InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Ours ❯ Jaken ( Chapter 10 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
"Master Jaken!" I heard Rin crying at the top of her lungs as she frantically ran to me. "Master Jaken!"

I sighed; she pesters me constantly. "What is it now?"

"It's Moriko..." she clung to me as if in fear, causing me to jump at the sudden contact. "Moriko...she says...she says..."

Moriko was a small brat Rin met at a human village. Ever since they met, they were constantly together; they were good buddies. What could she possibly have done to upset Rin like this?

"Moriko..." Rin sniffled, finally letting go of me. "She says Lord Sesshomaru killed her father."

"What?!" My eyes widened. One of the reasons Rin and Moriko bonded was that they were both orphans; I was forced to sit there and listen to them blab endlessly about their parents.

I recall her saying her mother died during childbirth and that her father raised her. She was orphaned about a year ago when her father was killed. She didn't say anything after that. She said she was hiding inside a hut watching as it took place, but would not reveal the identity of the killer.

"And Rin told her to stop lying!" she continued. "Lord Sesshomaru would never do that! He only kills people if they're dangerous and trying to hurt him or someone else! He would never just slaughter an innocent person for no reason!"

"...But daddy didn't even do anything..." I heard a small voice whisper; it was the child, Moriko, who had finally caught up to Rin. It seemed she had run after her. "He-he was a soldier, and the man was...looking for a boat or something and intruded...daddy asked him what he was doing, and then he...he strangled him to death for no reason."

A boat...yes, I remember now. That was back when my Lord was looking for the Tetsusaiga and we did not yet know about the jewel in Inuyasha's eye. There were samurai in the way and my Lord killed them and thought nothing of it.

He doesn't kill so thoughtlessly now, though he still is ruthless.

But to think that the man was this girl's father...

"Master Jaken!" Rin's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "You've been serving Lord Sesshomaru for a very long time; would he ever do something like that? Is he that kind of person?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but could not. I looked at Rin; she was trembling with anticipation for my answer. I gazed at the girl named Moriko. She looked so broken.

The girl knew Lord Sesshomaru; she had Rin had played together in his presence, and she never pointed him out. I can only imagine what was going through her mind the whole time.

And now she had trusted Rin enough to tell her what she didn't tell anyone else. If Rin rejected her...

But then I looked into Rin's eyes, and choked. She never knew anything about Lord Sesshomaru besides what she observed and what she was told. She never saw him when he was taking care of business; she actually understood very little. She definitely did not know anything about his monstrous deeds. If she found out about who he really was, it would break her heart. It would destroy her.

"Of..." Unable to look her in the eyes, I averted my gaze from her before answering. "Of course not! Lord Sesshomaru would never-why, how can you even suggest such a thing?"

Rin let go of me, relieved. "See?! Master Jaken's been with Lord Sesshomaru for a very long time, he would know!"

"But...but Rin, I was there-" Moriko started, but was cut short.

"You must have missed something; your dad must have been doing something to deserve it!" Rin turned her back on the girl and began to walk back towards our campsite. Moriko had been left behind. She was now curled up in a ball, crying.

I gulped, the feeling of guilt overwhelming me.

I'm so sorry, Moriko. I'm sorry I did this to you.

But I don't want Rin to go through the same thing I've been through.

"Master Jaken?" Rin nudged me that night while we were about to go to sleep.

I growled in frustration. "What now?"

"You would...wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

Again, I sighed. Yes, I lied to her. But there she is now, looking at me hopefully, talking in whispers...

"No! Have I ever?" I scowled. "Now just go to sleep."

The girl smiled, seemingly content with my answer. As she drifted off into dreamland, I began to think about the person that broke my faith.

My father.

Before I followed Lord Sesshomaru and idol-worshipped him, there was someone else that I used to reserve that kind of treatment for. He was nowhere near as strong as my Lord, and even back then, I knew that. I knew my father was no daiyokai, but I didn't care. I idolized him just as much as I do Lord Sesshomaru today.

It wasn't the physical strength that I admired.

My father was the leader of our colony; a king of sorts. He was brave, smart, and fearless. At bedtime, he'd tell me stories of his journeys. He'd tell me about the sacrifices he made for my mother and me and how he overcame youkai much stronger than him with his courage. I'd always drift off to sleep dreaming of growing up to be just like him.

And so, when I finally became old enough to go out with him and his men on their "adventures", I wanted desperately to follow him.

"No!" He screamed so loud I could hear an echo ringing throughout the area.

That was the first time I had ever heard my father raise his voice about anything. My father never spoke much. He always carried with him an air of pride and dignity; he never lost his composure. So I decided not to question him; I was a bit too scared to.

I questioned my mother about this that evening; at first she was silent. It confused me terribly. But then she spoke up.

"Nobility is something one is born into." she had sighed. "Not something that is earned."

That was all she said. I tried prodding her for more, but she wouldn't talk. She refused to explain to me what she meant and how it was related to my father's actions.

