InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Decisions ❯ Decisions ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
AN- This isn't my best work, but I was in a writer's block and was desperately trying to claw my way out of it, this doesn't contain a lemon, but it refers to that sort of stuff…so…anyway I'll stop blabbering as always Inuyasha isn't mine if he was…well let's just say I wouldn't be on here at the moment ;)
Maybe it was hard. To choose. She knew it would be hard for her. She couldn't do it. She knew that much. She sighed in a tired way. She pushed her bangs out of her eyes and looked out her bedroom window.
She'd come back to her time in hopes of getting away from her thoughts. But she hadn't succeeded. Her mother and grandfather and Sota had all had plans. And that left her alone with even more time to herself to think about the situation with Inuyasha and Kikyo.
`Who am I kidding, really? I mean Sango said that she thought I was getting thinner and Miroku said that I wasn't doing well in my studies even when I am right in the middle of the feudal era.
`Shippo said that I wasn't eating very good and even Kilala seems to know something is wrong! Inuyasha...he's the only one that hasn't noticed anything, thank goodness!' Kagome thought as she fell back onto her bed.
She stared up at her white ceiling and felt her eyes begin to close. She forced them back open, she was scared to go to sleep, that would be the reason she had the dark circles under her eyes; that Miroku had also pointed out.
She smiled sleepily as she remembered Sango bonking him on the head for his bluntness, but Kagome hadn't minded. It was the truth. She had been having nightmares of late.
Always the same. Inuyasha would disappear into a world of Darkness leaving her alone. And then the sacred jewel would show up and when Kagome reached for it; it would begin to glow with a malicious light.
Kagome would be dragged towards no matter how hard she tried to resist it. And when her hands finally touched it there would be a flash of red light. She'd be standing in a meadow, dressed like Kikyo a bow in her hands.
Then she would see him. He would be lying on the ground not twenty feet away. But he would be lying in a pool of blood. With an arrow sticking from his chest. His eyes would be open staring out to the side.
Kagome would scream and that was where she would always wake up. She was scared to see that look on Inuyasha's face; she didn't want to see it because be as awful as it might be, that might one day be his fate.
And it scared her. She never told any one her fears, not even Sango who she told her deepest, darkest secrets to. Kagome let her eyes fall close. She couldn't stare up at her ceiling all the time, she'd go blind.
`No. That isn't right. I'm afraid to look up at the ceiling and see Inuyasha's reflection.' she thought. To bad she didn't hear the window slide open or the white haired figure drop down on the floor.
Then she felt his presence and it sent her flying up from her lying position on her bed. She stared at him with frightened eyes. His eyes held their normal angry look, but she couldn't stand to look into them, turning away from his gaze.
“Who the hell told you that you could go home?!” he growled, Kagome's eyes didn't even water, she had cried out all the tears her body could hold, at least for the time being, she felt extremely calm.
“No one…actually I take that back…someone did tell me I could come and I believe their name is Kagome Higurashi.” she said softly continuing to not look at him.
She heard him growl angrily and yet she found herself strangely uncaring about what he felt at the moment, why was so she so calm? She couldn't answer the question herself.
“Kagome…you know we have to finish finding the jewel shards.” he said in his snappish voice, she continued to not look at him as she stood up and calmly walked over to her mirror and looked herself in the eye.
They were devoid of emotion, she continued to study them, she saw Inuyasha shift angrily in the mirror but she said nothing, she could tell that he now knew she was angry at him at least that's what he thought.
But she wasn't angry, after all how could she be when she had no emotion left to give? She couldn't be sure if she even loved him anymore with the state that she was in at the current moment.
“Damn it, would you at least look at me?” he cried, she didn't comply to the loudly spoken command, but she did answer his previous statement, in a voice that showed no emotion.
“I am only a shard detector to you…why would you want someone as insignificant as me looking at you? And if I am just a shard detector I have the right to find the shard at my leisure, not at your or anyone else's rate.” she said softly, before she turned away from the mirror and without looking at him once again sat on her bed and stared at the carpet.
“K-Kagome!” she had startled him, she could tell by the tone of his voice, she finally stood up and gently took his hand and walked out to the well and jumped in, he followed no doubt because of how startled he had been by her words, and her taking his hand.
Half way to Kaede's village she stopped and looked up at the night sky, it would be the New Moon the next night, even though he wouldn't admit it to her face she knew that was the main reason that he wanted her to come back.
But she wouldn't, with her emotions as raw as they were and with that dream plaguing her day and night she had to distance herself as far as she could from Inuyasha, at least for the time being, maybe at some point when the dream faded away she would come back.
“I'm going to stay in my time…don't argue with me because I need to stay there to think things through.” she said, still not looking at him as she let his hand go, she felt him stiffen, even though she wasn't touching him.
“How long?” was the only thing he asked, she realized with a sense of ironic humor that his voice was now devoid of emotion when all of her emotions started to take over her senses and she could barely breath, but she didn't show it.
“I don't know…maybe a few days…months…maybe even a year…I really can't give you an exact amount of time because I don't know how long I need.” she whispered, she heard him clear his throat before walking past her.
“Well….the others and I will go on with our quest to destroy Naraku...we probably won't be here when you return so wait for us.” he said as he began to walk away.
“I always do.” she whispered as she also turned and started to walk towards the well, finally she looked back, her eyes met his back, but he didn't turn around to look at her, she blinked tears back as they suddenly came to her eyes when he disappeared into the darkness.
“I always wait for you…whenever you go to her…I always wait.” she whispered as she turned and ran the rest of the way.
The following is a letter she wrote to no one, just a way to let all her thoughts out and see how she would fix her life.
