InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Everybody Hates Hojo! ❯ Everybody Hates Hojo! ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Dont own Inuyasha.





"Bye, Mom!" Kagome yelled over her shoulder. "I don't want to be late." she murmured as she ran outside into the shrine.
Looking into the street to see if anyone was watching her, she made a mad dash for the wellhouse, completely unaware that someone was watching her.
It was her stalker, the ever so pathetic Hojo! "*sigh* Kagome is so lovely in the afternoon sun! I wish I were pretty too..." he thought.

Suddenly, he saw Kagome dash into the wellhouse. "Hmmm, why is she going into the well house? I know! I should follow her, she'll be happy to see me! Everyone is glad to see me, the great and sexy Hojo!" He yelled a little louder than he intended to. Birds flew out of trees, cats yowled, and an old lady threw a toaster at him.

Ignoring the toaster wound, Hojo ran quickly after Kagome into the darkness of the wellhouse. "Surprise, Kagome-chan!" he yelled.
He blinked as it took ten seconds for his small brain to process that Kagome clearly wasn't in the wellhouse anymore. "I just saw her in here a minute ago."

Another twenty seconds as he thought about where Kagome might be. He'd never thought this much in his life. "Oh, no!" he exclaimed. "Kagome must have fallen in the well!" Hojo looked over the edge of the well. "I'm going to save you, Kagome!" he yelled, unsuccessfully trying to sound brave as tears leaked out of his eyes.

Hojo leaped into the well, but didn't touch the ground. Never mind that he had no demon blood, powers, I.Q., or Jewel shards, he was transported to the Sengoku Jidai.

As soon as he touched down 500 years in the past, he looked toward the light at the top of the well. The well looked slightly different. There were vines growing into the well, and bones were littered around him. He looked at the vines and had and idea.

This idea was not to climb out of the well or anything useful of that nature. Oh, no. The dense boy had decided that this was the perfect time for a
relaxing game of Tarzan! Hojo happily grabbed the edge of the vine and swung from one edge of the well to another. "I am Tarzan, King of the Well!" he yelled as he swung pathetically back and forth.


::Back in the village::

"Hey, I thought you said you were gonna bring back ramen this time!" yelled Inuyasha to Kagome as he rummaged through her backpack. She glared at him. "I did!" she yelled. Suddenly, Inuyasha's ears swiveled on top of his head. "I heard something." he said. Kagome blinked. "What was it?" she asked. "I dunno. It sounded like a dying monkey. I'm gonna go check it out, so stay here." he told her and left the hut.
Inuyasha raced out of the village and into his forest, toward the source of the bloodcurldling sounds. 'Now that I hear it better it sounds like it's a little girl being attacked!' he thought as he sped up. He found the noised coming from the well. "Hey!" Inuyasha yelled into the well. "Tarzan" looked up at the face of a boy with long hair. "Hey you, get outta there!" Inuyasha yelled into the well. Hojo climbed out of the well, though it's a mystery why he didn't just do that in the first place.

Twenty seconds as he realized that this guy wasn't human. Another forty as he contemplated that he wasn't at the Higurashi Shrine anymore. "Hello, good sir." he said cheerfully. "My name is Tarza-er, Hojo." he held out his hand. Inuyasha growled at it as if Hojo's hand were some sort of appendage-youkai. "Have you seen a girl with a school uniform on?" he asked. "Her name is Kagome."

Inuyasha growled again. "What the hell do you want with Kagome?" he snapped. Thirty seconds as he realized that this guy wasn't friendly. His brain was starting to hurt.

"Oh, no!' Hojo thought. 'He must have kidnapped my lovely Kagome!' he thought. "You," Hojo said in his most threatening way, which couldn't frighten a five year old who just watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre. "You must have kidnapped her! Goodnes gracious me! She must be suffering!" he yelled as he took off out of the woods. Inuyasha briefly wondered who the hell this was and why he knew the way out of the forest.

"I'm coming to save you, Kagome!!" yelled Hojo, flailing his arms around like a diseased pidgeon.

Soon he reached the village, screaming like an idiot the whole way. "Kagome!" he yelled. "KAGOME!! DON'T WORRY MY DARLING! I'VE COME TO SAVE YOU!"

Villagers stared as Hojo made a fool out of himself, running into every wall he could find. "Why is he screaming for Lady Kagome? Can I catch his stupid?" one child asked his mother, hiding behind her. Hojo was still screaming by the time Inuyasha got there. He completely ignored Hojo and walked into Kaede's hut where Kagome was cooking ramen and looking humiliated. "Oh, God." she whispered. "Kagome-chan, who is that?" asked Sango."Do you know him from your world?" Kagome nodded. "Inuyasha, bring him in here and shut him up." she hissed. Inuyasha nodded.

He picked up a net that was sitting in the corner of Kaede's hut and walked outside. Hojo was on his back, thrashing his arms around and screaming. Inuyasha threw the net over him and walked back inside the hut with the net full of Hojo slung over his shoulder. Inuyasha dumped him on the floor and watching him struggle like a turtle stuck on his back.

Miroku and Shippo peered over him cautiously. "Is he dangerous, Kagome-sama?" asked Miroku. Kagome rolled her eyes. "No, not in the least." she answered. It seemed that Hojo had finally tired himself out. "Guys, this is Hojo, he's from my world and I have no idea how he got here." she said to them. "Hojo, this is Sango, Inuyasha, Miroku, Kaede, and Shippo. And the cat is Kirara." she told him. Hojo, having recovered temporarily from his seizure fit, popped up and offered them his hand.

Everyone just stared. "How did ye get into this era, child?" asked Kaede. "Did ye fall down a well?" Hojo nodded. "Yes. And what do you mean, era?" he asked. "You mean we're not in Tokyo?" Kaede shook her head. "Ye are not. This is the Sengoku Jidai, young man." she said. "There are demons in this era, so ye must be cautious at all times.'' Hojo went pale. "Demons? There are demons running wild? OH NO!!! I'LL PROTECT YOU KAGOME!!" he yelled, throwing his arms in front of the humiliated priestess. Inuyasha rolled his eyes.

He grabbed the front of Hojo's shirt and plucked him off Kagome. Kagome gasped. "I sense a Sacred Jewel shard." she said. Everyone grabbed their weapons and ran outside.

A large, oozing pig youkai was smashing huts and eating cows. "EEEWWWWW!!!! THATS A NASTY PIGGIE!!!" screamed Hojo. "I shall protect Kagome!" Hojo ran in front of Kagome, screaming like a little girl who's arm got chopped off. The youkai looked in his direction. The pig stared at Hojo briefly, then ate him. The whole village was silent, save for the crunching sounds of Hojo's bones. After staring a good three minutes, Inuyasha jumped and sliced the pig in half, and Kagome got the sacred jewel shard.

"So," Kagome said, breaking the silence. "Who wants to eat that ramen?"

The shard-hunters all gethered into the hut and ate the noodles, never speaking of the late Hojo again.






A/N: I hate Hojo and Kikyo, and I needed something to take out my frustrations on. Please don't be mean to me in the reviews, for those who
actually bother to review.