InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Eien Ni Nakunatta Shunkan: A Moment Lost Forever ❯ Chapter 6 Shinjitsu ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter 6: Shinjitsu

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She was running, scrambling madly through the forest on bare bleeding feet. Her clothes and skin were torn from catching on brambles and brushing against rough bark. The dark woods blurred into nothing but menacing shadows that seemed to be closing in all around her.

But she had to press deeper. She had to get away. She tried to block out the noise of the creatures rapidly advancing upon her, tried to ignore their steady gain and the excited barks and squeals of predators clearly enjoying their hunt.

The wolves were going to catch her...again.

But there was something very peculiar. In this particular vision, she wasn't a small child anymore. She looked down at her hands: they were no longer those of a little girl. She suddenly felt a great swell of hope... for the first time ever, something was different! If the nightmare had somehow changed, could the outcome be altered as well?

Her fingers closed in a determined fist, and she felt renewed energy sweep through her aching limbs. Her legs were longer, she was quicker, her strength was greater! Maybe she could escape! She was almost there...

But, in the next instant, she had stumbled over that same damn twisted root crossing the trail, and the earth was rushing up to meet her. She impacted the ground with mind-numbing force, waves of nausea rolling through her body. Rin cast a quick, panicked look over her shoulder, immediately seeking her pursuers. Her eyes widened and she let out a small cry as she caught a glimpse of a lone wolf preparing to spring. She hurriedly began to drag herself back to her tired feet and it was then that she felt the jaws of the predator close about her upper arm. She screamed, both in terror and defiance, and tried to curl her fingers around to scratch at its eyes. The wolf responded by sinking its steely fangs deeper into her flesh and shaking her like a rag doll. Through the pain, she gritted her teeth, concentrating on maintaining her balance.

There's only one, her mind screamed. There's only one right now, don't let it pull you down, stay on your feet! This time it will be different! The dream has changed! I'm bigger now, I can fight!

She reached out with her free arm to scramble for any kind of weapon, a rock, a broken branch...anything!

All the hopeful thoughts of resisting disappeared, however, when she felt another crushing bite sink into her side. She saw a second pair of gleaming yellow eyes, and then another, and another. There was a deep howl, the mournful cry an undisputable invitation to draw the rest of the pack in to feed. In the end, it DIDN'T matter that she appeared older. It didn't change the awful truth. She was surrounded again.

Another wolf leapt at her, and she lost her footing under the additional weight slamming into her shoulders. Rin crashed to the earth for the second time, drawing her own blood as she caught her lower lip between her teeth. She found herself being dragged painfully across the rough ground as the wolves competed for position and the chance to be the first to sink their fangs into something vital. She instinctively brought her hands up in a last attempt to protect her throat and belly. There was an unmistakable tearing sound, and she knew they were killing her.

Suddenly, the wolves began to cringe in terror. Their shoulders hunched timidly, and some began to silently retreat into the tangled thickets with their tails between their legs.

Wait! This was never part of the nightmare either!

She brought her dizzy gaze up to see what had frightened them so, and saw a familiar figure advancing from the hazy tree-line. A familiar figure that she would recognize anywhere, a figure cloaked in white fur and an air of violence...

Sesshoumaru-sama?!

She trembled with relief. She wasn't going to have to relive this pain anymore. He would surely save her. But the taiyoukai only paused and remained unresponsive, staring down his nose at the scene before him.

“My lord?! Tasukete!” she screamed, her voice raw with confusion and betrayal. “Please! Save me!”

But he did nothing. She sobbed pitifully, reaching out to him, pleading, waiting. Just as it seemed certain, he was about to leave her to her fate, she suddenly saw that eerie energy build around him. She recognized its heat and malice, just as surely as the remaining wolves did. With terrified whines, the few that were brave enough to challenge the demon lord's arrival abandoned her altogether. Rin gasped and rose to her unsteady feet, looking up at him gratefully...

Her gratitude faded into terror when her gaze was met with savage, crimson eyes.

