InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Metamorphosis. ❯ Confessions ( Chapter 71 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Clean version of this chapter can be read here:
Kagome rubbed her sleep-gritty eyes and slumped back against the wall with a dejected sigh. She was at her wits' end. True to form, InuYasha's stubborn streak had kicked in, and he refused to admit anything. On top of that, he was also making sure she didn't get any sleep, which she was grateful for since the dream she'd had before was disturbing enough but she was absolutely exhausted.
`I know I love him,' she thought as she wrinkled her nose and glared at him out of the corner of her eye, `but I can't exactly remember why, at the moment . . .'
She sighed again. `All right, that was harsh. What am I going to do? Maybe he can go without sleep for awhile. I can't.'
InuYasha shook his head as he straightened his back. `He's tired, too. Oh, why does he have to be so stubborn? Why can't he just tell me?'
Stealing another glance at him, Kagome's frown deepened. She'd spent more time thinking about it than she probably should have. Ever since she'd read the letter to Miss Love, she couldn't stop wondering if that was what he had been dreaming. If it was, though, why wouldn't he tell her?
She bit her lower lip. `Unless he's embarrassed about it . . .' She made a face. That could be it. For that matter, she was embarrassed, just thinking about it. InuYasha was a product of this time. He probably hadn't even realized it could be done . . .
She'd given it a lot of thought, a lot of soul searching. The idea had been enough to freak her out when it had first occurred to her. It had shocked her, frightened her. Flashes of past conversations, fragments of memories that she'd forgotten made her rethink it. One stuck in her head, the day they'd met Jinenji. The look on InuYasha's face when he'd admitted to her, `I'm not really one or the other . . . not really youkai, not really human. I'm not either. That's all. There was no place for me, so I had to make one for myself. Then I realized I had a place but I was the only one in it. I didn't know any other way to live.' That day seemed so long ago now but Kagome knew that it was the things that InuYasha didn't say that hurt him the most.
`And if I can't do that for him, he'll keep thinking that he's nothing but a worthless half-breed . . .'
She frowned as she shifted her gaze to the fire. She had to find out for sure . . . “InuYasha?”
“Will you please tell me?”
He ignored her question.
Kagome rubbed her eyes again. “Come on, InuYasha . . . isn't there a law against murdering your mate?”
InuYasha snorted. “Keh! You ain't dying, wench.”
“You want to bet? I am dying! I can tell! This lack of sleep is going to kill me!”
Opening his mouth to retort, InuYasha snapped it closed when Kagome burst into great, wrenching sobs, shoulders shaking as she buried her face in her raised knees. “Oi! Don't—don't—-stop that!”
She cried louder, and InuYasha winced. Scooting toward her slowly, unsure if she was simply trying to lure him in for the proverbial kill or not, he made a face as he slowly reached out his hand to touch her hair. “Don't cry,” he said quietly. “Why are you crying?”
“B-because,” she stuttered as she tried to swallow a sob, “I'm exhausted, and y-you're a b-b-baka!”
InuYasha winced but scooted closer. “Kagome . . .”
She sniffled but let him pull her against his chest. They sat in silence as Kagome's unsteady breathing rattled through him. He sighed. To be honest, he was exhausted, too, and the fatigue was exacerbated by his current human state.
“Why would she want to break the seal?” Kagome finally whispered as she played with a lock of InuYasha's midnight hair. “Why is she doing this?”
Too tired to think, too tired to try to comprehend what Hisadaicho's plan really was, InuYasha sighed. “I don't know.”
“What does she gain by breaking the seal on the vial?”
He shrugged as he stroked Kagome's back. `Maybe it ain't what she gains from that . . . maybe she'd gain something if we . . . broke the toxin . . . ?' A sudden shiver ran up his spine. The unsettling sense of foreboding cut him to the quick.
“. . . In your dreams I did . . . something . . . and you liked it, right?”
InuYasha leaned his head to the side to look at her face. Her bangs hid her eyes but he could see the soft blush that filtered into her cheeks. “Keh.”
“If you liked it,” she went on, her voice almost a monotone, “then why can't you tell me?”
He didn't answer her. He couldn't. Glaring over her head at the dancing flames in the fire pit, he blinked as the soothing lull tried to lure him to sleep.
Kagome sighed, her breath catching just once. “If you told me what it is, maybe I would do, uh, what you dreamed,” she admitted.
