InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Cupid's Target ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

 

Cupid's Target

 

As you sit down in the fluffy, pink chair shaped like an oversized heart, and the lights beam into your face, and the cameras start rolling, you wonder why you agreed to do this.

 

Then you remember how it all started. You were walking down the street, minding your own business, when suddenly a man in a bright, blue suit shoved a microphone in your face. “Congratulations!” he said. “You're our lucky random winner to be on Cupid's Target, the number one rated dating game show in the nation!”

 

At first, you protested. After all, you didn't want to be made a fool of on TV. But how could you refuse when you found out the prize, an all-expenses paid vacation to Hawaii? Interviewing a few guys on TV sounded like a small price to pay for the trip of your dreams.

 

You must have been out of your mind, you realize now, feeling light-headed as all 200 pairs of eyes in the studio audience stare down at you. How did you let yourself get talked into this? It was that damn, shady announcer in the tacky blue suit. Something about his dark, piercing eyes threw you off guard.

 

“All right, let's start the show!” he yells now from behind his hideous, pink podium. “I'm your humble host, Naraku, and we're playing…”

 

“CUPID'S TARGET!” the audience yells, and your stomach does somersaults.

 

“Kukuku, that's right,” Naraku says. “First, let's meet our lovely contestant who'll be meeting the man of her dreams tonight.”

 

Dully, you find yourself saying your name into the heart-shaped microphone in front of you. Your voice sounds foreign in your ears.

 

“You know the rules,” Naraku says. “Behind this curtain we have four handsome bachelors. You'll ask them questions from the stack of cards in front of you. The man with the answers that hit the mark of your heart wins! The rest go home as losers!” Naraku flashes a glint of his perfect teeth, and the audience eats it up, whooping. “Contestant, you may begin!”

 

“Okay,” you say, and pick up the first card with shaking hands. You feel a lump in your throat, and cough. The four bachelors are sitting on stools behind a pink curtain. You can make out their outlines, but not their faces. “Bachelor #1, what's your idea of the perfect first date?”

 

Bachelor #1 stirs on his seat. “Well,” his silky, smooth voice drifts out from behind the curtain. “First, I'd ask you to bear my children, and then I would…” As he goes on, you feel your face blushing. This is this guy's idea of a first date? The audience is snickering. You're certain that you're about to pass out from embarrassment when suddenly a brown-haired woman in the audience jumps out of her seat and storms the stage.

 

Naraku tries to block her. “Hey, lady, what are you doing?” The woman easily pushes him to the ground. Wow, you think, she's strong.

 

“This man isn't a bachelor!” she yells, pulling Bachelor #1 by his ear out from behind the curtain. “He's my fiancé!” You gasp. He's a tall, handsome man dressed in monk's robes. You almost wish that you could have chosen him, but the brown-haired woman is already pulling him offstage.

 

“But Sango, I can explain!” you hear him yelling from backstage. “I'm innocent! I just wanted the trip to Hawaii!”

 

“Oh, you'll get a trip all right! I'll send you straight to hell!”

 

You wince as you hear a loud THWACK! as though someone's cheek were being slapped.

 

Naraku dusts himself off and gets back into his position behind the pink podium. “Kukuku, don't worry, folks. That's love for you!” He winks, and the audience bursts into canned laughter. “All right, on with the show. Contestant, go ahead and ask a question to the remaining bachelors.”

 

You nod, heart racing from the ordeal, and pick up the next card. “Bachelor #2, what kind of gift would you give me on our first date?”

 

You hear Bachelor #2's deep voice coming from behind the pink curtain. “The presence of this bachelor alone should be sufficient enough a gift for you.”

 

The audience swoons, eating his macho act up, but you feel yourself frowning. You think he sounds sort of stuck up. Sort of really stuck up.

 

You repeat the question for Bachelor #3.

 

Bachelor #3 sits a bit lower on his stool than the others. “I would give you the sea, the stars, the world if I could. Anything for the one I love.” The audience bursts into rounds of awww's, but you're hesitant. This guy's answer was sweet, but his shrill, high voice makes you cringe, and you get the feeling he's the clingy type.

 

“Bachelor #4?” you ask.

 

Bachelor #4's brash voice rings out from behind the curtain. “Keh, I guess I'd give you the lipstick shell that was my mother's. But not because I care about you, or anything. Just because she's not around anymore and it's only going to waste.”

