InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Anticlimax ❯ The Insanity of Kagome ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha nor make a penny from it. Likewise, I do not own the Mr. Ed theme song that I have parodied in such a gruesome manner nor Sam Cooke's “Cupid” whose misheard lyrics give me yet another satirical snicker.

 

Genre: Parody, Comedy
Codes: IY/Kik, IY/Kag

Rating: PG-13

Feedback: Yes, please, but keep in mind, THIS IS A PARODY. That means it's a JOKE. Another OOC comedy extravaganza from your not-so-favorite dark comedic writer, Xak.

 

Note: This is partly to poke fun at the people who make Kagome a raging OOC bitch or a whiney little weakling. It came from the thought “What if I had Naraku's death be an accident?” Rather than piss people off by doing that in my big ongoing drama, I ended up thinking up enough amusing little tidbits for this comedic short.

Anticlimax

Or The Insanity of Kagome

 

"I am just sick of this!" Kagome shouted at Naraku. Her grades had slipped, she had just been forced to watch InuYasha and Kikyo's private memories… again… and she was tired, needed a shower, hungry and frankly, it was just that time of the month. She reached over and grabbed the shard from Kohaku's back, no longer hell-bent on keeping him alive (a corpse is a corpse, of course, of course and no one can revive a corpse, of course, unless of course, that revived corpse is the famous Kohaku) turned around and held it out in front of her, shining in its pink, pure glory. “You want this? Huh? Then—” but before anyone could know what Kagome had planned, she tripped and the shard went flying at Naraku. It lodged itself in his forehead and a wicked grin spread across his face.

 

“Why thank you, you stupid little girl,” he hissed, a tentacle snaking out from his back and grabbing her about the waist. He pulled her close so that they were face to face and Kagome, now in the position of the damsel in distress, decided to show, once again, just how testy this little damsel was.

 

“LET ME GO!” she shrieked and let her right foot fly, right into Naraku's groin. Much to her surprise, after all the times she had seen him blown to little bits and reform, she seldom saw the look of shock and pain that crossed his features at that moment. His mouth worked soundlessly, except for a high breathy gasp and then, in a flash of pink light, he disintegrated. Kagome landed hard on her butt and just stared in front of her at where the monster had been just a moment before. Nothing remained, not even the Shikon no Tama.

 

"What the hell did you do?" InuYasha demanded.

 

"I have no idea!" Kagome responded, still in shock.

 

"Where's Naraku?" Shippo asked tentatively.

 

"That's it?” Sango yelled from next to Kohaku's body. “My brother is dead, all my family is dead and that's ALL it took to KILL HIM?" The words that followed caused Kagome to slap her hands over Shippo's young ears. Miroku stared down at the taijiya in shock at her profanity.

 

“Why am I still here?” Everyone turned at Kikyo's words to stare at the clay priestess. “This was supposed to bring me peace…”

 

“Kikyo—” InuYasha began. Kagome, unwilling to watch another love scene with her rival, lifted her bow from the ground. (Kagome, draw back your bow, and let your arrow go, right through my lover's heart, for me.)

 

“You want peace?” Kagome asked. Kikyo turned to her in surprise. “Then rest in peace, bitch.” Kagome shot Kikyo in the shouki-seeping wound and watched in satisfaction as she disappeared with a smile on her face. InuYasha stared in disbelief between the place Kikyo had stood just a moment before and where Kagome was still standing, his sword hanging limply at his side.

 

“What a pathetic end,” uttered an arrogant voice from a conveniently placed nearby forest. Sesshomaru stepped out with Rin skipping an Jaken tripping behind him. Rin stopped skipping the moment she saw Sango staring sadly down at her brother's cold form and ran over to him as she recognized his face.

 

“Kohaku? Kohaku!” she called and fell to her knees on the other side of his body. “No…” she whimpered. Sesshomaru sighed unhappily and stalked gracefully over to the child.

 

Myoga and Toutousai watched from above as Sesshomaru revived Kohaku for the weeping Rin and as everyone began going their separate ways—Kagome with InuYasha and Shippo, Miroku with Sango and Kohaku, Sesshomaru with Jaken and Rin.

 

“Well, it looks like all the loose ends are tied up, wouldn't you say?” Myoga smugly announced.

 

“But what about that wolf demon?” Toutousai pointed out, belying his usual airheadedness. “However did they get his shards to make the jewel whole?”

 

“Shhh!” Myoga hissed. “Leave the plotholes alone!”

 

“And what happens next?” Toutousai continued.

 

“Nothing,” Myoga stated. “Everyone just goes off and lives boring, normal lives that no one wants to hear about.”

 

“Oh. That's it?”

 

“That's it.”

 

The End.

(What? You expected something more from a story called “Anticlimax?” or ME?)