has the ones Mrs. Dursley has with that son of hers.
James : No need to bet on that, Padfoot, that's a no brainier.
Remus : (mutters) Which is lucky for him...
Sirius : Did you say something, Moony?
Remus : No.
James : (snickering)
Sirius : (narrows eye suspiciously)

and how Dudley had learned a new word ("Won't").

Sirius : I bet his first word wasn't Mummy or Daddy, it was "No" -- Brat.
James, Remus : (look at each other as if to say "look who's talking")

Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed,

James : Probable took her an hour, or more, just to do that.

he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:
"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere

Sirius : What is it with people that watch birds? What's so interesting about it?
James : (mutters) And this is coming form the guy who likes to chase cats...

have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise.

James, Sirius : (shake heads) Muggles...

Experts are unable to explain

Remus : Well...that doesn't make them experts then, because real experts would be able to explain it.

why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern."

Remus : They haven't changed their sleeping pattern! You idiot! There delivering mail!
Sirius : (mutters to James) Moony sure hates it when people get the facts wrong, doesn't he...
James : (nods agreement)

The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"

Sirius : (sarcastically) That was so witty, I forget to laugh.

"Well, Ted," said the weatherman, " I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday,

Peter : Muggles weatherman are never right about the weather.
James : Well, if there never right, then they shouldn't promise anything. It's wrong to break a promise. (nods sagely)
Remus : (gives James "THE Look")
James : What?

they've had a downpour of shooting stars!

Sirius : (eyes get bright) Oooo! Prongs, we need to do that!
Remus : (groans loudly) Oh...no....
James : (eyes also get bright) Yea! We could to it during the beginning of term feast!
Peter : (nods enthusiastically)
Remus : Note to self - Remember to sue the author for that...(cough)..."suggestion". One must be careful with impressionable young minds around...(glances at others)
Others : (weren’t paying him any attention, to caught up thinking about shooting stars)

Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early -- it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."

Remus : Something tells me not to believe that promise. His record isn't exactly stunning.

Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair.

Peter : (high pitch squeak!) Someone has frozen him!
Remus : (has finally had enough of Peter's stupidity and he smacks him in the hard over the head with the book) STOP DOING THAT!

(Lexi bangs on the wall again)

James, Sirius : (eyes are HUGE - they've learned to never, ever, mess with an upset Remus Lupin)
Peter : (quivering in fear on the floor - poor thing, he fell off the bed again...)

Shooting stars

James, Sirius : (eyes get dreamy)
Remus : (gets up and smacks them on the hard over the head)
James, Sirius : OW! (rub heads)
Remus : (sits back down)(mutters darkly) I've really got to sue the author for this -- idea...

all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters...

Sirius : What's so strange about that? People are always talking about James. Not always nice things, but talking about him none the less.
James : (eyes narrow) What are people saying about me?
Sirius : Trust me...you don't want to know.
James : Yes. I. do.
Sirius : Read Moony -- Quick!

Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er -- Petunia, dear -- you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"
As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry.

James : How is that possible? Shouldn't it be "Mrs. Dursley looked shocked then angry"
Sirius, Remus : (shrug)

After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.
"No," she said sharply. "Why?"
"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled.

Sirius : I wonder what this guy's first name is... if he even has one.
Remus : Don't be stupid, Sirius...of course he has a first name. The author just hasn't given it yet.

"Owls....shooting stars....

James, Sirius : (starts to get dreamy eyed, again)
Remus : (warningly growls) Don't...
James, Sirius : (snaps back to reality)

and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."
"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.
"Well, I just thought...maybe...it was something to do with...you know...her crowd."
Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips.

James : (looks at Remus) Is that even possible?
Remus : (shrugs) I have no idea.
Sirius : Hey, Wormtail! Go get a cup of tea and try to drink it through pursed lips.
Peter : (vigorously shakes head no)
Sirius : (pouts) Spoil sport.

Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter."

Remus : Typo! The period goes after the quotation marks, not before it when quotations are used like that!
James : (gets up and smacks Remus) Stop, that Moony! Just read! (sits back down)
Remus : (glares at James, but continues to read while rubbing his head)

He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son -- he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"
"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.
"What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?"
"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."

Remus : Howard -- Hmm… (deep in thought) The Old English meaning of the name I don’t think fits, but a another theory states that the surname derives from a Germanic first name composed of the elements “hug” meaning “ heart, mind” and “hard” meaning “brave, hardy” [2.1] -- This name thing is really has a theme going on… (shakes head and continues to read)

"Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."

James : Like he'd say anything else.

He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there.

