InuYasha Fan Fiction / Naruto Fan Fiction / Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ Rambles of a Kiba ❯ Whores ( Chapter 1 )

 

Rambles of a Kiba

By: Kiba/KibaSin

Summary: This is pure CRACK at its finest. These are written when I, Kiba, am half asleep and o0KittyBlue0o decides that she needs to start writing down my rambles. So, completely, utter CRACK. Satire ensues a lot. [Technically Sasu/Kag CRACK]

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, Naruto or any other anime that might find its way into this strange little thing that I ...almost cannot believe I wrote. Seriously.

Genre: Humor/...Humor?/Satire/...there is nothing else besides Mature Humor

Rating: M; because it's completely crack

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Title: Whores

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Note: You may have seen this on o0KittyBlue0o's account, but we decided to move it because, technically, I did actually come up with this ...crack-abomination-monster-thingie (as the reviewer Fluffydruid described in a review on said account).

So, um, really, this is complete CRACK. If you do not like extreme humor, I do not suggest reading this. All flames, because this is my EXTREME HUMOR mode, will be deleted and ignored. Because I don't feel like dealing with them after I've woken up.

I rambled this off when Kitty woke me up, she started writing it, I finished it because I'm a very fast typist when I'm in that state of mind. This is not my usual way of writing (thus the CRACK warning that I'm about to post again, in case somebody DID NOT get the hint), this is...quite literally, the way I would speak. If you were to converse with me in real life, this is how I would probably tell you my story. So, please, just enjoy it instead of going all "OMG, WHAT HAPPENED?" on me.

 

WARNING: CRACK FIC. EXTREME SATIRE. YAOI IMPLICATIONS. YURI IMPLICATIONS. C.R.A.C.K. TO THE EXTREME.

 

Once upon a time a Neji was picking a pretty little flower, bending over he was caught unexpectedly by a nude Sasuke. Sasuke inserted himself into the Neji and yaoi happened.

A few days later, a funeral was held. Why? Because Neji was attacked by the wild Sasuke and he was sad because he had wanted Naruto. But, it wasn't Naruto! It was Sasuke! And thus he was forked to death by Sasuke.

Sasuke is all like, "Yeah, I did that." With a smirk and the fan girls-all at once for they are of all the same one brain celled mind set- "How so?"

"Yeah, Yaoi happened here, that's right."

And thus you have swooning.

Suddenly, Sasuke is horny and Kagome appears. Sasuke's like, "You are mine."

And she's like, "Okay, whatever." Because she's a whore. A fanfiction whore. Also because he's the first person to see her in the Naruto world after she appears. And logically, clearly, that means they're destined for each other. Yeah, that's right.

Anyway, Sasuke's like, "Well, I just killed the last guy I fucked."

"Thats okay, because I'm the whore of my fanfiction series."

Sasuke's like, "Well that's cool, me too! But that's gotta stop, cuz you're mine."

"I don't see how you could stop me."

"Oh, I can stop you. I'll tie you up and keep you in my closet." Basically, she will be his little pet in chains.

Kiba: YEAH!

Kitty: Shhh, Kiba, you're not in this story.

Kiba: ...Yes, I am *wanders into lala land of Sasuke rapage*

Kagome's like, "Oh, okay! I can live with that!" And they go at each other! And there's sexage!

But, you know, Sasuke, he's like the whore of the series, so he's out there fucking all the fan girls too. They don't know he's fucking each and every one of them, and no one knows how he does it, but he can, because he's FUCKING UCHIHA SASUKE.

And the guys. The guys, too.

And after he's had Kagome, he's like, "Well, I need more, I had Neji so long, but you know he died, so-"

Kiba: Kitty cannot type fast enough to keep up with me, so, for the sake of the story, I shall now be writing. Thank you and good day.

And, so, like, anyway, Sasuke continues, "-I need more than one person, cause, y'know, even though you're like the whore of your series, I just, I need more than one fuck right now. I just do."

Kagome, she's like already under the Sasuke control, and she's like swooning. She's goes, "Ohhh, Sasuke-kunnnn~!" and basically does not hear a word that he actually says, just, "OH, later, I'll fuck you some more," and then goes to sleep.

Sasuke leaves, causes he needs more sexage, and he finds Sakura. Because, you know, it's Sakura. She's everywhere. She never leaves. Even when you want her to leave, she is still fucking there behind a goddamn bush with a huge ass sign that says, "SASUKE, I WANT YOU INSIDE OF ME NOW! PLEASE! DAMN IT, STOP FUCKING NARUTO!"