In the next instant, there was a flash of green light. Rin felt the awful burning of that strange glowing whip tear through her body and then belatedly heard a heard a loud crack. Despite the pain, she shook her head with a detached sort of awe: the weapon had reached her faster than its deadly sound had registered in her ears. Her arm hung limp at her side, tendons ripped, nerves completely destroyed. She could only look on numbly as he came upon her, nothing but hate and animal fury filling the evil red circles that were once his golden eyes. He pulled her up against him, crushing the fragile bones in her wrist.

Sesshoumaru drew elegant fingers against her chest. “Look at all the trouble you've gotten yourself into. All because of this,” he mocked.
The inexorable, slow descent of his hand stopped over her pounding heart. “Omae no orokana ningen no kokoro. All because of your foolish human heart. This Sesshoumaru can burn it out or tear it out. Claws or fangs, Rin? Which would you prefer?” The seductive whisper of his deep voice only added to the cruelty of those sickening words. When she refused to reply, he continued on so very gently, “Lost your voice again, little one? Have you fallen mute once more? Or can it be that you would rather let me choose?”

Gods, he was smiling, biting his lip with an elongated fang to keep from laughing. In the next instant, his claws flashed and his handsome face was suddenly painted with a smattering of her own blood. A choking green mist rose before her eyes, and there was the surprisingly sweet floral smell of his poison...

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Rin woke up screaming, ripping ferociously at her tangled blankets.

“Shhhhhh. There, there!” soothed a scratchy old voice. “Settle down, girl. That's quite a set of pipes you've got! Hope that's not how you're gonna wake up every morning!” The girl started in confusion, trying to remember where she was, her eyes finally focusing on the form of Totosai. The smith was smiling patiently down upon her as he dabbed a wet cloth to her forehead.

Rin gulped in deep calming breaths, feeling the clammy, cold sweat on her skin start to dissipate. “Y-yes, I sure hope so, too.”

“Bad dreams?” he inquired pleasantly, mopping at her brow.
Somehow, Rin could sense he was not trying to force her into conversation. Somehow she knew he was not really demanding details or explanations, he was just seeking to offer her some much needed comfort and support. Besides, she thought ruefully, the answer to his question was plainly obvious already. Bad dreams, indeed...

“You could say that,” she murmured after a moment's pause. “I've always had them. I guess from now on they're going to be a little different.” She shook her head to clear the memory of the hate in Sesshoumaru's burning eyes and tentatively poked at her sternum, as if checking to see if her heart still beat within her chest.

Satisfied that she was still put together properly and in one piece, she took in her first glimpse of her new surroundings. She was in a little cave, a dark and empty, with a high vaulted ceiling that disappearing into blackness and shadow. Try as she might, she couldn't really remember arriving...here. Dimly, she wondered where here even was. Between all the physical exertions and emotional upheaval over the past few days, tracking her own travels hadn't seemed all that important and she had fallen into a deep sleep very soon after parting from the hanyou and his friends. Strange, she mused, how much things had changed in so short a space of time. She shook her head sadly, still not believing that she was really in a strange land, that she had really been cast aside...

Despite her heartache and fear, her natural curiosity began to reassert itself and she shifted to get a better feel of her bearings. Smiling gratefully at the kindly old demon tending to her, she gazed at the comforts of the unfamiliar room.

She found herself to be in a simple bed carved into the smooth rock of a cave wall. The air was humid and hot; there was a slight mineral smell, and the telling shimmer of water reflected on the dark ceiling. Steam rose periodically from the ground on the far side of the cave.

“Onsen?” she queried.

Totosai followed the direction of her gaze and smiled. “Yep.” He swiped at her temples one last time, sloshing a bit more water onto her face than he probably intended to. He cackled merrily as Rin sputtered for a bit, then he deposited the cloth in a basin of cool water by the bedside and rose to his feet. “I suppose you'll be wanting a soak?”

The girl couldn't contain her sigh at the thought of finally being able to take a HOT bath, and nodded eagerly in confirmation.

