Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ A Holiday In Hell ❯ One-Shot
[ A - All Readers ]
By: VampKitty 
Just a humor fic in which the Hellsing characters take a vacation at Disney World. God help us all.
Anime/Manga: Hellsing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.21.2005 | Updated On: 04.21.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Completed
Just a humor fic in which the Hellsing characters take a vacation at Disney World. God help us all.
Anime/Manga: Hellsing Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 04.21.2005 | Updated On: 04.21.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, nor do I own Disney World, for that matter.
Bloody vacations. Why in God’s name did I allow myself to be talked into this?
Integral Hellsing had never thought that she, the head of a top-secret vampire hunting organization and an esteemed member of the Royal Council, would ever find herself patronizing a theme park. She didn't much care for them at all in the first place. And yet here she was, smack in the middle of Disney World's Magic Kingdom with her two vampire servants and the commander of the Wild Geese. This was not her idea of a good time, but upon Walter's absolute insistence that she needed this vacation, she'd finally given in.
“Right. Let's all try to have a good time and get this over with,” Integra told Pip, Alucard, and Seras. “And Alucard, don't make a scene here like you nearly did at the entry gate.”
“It's not my fault that they are so thorough with their weapons check, Master,” Alucard answered in a slightly amused tone. “I could not simply let them confiscate my guns, now could I?”
Seras then interrupted, in part due to the fact that Sir Integra looked as if she were about to grab the aforementioned Jackal and Casull rifles and shove them down her master's throat. “So, um...what should we do first?”
Pip took out a park brochure from his jacket pocket and flipped through the pages. “Well according to this, Splash Mountain is a “thrill-packed, five-story splashdown.” They even take a photo of you as you go down the falls.”
“That really sounds fun!” Seras said as she looked over Pip's shoulder at the brochure. “Master, Sir Integra, what do you think?”
I think I’m going to regret this entire experience, Integra thought wearily.
Sensing Integra's skepticism, Pip said, “Well boss, why don't we just split up for a while, and then we could meet back here at...3:00?”
“Splendid idea, Captain Bernadette,” answered Integra. “You and Seras go on ahead, Alucard and I will see if there’s any real fun to be had in this place.”
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“That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen,” said Alucard as he and Integra waited in line for the Mad Tea Party ride. A sadistic grin crept onto his face. “Some Haunted Mansion. They could use a few lessons from me. Wouldn't you say so, Master?”
Integra sighed. “At least it is a good sign that humanity hardly knows a thing about the supernatural.”
“That's true,” Alucard chuckled as he grabbed a packet of medical blood from inside of his jacket and proceeded to drink from it. He wasn't drawing much attention to himself by doing it, everyone else in line was too busy having to deal with the Florida heat and annoying children to realize it wasn't a fruit punch drink that he was holding.
At long last, it was time for Alucard and Integra to board the ride. They both sat down in one of the giant teacups and strapped themselves in. “Just what is the purpose of this ride anyway?” Alucard asked as it started up.
“Not much, from what I understand,” Integra said absently, “except for this.” With that, she gave the steering wheel between them a swift turn, causing the teacup to spin violently. Startled, Alucard grasped tightly onto the edges of the cup.
Integra was surprised at the vampire's reaction. “What's the matter, Alucard?” she taunted. “Don't tell me that a little whirling around in a teacup is too much for the dreaded No Life King.” She started to spin the wheel even more.
“Master-“ Alucard began to protest, but the cup was spinning so quickly that there was no way for it to come to a full stop until the ride did. Integra wasn't fazed by this at all, in fact she was actually feeling somewhat amused for the first time that day.
However, it wasn't going to last.
----------------------------------------
Pip and Seras, meanwhile, were having some fun of their own at the Shooting Arcade. That is, at least Seras was having fun.
“Ha! I win again!” Seras grinned triumphantly as she put down her shotgun.
“I don't believe this, that's the fifth time in a row!” growled a frustrated Pip. “All right, I give up,” he sighed. “I'll be right back, I'm going to buy myself something to eat over at that café.”
As Pip walked away, Seras could have sworn that she heard a familiar voice. She couldn't quite make out what the voice was saying, but she was certain that she had heard it once before. Oh no, please not now, not here... The vampire slowly turned her head toward the source of the sound, and her suspicions were confirmed. Seras rushed after Pip. She knew that unless they acted fast, all Hell would most assuredly break loose. “Commander” she called urgently. “Commander!”
