InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Bestfriend's Love ❯ The Truth in My Lie ( Chapter 1 )

"We're just friends."

Yes, that's always the line I use, although it is getting old. A lie is what it is. Day after day, living within that lie. . . trying to convince myself that it was true. Telling myself that we are JUST friends. . . nothing else. . . nothing. But then why? Why can't I be satisfied that I am already convinced? Maybe. . .maybe. . . maybe because I never believed it in the first place. . . maybe I'm just too stubborn to listen. . . maybe I want to make that lie into another lie. . . maybe. . .just maybe. . . I just want him to love me. . .just as I love him. . .

Why can't he love me? Yes, that's also the question I asked myself one time, and yet, it was answered by the same person in my questioning mind. . .him. . . I'll never forget that day. . .ever. . .It answered my questions. . . It lightened my thoughts. But most of all. . .it broke my hopes. . .as well as my heart. . .

We were in the cafeteria one morning, loafing around as usual. . .eating and talking just like normal bestfriends should. That's when I asked him.

"Ne, Inu-chan. My friend has this problem, you see. . .she has a big crush on this guy. The only problem is he's her bestfriend. What should she do?"

"Hmm. . .she should just forget it!"

"Huh?!? Why?"

"They're bestfriends right?"

"Um. . .yeah!"

"Bestfriends are never meant to become a couple. They will always stay as friends!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Bestfriends are bestfriends, not girlfriend and boyfriend. Both are completely different!"

"Oh. . .Souka."

He said that, not knowing how much his answer meant to me. But I guess, it has always been like that. Men are insensitive after all. They never realize the value of someone or something until they finally lose it. . . At that time, I wanted so much to cry. . .cry until the pain in my chest would fade. But I didn't. . .I wouldn't. . .not in front of him. . .ever. . .

After knowing that stated fact, I still didn't give up. . .I couldn't give up. . .Because. . .because I had already gone this far. . .Even before that day, I was already hoping that I would have a chance. . .hoping even if it would take forever. . . hoping even if he already got a girlfriend. . .hoping that one day he'll also see me. . .not only as a friend. . .but more than that. . .more than that. . .

But he didn't. . .our relationship stayed just like that. . .Bestfriends. . .I know I should already be happy that he's even my bestfriend.

Why? Because, it was even a wonder he became my bestfriend. I mean, he's a guy, yes. But it's not that. . .Not because he was a guy. . .but because he was the "bad boy type." He repeated a grade due to his antics. . .even got in jail for it. . .he was also involved in gangs. . . Besides, he's very popular unlike me.

Some people feared him, but that didn't stop him from the girls. In fact, many girls adored him. Maybe it was his "bad boy" charm at work.

Hey, don't get me wrong here! I'm not like those girls! I liked him because inside his fearsome exterior lied a gentle, sweet and caring person. . .even if he doesn't show it much. . . And that's why I have fallen for him. . .that's why I hoped endlessly. . .because aside from his girlfriend, he only shows it to me. . .that's why I thought that somehow, someday he'll love me too. . .someday. . .for sure. . .

But I was wrong. . .because. . .that dream will only happen in just a dream. . .never in real life. . .never. . .

One time, my friend sent me a text message. . .a quote. . . my friends and I are always like that. . .sending endless quotes to each other. . .it read:

You may not see me, the way I see you;

You may not care for me, the way I care for you;

You may not feel anything, even if I feel so much for you;

You may never learn to love me, but I'll be there loving you. . .

At that point, I almost cried again. . . It was so painful. . .I can't believe just how much that simple, innocent quote, became the revelation of what I felt. .

.

Instead of deleting it from my inbox, I saved it. . .realizing that even if I couldn't tell him what I feel, I will always have a reminder of my feelings. . .a reminder of the truth. . .a reminder that I made a lie into another lie. . .

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