Hellsing Fan Fiction ❯ Life in the Gloom ❯ A Moment of Doubt ( Chapter 6 )

“A Moment of Doubt”

 

Integra sorted through stacks of files, transcripts, and various reports on Millennium. She was careful in handling them, as they were more than fifty years old. With very little current information on the organization, all she had were these musty old archives.

 

With a soft sigh, she put aside a hand-written surveillance report, took off her glasses, and tried to rub away the migraine building behind her right eye. How did this happen? The Royal Order had operatives and informants working all over the world. How was it that these freaks had flown so low beneath the radar long enough to set up such a sophisticated operation?

 

It made Integra very nervous. Was there a traitor in their ranks? She had a hard time believing that Millennium was just that damned good at covering up their tracks. Integra scowled at the pile of yellowed papers and dusty folders and fought the urge to sweep them off the top of her desk in a fit of anger. She didn't like feeling so helpless.

 

“You know, this paranoia and self-pity really doesn't suit you, Master.”

 

Alucard's voice preceded him as he materialized through her office's side wall. Integra glared at him as she put her glasses back on. “You're quite mistaken, Alucard. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, merely seeking answers.”

 

Alucard's eyes narrowed as he stared at the paperwork. “I can see that. While I believe we learn our best lessons from past events, the past is still exactly what it is: Over and done with. Why chase phantoms when you know what you need to do?”

 

Integra folded her hands on top of her desk and scowled at them before turning a sharp eye toward her servant. He didn't flinch or show a single sign of discomfort from being pinned under her glower. Instead Alucard grinned wolfishly and sat down across from her. His eyes never wavered from Integra's and though she was loath to admit it, there were times that his crimson gaze unnerved her. Apparently, this was to be one of those times.

 

Much to her surprise, Alucard tilted his head and closed his eyes slowly. The submissive gesture allowed Integra to breathe easily and focus her thoughts.

 

As a question formed in her mind, Integra struggled with it. She shaped the words with lips and tongue, yet could not believe she was actually putting a voice to such a fear.

 

“Alucard…If this is to become war, do you think we're ready?” Integra mused quietly.

 

“Once the mercenaries have been arranged, we'll be functional. Certainly more than enough for these punks, but that's not what you meant, was it, Master?”

 

Integra clenched one of her hands into a fist as she looked away from him. She sulked, resentful the Alucard was insisting on this verbal exchange. Surely such doubts were unwise before her vampire. She strove to show such a cool face in his presence.

 

Liar….

 

Alucard's voice chuckled somewhere in the back of her mind like an errant thought. Integra remembered how she used to wake up screaming, only to find him sitting at the foot of her bed. Until the age of eighteen, Integra had been horribly prone to night terrors. The doctors had ascribed it to post-traumatic stress disorder and gave her pills to help her sleep. They never worked. Her comfort came in the form of a cold embrace and the mingled scents of merlot, leather, and blood.

 

Integra frowned deeply, “I'm not a child anymore.”

 

“You were hardly a child to begin with,” Alucard replied softly.

 

Integra nodded slowly. At the age of thirteen she'd put a bullet into her uncle's brain. Though the memory saddened her sometimes, Integra never regretted it. Oh she was well aware that if she hadn't killed him, Alucard would have happily done the deed, but she imagined that such a show of strength had solidified her role as head of the organization.

 

Alucard was staring at her again and there was a heat in that gaze belying his affection for her. Integra watched rather coolly as Alucard took one of her gloved hands and kissed it. Though his eyes burned ardently, the gesture was chaste.

 

“I believe in your strength even though you may waver in you conviction in the wake of crisis,” Alucard told her in a voice that conveyed his unshakable, almost obsessive loyalty. “You will lead us to victory if war is in the future, and I will be the sword that cuts the bloody path to that outcome.”

 

“Such eloquence, my servant,” Integra smiled faintly, “I suppose that my doubts are a waste of energy.”

 

“Yessss,” Alucard breathed, “I will lay our enemies at your feet so that you may crush them beneath your boot heel!”

 

Integra could not help but chuckle softly. Alucard's passion could be so galvanizing. With her free hand, she extracted a cigar from the case at the corner of her desk. She lit it, inhaled, and exhaled a stream of pungent smoke.

 

“Your resolve flatters me, Alucard,” Integra praised softly, “but I believe you have a more important task to attend to.”

 

“Oh?” Alucard intoned.

 

“If war is to come, I will have no weak links. Will Seras prove strong enough?”

 

“She is strong in body and conviction, but I fear the only way she will learn is trial by fire.”

 

Integra scowled, tapped out ash into a glass ashtray and unconsciously squeezed Alucard's hand. “We don't have that luxury. Make her see and understand what she has become.”

 

Alucard's lips curled in amusement, “Do you think I have not tried, Master? It is not a lack of willpower on her part, but an overabundance of mercy.”

 

Integra nodded slowly. She had not intended to send Seras to the impending mission in Rio de Janeiro, but perhaps it would be wiser to put her on the frontline of Hellsing's offence. “Then we will give her a trial by fire. Go now, Alucard. Leave me and prepare your progeny. Once these mercenaries are allied with us, I will waste no time making the arrangements for the trip to Rio.”

 

Alucard's hand was suddenly no longer in her grasp and he was standing behind the chair he'd been sitting. He bowed low to her. No words had to be spoken and he vanished slowly.

 

Integra was alone in her office once more. Her fears were dissipated and she knew now what she must do: Now was not the time to question her own competence or suspect traitors in the midst. Her greatest challenge as the head of Hellsing was coming and she would not bow or break under the pressure.

 

 

Finis.