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“Are you sure that’s who you saw?” asked Pip as he and Seras scoured the theme park for any sign of Integra and Alucard. It figured that right when he had noticed how the line for Splash Mountain had died down, this would happen. He’d probably never get another opportunity to see the police girl in a wet, white t-shirt.
“Positive,” she answered, with no idea of the thoughts currently running rampant throughout Pip’s mind. “There’s no way I would ever be able to forget that face.”
They both made their way to where all four of them had been standing not two hours ago. Pip glanced at his watch. “Damn, there’s still an hour left before 3:00. How are we ever going to see them in a crowded place like this?”
Seras' eyes frantically searched, scanning every face and looking up and down each ride. Just when she was about to give up completely, she finally spotted them.
At that moment Seras was thankful for her vampiric vision, but at the same time was quite taken aback by what she saw. There at the exit of the Mad Tea Party ride was her master, hunched over a garbage can while Sir Integra held his hair back for him.
“They're this way, come on!” Seras told Pip, breaking into a run.
Pip followed, though he was having a hard time staying close behind the fast vampire. “Hey, wait up!”
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This was by far one of the most trying days for Integra Hellsing. First she had been forced into visiting this pointless resort, then to wait in long and noisy lines in 90-degree weather, and now she had to stand over her pet vampire whilst he heaved the contents of his stomach into a well-placed garbage can. Doing mounds of paperwork was heaven compared to this.
“Are you quite finished?” Integra asked Alucard irritably. Her servant's only response was a rather unpleasant retching sound. Evidently not, she thought.
Suddenly, she heard Pip's voice calling her. “Boss! Boss!” he shouted as he approached with Seras. Integra saw that the two looked more than a little distressed.
“What is it, Captain Bernadette?” she asked. “Is there a problem?”
“You bet there is,” he panted, still out of breath from running. “You'll never guess who we nearly ran into.”
At this, Alucard lifted his head. Quickly regaining his composure, he eyed Seras. Who was it, Police Girl? he inquired telepathically.
Seras shifted uncomfortably. “Master, please,” she begged. “I don't want this to happen here-“
So, it’s the Paladin! he interrupted in her thoughts. Seras didn't know whether he had found out through reading her mind or by overhearing what Pip was saying, but that didn't matter. Alucard would have found out no matter what.
“This isn't the time or place, Master!” she tried to reason.
Oh, but it is, Alucard answered, his crimson eyes seeming to light up with excitement. This is going to be the most fun I’ve had all day, and I’m not about to let a few mere tourists get in my way. Now if you’ll excuse me, Police Girl, I must be going.
Pip and a stressed Integra were still talking.
“ I swear, she said she saw that Anderson guy standing right there!”
“Did he see her?”
“I don't think so.”
“I knew that coming here was a bad idea. We must leave quickly, but somehow we must make sure that Father Anderson's presence isn't discovered by-“ Integra looked toward where she thought her servant would be standing with Seras. He was nowhere to be seen.
“ALUCARD!!!”
Alexander Anderson and Enrico Maxwell stood together in front of the Flying Dumbo ride, watching the children enjoy themselves. Today was the annual orphanage trip to Disney World, and the orphans seemed to be having a wonderful time. Father Maxwell, however, was a bit annoyed. Had it not been for last year's incident involving a certain fanatic priest and someone dressed as the evil witch from Snow White, he wouldn't have had to come here as extra supervision. He felt that he had much more important things to do with his time than to play babysitter for Anderson and a bunch of irritating kids. Well, at least everything will go well this time, Enrico mused.
He had no idea just how wrong he was.
“Hey, look at that man over there in the red suit!” Anderson heard one of the orphans yelling from atop the ride. Out of natural curiosity, the priest turned toward where the child had pointed. At that moment, the once content Anderson was thrown into that all-too-familiar psychotic rage.
There stood Alucard, a mocking grin plastered on his face. “Well look who's here,” he said. “I must say, Judas priest, I never thought I'd see the likes of you in a place like this.”
At the sight of the vampire, Enrico felt himself beginning to panic. He didn’t know why Alucard was here, but he knew full well what was coming. “Anderson-“ he began, but it was no use. All that Anderson cared about now was sending Alucard to Hell, and nothing would be able to snap the Paladin out of it now.
“I could say the same for you, vile demon,” Anderson told the nosferatu, glaring menacingly as he slowly advanced toward him. The two circled each other, Alucard drawing his guns while Anderson withdrew his bayonets.
Naturally, the park visitors in the surrounding area couldn't help but notice what was going on. The more intelligent ones realised the danger and started to run as far away as they possibly could. Most of them, however, seemed to think it was some sort of new staged entertainment. This was evident by the way they drew closer and began snapping pictures with their cameras.