The old demon shuffled on his way, pausing at a crooked crack in the wall the apparently served as the exit. “Well. I'll be down at the forge, young lady. Pretty easy to find, you'll be able to hear it for sure! And don`t go wandering too much on your own! I have to warn you: this place can be tricky!” As if on cue, a harsh blast sounded from somewhere in the deep and Totosai offered a sheepish grin. He hurried nervously off to investigate the clatter, only to race back just as quickly.

“Oh, wait - I forgot! Here!” The sword smith's wrinkled hands offered up a half-opened parcel that contained a simple silk kimono of the palest green. “There. Thought you might feel more comfortable in this. No offense to the miko, but those weird clothes of hers all seem so DAMN itchy.” He coughed, a tiny wisp of smoke escaping from his lips. With that he disappeared into the darkness.

Rin lingered in bed for a moment, trying to suppress a small smile as she stared down at her new robe. Totosai seemed amazingly kind and thoughtful, but it sure would take awhile to not be disconcerted by his strange powers and loopy appearance.

“Arigatou,” she whispered. But there was no one there anymore.

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Rin spent hours in the small spring in her new room pondering over memories, regrets, and the things she should have said or done. Was that undead miko right? Had she been stupid and naïve this whole time? Had she given up herself, placed too much faith in a cold-hearted monster?

She had only been trying to help, after all, and look where it got her! She furrowed her brow and tried to resent Sesshoumaru. She tried to be angry with him, staring intently at her reflection in the pool and forcing her lips into an uncharacteristic scowl. She quickly found that she just couldn't do it. Attempting to hate him only made the hurt worse.

Rin slowly ran her fingers through her unruly hair, and thought back over the years. It occurred to her that she hadn't had many conversations with the silent, stoic demon lord. Interactions were based on a sentence here and a sentence there, but not any smooth flow, or give and take. Everything was vague, clipped, and indirect.

Sometimes, he'd ask how she was feeling or if she was happy. Of course she would supply the answer only too eagerly, anything to keep his attention fixed on her.

Even for a moment.

She learned early on, however, that he wouldn't reciprocate. And when she would ask him her childish questions in return, he'd simply blink and walk away. Over time, she'd admitted defeat and simply stopped trying altogether.

Instead, she had contented herself with observing everything about him. The way his hair rippled when he moved, the peaceful look that came over him when he settled at night to gaze up at the stars, the wry smiles she would sometimes catch out of the corner of her eye...

But didn't it seem that he did the same with her? Wasn't he always gauging her reactions as well?

She paused, and chewed at a fingernail nervously. Despite his bored looks, Sesshoumaru-sama always LISTENED to her babbling, always remembered the little things about her. From time to time, she would receive presents of favorite foods and fine clothing in favorite colors. And all those occasions when he'd slow his pace and drop silently beside her when her footsteps began to drag! What were they?! All those times he'd call for Jaken-sama to make camp when they walked beyond the measure of her endurance! How could he have known? How could he have known her limits or her preferences if he wasn't REALLY paying attention?!

She fondly recalled those few months every year when they'd return to his ancestral home, a beautiful, low-standing fortress seated on the very edge of the ocean in the Western Lands. She recalled the way he used to accompany her down the steep trail to the beach when she wanted to look for pretty shells or wished to watch the gulls nesting in the cliffs. A sad smile touched her lips. She suddenly remembered how angry he'd been the first time she went rushing out into the waves, shrieking her laughter and practically dancing in excitement. She remembered how quickly he caught her and his patient explanation that the sea was NOT like a stream as he dragged her back to the safety of the house. He was always reprimanding her for being too bold.

But...

Even after she'd grown much older (and become less prone to impulsive, potentially fatal actions), he'd still silently follow her down to the shore. Rin remembered that strange expression that would appear on his face when she would lift her robe out of the tide, exposing pale legs to splash in the foam.

That look. Like he --- like he wanted something.

She stopped herself. She was imagining things. She was only choosing to believe what she wanted to see.