He grimaced as his eyelids grew heavier and heavier. `But I . . . I can't tell you, Kagome . . .'
When the sky darkened to black, as the stars disappeared one by one in the pre-dawn stillness minutes later, they were both fast asleep.
Staring over the small village in the darkest moments just before dawn, she smiled as one hut in particular captured her attention. Set away from the others on the edge of the forest and immersed in a vague pink aura, it glowed like a beacon in the night. `A calculated risk, perhaps . . .'
Weren't the best things in life things that one had to risk in order to gain? In the end, wouldn't that be the ultimate payoff? Certainly, there was a risk involved. In forcing InuYasha and his mate to break the effects of the toxin, she was assuring that he would see her in her true form. The illusion of being the one he loved would end, and with that the protection that the ruse offered against him. `But the ultimate comeuppance . . . It is a beautiful plan.'
Lavender eyes swept over the landscape, glowed in the darkness. `I will risk it all . . . and I shall prevail.'
The miko was strong enough to purify an entire village, or so Hisadaicho had learned. Still she wasn't quite strong enough. `This will bring her full power . . . What should be a gift of love will be her ultimate downfall . . . and then . . .'
Her smile widened. `And then, my koishii . . . the fruits of my efforts will ripen . . .'
Turning her back on the village, Hisadaicho strolled back into the forest. `A tainted hanyou and his precious, precious miko . . . they will destroy themselves.'
A fantastic sense of repletion rippled through her, the soothing calm as anticipation stuttered to life. Hisadaicho could almost taste it. The harvesting would be simple enough. The pure heart of the miko, so open, so willing to give . . . it would destroy her, too.
She had waited so long, been so patient. Surely this would be sweet; the culmination of her efforts was so close. Hisadaicho threw her head back as laughter welled up inside her, as a giddy pleasure coursed through her. She would bring her koishii back. How ironic that the very ones who had destroyed him would be the ones to give him life again . . .
“I knew you'd be here.”
InuYasha glanced up. Sitting on the hill at the sky blackened above, he had been waiting in silence for the sun to rise, for the return of his hanyou senses. “Thought you were sleeping, wench.”
“Sure . . . aren't I still sleeping? Aren't you?”
He shrugged and held out his hand to her, smiled just a little as her fingers touched his. “I didn't notice before, Kagome. Your hands . . . they're really small.”
She wrinkled her nose as he tugged on her hand to pull her into his lap. “Is that bad?”
“Keh. Why would it be? Just proves you're a pathetic human . . .”
She tugged his hair playfully. “Baka.”
He pulled her closer, wishing that his senses were normal again. Of all the things he hated about being human, the feeling that his senses were numbed was the worst.
“What are you thinking about?”
InuYasha shrugged. “Nothing.”
She sighed. “You know, you don't have to hide things from me anymore. You don't have to hide things in your dreams.”
She giggled as she snuggled closer, tilting her head back as she gazed up at him, her eyes cast in shadows by the black sky overhead. “InuYasha?”
“Are you going to kiss me?”
“. . . I'm human, Kagome. Just wait, can't you?”
She turned toward him, cupped his face in her hands as she gently pulled him down. “Nope, I don't think I can.”
The sweetness of her breath fanning over his lips forced a soft groan from him as he clung to the one thought, the one real truth. `Not until the sun rises . . .' Warm, vibrant, she was like a delicate bird in his arms, fluttering fingers stroked his cheeks as her kiss stripped away his resistance. Dulled senses didn't matter as she assaulted his mind, as her body pressed against his.
She was a paradox in motion, a wanton spirit with a tangible heart. She rose against him like the cresting tide, receding as softly as she had come. The ebb and flow of the kiss became a turbulent emotion. The swell of feeling, the tempting sensation, the torrent of a need evolved into a force so strong that he groaned.
Her lips opened to him, beckoned him, invited him as her body gave way. Hands dropping to his haori, she clung to him, offered him everything without saying a word. The girl he first met had somehow become the woman he knew now. She was a powerful force wrapped in softness, in light.
Delving his tongue into her mouth to taste her, feeling her shiver in his arms, he held her closer. She moaned softly as his kiss drew her out. Dream and reality were mixed, mingled, tumbling one into the other as lines blurred, as impression soared.