“No, no, no!” shouted Father Maxwell at the tourists. “This isn’t what you-“
But it was too late. As if in an instant, Alucard fired his Jackal and Anderson threw two of his bayonets.
Both of them missed, however. The Jackal's bullet sailed past Anderson's head, crashing into a nearby restroom and causing one of the toilets inside to explode. Subsequently, Alucard dodged the bayonets, thus making Enrico their new target.
Maxwell gasped in terror and tried to run, but the first bayonet caught his sleeve, pinning his arm to the railing of the Dumbo ride's waiting line. The second bayonet was also headed for him, but
its destination was to be a bit different than the first. Enrico quickly stood up on his tiptoes only seconds before said bayonet nearly made him a changed man forever. “Anderson!” he screamed. “Stop this at once!”
At that moment, Sir Integra arrived at the scene. Without the slightest hesitation, she walked straight into the fray and grabbed Alucard by the arm. “We’re. Leaving. Now.” she hissed through clenched teeth, her enraged eyes cutting into those of her servant. “Good day to you, Father Anderson,” she told the priest curtly before seemingly dragging Alucard away through the cheering “audience”.
Anderson watched the two leave for a moment, only to be interrupted by Enrico, who was still trapped on the railing. “ANDERSON! For the love of God, get this off of me! ” he yelled angrily.
The Paladin sighed and made his way back to the ride to free Maxwell and tend to the orphans. Sometimes, he thought to himself, Father Maxwell could be a real pain in the arse. “I’m coming,” he said. “I’m coming.”
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< br>
“Forgive me, my Master.” Alucard said as he, Integra, Seras and Pip rushed toward the exit. The latter two had made the wise decision to stay a bit behind the others and to keep quiet.
“Like Hell I’ll forgive you,” Integra fumed. “You risked killing hundreds of people and damaging highly expensive property for no reason other than a brawl between you and Alexander Anderson. The Hellsing Organisation cannot possibly keep a low profile when its agents are traipsing about wreaking havoc on public property!”
“Yes, Master.”
“I assure you, Alucard, that your deeds today will not go unpunished. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, Master,” Alucard replied, though the look on his face was certainly not a displeased one. In fact, one would think that he was looking forward to it.
Integra took out her cellular phone, calling to make arrangements for the limo to take them to the airport early. She rubbed her temples with her free hand. The leader of Hellsing would be happy if she never had to leave her office again.
Next year, I am giving all of my vacation time to Walter.
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Bloody vacations. Why in God’s name did I allow myself to be talked into this?
Integral Hellsing had never thought that she, the head of a top-secret vampire hunting organization and an esteemed member of the Royal Council, would ever find herself patronizing a theme park. She didn't much care for them at all in the first place. And yet here she was, smack in the middle of Disney World's Magic Kingdom with her two vampire servants and the commander of the Wild Geese. This was not her idea of a good time, but upon Walter's absolute insistence that she needed this vacation, she'd finally given in.
“Right. Let's all try to have a good time and get this over with,” Integra told Pip, Alucard, and Seras. “And Alucard, don't make a scene here like you nearly did at the entry gate.”
“It's not my fault that they are so thorough with their weapons check, Master,” Alucard answered in a slightly amused tone. “I could not simply let them confiscate my guns, now could I?”
Seras then interrupted, in part due to the fact that Sir Integra looked as if she were about to grab the aforementioned Jackal and Casull rifles and shove them down her master's throat. “So, um...what should we do first?”
Pip took out a park brochure from his jacket pocket and flipped through the pages. “Well according to this, Splash Mountain is a “thrill-packed, five-story splashdown.” They even take a photo of you as you go down the falls.”
“That really sounds fun!” Seras said as she looked over Pip's shoulder at the brochure. “Master, Sir Integra, what do you think?”
I think I’m going to regret this entire experience, Integra thought wearily.
Sensing Integra's skepticism, Pip said, “Well boss, why don't we just split up for a while, and then we could meet back here at...3:00?”
“Splendid idea, Captain Bernadette,” answered Integra. “You and Seras go on ahead, Alucard and I will see if there’s any real fun to be had in this place.”
----------------------------------------
“That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen,” said Alucard as he and Integra waited in line for the Mad Tea Party ride. A sadistic grin crept onto his face. “Some Haunted Mansion. They could use a few lessons from me. Wouldn't you say so, Master?”
Integra sighed. “At least it is a good sign that humanity hardly knows a thing about the supernatural.”