That life was apparently over now anyway. She'd have to dismiss it from her thoughts. And if what she'd been told about the Tenseiga last night was true, she'd BETTER start learning to let go; otherwise, she'd become mad with grief. The prospect of a long, LONG life with nothing but this empty ache filled her with dread.

She leapt to her feet in agitation. How could she be expected to forget when every extra year of her life would remind her that HE was out there somewhere? Alive, content and existing perfectly well without her!

And, on the opposite end, if any harm were to befall him, would she instinctively know? If he were brought down in battle, would she be aware that her `borrowed' life was running out? Would she feel herself slowly slipping away, fading into nothing but a forlorn walking ghost like the hanyou's mother? Rin worried her lip and tapped her fingers together, an annoying, impulsive habit she had picked up from Jaken-sama. She paced the length of her new room, pausing to kick the strange clothes she borrowed from the miko into the shadows, feeling a small measure of satisfaction at the tiny rebellious act.

What if?! What if? What if Sesshoumaru-sama found out about her, found out that he had inadvertently let some of his great power slip to sustain a lowly ningen girl? What if he...

Wait.

Rin's eyes became impossibly wide and her hands shot up to muffle the involuntary gasp escaping her throat. She suddenly had the most frightening of thoughts, and a single, burning question moved in to occupy the forefront of her mind. And there was only one person who knew the answer to that question, there was only one person who knew whole truth. It was time to end her brooding and search out Totosai again, she realized. She needed answers NOW.

Rin dressed swiftly, and then crept quietly from her room. She moved into a narrow, darkened corridor, her small feet pattering against a strangely warm floor. Every once in awhile the ground would rumble and shake, and she would have to reach out to brace against the walls to steady her steps. The scent of smoke filled her nostrils and the constant drip-drip of water continued to echo all about her. She turned into the first doorway she found, and stepped into an adjoining cave. She immediately crept back out again, quickly discovering that room she had entered was blanketed from floor to ceiling with a living carpet of hibernating bats.

This place was more than a little creepy, she decided.

A few more twists in the halls, and she finally found herself a large, strangely bright room. She cried out in amazement, pausing to marvel at the amazing collection of weaponry displayed on the walls. She thought briefly of Sesshoumaru-sama and his long-ago quest to secure a smith to forge Toukijin. As she looked over the rows of gleaming katana and armor, she somehow knew he would be just as awed as she in this place. She gave a sad sigh. Of course, predictably, Sesshoumaru-sama would most definitely try to conceal his fascination with a bored sneer!

Rin quickly abandoned the weapons chamber, continuing onwards and into a massive open cavern that housed a mighty foundry. Broken bits of demons hung everywhere, suspended from hooks, dangling from the walls and ceiling. It was more than a little morbid, really. Fangs and claws, and skulls and hides, as far as she could see, all of them lining the benches, and pressed into iron cauldrons and vats, stacked and overflowing from the corners. The young woman wrinkled her nose suddenly wondering if she would be more comfortable in the room with the bats.

Just beyond the forge the cave opened to the outdoors in a wide, sunny shelf. Rin hurried past all the intriguing objects littering the room, eager to feel the sunshine on her cheeks. She paused near the entrance of the cavern, surprised to find herself standing in the jaws of some huge, long-dead taiyoukai. She peeked cautiously through the rows of fangs and down over the ledge, looking over a bubbly sea of lava and steam and twisted black basalt to a gorgeous green valley that stretched far, far below. The rising sun was just starting to burn off the morning fog, and in the distance she thought she could see a small lake. “Sugoi!” she breathed.

“Ah! You're up and about?!” chirped an overly cheerful voice behind her.

Rin let out a surprised shriek and whirled around. Her hands flew out and she stumbled, knocking a mallet from its hook and setting off a chain reaction of tools tumbling from the walls, echoing down into the dark.

“Oops,” muttered Totosai sheepishly. “Well, here's your first task of the day: clean that up.”