To Whom It May Concern:
This letter is not your typical letter, nor will it ever be. This letter concerns my life, a life which every normal girl wishes to lead, but to the ones who lead it, it is the worst of curses. This is the life of love.
I met him almost a year ago to the date, it was on my birthday, and I still remember him being pinned to that tree with those cute little dog ears twitching every so often as the wind tickled them.
He had a love, and he was always comparing me to her and it made me so angry, I would yell and he would yell and it would get us absolutely no where, but not to long after I met him his love was brought back from the dead by this witch who had way to much time on her crinkly old hands.
Anyway, that meant that I had lost what small place I might have had in Inuyasha's heart. But of late I've been having a dream where I'm dressed as Kikyo and I've shot down Inuyasha, my emotions are so raw right now.
About four weeks ago I left Inuyasha telling him that I needed time to think, but the longer that I stay away from the Feudal Era the weaker I seem to get. I can barely stand up now, my legs always give out on me, and I always feel so tired.
I go to sleep, even though the nightmare plagues me like a fever, I sleep, I no longer wake up during the dream but it fades into blackness and I go into a, if not peaceful at least restful, sleep.
Mom and Grandpa have had me taken to three different doctors, but they say it's exhaustion and that I need sleep, but I do sleep. Sota just came in to announce that he would bring dinner up to me in a moment.
I'd no doubt break my neck if I tried to go down the stairs now. I wonder how Inuyasha is doing. Better than me I hope…at least he has Kikyo, I have no one, Hojo doesn't count, he's more of a lovable pest than a boyfriend.
Sango has Miroku for comfort whenever something happens with Kohaku….and I always feel so happy whenever they talk and Miroku doesn't commit an act of hentainess.
Great, here comes the tears…I miss….Inuyasha…so…much…..but I can't go back to him…knowing that he loves someone else. Dear Lord….I've already made my decision…I can't go back….not ever…..and…I think I'm going to be sick!
Kagome dropped the pen and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut, she wiped her mouth and wobbled over to the sink to splashed water onto her face, she had grown even paler and it was an unnatural, unhealthy pale.
She hobbled into her bedroom and sat down in her chair, and put her hands in her head, she let the tears fall as she read her last sentence, it was the truth, she could never return to Inuyasha. Never.
She didn't hear the window slide open but she heard as he landed on the floor, she whirled around, her hair flying across her face, he looked….terrible….it was the only word she could use to describe him and be nice.
His hair was limp and looked lifeless, his face no longer held the tanned healthy look, it actually matched her own skin color, but his eyes were what surprised her the most.
They no longer held the fighting spirit that she remembered so much, they looked like Kikyo's eyes if she wanted to be completely and totally honest with herself, she lowered her eyes and heard him sigh tiredly, she winced at how ragged his voice sounded, as though he had been yelling (or crying) ever since they had parted.
“I guess you aren't coming back at all…” he said sitting down on the bed, his personality had changed, he was acting more like a man, like he had told the side that was truly Inuyasha to go jump off a cliff.
“I…” she was at a loss for words, she hadn't expected to be confronted so soon. “What are you doing here?” she finally choked out, turning back to her desk as the tears welled in her eyes again, she was slightly surprised when he didn't ask her to stop crying.
“I…I wanted to see if you'd come back….I know you told me not to….but…damn it…..Kagome, ever since you left I can't concentrate, I can't remember what it's like to not have you following and taking care of me!
“And for some reason I've gotten so weak at times, and just a moment ago it felt as though I had died, none of this started until you left!” he cried, she almost smiled, this was the normal Inuyasha, but then she remembered what she had to tell him and her small moment of joy disappeared like a small spark.
“Inuyasha….you were right…I'm not going back….I've decided….I….I don't belong….the shards…..they are better hidden.” she shakily took the jewel shard bottle and threw it at his feet.
She continued to stare at her desk at the letter, she heard him pick the shard bottle up before he forced her up and crashed his lips against hers, she heard the bottle clack against the wood of the desk as he set her on it and continued to kiss her.
She closed her eyes and returned the pressure, her head was on the same level as his since she was sitting on the desk, she felt light headed, butterflies were swirling in her stomach, she realized that she no longer felt tired.
Indeed she was wide awake, Inuyasha pulled away and looked at her before picking her up and taking her to the bed.
* * * *
She laid in his arms as he slept, her head gently pressed into his shoulder, her hand lay on his stomach, the cover was down around her waist, around his too. She looked up at his face, it looked so peaceful.
She closed her eyes as the tears came freely now, what had she done? She had given herself to him, and yet he didn't know that he couldn't keep her…unless, no he didn't want to be human and she wouldn't force him to be.
“Kagome….what's wrong?” he whispered, so he'd been awake and knew that she had been crying, of course.
“We can't be together! You live in a different era and demons don't make themselves known in mine…” she sobbed into his chest, he chuckled, letting the sound vibrate throughout his body, comforting her slightly.
“Why can't you just live in my time? You could come back to visit your mom and family, it would just be like what you do now, only you'd be living in my time….and you'd be mine.” he said, she seemed to calm down slightly.
“That'll be my wish.” she whispered softly into his chest as sleep began to claim her senses, she felt him tighten his arms as she cuddled closer to him.
“What might that be?” he asked, she yawned into his chest, her hands stroking his back.
“To stay in your time with you but to be able to cross over to see my family.” she whispered. “I love you.” she whispered as she finally fell asleep but not before she heard his reply.
“I love you, too.” his words drifted into her ears, and she had no nightmares that night, or any other night that she was in his arms, where she intended to stay.
Told ya it sucked! Why don't you people listen? Anyway if you made it this far thanks for reading, please review, I would love to know who actually made it through!