InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Got Any Spare Change? ❯ Presidential Assassination ( Chapter 13 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Wow, this chapter too was a bit one of the difficult ones, probably because I'm running out of comedy material! Yes, once again, my muse is taking a break. Doesn't help none that I have a lot on my plate right now, what with me having three D's in three classes: Spanish (so I don't know how to conjugate verbs, big deal? Well, evidently!), Biology I (I know most people take this their sophmore year. Well, I didn't! I didn't fail the class! And only reason I'm failing that is because I've had a hell of a lot of doctors appointments and I couldn't get caught up before the six weeks was over), and American History (not doing homework! And I blowed about three tests! I thank the doctors appointments. And the fact that when I went to the dentist, they told me I have six wisdom teeth! Six! You can only have four! Then they were talking about shots in the mouth and swelling, and my mouth shifting and stuff! That can mess up some body's concentration for real!) Perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit about the lack of concentration. I just don't like studying, that's all that is! Anyways, I'm gonna let ya'll get on and read this story. You know the deal: Read it, like it, love it!

Naraku woke up that morning feeling that this was going to be the day. The day that he took control of his life. The day that he'd make a difference. Damn, I sound like a cross between a Starbucks and a Monster.com commercial. As he showered, he sang to himself. "You, my darling you. All I have is sweet memories. That is all I'm taking with me! So goodbye! Please don't cry! We both know I'm not what you neeeeeeed!" Here he took a deep breath to get ready for the high note. "And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love yoooooooooooooooooou! And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love yoooooooooooooou! And Iiiii-" "Shut the fuck up, Whitney!" Kagura screamed into the bathroom. Naraku shut up.

His incarnation's cruel remark though still didn't damper his spirit. As he ate his breakfast of--well, he didn't eat breakfast due to not having enough money, but he whistled to himself that tune that people whistle when they're about to kill some body. He laced up his blowed penny loafers singing it, he put on his jacket with the holes in the elbows singing it. He even gave a huge smile when he slipped a small knife into his pocket, all the while singing the sinister tune.

He decided that because of his euphoria, he'd try to take a taxi to work. Amazingly, besides him not being able to understand the cabbie (He was Israli or something. Naraku simply took it that he was a terroist and decided to keep quiet during the ride) he arrived at work early. He strode past the front doors with the confidence that he had only shown before he lost everything. Giving a quick nod to Ayame, he pressed the button for his floor and continued whistling in the elevator, not even worried that it could break down and he'd be plunged into darkness. He hadn't been able to find a support group like Ayamuri's Pudding Phobia Anonymous, but if he had to close his eyes to go to sleep anyways, what was the problem?

Getting off, he smiled at everyone he passed. Kouga looked at him like he was crazy, Sango shuddered, Yozaru smiled overly bright back, and Inuyasha flipped him off. He didn't even complain today when his knees banged against the small desk as he sat down. He diligently picked up the paper work that gave his instructions for the day (yeah, kind of like school. What the hell do office people do anyways?), and got to work. About an hour in, Jinenji ambled over to get a pot of coffee. Before he could reach for it, Naraku handed it to him with a bright smile. "Here you go, you big bloke!" He said overly cheerful. Jinenji took it cautiously, wondering of Naraku was perhaps on the brink of an explosion and was trying to put up a front.

As he set the coffee pot back into its hold on Naraku's desk, he was about to reach for the creamer and sugar packets but Naraku beat him to it. "Sugar? Creamer? Here, let me get that for you!" He grabbed two of each and handed them to the half demon. "Um, could you give me just a few more?" Naraku paused for just a moment, as though the request had been just a bit out of order, but then picked up about ten more packs of each and put them in Jinenji's outstretched hand, then turned to pick up more. "No, no, no, that's enough. I don't want to raise my blood sugar." Looking down at the sugar packs, he squinted at something, then groaned. "Damn, I got the wrong kind. I ment to get Sween N' Low."

Naraku's eye twitched. "Oh," he simply said through a sunlight bright smile. Jinenji shielded his eyes from it, and as Miroku walked by, he was blinded and crashed into a picture on the wall, glass getting in his face. Though none hit his eyes, he screamed, "Ah, my retinas! My corneas! My ocular nerves!" Naraku ignored him and started replacing the normal sugar with the Sweet N' Low. "There, my good chum. You're sweetless sugar!" "Um, thanks," Jinenji mumbled and walked away.