Rin panted, and waited for the din to die down before beginning to bend to restore the tools to their rightful places. She was really rather thankful, actually. A chore would occupy her mind. It would hopefully keep some of her nagging doubts at bay. Maybe, just maybe, that was the old demon's intention all along? She smiled. It seemed increasingly clear to her that Totosai's absentmindedness might really be a great act.

But she could not waste time dwelling on the mysterious old demon's intentions or his mental state. She needed to find out what he really knew. Now that that she was face to face with him again, her mind would not let go of that final terrible question, and she could not allow herself to be swayed again. She dropped a small adze to the floor with a clatter, and opened her mouth to speak...

But, once more, Totosai was one step ahead of her. “Wait, wait, girl,” he shouted, silencing her before she could even form a word. “I thought you might like something to eat first!” He beckoned for her to follow, leading her to a low, broken table in the corner that seemed to function as both a work-bench and dining area. Until the moment that the demon held a bowl of rice up before her famished eyes, Rin had not even realized how hungry she was. She nodded in grateful acceptance, and raced to join him.

Totosai shifted over to offer additional space for her, hastily sweeping ash and tools from the table's surface. Rin's eyebrow arched as he handed her a sooty pair of chopsticks. “I'm sorry! Eto! For the mess.” He chuckled warmly. “Don't usually entertain young ladies up here, you know!”

“Ano...me too...sorry for wrecking all your,” Rin struggled painfully to find a word to describe the clutter. “Ummm, stuff.” She reached down and wiped her chopsticks on a piece of clean cloth she had managed to scavenge, hoping Totosai did not think she was being rude. Unable to ignore the call of her growling stomach anymore, she immediately began ladling the deliciously hot food into her mouth. “I'm still a little jumpy, I guess,” she explained, her words garbled between those first perfect mouthfuls of rice.

“It's okay. I imagine you've got some important things on your mind, girl.”

“Hai, Totosai-sama. I did actually think of one more question.”

“Only one?” the demon asked with a sly wink.

Rin smiled shyly and shrugged, not wanting to appear too anxious and demanding. “Well, it seems like the most important one right now.” Sadly, Totosai's teasing nature was beginning to remind her a bit of Jaken. But she forced herself to hurry on, before her emotions clouded over what was left of her ability to reason. “Jii-sama, you said Tenseiga `borrowed' some of Sesshoumaru-sama's power to revive me, and that he doesn't know it. If he finds out, and b-becomes angry, can he...” She paused and shifted on her knees, nearly losing her nerve to continue. “Could he...maybe...take it back?”

Totosai suddenly seemed way too interested in the position of the sun. “Oh my, look how late it's getting! Better hurry with your breakfast! Got a lot of cleaning up to do, missy.”

“Please, sir. I need to know,” she insisted, now wringing the fabric of her koromo in a white-knuckled grip.

The old demon's shoulders slumped.

“Did you love him?” Totosai asked quietly. “Did you love that arrogant fool?”

“Love him?” Rin felt a sharp pain in her chest. “How could I NOT love him?” she cried. “He was everything I had!”

“Then you might not want to hear what I have to say,” Totosai mumbled sadly, staring off into the distance.

“Onegai?” she whispered, though her heart screamed that she already knew the answer.

“Yes,” Totosai confirmed, with an emphatic nod of his head, “Yes. Sesshoumaru can draw back the youki, and take back the gift of your life. He'd simply have to strike you once again with the Tenseiga and will it so. You see, Tenseiga CAN kill, but only those it's saved before. Those old wounds of yours would open, your blood would spill, and you would know that same agony as when those wolves first attacked you. Only this time, it wouldn't be a dream,” he added in knowing reference to her early-morning nightmare. “But, since you love him, I have little doubt your grief would be more unbearable than your pain: for, of course, Sesshoumaru would have to stand before you to do this. His face would probably be the last thing you saw. I don't know much about the boy, but he does have a reputation for cruelty. Believe me, more than anyone I understand his reasons for hating humans, but...I don't know, girl.” He trailed off and looked down at his iron-stained fingers and picked randomly at a torn thread on his burned sleeve. As if he didn't want to meet her eyes.

