InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ 38 Shades ❯ Savior ( Chapter 5 )
Disclaimer- See CH 4. I think I've said this before…
A/N- The reason I'm not gonna answer reviewer responses is because I have up to CH 12 on this fic, and I'm gonna out them all up, so review for CH 12 to get a response! Sorry!
CH 6-Savior
I feel like I'm disappearing. I never thought that Sesshomaru meant this much to me. Ever since the fight, I haven't been able to get him out of my head. I think I see him everywhere, I hear his voice everywhere. I've only known him for a while, but already he's planted himself into my life. I think I am obsessed. I probably am.
- - xXx - -
They're staring at me. I can feel it. They're laughing about me… They're just jealous. They will never be as smart as me. They'll never get into Yale like I will. They'll still be here doing nothing when I become a rich, famous marine biologist. They're just jealous…
I hate this school. Everybody is so goody-goody. All they do is follow rules. Rules, rules, rules. I need to shake things up somehow…
Oh my god! I can't believe he asked me to the dance. This has to be a dream. If it is, I hope I never wake up. I can't wait to go home and tell Mom. She's gonna be so happy. She knows how long I've liked him. What will I wear? I hope Mom'll take me to the mall today…
I can't believe it. Dad has cancer. This can't be happening. Only a month left to live. No, it can't be happening. Stuff like this happens to other people, not me. No, it's not happening…
Stupid woman. Always complaining. "You could do a lot better if you tried!" "If you actually did your work, you could get a scholarship!" "Why won't you at least try?!" Feh. Like I wanna. I couldn't care less about school. It's not like I'm gonna use biology anytime in the near future. I just want my guitar…
I hate these kids. They're all stuck-up brats that have parents with tons of money to get them everything they want. They've probably never worked in their lives! I want to hurt those kids so bad. I want them to feel all the pain I feel. Oh god, here comes the principal. I hat e her voice. I want to rip her tongue out every time she talks. I wonder how she would feel if she knew that her sweet, caring math teacher wanted to hurt her so bad that she…
- - xXx - -
"Kagome? Kagome dear, wake up, class is over. Kagome."
I jerked awake, panting. Those thought, those words hadn't been mine. I hadn't thought them. Oh man. I know what they were thinking. I know. I could hear them clearly. Could feel their emotions. I had been them.
I looked up and Ms. Tsubashi was looking at me with a strange expression. I didn't say anything, just got up. I saw Sesshomaru still in his seat, watching me. I ran. I ran out of the classroom, out of the school.
I can't go there anymore. It's taking over me. I can never escape it. I ran to a little park, and collapsed on one of the benches. I was crying, and this time, I didn't care.
I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do it. I could feel everything they felt. Like I was them, like those had been my emotions. I couldn't take it anymore. I can't. It's too much. I'm going crazy. Those kids are dead. How can I help them? Why does it matter if they're saved or not? They're dead!
I felt a hand on my back. I didn't even jerk. I turned around and it was Sesshomaru. I wiped my tears. "What do you want? Why're you following me?"
He sat down beside me. "Why won't you tell me what's going on, Kagome? I could help you."
I laughed, I couldn't help it. "Nobody can help me. I'm unhelpable. I don't think that's a real word. Nobody can help me. I'm alone and I always will be."
"No you're not. You have me."
I touched a hand to his cheek. He raised his hand and put it over mine. "I know I have you," I whispered. "And that's why you can't help me. I won't see you hurt like I was. I won't risk it."
He looked at me, fire in his eyes. "I won't get hurt. I can protect myself. I can protect you."
"Nobody can protect me from this. It'll follow me where ever I go."
He hugged me then, hard. I let him comfort me in the only way he could.
"Come over to my house. I don't want you all alone at your house tonight."
I didn't fight him. "Okay."
- - xXx - -
I always feel a little scared in Sesshomaru's house. It's so big; it's like it will eat me, swallow me whole. I followed him into the house, not saying a word. He showed me to a guest room by his.
"Is this okay?"
"Yeah."
He got me some towels and some of his older clothes to wear. "The bathroom's that way. Are you hungry?"