This-this explains some things. Like, why she's hitting Naruto. 'Cause, damn it, Sakura, why are you always hitting Naruto? What did he do to you besides, well, clearly fuck your boy friend. And, when I say "boy friend," I don't mean actual boy friend, because, Sasuke never liked you in the first place. This, clearly, should have been known by you when he tried to KILL YOU. Sorry, spoiler alert. Oh, wait, I think I said that too late.

So, ANYWAY, Sasuke, he goes, "Oh, look, it's Sakura. She wants me, I'll totally just drop my pants right now and see where she takes this." So, he does.

Sakura is there in ...let's say, .000000000993 seconds, because if Sasuke was willing to give it to her, she'd be there before you could say, "YOU WHORE."

Sasuke (Sasuke...Hii, Sasuke~!) (KIBA YOU ARE NOT IN THE STORY) (Kiba: :c), well, he just wants her to bend over. So, he basically says, "Hey, Sakura, I've got this problem. Fix it, bitch."

And, Sakura, being the Sasuke whore that she is, drops to her knees and pleasures him.

Sasuke feels that this is taking too long for him, that for some reason she seems looser than last week. Pointing this out, he's like, "Sakura, I knew you were a whore, but, seriously, if I'm going to fuck you, you are not going to fuck anyone else."

Sakura, who spies on Sasuke all the time because she's EVERYWHERE, replies, "Well, I saw this one girl at your house, and-"

Sasuke stops her, is like, "What girl?" because clearly he's going to deny that there's any girl, even if it's Kagome and she actually was the whore of her series like everyone makes her out to be.

Sakura swoons at this point, because if there's no girl, that means that Sasuke finally wants her. When he doesn't. He seriously just wants her to bend over. But, since she's swooning and not doing that, he is getting annoyed.

Then he kills her. Because, well, it needed to happen. She fucking lied about loving Naruto. She needed to die. There you go, Kishimoto. Problem solved. Now just fucking put Naruto with Hinata and make make it better.

OH, wait, sorry. Not right now, 'cause, spoiler...and I need Hinata. For this. Hinata must be in this. I forgot. (Kitty: KIBA BAD!) (Kiba: STOP WRITING LITTLE THINGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STORY. I HATE THAT) (Kitty:...but you did...in story form...:c)

Um, yeah. Sasuke goes out, after he kills Sakura. How nobody knows that he killed Sakura, well, that's a mystery, since her blood is like so dark it's evil. 'Cause she's evil. Pink hair. It explains everything. OMG, or everyone just is glad she's gone. OMG. OMG, that must be it. Thank you, Kitty.

WELLLL, on this journey, Sasuke finds Ino. 'Cause, y'know, after fucking Sakura, clearly he's gonna want Ino. And, in this fuckage stage, it's going to end up that he fucks every god damn fan girl there is. Because, those bitches, while technically too young for American society, are bending over for him.

I can't type this sleepy like. *Kiba sad face*

Umm, what was I saying. OHHH, right. Ino. Or maybe it should be TenTen, 'cause that bitch would be so sad that Neji was dead, that she would fall under Sasuke's cock so fucking easily. It'd be like, "OMMMG, NEJI, cry cry cry fucking cry," and Sasuke would come in, in a blazing glory of awesome hard on, and she would be like, "OMMMG, WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT FOR ME? I WANT IT, IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN NEJI'S." And, she does not realize that that is probably because half the time, Neji was giving to Lee and not actually her. So, yeah.

BUT, Ino. Ino right now. 'Cause Sasuke goes into the flower shop, and is like, "Heeey, Ino~!" and suddenly she's naked and on the counter. 'Cause she's going to give that shit to Sasuke without even questioning as to why she's giving it to Sasuke. She, too, is a whore, like every other fan girl in the series, despite what every one says about her. Yeah, sure, she becomes awesome later, but younger Ino is like, "SASUKE WHORE-I-FIED."

So, Sasuke takes Ino on the counter. Then, afterward, 'cause I really do not care about SasukexIno lemons, Sasuke is like, "Ehhh...there's something missing from last week." He does not think to himself, "Hmmm, maybe it's because of that whore I picked up off the street. What was her name? Oh, who cares, she's in my closet anyway." and, then, he leaves. 'Cause Ino just can't give it to him anymore.