“So, that's why you really couldn't leave me with Inuyasha?” Rin whispered, finally understanding the truth. “You don't want him to be able to find me too quickly.”

Totosai nodded. “Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha are tied by blood and part of each other's destinies, no matter how much hate and betrayal flies between them. They'll keep crossing paths, and swords. Swords that I was asked to make for them. And, eventually, Sesshoumaru will come learn the truth about you. I can't guess what he`ll choose to do when he finds out, but my conscience would rest easier if I knew you were somewhat safe till then.” He reached out and laid a warm hand on hers, offering her a reassuring pat. “It'll be a lot harder for him to track you here than if you`re just wandering in the open with that hanyou and Kagome!”

With a sudden flourish of energy, Totasai leapt to his feet and thumped his chest, bug-eyed, proud and grinning like a crazed lunatic. “I've never accepted a commission to suit Sesshoumaru's dark purposes before,” he boasted happilly. “So he has no reason to come to my mountain! Heh, heh!”

Rin shook her head at his bizarre antics, feeling so overwhelmed. Totosai seemed mighty pleased with himself, clearly taking some perverse pleasure in the thought of causing frustration for her former master. Her former master, she thought. Former. No more. Gods, she wanted to sob...

“Try to be happy, girl!” She vaguely heard the sword smith words as he continued to offer his counsel. “I KNOW in my mind that you somehow managed to touch his heart. But will Sesshoumaru come to view that as a blessing or a curse? Of that, I'm not too sure!”

Rin pressed her lips in a tight line, trying to fight back the tears which threatened to spill, so sick of advice, so sick of needing, so sick of not knowing, sick of remembering the hate in Sesshoumaru-sama's eyes...

As if sensing that his small companion was fast approaching an emotional breaking point, Totosai swept back down into the dust to kneel beside her, pulling her close. “I'm sorry to do this to you. I'm sorry to tell you all this. To hurt you more. But you'll always need to remember, Rin,” he warned, clasping her trembling hands in his own again. “You may have the life-span of a youkai, but, NEVER forget...that DOESN'T make you one. You have no power, no title, nothing that a great taiyoukai like him would covet. You're human, and I don't know if Sesshoumaru can let go of his hatred for your kind.”

“My kind? If I have his life time are they my kind anymore? Just what has that damn sword turned me into?”

Totosai sighed and shrugged his thin shoulders as he backed away, realizing he could offer the girl no more comfort. Any peace she found now would have to come from within. He sunk into the shadows with a weary groan, his ancient face lined with wrinkles and guilt.  “It was pride that drove me to make that sword for the Inu no Taisho. It was selfish of me. And it was so very selfish of Sesshoumaru to keep you for all those years. He should have let you go.”

Rin turned to stare at the steam pouring forth from a great iron cauldron, bubbling and hissing in the pit of the forge. For an instant all she wanted to do was crawl inside it, crawl inside and let the fire burn her into nothing. “But, in the end, he did let me go,” she murmured bitterly.

Totosai closed his tired eyes and followed her gaze down to the flames. “Yes,” he whispered eerily. “Only too late, I fear.”

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The journey west had proved short and uneventful, and in no time at all, Sesshoumaru found himself before the coast and the arched gates of an elegant compound. Despite the tragedies that had occurred here, despite all the bitter memories, this was where he felt most like himself. Besides Inuyasha, and his Father's heirloom swords, this once great stronghold was one of the only remaining links that tied him to a long-gone, nearly-forgotten past.

As was usually the case when he returned from a long journey, he was forced to stop and dispatch the lowly demons that had tried to set up residence in his absence. This time, however, killing those intruders didn't seem to be as much of a nuisance as it always had in the past. This time he was actually pleased to find those foul, nameless demons feasting at his gates. He was grateful for their distracting, though short-lived sport, grateful for the chance to spend some aggression. Fools, he thought as he watched last the mangled corpse burn away under a blast of his poison. No matter how far he wandered, no matter how long he drifted, he would always return to the place of his birth.

