InuYasha Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ What You Didn't Know and Didn't Need to Know about Escaflowne and InuYasha ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

What you didn't see in Escaflowne (And Inu-Yasha) and, to be frank, you really didn't want to see…

By: Us-you know, I and Me…eh, Magomago Shimarisu to Pengi-sama…eh, okay okay. Principessa and Penguin. Enjoy!

- A Little Heart to Heart -

Okay, so Miroku is getting depressed that no matter how hard he tries to pick up girls with his infamous, unique line: "Will you bear my child?" -SLAP!!!!- he doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. Gee, wonder why? So he decides to get some dating advice from his best bud out of Escaflowne. Eh, maybe not. So he contacts Allen Crusade Schezar (Yeah, he really does have a middle name. Every one in Escaflowne seems to…. ::Ah…Folken Lacour de Fanel-sama:: but, then again, the Dragon Slayers don't even have last names, let alone middle names, although we found out that Viole looks like a girl with long, wavy, black hair. But Dilandau has a last name, and he isn't even supposed to exist! *Darn* those stupid he-she-it-things…. Yes, that does include Pooky from Mr. Heard's room-the perverted it. Oh, yeah, Maureen from RENT calls people "Pooky"…she's the weird bi-sexual one, `member minna-san? OF COURSE YOU DO!!!! As if you knew-and WANTED to know-anything about RENT-and ANGEL(don't you just love these little interludes? Oh yeah, and Angel wants to be a he-she: "I'm more of a man than you'll ever be, and more of a woman than you'll ever get."-our beloved Angel…err, rather THEIR beloved Angel, as he does save Mimi and all…) in the first place. Now, let's see if you can figure out where each of these sentences begin (and end). Okay, back to reality now…err….back to ANIME reality now…. ::Random Person Principessa Made Up #5001: But isn't ANIME reality reality?:: We'll leave it at that….) Eh, we were just talking about how Miroku was getting depressed over all of his "lost loves"-which he never had in the first place-and how he was consulting Allen to work out his, eh, issues. Wow, that only took us, what, 25, no 26 lines to say that….. Okay, now one to di-a-lague:

Miroku: You know, I really can't see why it doesn't work! I mean, I thought women LIKED to be flattered…..

Allen: Well, they do, but the thing is…you come on a LITTLE too strong.

Miroku: ::innocent sparkle in his eye:: I do? Whatever do you mean?

Allen: Anno…well, you might not want to tell the women your…eh…intent straight away. Women don't like to think that all you want to do is, well, get laid.

Miroku: They don't? But I thought that women were into doing it…I mean, there're all these prostitutes everywhere….

Allen: ::smacks himself in the head, leaving a very large, very noticeable red handprint:: Eh…it doesn't quite work like that…not ALL women are prostitutes.

Miroku: ::baffled look on his face:: Oh.

Allen: The thing is, you have to be subtle.

Miroku: Oh…. What is this…"subtle"…you speak of?

Allen: Ah *shoot*. Well, subtle is…subtle is…. ::Turning red with embarrassment:: You just need a lot of help, Miroku.

Miroku: Oh, okay. So, can you help me?

Allen: Eh…no.

Miroku: ::pouts:: Then who can I talk to???

(Allen is getting really annoyed at this point and has a slightly sadistic turn of mind…heh heh heh….)

Allen: Well, why don't you talk to Dilandau? I hear he's a real lady-killer…literally….

Miroku: ::Eyes sparkle again…why his eyes SPARKLE? Maybe it has something to do with the curse…no one really knows…:: REALLY?

Allen: Uh…yeah. He's just over these. ::points::

Miroku: Yea!!!

(Miroku runs over to Dilandau, who is short, pale, and not-so-handsome, although some girls (and some guys) think he's cute. Wait, I don't think that's what we were supposed to type…oh well! Anyhoo, Dilly, as we will now call Dilandau-sama…::Principessa: This is all Penguin's fault! All the really perverse things are her fault!:: ::Penguin: Well it was your idea to write this in the first place!!! So gimme an answer, what're we callin' him?:: ::Principessa: Uh…uh… *sweatdrop* Dilandau?:: ::Penguin: Too long!:: ::Principessa: Lord Dilandau-sama-san-chan-kun?:: ::Penguin: Eh…I think you're missing the point…:: ::Principessa: I don't think Dilandau's too long. And Dilly is distoybing.:: ::Penguin: Yeah, well, you aren't the one typing, now, are you? SO GIMME A SHORTER NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:: ::Principessa: *shoot* Um…Pickle?:: ::Penguin: That'll do….::

So, Pickle is sitting around the Floating Fortress ::Penguin: *singing to the tune of "Old MacDonald"* Where they cut down people in mass numbers…eh, nevermind….:: moping because Folken-sama (ah, kawaii, kyrei, WATASHI NO Folken-sama….) wouldn't let him go out and destroy/kill/burn things. So somehow Miroku appears inside…dunno how…hey! maybe it's the same reason his eyes sparkle!….and approaches Pickle.)

Miroku: Hey, are you Dilandau?

Pickle: Eh, that depends on who you ask.

Miroku: Oh, well…um… ::suddenly becomes overwhelmed by confusion::

Pickle: YES! I am…DILANDAU-SAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now what do you want, insignificant…eh, what are you? I've NEVER seen clothes like YOURS before!

Miroku: I'm a Buddhist monk! Thank you very much! And my name is Miroku! I'm from Inu-Yasha!

Pickle: Where's that?

Miroku: It's an anime, baka!

Pickle: What? WHAT? WHAT?!?!?!?! YOU called ME a BAKA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Miroku: Eh…yeah…so?

Pickle: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'IIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Kanna-chan, this one is for you ;-p)

Miroku: Nani o? Are you a demon or something?

Pickle: ::very confused:: Wha…? I'm a Dragon Slayer!

Miroku: Nevuh hoyd of `em.

Pickle: What? What did you just say? And what accent were you speaking in? Err, rather, attempting….

Miroku: New Yoyk! An' I said: Nevuh hoyd of `em, meanin' the Dragin Slayuhs `n awll.

Pickle: TRANSLATOR!!!!!!!!!! I just learned English, so how am I supposed to understand THIS psycho?!?!?!

Miroku: Oh, youwa one ta toowak.

Pickle: What he just say?

TRANSLATOR: You are one to talk.

Pickle: OH, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW, INCOMPETANT TRANSLATOR?!

(TRANSLATOR, insulted, leaves the set.)

Pickle: But now I won't be able to understand what he says….

Miroku: Tat's youwa poowoblem.

Pickle: He's getting harder to understand! Go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miroku: Alright! Alright! I'm goin', already!

Pickle: Hey, you stopped the dialect.

Miroku: Yeah, `cause I'm, leaving. I'm on a mission of love to find…eh…better pick-up lines. Yeah, that's it! And more women! PRETTY women, of course.

(Viole enters.)

Viole: I'm pretty!

Miroku: *sweatdrop* Eh…leaving now! Ja ne, minna-san!

Pickle: -SAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And what do you mean you're pretty? I'M BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

Viole: Yes, I know…I know SO well how beautiful you are…*drool*…Lord Dilandau-sama!

Pickle: What are you doing? You're spitting on the floor! Clean it up! I don't want to step in it.

Viole: Hou!