InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Angel of Mercy ❯ Orders and Lessons ( Chapter 17 )

The following morning, after a night without sleep, Sesshoumaru met Subaru in the dining room. No one else was awake yet and it looked to him as if she hadn't gotten much sleep, either. "How are we going to tell her?"

Subaru frowned at him, having difficulty focusing clearly from lack of sleep. "I don't know. I was thinking we'd make sure we could get there before we told her. Taliesin said the best time for you to arrive was during what they called Imbloc, which is in two months. We have time to figure things out." Gods, she thought, what am I doing? Why am I sending them into this? I hope you know what you're doing.

He grunted at this. He didn't think he could trust this Taliesin person. He represented more pain that his Nanashi had to suffer. He hated that idea. He hated Taliesin, even though he'd never laid eyes on the man. And he knew he'd hate himself more if he did not try to protect her, his precious Nanashi. He had spent the night dreaming of her, though he remained awake. He wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted her to love him back. He hoped…..what he hoped he was afraid to think. Part of his mind insisted he was too young to know what he wanted. He was too young to love, especially a human, especially since she would not live as long as he would. He would just be reaching his full growth when she would…he didn't want to think about that. Lost in his thoughts, he ate.

Subaru watched the flickering emotions as they crossed his eyes and as the shadows of what he was thinking danced across his face. She knew him well enough to almost read his mind, even without the benefit of touching him. She could almost hear his thoughts as if they were her own. She knew that he knew he loved Nanashi. She had hoped that this would not happen for some time yet. She was also somewhat relieved that there was the part of his mind that acknowledged that she was human and would die before he would. She was glad that he still knew he was young. Watching him, she ate. As he was getting up to leave, she spoke. "Don't tell her anything, yet. Nothing, Sesshoumaru, do you understand?"

He looked at her in surprise. Her expression was fierce and her eyes hardened. He knew that she wasn't referring to traveling to Briton, but how he knew that, he couldn't have said. He wanted to rebel, to tell her to mind her own business, to let him live his own life, but the voice in the back of his mind told him to listen to her. He bowed, "Yes, sensei, nothing," and left the room. He fumed silently at Subaru for eavesdropping on his mind, but she was his sensei. He may have pulled rank on her last night, but he knew that she would not permit him to do so again, and he knew that his father would not support him in this. He had to obey her, weather he liked it or not.

Nanashi was just coming out of her room when he passed by. Yesterday had been a day of rest and she had spent the time in her room, watching the demons play in the courtyard, some practicing with their powers as they threw snow at each other. Sesshoumaru hadn't joined them, having to spend time with his father during the day and Subaru during the evening. Nanashi had not seen him since she said good night after the celebration. She smiled shyly at him, embarrassed by her remembrance of how she had said good night. "Good morning, Sesshoumaru-sama. I hope your day went well yesterday."

He felt his pulse quicken at the sight of her, but with Subaru's warning still ringing in his ears, he nodded to her. "We will resume lessons this morning, Nanashi. It is not a good idea to go too long without practice." He hated himself for sounding so….so….normal. He wanted to….he didn't know what he wanted to do, but it wasn't sound normal, or to just teach her anymore.

She nodded and continued on her way to breakfast. He seemed upset to her, but she didn't think she'd done anything to cause it. Something must have not gone the way he wanted yesterday, she thought and dismissed it from her mind. She focused instead on the upcoming lesson. They were difficult for her. She tried, but she didn't understand what she was supposed to be doing most of the time. She didn't understand how she was supposed to direct the flow of energy. That didn't make sense to her. She did understand a little better when he told her to try to imagine things, like a ball of light around her for a shield. She still had a lot of trouble and she knew that that frustrated him. She wanted to do better. She truly wanted to be able to do what he asked of her, but it just didn't make sense to her. She needed something different, she wasn't sure what or why, but his way didn't work well for her. She felt this was a failing on her part, something that she should know how to do, should be able to do what he asked her. She didn't know how to tell him or Subaru what was wrong, why she couldn't make progress. Thoughts and self-recriminations kept her mind active while her body mechanically fed itself.

Sesshoumaru was already seated when she entered the room they used as a classroom. He didn't look at her when she entered and this confused her. Normally he would look at her and smile. She wondered again what had upset him yesterday. She knelt across from him silently and waited for him to begin. Looking somewhere over her shoulder, he began, "There are five elemental energies. These are air, fire, earth, water, and void. Each of these can be drawn upon to use as defense or offense as needed. To use them effectively, you must know the elemental that is being used against you. For defense, use the opposite element. If you are attacked with fire, use water for defense. We will practice gathering elemental energy today."

She frowned, not really understanding what he was talking about. He was still not looking at her and missed her confused expression. He continued, "Air is usually the easiest elemental to gather because it flows around you. You can gather the energy between your hands, like a ball. Earth is the next easiest, and then water, then fire. Void is the hardest to gather because it is the essential energy of the soul. It is the most powerful attack and defense, able to overcome any of the others because it incorporates all of them."

He seemed ready to talk all day without looking at her when Subaru came in. "Until she can maintain a shield, don't start on more advanced things," she ordered without preamble. She turned slightly and looked at Nanashi, "Don't worry child, you're not ready to deal with the elementals. Some people never are. I think you will be some day, just not today." She smiled gently and left the room.

Sesshoumaru glared at the door that closed behind his sensei. Frowning deeply, he reset his mind to deal with shielding. Shortly, he ordered her to set up a shield. Startled and a little hurt, she did as she was told. Her shield was weak and wavered due to her uncertainty. He finally looked at her and saw the pain she tried to hide. "Oh, Nanashi, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so short with you. I have a lot on my mind just now." Gods, he thought, why can't I tell her? Why can't I let her know? Why can't I….he pulled himself out of that line of thought before it led anywhere else. Subaru had given him a direct order and he had to obey it, whether he liked it or not.

"Tenshi," she began timidly, "why are you so troubled?"

Gods, gods, gods, he thought, wishing she hadn't asked. "Subaru-sensei has given me a difficult task and I cannot discuss it, unfortunately. I do not want you to worry about it, Nanashi."

She bowed in acquiescence. With renewed concentration, she created a shield that was more stable and a little stronger. He noted that she was improving, though her barrier was still weaker than he liked. "Stronger," he encouraged her. She closed her eyes and screwed up her face in concentration. The shield got darker and remained stable. "Remember to breathe," he instructed. She gasped as if she had been holding her breath and the shield wavered and then restabilized. "Good, Nanashi." She opened her eyes and smiled, keeping the shield stable around her. Her eyes were glowing with power. He smiled back at her, "Now draw back the power into you." She frowned slightly, concentrating. The shield dimmed and flickered before it exploded around her. She wavered slightly at the loss of power and he was slightly rocked by the remainder of the shield that passed through him. "That was better. You've been practicing."

She blushed at his comment and lowered her eyes to the mat. "You can't go blushing every time you do something well, Nanashi, or you'll be blushing all the time." She looked up at him and giggled a little. She was glad to see that he was looking at her and had a small smile on his lips. They continued through the day and the rest of the week working on her shielding and reabsorbing the power of the shield.