Sesshoumaru marched through the walled courtyard and into the darkened home, dry leaves billowing into the genkan behind his heavy foot-falls. He kicked off his boots and allowed what little remained of his armor to fall to the floor at the doorway with a resounding thud. No matter, Jaken would attend to it later after he finished stabling Aun.

He hadn't been back here for nearly five months, and, as such, slowly made his way through familiar corridors adorned with painted tapestries of his father's great victories, seeking to re-learn every detail. For an instant, he remembered the very hallway he was standing in filled with acrid smoke, the walls groaning and creaking under the crushing weight of Ryukossei's coils and the pounding of bare feet on the wooden floor as his mother raced to drag him from harm's way. He could remember being terrified; not of the cold, laughing demon high above him, but from seeing abject horror in her golden eyes for the first time.  He could still hear her scream at him to flee, could still see her ashen face before she reverted to her true form and her futile, bloody charge. The snarls, the blasts of fire and acid, and the final sickening crunch of bone as Ryukossei's jaws closed over her throat.

Sesshoumaru stopped suddenly and glanced to a room on his left, pausing reverently to view Hahaue's weapons and armor displayed in the family shrine. No honorable `phantom grave' for her: the mighty Sesseika had fought till her power was utterly spent and Ryukossei had brutalized her until there was nothing left to mourn but those few tattered scraps of fangs and metal. Sesshoumaru lowered his head, long bangs concealing any emotion in his eyes. He'd have to burn some incense for her later.

But first, he needed rest. His fingers trailed down the ragged tear in his haori, feeling the rapidly healing skin beneath.

Sesshoumaru reached his bedchamber all too quickly. Without knowing the full reasons why he found himself wandering past his own door, and making his way down an alcove to the tiny room he had given to Rin. Quickly, he slid the paper screen aside, his breath catching in his throat as too many scents and memories threatened to assail him once again.

He had not entered her chamber since she had come to live with him and now he looked curiously over the simple possessions she had come to collect here. Predictably, there were hundreds of dead flowers and seeds drying on bamboo racks by the windows. And scattered on a low table was a vast array of pretty stones, bleached starfish left behind by the changing tides, a myriad of seashells, and bits of broken coral....

Pathetic.

In this great house, full of battle trophies and riches, THIS is what she `treasured'?

The strong ocean wind stirred up some papers, and he curiously bent to examine them. He paused at her delicate handwriting, remembering how her eyes had brightened when he'd ordered Jaken to teach her to read and write. He scanned the first few lines and let the pages fall from his hands.

Hasty drawings, snippets of songs, and notes on the flowers she had intended to plant in the garden come spring. Plans she had made never knowing she'd not be returning here again....

Sesshoumaru turned to leave, then changed his mind, moving instead to the small futon where the girl's scent lingered the strongest. Gently, he sank down into the mattress, fanning his long, pale hair around him with a sigh. He stared up at the ceiling, intrigued to be sharing the same view she had experienced for all those years. If only sleep would finally come and claim him! Before he could stop himself, he had rolled to clutch a pillow in his claws. He held it to his face, breathing in more of the enticing fragrance surrounding him. This doesn't matter, he chanted in his mind, turning further into the soft blankets. She's nothing. You hate her. You hate her so much.

His flexed his claws viciously, just wanting to tear the memories out of his mind. It was then that his fingers brushed against something concealed beneath the satiny fabric of the pillows, something fragile and dry with age. Another piece of parchment?

His fingers closed around the small slip of paper and he drew it up from its hiding place for closer scrutiny. His eyes widened in instant recognition. Three little characters: Sesshoumaru. His own name, written with shaky brush strokes, and coupled with simple little sketches of the crescent moon...

Whatever peace he had managed to find in this place was gone.

Did he ever truly have it to begin with, he wondered?

In the end, he decided it didn't matter. Some things could never change, and all he needed to do was to bury his heart again and become a better liar.