“That's true,” Alucard chuckled as he grabbed a packet of medical blood from inside of his jacket and proceeded to drink from it. He wasn't drawing much attention to himself by doing it, everyone else in line was too busy having to deal with the Florida heat and annoying children to realize it wasn't a fruit punch drink that he was holding.
At long last, it was time for Alucard and Integra to board the ride. They both sat down in one of the giant teacups and strapped themselves in. “Just what is the purpose of this ride anyway?” Alucard asked as it started up.
“Not much, from what I understand,” Integra said absently, “except for this.” With that, she gave the steering wheel between them a swift turn, causing the teacup to spin violently. Startled, Alucard grasped tightly onto the edges of the cup.
Integra was surprised at the vampire's reaction. “What's the matter, Alucard?” she taunted. “Don't tell me that a little whirling around in a teacup is too much for the dreaded No Life King.” She started to spin the wheel even more.
“Master-“ Alucard began to protest, but the cup was spinning so quickly that there was no way for it to come to a full stop until the ride did. Integra wasn't fazed by this at all, in fact she was actually feeling somewhat amused for the first time that day.
However, it wasn't going to last.
----------------------------------------
Pip and Seras, meanwhile, were having some fun of their own at the Shooting Arcade. That is, at least Seras was having fun.
“Ha! I win again!” Seras grinned triumphantly as she put down her shotgun.
“I don't believe this, that's the fifth time in a row!” growled a frustrated Pip. “All right, I give up,” he sighed. “I'll be right back, I'm going to buy myself something to eat over at that café.”
As Pip walked away, Seras could have sworn that she heard a familiar voice. She couldn't quite make out what the voice was saying, but she was certain that she had heard it once before. Oh no, please not now, not here... The vampire slowly turned her head toward the source of the sound, and her suspicions were confirmed. Seras rushed after Pip. She knew that unless they acted fast, all Hell would most assuredly break loose. “Commander” she called urgently. “Commander!”
------------------------------------ ----
“Are you sure that’s who you saw?” asked Pip as he and Seras scoured the theme park for any sign of Integra and Alucard. It figured that right when he had noticed how the line for Splash Mountain had died down, this would happen. He’d probably never get another opportunity to see the police girl in a wet, white t-shirt.
“Positive,” she answered, with no idea of the thoughts currently running rampant throughout Pip’s mind. “There’s no way I would ever be able to forget that face.”
They both made their way to where all four of them had been standing not two hours ago. Pip glanced at his watch. “Damn, there’s still an hour left before 3:00. How are we ever going to see them in a crowded place like this?”
Seras' eyes frantically searched, scanning every face and looking up and down each ride. Just when she was about to give up completely, she finally spotted them.
At that moment Seras was thankful for her vampiric vision, but at the same time was quite taken aback by what she saw. There at the exit of the Mad Tea Party ride was her master, hunched over a garbage can while Sir Integra held his hair back for him.
“They're this way, come on!” Seras told Pip, breaking into a run.
Pip followed, though he was having a hard time staying close behind the fast vampire. “Hey, wait up!”
----------------------------------------
This was by far one of the most trying days for Integra Hellsing. First she had been forced into visiting this pointless resort, then to wait in long and noisy lines in 90-degree weather, and now she had to stand over her pet vampire whilst he heaved the contents of his stomach into a well-placed garbage can. Doing mounds of paperwork was heaven compared to this.
“Are you quite finished?” Integra asked Alucard irritably. Her servant's only response was a rather unpleasant retching sound. Evidently not, she thought.
Suddenly, she heard Pip's voice calling her. “Boss! Boss!” he shouted as he approached with Seras. Integra saw that the two looked more than a little distressed.
“What is it, Captain Bernadette?” she asked. “Is there a problem?”
“You bet there is,” he panted, still out of breath from running. “You'll never guess who we nearly ran into.”
At this, Alucard lifted his head. Quickly regaining his composure, he eyed Seras. Who was it, Police Girl? he inquired telepathically.
Seras shifted uncomfortably. “Master, please,” she begged. “I don't want this to happen here-“
So, it’s the Paladin! he interrupted in her thoughts. Seras didn't know whether he had found out through reading her mind or by overhearing what Pip was saying, but that didn't matter. Alucard would have found out no matter what.
“This isn't the time or place, Master!” she tried to reason.
Oh, but it is, Alucard answered, his crimson eyes seeming to light up with excitement. This is going to be the most fun I’ve had all day, and I’m not about to let a few mere tourists get in my way. Now if you’ll excuse me, Police Girl, I must be going.
Pip and a stressed Integra were still talking.