Kagome dragged her mouth away from his as InuYasha's head fell back. The gentleness gave way to the heated press of scorching lips, trailing down his chin, his jaw, settling on the unsteady pulse in his neck. She was relentless, unbroken, driven by a force that he couldn't see, as an infusion of heat, of energy, jolted through him.
Opening his eyes, staring at the starless, oppressive sky, InuYasha couldn't control the tremors that coursed though him. Kagome's hands pushed aside his haori, his undershirt, stroked his skin as she ignited fires wherever she touched him. He tightened his arms around her, holding her as close as he dared, as her body heat radiated through the thin cotton blouse she wore.
She pulled away and sat up, eyes banked with the deepest fire as she extricated herself from his grasp, as she stepped back. Chest rising and falling with her uneven breathing, she didn't look away from him as she slowly worked the buttons of her blouse. InuYasha could only stare as Kagome shrugged her shoulders as the material fell away. The zipper on her skirt was obscenely loud as she pulled it down and let the garment slip over her hips, down her legs. She reached up behind her to unclasp the bra. He gasped as her breasts were exposed, as her nipples contracted under his gaze. She uttered a ragged sound, not quite a sigh, not quite a moan, as she hooked her panties with her thumbs and pushed them off. She stood before him, a vision, something that would disappear if he reached for her. The first rays of sunlight rose behind her, surrounding her with a golden glow, casting every curve of her body in an intricate architecture of shadows. The Shikon no Tama, suspended in the rise of her breasts, sparkled, radiated a pinkish light that fused with the soft haze of her aura, the hint of light that emanated from his fang; an ethereal radiance, a haunting recollection of a dream . . .
“K-Kagome . . .”
He sucked in his breath at the husky quality in her tone, at the rampant burn that was almost painful that swelled in his body. “I . . . you . . . is this real?”
“It's as real as you want it to be, InuYasha.”
She stepped toward him, caught his hands to pull him to his feet. Her lips brushed over his bared chest as she grasped the talisman and jerked it, breaking the cord that held it as she flung it away. He understood her message. It was worthless now, anyway. He started to reach for the ties on his hakama. She gently brushed his hands aside. “The first time . . . that was for me. This time is for you.”
He didn't really understand what she meant, but he made no move to stop her as she slipped his shirts off and worked the ties of his hakama. Closing his eyes as she finished removing his clothing, he balled his hands into fists at his sides, waiting for her, for whatever she would ask of him. He grimaced as her hands brushed over his skin. His body rebelled, as though he needed to be closer to her, and yet he resisted, muscles strained, breathing labored. He sought a control that was quickly slipping away.
He felt her shift, knew she had moved, didn't dare open his eyes. Her hands were stroking his sides, his waist, his hips. He felt the heat of her breathing. The understanding didn't permeate the haze she'd created around his mind. Nothing made sense to him as the palpitations in his body announced the return of his hanyou state mingled together with something far more precarious. Sound mingled with scent as his senses returned, staggered him with a powerful vindictiveness just seconds before he realized what she was about to do. He tried to tell her to stop, that he didn't want her to do it. The words never came as a growl erupted inside him, as she . . .
His eyes shot open as he staggered back. He was still in the hut, standing by the window and blocking the wan morning light as Kagome knelt before him, doing the one thing that he hadn't wanted her to do, the one thing that he hadn't been able to tell her. Fighting against the weakness that suddenly coursed through him, InuYasha uttered a half-whine, half-growl, as he stared in horrified fascination at Kagome. He wanted to stop her but couldn't. The sensations she unleashed on him were brutal and tender at the same time. She held onto his hips, her movements jerky, uneven, so different from the Kagome in his dreams, and yet he knew in his heart that this was the Kagome he wanted; the real Kagome, the beautiful heart and the shining soul of the woman.
“Ka . . . gome . . .”
She made a sound in reply but didn't stop. The reverberation shot straight through him.
“Kago . . . me . . . st-stop.”
She did, slowly sitting back on her heels as her eyes slowly opened. He dropped to his knees, forced himself to look her in the eye, braced himself for the disgust that she wouldn't be able to hide.
A banked fire burned behind her gaze, a passionate heat that held no contempt, no revulsion. She was still struggling to breathe, her breasts rising and falling with her efforts. She managed a shaky smile, her eyes still clouded with the remnants of sleep though he knew she was as awake as he was. “All right, dog-boy. You woke me up from a really nice dream . . . so you owe me.”
