InuYasha Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ What You Didn't Know and Didn't Need to Know about Escaflowne and InuYasha ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

(Miroku wanders off from the group as Penguin, Naria, and Eriya start having a VERY physical fight over Folken, and Principessa faints. As he walks into a strange room, he can still hear the, eh, battle going on behind him until he shuts the door.)

Miroku: Okay, NOW where am I?

(Looks up to see Dornkirk's face on the screen.)

Dornkirk: Ah…I can almost see it…but wait, who is this I see before me? Not Folken? Who is this?

Miroku: ::points to self innocently:: Who, little ol' me?

Dornkirk: I suppose.

Miroku: Atashi wa…Miroku!

Dornkirk: What is "Miroku?"

Miroku: ::very intellectually, pretending to adjust his invisible glasses:: "Miroku" is a Buddhist monk from the ancient ANIME of Inu-Yasha, which is not a place, and is set in Feudal Japan where there are many demons and other foul beasts with whom "Miroku" must battle to find the infamous Shikon shards so as to defeat the evil in the world!

Dornkirk: I see…so you are a war hero?

Miroku: Hey, why not? Inu-Yasha won't mind, I'm sure….

Miroku VO: I hope….

Dornkirk: And what brings you here?

Miroku: I'm on a mission of love to find better pick-up lines!

Dornkirk: Pick…up…lines? What are those?

Miroku: They are the lines you recite to women to try and get them laid.

Dornkirk: Get them…what?

Miroku: Laid, you know…in bed?

Dornkirk: …

Miroku: I need some better ones. My favorite pick-up line right now is: Will you bear my child? But it doesn't seem to be working… ::pouts::

Dornkirk: Even I have the sense not to say something as shrewd as THAT!

Miroku: Why, whatever do you mean, oh fuzzy one?

Dornkirk: Wha?

Miroku: Well, your head looks kinda fuzzy in that big circle thing…what is it?

Dornkirk: It is a screen, and this is a projection of myself. My actual body is located somewhere in the heart of Zaibach. You are seeing only an image…a mere picture.

Miroku: ::INCREDIBLY confused:: Oh….

Dornkirk: But, back to your issue, you should not use that line ever again. Women like to think that you actually love them and their personality, not their body.

Miroku: And how do YOU know this? You look like you're well over 200 years old!

Dornkirk: ::smiles:: Now, that's MY little secret.

Miroku: I don't think I wanna know…. Eh, I'm gonna leave now before you go into any more….eh….detail.

Dornkirk: Come help me make my ideal future, then! Work with me under my guidance and the orders of my Strategos, Folken!

Miroku: Wha…? Now I'm REALLY lost…. Folken? You mean the one that everyone is trying to…eh…well, to put it bluntly, everyone is trying to seduce and get laid with him?

Dornkirk: ::blink blink::

Miroku: The one with the blue hair that two cat girls and the weird blonde author is clinging to and fighting VERY physically over?

Dornkirk: I suppose….

Penguin: (from off stage) I AM NOT WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eriya and Naria: (from off stage) YES YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Folken: (from off stage) You are all weird, as am I.

Penguin, Naria, and Eriya: (from off stage) Yes, Folken Lacour de Fanel-sama.

Folken: (from off stage) ::sighs::

Miroku: I'm going now! Where's the exit?

Dornkirk: There is no escaping your fate!

(Miroku jumps out the window and lands on Dryden's convoy. Hanging on for dear life, he screams until some one lets him in.)

Dryden: Who the *heck* are you? And what are you doing on my convoy?

Miroku: I am Miroku, the valiant Buddhist monk hero from the feudal faery tale set in Japan, Inu-Yasha, where I, brave as I am, rescue many gorgeous babes in distress and gather the infamous Shikon shards so as to rescue the corrupted world and make out with A LOT of women! Ah, everyone loves me…. I mean, I AM the main character!

Dryden: Then why is it called Inu-Yasha? Doesn't that mean…dog-female demon?

Miroku: Don't ask….

Miroku VO: Now, if I answered this one, Inu-Yasha would REALLY kill me….

Dryden: Sure…so, you're a babe magnet, eh? What a coincidence! So am I!

Dryden VO: At least I should be. Look at what a hunk I am! My long, wavy, dark hair, my mysterious look, my awesome clothes, my snazzy hair ribbon, my intellectual glasses, my incredible library of knowledge-in my brain! Who could not want this piece of hunk?

Miroku: Really??? Eh…do you have a favorite pick-up line? I have one, but…well…it hasn't been going so well lately….

Dryden: Well, not a specific one, but I like to tell a woman about myself in great detail with lots of exaggerations so that she thinks I'm a total god.

Miroku: Really? Sweet…I have a set line.

Dryden: Yeah? And what is it?

Miroku: ::hands clasped and eyes large and puppy-doggish:: Will you bear my child?

Dryden: That's a GREAT line!

Miroku: I know, I've always thought it was a classic!

Dryden: I know exactly who I should try it on! Oh, Millerna!!!

(Dryden walks out of the room and several seconds later you hear a very loud scream and a -SLAP!!!!!!!!! - and Dryden reenters with a very red handprint on his face.)

Dryden: ::pouts:: It didn't work!!!

Miroku: ::sadly:: I know what you mean. I've been trying to get it work for YEARS now, but women don't seem to like it. I've talked to some other people, but the only answer I got was from some old fogy.

Dryden: Yeah? Who?

Miroku: Well, in the script his name was Dornkirk…but I never asked.

Dryden: ::stifling a laugh:: Dorn…kirk? Emperor of Zaibach? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!