 

Hm, you think. Bachelor #4 sounds a bit immature, but also sincere. He's the sort of guy that you can't stop puzzling over.

 

After several more rounds of questions, Naraku stops you. “Now it's time for our lovely contestant to make her decision. Which will it be, Bachelor #2, #3, or #4?”

 

You bite your lip. It's such a hard decision. You're not sure any of these guys is right for you, but you want to hurry up and choose. The sooner you pick one, the sooner you can get out of here and go to Hawaii. You lower your lips to the microphone and open your mouth. “I choose Bachelor Number Fo—“

 

Suddenly an arrow zips by your head, and lands in the pink, heart-shaped chair two inches from your right ear. You shriek. Someone drops down from up in the rafters above the stage. It's a dark-haired woman with a sly smirk carrying a bow and arrows. She pulls out another arrow and aims it at your head. “No one chooses my Inuyasha,” she says darkly. You close your eyes. This is it. You're about to be killed on national television by some raving nutcase.

 

“Not so fast, Kikyo!” a girlish voice yells. Another dark-haired woman with bow and arrows drops out of the rafters, and aims an arrow at the first crazy chick. “Inuyasha's mine!”

 

“Kagome,” the one called Kikyo says darkly (apparently she says everything darkly, you realize). “So we meet again.”

 

Oh great, you think. Now there are two of them. You watch as the two crazy broads engage in mortal warfare. For some reason, neither can get a hit, even at the easiest of shots. Apparently, Bachelor #4 is as scared of these crazy women as you are, since he doesn't come out from behind the curtain. Soon the stage is littered with arrows, until finally both girls run out of ammo, and stand there motionlessly. You wonder why they don't go on fighting hand-to-hand, and then realize they seem useless without weapons.

 

When the pandemonium is over, Naraku peeks out from behind his podium. “Is it safe?” he asks.

 

“Yeah,” you say with a sigh. “It's over.”

 

“Very well, then.” Naraku clears his throat. “Since obviously Bachelor #4 is not only not a bachelor, but a two-timer, he is disqualified. Bachelor #4, please leave the stage.”

 

“Come on, Inuyasha!” Kagome yells, dragging the poor guy out from behind the curtain by one arm. “We're going home and having a nice, long talk!”

 

“And then you're getting an earful from me!” Kikyo shouts, dragging him by the other arm.

 

“Somebody help me!” Inuyasha cries.

 

Naraku winks to the audience. “That's love for you.” More canned laughter. “Now, as I was saying, it's time for our contestant to choose the man of her dreams. Who will it be? Bachelor #2 or Bachelor #3?”

 

You sigh, looking over the arrow-riddled, heart-decorated stage. Cupid's Target, indeed, you think. You're upset that Bachelor #4 had to leave. You were going to pick him after all. Now the only ones left are Bachelor #2, who seems to be more in love with himself than anything else, and Bachelor #3, who seems like a neurotic wimp. Oh well, you think. It's not like you'll ever have to see either of these guys again.

 

“I choose Bachelor #3,” you say. The audience bursts into applause.

 

“Kukuku,” Naraku laughs. “Very well. But first, let's meet the bachelor you didn't choose. Come on out, Bachelor #2: Sesshomaru!” You gasp as Bachelor #2 walks out, a tall, silver-haired hunk of a man.

 

He glares at you, and says, “This Sesshomaru cares not.” And he glides offstage, gone forever. You curse yourself for a moment before realizing you're making a big deal out of nothing. It's just a stupid game show, you remind yourself. This will have no affect on your life after the show whatsoever.

 

“And now let's bring out your choice, Bachelor #3,” Naraku says. “Who will be vacationing with you all week in beautiful Hawaii!”

 

“Wait, what?” you say, a sickening feeling rising in your gut. That wasn't part of the deal!

 

Bachelor #3 walks out from behind the curtain, and runs up to you. He's so short that he only reaches up to your legs, which he hugs tight.

 

“Kukuku,” Naraku laughs with a wink. “Contestant, meet the man of your dreams: Jaken!”

 

“Oh, we'll be so happy!” Jaken cries, squeezing you so hard you think you'll pass out. “I can't wait to spend six romantic nights all alone with you in Hawaii!”

 

Suddenly you go light-headed. Your eyes flutter. And as your head hits the floor, dully you hear Naraku yelling to the audience, “We'll see you next time on…”

 

“CUPID'S TARGET!”