“Kagome . . .”
Words fell away as he leaned forward to kiss her. What he meant to be a tender show of emotion spiraled out of his control. The instant their lips touched, she wrapped her arms around him, crawled forward, as though she had to be closer.
He lifted her, carried her to the futon that he'd tried to ignore all night. She arched like a cat when he laid her down, turned toward him as he stretched out beside her. He leaned on his elbow, stared at her as he stroked her cheek with his knuckles, loved the feel of her satiny skin under his fingers as a foreign sense of peace stuttered to life and spread through him. She closed her eyes, leaned into his touch as a gentle smile turned up the corners of her lips, swollen and rouged from his kisses.
Catching her chin with his crooked index finger, he kissed her softly, feathering his lips over hers. The contact was enough to bring her closer as she melded her body around his. Her hand rested over his heart, her fingers gently kneading the muscles as she pressed her hips into his, using her body to tell him what she wanted.
He kissed her shoulder, the soft hollows of her collarbones, leaning toward her until she gave in and lay back. Ignoring the painful ache that drove him, he explored her body slowly, learning everything about her, committing her to his memory. Her hushed sighs, her quiet moans tempered his need. She tugged on his shoulders but couldn't move him as he dropped his mouth over one of her breasts. With a strangled gasp, she rose up against him, her fingernails digging into his shoulders as she whispered his name.
Trailing kisses over her body, licking her skin that burned under his perusal, savoring the taste of her as she trembled, as she clung to him, InuYasha showed her all the things he wasn't good at voicing. He loved the soft contours of her, stroked the intense fire that raged through her, knew that the same ache that plagued him was spiraling through her now. Her scent spiked around him as another need burgeoned. He knew the scent. He'd tasted her before. The same obsession drove him as he scooted lower, as he gently pulled her thighs apart.
She whimpered but seemed to understand as she lifted her hips, offering herself to him. The invitation was a heady thing, the dizzying scent of her was too compelling to ignore. Driven by his desire to touch her, taste her, feel her, he flicked his tongue against her. Something wild and beautiful shot through her and into him, something he understood but couldn't name. Her entire body contracted as she rasped out his name again. Her passion fed his as he kissed her, licked her, teased her. Darting his tongue into her, his relentless discovery was rewarded as she cried out time and again. He pushed himself beyond what he thought he could endure as the ache inside him escalated into an excruciating pain. His nerves unraveled, one by one; the solace he sought was the soft sigh that escaped her. She was his strength and his weakness, his sole reason to hope.
The scent of her was heavy in the hut, perfuming the air and mingling with her pleading moans. Her body writhed, beckoned him as he savored the liquid heat that dripped down her thighs. Compelled to please her, to show her how much he cherished her, he took her pleasure as his own, let her needs guide him.
“InuYasha . . .”
The raw pleading in her voice was enough. Rising up on his hands and knees, he crawled over her, issuing a low growl to draw her attention. She slowly opened her heavy-lidded eyes, stared at him through the black fringe of her lashes. Her face was flushed, her lips parted as she tried to breathe. “Stay with me, Kagome.”
She nodded as he leaned on his elbows, stroked her hair. Gently kissing her forehead as she wrapped her arms around him, he pressed into her. Her gaze burned in his mind, cut through the pleasant haze as he was captured. Unable to look away, he marveled at the intensity, the emotion that consumed her. Something in the depths of her stare spoke to his soul; the promise of her body and mind, of her love was a humbling thing. She broke him and restored him, took his fears and turned them into vows of forever. He lived in her, gave to her but what she gave back was far more precious. She was his will, his reason, his sanity, his salvation.
Her body surged around him, drawing him closer to the spinning vortex, the precarious edge of the untamed. Her eyes drifted closed for a moment before slowly opening again. In that breath had come an unreasonable panic, a sense that he was somehow losing her. The reassurance of her gaze pacified him, and he tried to smile but groaned instead as she contracted around him.
Breaking into a light sheen of sweat as he fought against the desire to let go, he kissed her softly, gently. She arched up to meet his body, held him tight as she murmured words that made no sense. Her tongue pressed against his, flicked against his as he thrust in her. She gasped softly as he nibbled her lips, as he grazed his fangs over her.