I couldn't fight. I was the prince, but the other young boys could all easily defeat me. I was weak. Not fit to be the future ruler. They didn't like it. They demanded that I prove myself worthy. I wanted to defend my honor and live up to my father's name. I wanted to be worthy of being his son.

One day, I lost a fight to a boy named Daichi; he and a few of his friends had been challenging me constantly. They were among the people that disapproved of me and thought I didn't deserve the future throne. I tried and tried to be strong enough to win, but it was never enough.

I lost so much I became a joke. Soon they began to push me around and beat me up just for the fun of it. They had a good time watching me squirm; punishing me for stealing the throne from them that should've been theirs.

I never told anyone about this. If anybody knew that I, the prince, was being bullied around by a group of commoners and that I couldn't even defend myself I'd be even more of a joke than I already was.

"You're just like your father!" Daichi sneered at me one day while he was pushing my face into the dirt with his foot. "All talk, to action! You have the blood that makes you what you are, but you have absolutely nothing else to back up that title! Or do you, huh? Are you different from your father?" he pushed my face harder into the ground. "If you are, then prove it!"

It took me a while to respond because I couldn't understand why he would say that. About me, yes, but my father?

"What are you talking about?" I spat out the dirt in my mouth. I aimed for his face but missed. "My father is-"

"-Fake!" He slapped me across the face, holding me up my the collar. "You'll see it one day. I know you think you're gonna be some great ruler or something because of your genes, but guess what? Those genes came from someone who's just as much of a loser as you are! You're never gonna change."

"Fuck you!" I squirmed, but he just laughed. "I'm gonna make you regret that!"

He laughed even harder. His friends joined him, their combined laughter hurting my ears.

"I'm gonna make you all regret laughing at me!" I snarled at them. "You'll see someday!"

I never questioned my father about their words because that would mean admitting that I had been pushed around. However, I did begin to think about how I never saw any action from my father that matched his stories, and wondering about the reason he didn't want me around on his trips.

He died.

My father. He died. He has been murdered.

By Daichi's father, out of all people.

It turned out that Daichi's father, who was my father's best friend his whole life, was the one doing all the work while my father took the credit. He was nobility, but he didn't have the ability to do what was required of him; so this was how it had been all along.

Until today, when Daichi's father finally got sick of it and decided to kill him. Then he told everyone the truth. Perhaps he thought that this way, he might become the new ruler.

Unfortunately for him, by then, I was old enough to take my father's place, and the law made it so that I rose to the throne, no one else.

"Just like your dad." Daichi had glared at me that day. The look of resentment in his eyes was so intense it made me shiver in fear, recalling all of his torture in my mind. "You're gonna be just like your dad. You got this position because of your blood; you're never gonna be able to handle it. You're gonna fail, just like him."

I gulped, and waited until he was out of earshot before replying. "I'm gonna make you take that back."

I cannot describe how hard it was for me to try to clear my father's-or, rather my own-name. No one saw me as Jaken. They only saw me as my father's son. And now that everyone knew the truth about him, they all looked down on me. They expected me to do the same.

At first, I vowed that I'd prove to them they were wrong. I'd become the best ruler there ever was, and then they'd all see differently.

But I just wasn't strong enough. Nor was I exceptionally bright. In the few instances I did actually do something impressive, they all turned away and refused to acknowledge me. It just wasn't good enough.

I hated my life more and more by the day; their sneers and laughter were driving me insane. I think there definitely were some plans to assassinate me. I didn't want this. I wanted to go back.

I just wanted to be that little boy again, the child who dreamed about becoming a great man like his father.

And then, that battle came. We were losing. As of now, I don't even remember who we were fighting. All I know is, as all hope seemed lost, a man walked by and destroyed all our enemies in a single blow.

That man was the one and only Lord Sesshomaru.

At that first glance, I saw in my Lord what I used to envision my father as, except this time, it was real. Their personalities were strikingly similar, but my Lord was everything my father was not.

I felt something I had not felt for a very, very long time; hope. And so I left my so-called "people" and followed the strange man. He actually allowed it!

I traveled with him and after a while, it was like I was back in the past again. It was like I was that same kid again; by day, admiring someone, and by night, dreaming of doing the same. It was a matter of time until the memory of my father and past became very small, distant nothings in the back of my mind.

It's been so long since then; but when I do think back to it, I can still feel the pain like it was just yesterday.

That is why I had to hurt that other child.

I know what it's like to find out that someone you looked up to is not who you thought they were. It destroys all the faith you have in the world. Rin envisions Lord Sesshomaru as a hero of sorts; a savior. Reality is that he's actually much more of a villain. His evil deeds far ourweigh the small amount of good he's done. He'd rather not "save" anybody...but all Rin knows is that he keeps saving her, and she goes by what she can see.

If she found out about everything she never knew, it would utterly destroy her.