Poor Neji, at this point I feel like I should revive him, but, I have a better idea instead.

Sasuke, feeling like he needs his Hyuuga fix, is like, "Hmm. I killed Neji, who can I fuck now? Oh, wait, I know.." and he goes off into the Naruto verse in search of Hinata. Yeah, that's right, this is where that Hinata thing that I needed to happen comes in.

Hinata is in the Hyuuga compound, because, I've always thought that her father was like, "OMGGGG, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH~! I CANNOT LET YOU GO OUTSIDE SO THAT WAY YOU DON'TA GET LOST AND KIDNAPPED LIKE YOU ALMOST WERE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE. BUT...yeah, I'm gonna pretend that I hate you by paying more attention to your sister, whatever the fuck her name is right now." I'm too tired for this shit.

Sasuke just goes inside, 'cause he's fucking Uchiha Sasuke, who's going to stop him? Even those fucking Hyuugas' cannot stop him, because he's fucking Uchiha Sasuke. UCHIHA fucking SASUKE. THE BOY WHO DECIDED THAT THE VILLAGE THAT MADE HIS BROTHER SO GREAT WAS NOT WORTH HIS TIME, EVEN THOUGH IT CLEARLY MADE HIS BROTHER AWESOME. Umm, duuhhh, Sasuke, while I love you, that was a STUPID move. THE VILLAGE COULD HAVE DONE THE SAME TO YOU. You do not need that fucking bastard snake fucking retard romping you up the ass (or the other way around) just because you feel like Kakashi was a stupid god damn teacher...which he was, when it came to you, but still. THINK ABOUT IT, MAN.

So, like, Sasuke goes after Hinata. Hinata is like, "OMG, faintage." and Sasuke's like, "Whatever."

Then, because I just can't stand fucking SasukexHinata, seriously, why the fuck was I going to write that...oh, wait. I know.

Kagome appears. Naked. Freshly showered. No towel, because a towel, at this point in the story, would just be ridiculous. It, seriously, would just disappear. Because it's useless after all this other shit.

Sasuke is like, "OMMGG, I was just about to take this unconscious woman, and suddenly you-what the fuck is your name again?-show up and ruin my fun. But, y'know, since you gave me such a good romp earlier, I suppose I could use you instead."

Kagome is like horrified by this fact, even though she's a fanfic whore, and goes, "WHAT THE FUCK?" over exaggeration, because her men are ALWAYS FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HER NO MATTER WHAT, "How could you even think about doing such a thing to that poor girl?"

Sasuke just stands there, ready to go, and is like, "Hey, it's not like Naraku hasn't done the same fucking thing to you. It's the innocent factor that makes you raped. Seriously. And the fact that there are so many god damn stupid people out there that just don't enjoy you because they feel that you're either too "stupid" in the anime, which, honestly, you are, or they want to be you. You know, a fanfic whore. So, anyway, I'm gonna take you now."

Kagome, being the whore that she is, bends over. Right there. Because, this is clearly what happens every time. No matter how much of the story has progressed, or how much the relationship has managed to grow, she clearly does it every time because that is how people think she would be.

Sasuke gets this idea, and goes, "Heyy~! You know what we could do?"

Kagome, being implia-implad-impaled (there we go) by his enormous cock, which, technically, is always considered too big for his body size or just so fucking big that it is ridiculous and unrealistic, immediately manages to gasp out, "What?" in this pretty little voice that does not really have any type of emphasis or way to show that she's actually being fucked in it. 'Cause, one, she's a whore, and two, most people are just not going to think, "Hmmm, how can I make it so that everyone KNOWS she's gasping without having to actually say afterward 'she gasped?'"

Sasuke eyes Hinata, and says, "Since the rambling author does not approve of my ways with Hinata, I believe that you should put your face in her sacred area (LE GASP) and pleasure her until she wakes up." His voice, too, is completely normal in my head because there's just nothing in this sentence, either, that tells me that Sasuke is thrusting in and out of a woman (or man, 'cause we fan girls cannot live without her yaoi fix).

Kagome thinks this is an excellent idea, because she's completely under the "SWOOON SASUKE" phase, and does what he wants. Because he's Uchiha fucking Sasuke. And anyone would do what the fuck Uchiha fucking Sasuke wanted.