The tension in him grew tighter, thicker, stronger. With every movement, with every heartbeat, the calculated hold over his baser instincts became harder and harder to control. Her kisses shifted into something more demanding, almost urgent as she whimpered again. Her body fluctuated around him, drew him deeper, closer to the spiraling turbulence between pain and pleasure. She arched against him, meeting his movements with a vicious abandon.
“Kagome . . . I . . . can't . . .”
Her answer was another kiss as she laid bare the emotions in her heart, in her soul. Kagome had set him free. She'd freed him from Kikyou's enchantment. She'd freed him from his own feelings of loneliness and bitterness. She'd freed him from the stigma of being neither man nor youkai. She'd freed him from the fear that he would never be worthy of anyone's compassion. With a harsh cry as her name tumbled from his lips, she set him free again.
The first thing he realized as his mind slowly cleared was that Kagome was gently stroking his back. He braced himself on his elbow and stared into her eyes. “Why do you look so happy, wench?”
Her smug little grin widened. “Oh, I don't know . . .”
“I don't think I like that look . . .”
She giggled, reminding him that he hadn't moved at all from the waist down, and that he was still very aware of her body. He groaned. “Was that it, do you think?”
Stifling a yawn, InuYasha twitched his ears. Wincing at her question, he rolled them over so that she was cradled against his chest. “Probably,” he forced himself to say.
She ran her fingers lightly up and down the vale over his heart. “Why didn't you want to tell me?”
Screwing his face up in a dark scowl, he snorted. “Keh! It wasn't . . . I didn't . . . I don't want that. You . . . you deserve respect, not . . . damn it.”
She squirmed around to look him in the eyes. “You thought that you were disrespecting me?”
His blush was enough of an answer, in his opinion. He wrinkled his nose and looked away.
“I thought maybe that was what I needed to do, to break the toxin,” she admitted, “but that's not why . . . I don't think you're tainted or dirty or . . . any of that. You're everything to me.”
InuYasha didn't answer right away. Remembering another time and place, another voice who had said the same words, he swallowed hard. `You are everything, both human and youkai. Your humanity allows you to feel. Your youkai allows you to protect, and that makes you everything.'
If only it were easier to believe that . . .
“Hello in there! Are you two still alive?”
InuYasha growled at the sound of Miroku's cheerful voice. Grabbing the blanket and tossing it over Kagome as he shot to his feet to retrieve his hakama, InuYasha opened his mouth to demand that Miroku remove the seals as well as the barrier. He snapped his mouth closed as his head swung around to regard Kagome with a speculative frown.
“You can remove the Ofuda,” Kagome called out. “InuYasha—”
He dove for her, covering her mouth with his hand as he propelled her back against the futon. “Hush, wench! Tell `em I ain't told you yet.”
Amusement lit Kagome's eyes as she struggled to stave back a giggle. “But you did.”
He snorted. “Keh! I didn't. You guessed.”
Kagome did giggle as she rolled her eyes. “Leave the barrier, Miroku. InuYasha's being stubborn.”
Listening for the sounds of the Ofuda being peeled away from the structure, InuYasha skulked over to the window in time to see Miroku standing just outside the barrier, staring thoughtfully at the hut. Catching sight of InuYasha, the ex-monk shook his head slowly as a little grin surfaced before he turned away and headed back toward the village.
`Maybe,' InuYasha thought as he glanced back at Kagome, `maybe she had the right idea, after all . . . wonder how many days we can stay in here before they figure out that I don't mind this?'
As though she could read his mind, Kagome giggled and scooted over. InuYasha returned to the futon and stretched out as Kagome curled around him. She yawned as she nestled closer and closed her eyes. “G'night, InuYasha.”
She smiled dreamily. “Just remember this the next time you try to keep something from me.”
`All right,' he admitted with a snort of disgust as Kagome's breathing evened out in sleep, `so maybe I did deserve that . . .'
== == == == == == == == == ==
Final Thought fromMiroku:
…Not even InuYasha is THAT stubborn …
Blanket disclaimer for this fanfic (will apply to this and all other chapters in Metamorphosis): I do not claim any rights to InuYasha or the characters associated with the anime/manga. Those rights belong to Rumiko Takahashi, et al. I do offer my thanks to her for creating such vivid characters for me to terrorize.