InuYasha Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ ~:~ Kagome's Cousins. ~:~ ❯ Cousin 2: Fist Fighter Tifa! ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha……wait for it……waiiiiiiitttt foooorr it…….WAHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Ramblings: Okay, be warned. This is a crossover of Final Fantasies 7 8 and 9 and Sailor Moon Stars.
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~:~ Cousin 2: Fist Fighter Tifa! ~:~
“Well guys, it's official.” Kagome sighed. “We're in deep shit.”
Kagome had sensed a Shikon Shard in a dark spooky cave.
Every horror film she had ever watched had taught her that when five teenagers go into a dark, spooky area, they all die. Well, all except the heroine.
Sadly, Inuyasha, who had never seen a horror film in his life (not to mention being himself) had charged into the cave, Tetsuiga at the ready.
Unfortunately, they got caught.
Equally unfortunate, was the fact that at the end of the cave lay a spider demon's web.
Kagome was really beginning to hate spider demons.
So, the Inu-gumi lay trapped in the spider's web, waiting for the inevitable.
“You just had to go and be Mr. Macho Man. Didn't you?” Sango growled.
Inuyasha would have shrugged if he wasn't stuck. “Can't help it. Blame Takahashi-sama.”
“Shhh! We're not supposed to break the fourth wall you idiot!” Sango scolded.
“Feh.”
“Y'know,” Miroku began, dryly, “I'm really starting to hate Inuyasha's catch phrase.”
“Tell me about it.” Kagome monotoned.
“Keh.”
“I hate that one too.” Miroku sighed.
The group fell into silence, and the only sound was the rhythmic dripping of water.
“I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves…” Kagome started.
“Don't even go there.” Sango pleaded.
“Say, can't you call your cousin Rei?” Miroku asked, secretly hoping to see the raven haired beauty transform into Sailor Mars.
“Pervert.” Sango muttered.
“Nah.” Kagome answered. “She's been roped into an angst fic with Usa-chan, Mamo-baka, and Seiya-kun.”
“Fourth wall.” Inuyasha murmured.
“Who's Seiya?” Miroku asked eager to hear about the love rectangle. He was into real life soap operas.
“Well,” Kagome started. “Seiya's a girl, pretending to be a guy, but when he transforms into his Senshi form, he goes back to being a girl. But that's only in the anime. In the manga, Seiya's a girl cross-dressing as guy so she won't draw attention to herself as she looks for her princess, along with two other cross-dressing girls, Yaten and Taiki.”
By the time Kagome had finished her explanation, Miroku had spirally eyes, Sango looked a tad bit green, and poor Inuyasha just looked lost.
“Okay, I don't get what the hell you were just talking about,” he started, “but, just to remind you, fourth wall.”
“Screw you and your damn fourth wall.”
They heard a scraping sound, like pieces of straw rubbing together. Either that or the spider was coming. I'm guessing the latter.
Kagome pulled at her right arm and was shocked when it was free. She reached into the pocket of her jeans (again, time and place for miniskirts) whipping out her trusty razor.
“Excuse me.” Kagome said to the authoress, holding up the electric razor. “What the hell am I supposed to do with this?”
Oh! So sorry Kagome-chan! It's a typo!
“That's alright.”
POOF!! With my amazing authoress abilities, the normal electric razor became a Motorola Razr.
“Thank you!”
She flipped open the cell, scrolled down her contacts until she found another one of her cousins and hit speed dial.
To her relief, it rang right away.
Even better was when someone picked up.
“Hello? Strife Delivery Service, this is Tifa Lockheart speaking-“
“Tifa-chan! Oh thank you God!
“Kagome-chan? My cousin from an anime series?!”
“Yes! Listen, I need your help!”
“If this is for money…”
“NO! MY LIFE IS IN DANGER WOMAN!!”
“HOLY SHIT! Quick, teleport me there!!”
Kagome pointed her cell's antenna at the ground, hit `Teleport', and in a flash of sparkly lights and cheap graphics, POOF!!
There stood a woman, maybe twenty-one. Though what caught Miroku's eye was…
“HOLY CRAP!! HER CANS ARE HUGE!!!”
As Miroku sunk into a nosebleed induced coma, Kagome raised an eyebrow at her cousin's black clothes.
“What happened to the white shirt, short brown miniskirt ensemble Tifa?”
Tifa shrugged casually, blinking her red eyes at her cousin. “There's a time and place for miniskirts. And besides, the whole `sex symbol' thing? Not really working out.”
“Girls? Hate to break up this lovely chat but…WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE!!” Inuyasha screamed, straining against the web.
As if on cue, a giant spider dropped down all….spidery.
“I am Arragog,”
“That dude from Lord of the Rings?”
“No Inuyasha, that's Aragon!”
“And even if you are friends with Hagrid, Keeper of Keys, and Grounds of-“
“Wrong script.” Sango said.
“Oh!” The giant spider said in a high pitched, nasally voice. “I'm sorry! Pardon me! Ms. Authoress?”
Yes?
“Can you give me the right script?”
Okay!
POOF! A sheet of paper fluttered down to the spider.
“Okay,” the spider said, “My real name is, EVIL SPIDER DUDE!! I WILL INJECT YOU WITH VENOM AND SUCK OUT YOUR FLUIDS! (dun dun dun.)”
“AAAAAA!” Tifa shrieked, pulling off a shoe. “SPIDER!! I MUST KILL IT!!!”
“What?!” Evil Spider Dude gasped. But his shock was short lived when Tifa jumped, holding her Evil-Sneaker-of-Doom.
“OH SHIT!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
Due to the graphic spider killing in this scene, I'm afraid I have to-GOOD LORD TIFA! NOOOOO! RUN EVIL SPIDER DUDE!! RUN FOR YOUR-
SPLAT!!
-life. Well now that that's over! Back to the fic!
The cave was covered in greasy, grimy spider guts, as well as the Inu-gumi and poor Tifa.
They all twitched, and Tifa dropped her ruined sneaker on the dirty cave floor.
“Well,” she croaked. “At least Evil Spider Dude's gone.”
Kagome approached a pile of guts and pulled out the Shikon Shard. Everyone sighed on relief as all of Evil Spider Dude's remains turned into dust, effectively cleaning up everyone.
“I think,” Sango started, “I must soak myself in disinfectant. Yeah, that's what I'll do.”
“Be right there.” The two cousins murmured, and all three girls stumbled in the direction of the nearest hot spring.
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Ramblings: Well, this is the second chappie! Enjoy!