InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Miscellany ❯ Happy Birthday to Me ( Chapter 3 )

Happy Birthday to Me

Birthdays are funny things. People have all kinds of different reactions to another year passing. Really, you're actually no older than you were the day before but for some reason the day itself is significant for most people even if they show it in different ways.

There are people who insist on announcing it to the world, they'll throw themselves big parties so they get all the birthday wishes they can. There are others who pretend that they weren't born at all, or at least not on any day in particular. Then there are the ones who use the day as an excuse for self indulgence of the worst sort. Actually, in some ways I am one of those people.

I usually spend my birthdays alone, it's the one time I really let myself mourn. Most days I go through my life and I've gotten pretty good at it. I have my moments, where I'll see or hear something that will bring me back and I think I'm going to just break down right there in public. I guess that's faded over the years, and for the most part I'm doing alright. I've got a job and an apartment I share with a friend from university - I even go out on dates occasionally. Most days I can convince myself that I'm normal, but not on my birthday.

It was on my birthday that I first learned that I wasn't your 'average, ordinary middle-schooler' and had a whole new life given to me. I treasure those memories now, even if I don't indulge in them too often. I got to live a fairy tale adventure with the knowledge that I was doing something that really mattered. I learned responsibility and began to understand relationships between people, the feelings of trust and family that bond true comrades and the love that can develop between friends. Then, years later, it was on that special day that I lost it all.

Our quest was over and we'd settled in to a semblance of a normal life. I don't think that any of us could really be considered your average person at that point - if we ever could have in the first place. Despite that, we found our places, and developed routines, and began the rest of our lives. There was no question that we'd stay with one another. After all we'd experienced together, we had become a family of a sort and for my friends it was the only family they had. I was the lucky one, I still had my family back home.

It was literally the best of both worlds. I got to spend time with both of my families, and the man I loved. I trained my innate spiritual abilities, and I learned a general curriculum. I had the wonders and resources that our modern world has brought at my fingertips and got to experience the natural beauty we sacrificed to get them. Such a perfect balance - it's no surprise that eventually it all fell apart.

On my next birthday, I returned and had dinner with my mother, brother and Jii-chan, just as I had every other year. When the time came for me to go back to my other home, the way was blocked. I could not return and I guess the other side was blocked as well because He never came and got me. I was cut off from that life, my love, and my family forever. As I've said, I've learned how to go on since then. It took me some time, but somehow I managed. Each year, I still return to my mother's home and each year I let myself remember.

This year, I'm here alone. Jii-chan has been gone for some time and last year Mama got sick. She was in remission, but things seem to have reversed themselves and she was admitted to the hospital yesterday. Souta is knee deep in final exams - he wasn't even able to come and visit Mama, though he'll be here next week. This year, it's just me, and the Shrine, and the well.

Even the sake I had to 'fortify my resolve' wasn't enough to give me the strength to visit the well this time. I tried, but I couldn't make it past the doors. Instead, I've come here to the Goshinboku to sit at its roots and look at the night sky through its branches. I guess I was trying to recapture the peace I once felt sitting under these same branches, looking up at that same sky but it's like catching smoke and I've just fallen into the same aching loss, the one I only acknowledge once a year.

Even now, I can feel Him. It's not just the presence of the Goshinboku, I can feel His calloused fingers brushing the hair away from my face. I can feel His arms wrap around me so he can carry me to the house - I can almost hear Him whispering my name. I know that in a moment I'll have to open my eyes, but for this instant I want to believe that what I'm feeling is real.