Peter : (from the floor) Professor McGonagall sure has been there a long time.
Sirius : That cat is not McGonagall!
Peter : Yes it is.
Sirius : No it isn't!
Peter : Yes it is!
Sirius : No...
Remus : Shut up! (growls)

It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting

Remus : Improper english! You're not supposed to used "were" there! You're supposed to use "was".
James : I'm warning you, Moony! If you don't stop that, I'm going too...(chokes invisible person, violently)
Remus : (gulps)(continues to read)

for something.
Was he imagining things?

Sirius : No -- because if you where, you'd be braking you own rule about not liking imagination. (makes a mock horror filled face)

Could all this have anything to do with the Potters?

Sirius : Yes. Especially if James is involved.
James : Ye -- Hey!
Sirius : (ignores James) And didn't the author already say that the Potters where involved?
Remus : That's right, but this isn't the author, this is a character in the story...so he doesn't know that...at lest not yet.

If it did....if it got out that they were related to a pair -- well,

James : Wait! A pair of what? Tell us, dame it!
Others : (look at James as if he has lost his mind)

he didn't think he could bear it.
The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind....

James : What? Are they're animals now?
Sirius : If there talking about you...then, yes.
James : (glares and smacks Sirius)
Sirius : (grins and rubs head)

He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on -- he yawned and turned over -- it couldn't affect them....
How very wrong he was.

James, Sirius : Dun, de, dun, dun, dun...

Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside

Remus : (sarcastically) Well, if it's on a wall, I hope it's outside... It'd be kind of hard for it to do it in the house.
Sirius : I'm getting a sudden urge to chase a cat... (smirks)

was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue,

Peter : (screams) Someone's petrified Professor McGonagall!
Remus : Stop that Wormtail! And give me your medication -- NOW!
Peter : (scrambles back onto the bed) What medication?
Remus : (glares at Peter then continues to read)

its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive.

Peter : (squeaks!)
Remus : (sticks out hand at Peter) Medication. Now!
Peter : What medication? (very confused)

It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the next street, nor when two owls swooped over head.

Sirius : Apparently, that cat doesn't like owl meat.
James : Or just that the cat was very intent on something.

In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all.
A man appeared on the corner that cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground.

Remus : Apparation. (thinks for a minute) Hmm...I wonder why he didn't make a sound

The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed.
Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the sliver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt.

Peter : Headmaster Dumbledore! Hello, Headmaster! (waves)
Sirius : That is not Dumbledore! He's a real person, and this story in fictional! In other words, untrue!
James : And if you don't know what that means -- go look it up...
Remus : It would stand to reason that he wouldn’t understand the meaning of the word with you two around.
Sirius, James : (glares at Remus) What's that suppose to mean!?
Remus : (ignores them and continues to read)
Peter : (???)

He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his noise was very long and crooked, as thought it had been broken at least twice. This man's name was

Remus : (gasps)
Others : What!?
Remus : You're not going to believe this...

Albus Dumbledore.

Sirius : Moony, it's not nice to lie to Rat Boy over there. (gesture at Peter)
Remus : I'm not! Look! (shows them)
Others : (gasps)
Peter : See! I told you it was Headmaster Dumbledore! (does a weird sit down dance on the bed)
Sirius : (in shock) I don't believe it!
Remus : Well, believe it my friend.
James : You don't think this book is from the future, do you, Moony?
Remus : I guess it's possible...
Sirius : James...you don't think that...that Harry might be related to you, do you?
James : (speechless)
Remus : (looks at James then Sirius) Padfoot, Potter is kind of a common name here in England.
Sirius : Yeah, but not in the wizarding world. Just look at the front cover...this kids on a broomstick....he's a wizard. He could be Prongs' son for all we know!
James : (squeaks!)(falls right off the bed in a dead faint)
Others : (look at James -- they've never seen him faint before, he's usually made of tougher stuff then that)
Remus : (sarcastically) Nice job, Padfoot.
Sirius : (shrug) Sorry.
Remus : (has a look of deep contemplation) What I want to know is...who does he marry?
Sirius : (glances at James) You don't think it's Evans, do you?
Remus : (looks at Sirius then James) No, she hates him...or at lest, extremely dislikes him.
Sirius, Peter : (nod their agreement)
Sirius : (gets up and shakes James awake)
James : (groggily) Haaa...
Sirius : (drags James back onto his bed) Just keep reading, Moony. He's going to be like this for a while.
Remus : (nods and opens book to read some more)


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[1] - "swooping" is ONE word past the third page...
[2] & [2.1] - Information gotten at BehindtheName.com