Naraku gave a deep sigh and continued writing. Printing something, he took his time walking to the copy machine. Closing the door behind him, he made twelve copies of the paper. Then an idea hit him. Pulling down his pants, he sat on the screen and started making copies of his ass, with a few extra "things" along with it. Giving a satisfiyed smile, he grabbed the stacks and headed out. He put the first stack of papers on his desk, then walked around the floor putting up a picture of his anatomy in various locations: on the bulletin board, on the ceiling, on Kagome's monitor.

Then, as if that wern't enough, he posted more throughout the building, saving the last one for Sesshomaru's door. Just as he was about to staple it, the door flew open and out came a slightly disheveled Princess Abi, who was buttoning up her blouse as she passed. Sesshomaru saw Naraku in the doorway and motioned him in. Naraku came in, shut the door, and quietly locked it. He placed the pictue of his ass on the desk. "What the fuck is this?" Sesshomaru asked in his old emotionless tone. Then he took a closer look and saw the cheeks. Then he saw some "other things." "Onigumo, why? I have been nothing but nice to you. I gave you a job when you were unemployed. I gave you confidence to play a game you know you sucked at. I even let you have the best cubicle in the building. Doesn't it feel nice to never have to get up to get your coffee? Hell, I was even going to put the copy machine right next to you too, everything right there for your conviencene. So why this?"

Naraku deftly slipped the knife out of his pocket and into his right hand. Walking over to Sesshomaru, he looked with him at the picture. "You know, that picture wasn't just for shits and giggles. It holds a deep meaning to me. You see, my ass being copied represents you being an ass. The fact that I made hundreds of these is saying that you've acted like an ass countless times. That little bit of crap that you can see right there, that's kind of close to my little boys shows how you're always shitting on the little guys." Here he stopped and gave him a very serious look. "I'm tired of it."

Opening the knife, he quickly slit his throat. The demon Lord was dead before he knew what happened. "Yes! Now I can gain back my company and restore the leadership that is rightfully mine! I have the power!! "Quit stealing my lines!" He-Man walked by and screamed through the door. Naraku acted like he hadn't heard him. He held up a fist and a bolt of lightining flashed behind him though it was a completly clear day. He continued on in his speech, not noticing another bright flash down on the floor. He was abruptly interrupted when he felt a sharp stab of pain on the back of his head as he was pistol whipped.

Immediatly he fell on the floor, writhing in pain. The resurrected form of Sesshomaru stood up, putting away the gun and instead pulled out Toukijin. "Did you really think that you could defeat me? Like Jay-Z and Tupac, I'd eventually come back. Now, how about I--" He was inturrupted when a girl with black hair and a short black mini skirt walked in. "Lord Sesshomaru I--" "Damn it, Yura! Can't you see I'm busy here? Get the fuck out!" Then as if catching it as an after thought, he said, "Wait out there. I'll be done in here in a minute." Turning back to Naraku, he said, "I'd kill you now but there's too many witnesses. Yes, I know I am the law, but now the other three lords are wanting to do some kind of checks and balance system and if people knew I murdered folks, they'd start leaving the western lands. So, I'll just do it on the low so nobody knows. During a time that's more, ahem, convenient for me." Here he gave a glance at the door.

A/N: Most everybody has at least heard of Tupac, but Jay-Z is also a rapper. About two years ago, he had said that he was retiring from the rap game. But, lo and behold! Here he is, now with a video on 106&Park and the video is #1 on the countdown! Personally, I think he only did that so he could get more sales on his "last" album. I'm not hating, I had desperatly wanted that "last" CD too! As for Tupac, well he might come back. It has been well over seven years, though. But let's continue!

Naraku walked out feeling deflated. He forgot about that damn sword of his, Tetseiga. He looked at Yura as she walked into Sesshomaru's office. A moment later, he heard clothes being tooken off, then Yura's fake sex moans. Or were those loud, walrus barks real? Naraku made a face, shuddered, then left. Sesshomaru had won this battle, maybe even the war, but even after the battles were over, damage could still be done. And that's exactly what Naraku intended to do. Damage.


So, a little shorter than a lot of my other chapters, but I don't want to reveal too much too soon. Anyone remember who Yura is? The woman that had the power to control people with their hair and became obsessed with Inuyasha's because it was way stronger than hers, or something like that? Anyways, another example of me including everyone in the show. So, review and tell me what you think!