Hinata wakes up in the "moment," crying out in this tiny, "OMG, I'm being raped voice," but we all know that she totally wants it. Especially from Naruto. Mostly from Naruto. God damn it, Kishimoto, why is Hinata not fucking with Naruto yet, bending over for him, when it is clear that she has already confessed and Sakura is not good enough for that boy. HINATA NARUTO ALL THE FUCKING WAY, Kishimoto!

Yeah, music! I needed that.

So, anyway. Sasuke and Kagome. They are both like, "Yeah, look at that, we just did that to you."

Sasuke does not care, because he's Uchiha fucking god damn Sasuke, and he can do whatever he wants.

Kagome, well, she does not care because she's had to deal with Sango for so many years. That girl is a prude. Seriously. And while Kagome would willingly give it out to Sango all the fucking time, because, FANFIC WHORE, Sango refused to return the favor. Which greatly displeased Kagome and made her seek out the company of men. Only for one day, Kagome to peek out from behind a tree and find Sango going to town on Inuyasha's cock. This, of course, made Kagome jealous, until she felt something sliding up her leg, gasped, turned, and found that Sesshoumaru had just materialized out of nowhere to comfort her like he always does.

Well, instead of comforting her, he fucks her while they watch Sango ride Inuyasha's unimpressive meat once a girl has had Sesshoumaru. And Kagome enjoys it. And cries out so loud that it calls to Miroku, who fucks her once she gets back to camp, and then Inuyasha, who takes both her and Sango, and then Kouga, who pushes her up against a tree and enjoys her delights. And then every other god damn male because, again, she is the fanfic whore and needs to be fucked by every god damn male imaginable, obviously.

But...uh, that really does not have anything to do with the story. Uh, Sasuke right. Sasuke is there. Fucking Kagome still, because he is in need of that whore pussy.

But then, watching Hinata cry about her virginity being taken by a girl and whatnot, Kagome feels a little bad. She's Kagome, after all. She needs to. Even if she is a fanfic whore. So, Kagome says to Sasuke, "We can't do this anymore. Look at what we did to that poor girl."

Sasuke is angry. He does not want to lose his fuck buddy that is so amazing because she is almost exactly like him, even though she's still as tight as fucking hell. So, he does something completely out of character and throws a hissy fit. He yells and knocks Hinata's stuff over, and even though this does not draw the attention of anyone, he finally decides to do something completely out of character-so far out of character, in fact, that it is just ridiculous to even write it down.

But, yeah, Sasuke yells, "FINE! I'll fucking marry you and stop my ways! Will that make you happy?"

And Kagome swoons once more, shouting, "Yes, yes yes! Oh, Sasuke, you've made me the happiest woman on the face of this universe!"

So, they get married. Even though Tsunade has never seen this girl and nobody knows who she is and Sasuke has technically had her in his closet as his pet for who knows how long. Because that totally makes sense and needs to be in the story, duh.

Anyway, they get married. They fuck each other. They live happily fucking after because that totally makes sense that they would live happily fucking after as fanfic whores together. Because they have someone that is as whoreish as they are.

Though, I would like to add that at one point later, who knows how many years because Sasuke keeps her locked away as his breeding bitch, Kagome meets Naruto. 'Cause she has to meet Naruto in every NarutoxInuyasha crossover. So, yeah, she meets Naruto. She shouts something about, "DEMON!" and tries to rid the world of him.

Kyuubi does not like that. He decides instead of killing her to take her from behind. Sasuke finds out. Naruto becomes a part of this whore, fuckage fest that somehow did not actually happen because this is fake anyway, there's really no reason for me to even be writing it down. But, yeah. Naruto on Kagome on Sasuke, or Sasuke on Naruto on Kagome. Because, seriously, yaoi still needs to be happening. Even at the end of the story.

Which, I would like to inform you we have come to. Because I'm tired of rambling now.

So, stop reading.

THIS IS THE END OF THE STORY!

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KibaSin: So...uh, yeah. Like I said, CRACK at it's finest. ^^;;;

Kitty: WE LIKE REVIEWS! REVIEW! REVIEW! WE LOVE YOU!

KibaSin: Psssh, I do not beg for reviews. STOP BEGGING FOR REVIEWS IN MY STORY!

Kitty: BUT the reviews we got on my account were hilarious! We want more of those!

KibaSin: So, yeah, if you haven't figured it out. We live together now. Crack ensues. End of story. Good day.