"No, not really."
"I'll make some food just in case." I nodded and he left, leaving me alone. I knew e was just downstairs, but it felt like he was farther away. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. It wasn't Sesshomaru I was worried about, but… I don't know. I just had a feeling. I got into the shower and washed, turning the water on really hot. I got out of the shower and put on the clothes Sesshomaru had given me. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked horrible. My eyes had bags under them and my hair was in tangles. I don't know who that girl is in the mirror. I almost never look in the mirror, so my own face is unfamiliar to me. I think that's sad, not knowing how your own face looks like. I combed out my hair with my fingers, then turned around to leave, but something caught my eye. There were razors on the counters. I turned back to them. I pulled up my sleeve. My old cuts were thin scars on my wrists.
I used to cut myself so much back then. The pain in my head used to grow so much I had to focus on something else. That's when I had first realized I could talk to the dead. It used to hurt so much to try to talk to them, not that it's much better now. I'm just used to it.
Could I cut myself? Would it help? I've never thought about killing myself. I thought about it now.
Was there any reason to kill myself? The only thing wrong in my life is that my mom is dying, I can talk to the dead, and something from…wherever the dead people stayed was trying to kill me. I'm obsessed with Sesshomaru and I can feel the emotions of thirty-seven dead students.
That alone is enough to do this. It was… I can't explain how it felt to know their thoughts. It really brought home the fact that they were real, had real families, had real problems.
I picked up one of the razors. It was one of those old fashioned ones that was just basically a blade. Why would Sesshomaru have one of these? It was too convenient. I hesitated, then brought up the razor to my wrist. It didn't matter. It really didn't.
I drew it across, wincing at the sting. I watched the blood start to swell, then fall. It made pretty designs on the perfectly white bowl of the sink. I cut again. Then again. And again. And again. The blood started to fall faster. It was all over the counter. I brought my arm up to about eye level. Then I heard Sesshomaru at the door.
"Kagome? Are you in there?"
I didn't answer him. I was fascinated by my blood. I started to feel faint.
"Kagome?" He rattled the doorknob. "Kagome? Kagome?!" He pounded on the door. "Kagome, what're you doing?!"
I started to sway, then crashed to the floor. I could see a bright light, but it wasn't heaven. It was the ceiling light. It was blinding me.
"Kagome! Kagome!" He rattled harder, but it wouldn't open. I could hear him try to ram it, but it held.
"See? I'm not supposed to be found," I whispered to him, although I knew he couldn't hear.
I heard him run away.
"He left. I knew he would leave me." I held my hand up. The blood slipped onto my face. I let it fall again. It fell over my head. The light's turned off suddenly. Then I saw it again. But it was a different it. It was all black. I started to whimper. I tried to move away, but it came closer. It seemed to fill the whole bathroom. It's jaws opened wide. I could see all it's teeth. They were sharp, and there were a lot of them. It growled at me. The doorknob rattled again. Oh thank god. Sesshomaru.
"Sesshomaru." I tried to call it, but my voice was just a whisper.
He can't hear you… I heard its voice. It was silky, low and deep. I didn't like it.
I tried again. "Sesshomaru!" It was a little louder, but not by much. I think he heard me though, because the door opened just in time.
Sesshomaru stepped, light flooding in from the hall. It roared, then speed out, streaking past Sesshomaru. I guess he saw a flash of it, since he yelled.
"WHAT THE HELL!!!" He jumped back, then saw me on his floor. "Oh Jesus, Kagome." He saw my arm. "Oh, Kagome. Why?" He didn't wait for an answer, just picked me up gently and carried me out. I was really ready to faint now.
He set me down on his bed, then ran out again. I tried to hold on to him. I didn't want to be alone now. He came running back with a first aid kit. He wiped away the blood, then bandaged my arm. He took the kit back, then sat on his bed, holding me.
"Why did you do that Kagome? What's making you do that? Talk to me."
I just shook my head, and held onto him, crying.
He didn't ask me anymore, just hugged me, and stayed with me until I finally fainted.
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A/N- Review time. You know what to do. And hey, I think it's longer!