Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Contesting Results ❯ Diseased Love ( Chapter 21 )

Author: SadWTF.

Pairing/Interaction: Major Montana Max and the Doc.

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The Major walked out of a small room, closing the door behind him to drown out a shrill noise from within. Stepping into the hallway he paused, staring at the floor beneath him. Those who did not know him would have almost felt sorry for the little man, as he wore an expression so forlorn that one would have suspected a close friend had died.

The Major had everything: loads of money, a promising future, and thousands of vampire soldiers at his command. What else could a man want? A wife, naturally. Unfortunately, the few women that were part of his organization turned him down flat. He had recently proposed to Integral Hellsing, but she threw tea into his face. He couldn't take it anymore.

The Major had no choice but to start proposing to men.

Unfortunately, none of the men were interested - the one he just left behind laughing hysterically in his room just now being the last man left on his list of possible people he could propose to. The Major sighed and looked at his long list of names again, counting the marks to make sure he really had talked to every person.

The Major stopped when he reached the end of the list. He had forgotten someone. A quick double check confirmed that he was correct - he had missed one whose name was not listed, given by the fact that he did not possess a name to begin with.

"DOC!" screamed the Major as he barged into the doctor's lab.

Doc closed his eyes and grimaced, not turning to look at the Major for a moment until he composed himself. "Yes?" he turned and looked down at the Major, hunching forward to further emphasize the substantial difference in their height.

"Marry me," said the Major, pulling out a pistol and aiming it as high as he could - which was only up to Doc's kidneys.

Doc frowned and said nothing, pausing as if he were deep in thought. While stalling, he took a few tentative steps to the right, hoping the bullet would merely glance his ribcage were the Major to shoot. Finally, he adjusted his glasses, smiling widely.

"No, I'm sorry," said the doctor, gathering his hands behind his back.

The Major's expression darkened as he cocked his gun. The doctor held up a hand.

"I have a reason," said Doc, shrugging briefly. "I noticed something about your face and was concerned, so I ran some tests - and I just found out that you have atrophic rhinitis."

The Major blanched. "I-Is it fatal?" he stammered, feeling his knees weaken. The doctor merely nodded, and to the Major it was as if his whole world crumbled around him. He dropped his pistol and left without another word, eyes watering.

Doc stared at the door long after the Major had left, laughing to himself about his forgetfulness. He had, oh, forgotten to tell the Major that the disease only affected pigs.

But the Major was a terrible swine anyway.