“ I swear, she said she saw that Anderson guy standing right there!”
“Did he see her?”
“I don't think so.”
“I knew that coming here was a bad idea. We must leave quickly, but somehow we must make sure that Father Anderson's presence isn't discovered by-“ Integra looked toward where she thought her servant would be standing with Seras. He was nowhere to be seen.
“ALUCARD!!!”
Alexander Anderson and Enrico Maxwell stood together in front of the Flying Dumbo ride, watching the children enjoy themselves. Today was the annual orphanage trip to Disney World, and the orphans seemed to be having a wonderful time. Father Maxwell, however, was a bit annoyed. Had it not been for last year's incident involving a certain fanatic priest and someone dressed as the evil witch from Snow White, he wouldn't have had to come here as extra supervision. He felt that he had much more important things to do with his time than to play babysitter for Anderson and a bunch of irritating kids. Well, at least everything will go well this time, Enrico mused.
He had no idea just how wrong he was.
“Hey, look at that man over there in the red suit!” Anderson heard one of the orphans yelling from atop the ride. Out of natural curiosity, the priest turned toward where the child had pointed. At that moment, the once content Anderson was thrown into that all-too-familiar psychotic rage.
There stood Alucard, a mocking grin plastered on his face. “Well look who's here,” he said. “I must say, Judas priest, I never thought I'd see the likes of you in a place like this.”
At the sight of the vampire, Enrico felt himself beginning to panic. He didn’t know why Alucard was here, but he knew full well what was coming. “Anderson-“ he began, but it was no use. All that Anderson cared about now was sending Alucard to Hell, and nothing would be able to snap the Paladin out of it now.
“I could say the same for you, vile demon,” Anderson told the nosferatu, glaring menacingly as he slowly advanced toward him. The two circled each other, Alucard drawing his guns while Anderson withdrew his bayonets.
Naturally, the park visitors in the surrounding area couldn't help but notice what was going on. The more intelligent ones realised the danger and started to run as far away as they possibly could. Most of them, however, seemed to think it was some sort of new staged entertainment. This was evident by the way they drew closer and began snapping pictures with their cameras.
“No, no, no!” shouted Father Maxwell at the tourists. “This isn’t what you-“
But it was too late. As if in an instant, Alucard fired his Jackal and Anderson threw two of his bayonets.
Both of them missed, however. The Jackal's bullet sailed past Anderson's head, crashing into a nearby restroom and causing one of the toilets inside to explode. Subsequently, Alucard dodged the bayonets, thus making Enrico their new target.
Maxwell gasped in terror and tried to run, but the first bayonet caught his sleeve, pinning his arm to the railing of the Dumbo ride's waiting line. The second bayonet was also headed for him, but
its destination was to be a bit different than the first. Enrico quickly stood up on his tiptoes only seconds before said bayonet nearly made him a changed man forever. “Anderson!” he screamed. “Stop this at once!”
At that moment, Sir Integra arrived at the scene. Without the slightest hesitation, she walked straight into the fray and grabbed Alucard by the arm. “We’re. Leaving. Now.” she hissed through clenched teeth, her enraged eyes cutting into those of her servant. “Good day to you, Father Anderson,” she told the priest curtly before seemingly dragging Alucard away through the cheering “audience”.
Anderson watched the two leave for a moment, only to be interrupted by Enrico, who was still trapped on the railing. “ANDERSON! For the love of God, get this off of me! ” he yelled angrily.
The Paladin sighed and made his way back to the ride to free Maxwell and tend to the orphans. Sometimes, he thought to himself, Father Maxwell could be a real pain in the arse. “I’m coming,” he said. “I’m coming.”
----------------------------------------
< br>
“Forgive me, my Master.” Alucard said as he, Integra, Seras and Pip rushed toward the exit. The latter two had made the wise decision to stay a bit behind the others and to keep quiet.
“Like Hell I’ll forgive you,” Integra fumed. “You risked killing hundreds of people and damaging highly expensive property for no reason other than a brawl between you and Alexander Anderson. The Hellsing Organisation cannot possibly keep a low profile when its agents are traipsing about wreaking havoc on public property!”
“Yes, Master.”
“I assure you, Alucard, that your deeds today will not go unpunished. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes, Master,” Alucard replied, though the look on his face was certainly not a displeased one. In fact, one would think that he was looking forward to it.
Integra took out her cellular phone, calling to make arrangements for the limo to take them to the airport early. She rubbed her temples with her free hand. The leader of Hellsing would be happy if she never had to leave her office again.
Next year, I am giving all of my vacation time to Walter.
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