InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Ours ❯ Kagura ( Chapter 28 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Kaede fought in Miroku's place and sacrificed her life. The old man, Mushin, was found dead in his home the next day. We guessed he drank until his old body couldn't take it anymore after the shock of learning what was going on, losing Miroku, and becoming a killer. Now it was only me, Sesshomaru, Hiroshi, Dung Beetle and Kirara left.

Before we left him, the monk told us about what Miroku was doing before he was killed. Or, at least, planned on doing.

God. I don't know what came over me. Whose idea was this? Was it mine? It probably wasn't Sesshomaru's. But now, we were on a journey to finish what Miroku had started with Kirara tagging along. Stupid monk. According to Mushin, he had said things like "appreciating whatever you have" and "not wasting time dwelling on the past that you can spend to improve the future". Damn that stupid monk.

Dung Beetle, to my surprise, offered to teleport us to the places we needed to go; but we decided to travel by foot. Knowing we didn't have much time left made us want to hold on to even the smallest bits of life, if only for just a bit longer. It's funny how I never noticed how beautiful the trees could be. Small details like the sound of the wind whistling in my ears and the pretty little bluish-silver tint Sesshomaru's hair takes under a little bit of shadow are so much clearer to me now.

Noticing a yellowish-white flower on the ground, I halted and then bent down to pluck it and gaze at it while twirling it in between my fingers. Sesshomaru looked at me questioningly.

"You know, I think I understand now why Rin spent so much time on these things." I said softly.

Sesshomaru silently turned his head and Kirara ran to my side and mewed; I let her eat the flower from my hand. If only I could read that damn dog's mind. But in a way, I like his silence. It's comforting. It's more like peace and stability than anything; I guess that's the same reason I unconsciously stuck to quiet people like Kanna and Kohaku while I was living with Naraku. My life is chaotic; sometimes it's inevitable because I'm such a rash person. I don't think twice about doing things some people would consider risky. So I guess I need a sense of security and being grounded to level me.

Then again, nobody can be all uptight all the time, it would drive you insane. It would make you numb; like you're dead or something. Monotony needs to be broken if you wanna live life. I think that is why Kanna and Kohaku tolerated me. And, right now, maybe Sesshomaru.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a familiar run-down palace. I squinted, tapping my chin with my fan. What was it about that palace that was calling me?

"I'm going over there." I declared, and made my way towards the building.

Now I remember.

This is where I was born.

I used to roam these hallways endlessly, trying to figure out a way to escape Naraku. These old, rotting skeletons used to keep me company at night when I had no one to talk to. The floor still creaks with every step I take. Spider webs are draped all across the walls, the eight-legged monsters keeping their prey prisoner until they decided to absorb them...I mean eat them.

The last line of thought made me feel sick. It just had to be spiders. I watched a single spider drift towards its dinner, and I kept envisioning myself in the bug's place and Naraku's face on the spider.

Using the sharp edge of my fan, I cut one of the webs off the walls. It may not have done anything, but I couldn't stand it. It was like nature itself was mocking me! Why spiders?! Holding my breath, I bit my lip as I ripped apart web after web after web.

Dammit. Now my lip was bleeding from the force of my fang. Ah, well.

In front of me, there was a trap-door like opening on the ground. I remember-this is where Naraku used to hide during his "weak" nights to rearrange his body. I knelt down and my hand drifted towards its handle, but I couldn't bring myself to open it. I couldn't even touch it. I kept on envisioning tentacles shooting out of it, grabbing me and dragging me down into hell.

I withdrew my hand and sighed. Damn you Naraku, for being able to make me feel like this even from beyond the grave.

Maybe we didn't have to end up this way. Maybe it was true-if I hadn't been so openly rebellious, he would never have had to control me the way he did. When I think back to it sometimes, I think maybe Naraku had no other choice. I was trying to get him killed, after all. If not for that, would he have done things the same way? Was Naraku actually just someone who was trying to save his own life? If I wasn't a threat to his survival...

There were times I would just stand to the side and watch Naraku as he stared at people through Kanna's mirror. He'd just sit there, thinking, looking longingly at things, being all bitter...looking like a wounded puppy...for a minute, anyway. What was on his mind? Why the hell was he like this? Why was he so angry? What was he missing, and why? Why did these plans of his mean so much to him?

After one of his plans would fail, he'd sit there and I'd see a look in his eyes similar to the one Kohaku always had. Except Naraku would push it away and get working again...he was strong-willed, and much more ambitious than Kohaku was, I suppose.

It drove me insane at times that I didn't even know the slightest thing about my so-called "father". I do not know my own history or background. I don't know where I came from. I don't know myself. I knew we weren't a normal "family" unit, but I sometimes couldn't help but wonder if I had "relatives". Did that make Onigumo my grandfather of sorts? Oh my God, this is confusing.

I am not happy.

I've dreamed of this for so long, but now that I have it, I'm not happy. I feel more...hollow than anything. When I think of Naraku's death, all I feel is regret. This isn't relieving. This is sad. It's tragic that he kept on making these mistakes, ruined his own life, was too blind to see what he was doing, and wasted his only chance at life. It could have been different if only he had chosen to appreciate what he had. He was actually pretty well off, you know. But that's what happens when you choose to get absorbed in self-pity and loathing instead of counting your blessings.

So it's true. Happiness never comes from sadness. Peace never comes from violence. A bad tree does not bear good fruit.

"May all of you rest in peace." I muttered. "Wherever you are now, may you finally find happiness this time."

Hakudoshi had asked me if I was developing sisterly feelings before he boarded Zearth; maybe I was. I kept replaying that one moment when Kanna died in my mind and in struck me that he was the only relative I had left. And that we were both gonna die, and didn't have much time left. That was when it dawned on me that after everything's said and done...he's my brother. He's played a role in my life, whether we like it or not, and I couldn't just leave him alone after all that.

Hakudoshi was extremely young. Not only that, he was spoiled. Stupid brat. He died like a coward, trying to run away from his fate. And doesn't feel the same without her here. I'd gotten so used to having her with me that I never imagined what it'd be like if she wasn't. I loathed them so much when they were with me. Now that they're gone, I feel incomplete. A part of me is gone and I've been numbed.

No matter how much people try to deny it, the unfamiliar-the unknown-is one of the most frightening things that exist for living beings. It is because of this fear of what may be on the other side, fear of risk, and fear of crossing the line that so many people choose not to leave seemingly horrible situations.

I stood up and headed outside; Sesshomaru, bless him, had decided to wait for me after he saw where I was.

"What were you doing in there?" He asked me that night after we stopped to rest.

I shrugged. "Used to live there. Can't a girl stop to look?"

"Nobody does such things without a reason, Kagura."

I tapped my chin with my fan out of habit, gazing out at the night sky reflected on the surface of the river before us. "You miss your brother?"

The expression on his face then was so priceless. I smirked a bit, trying not to laugh out loud. Were the swords so important that he'd dismiss his own brother's death? If I could feel like this for Naraku, who's to say he couldn't do the same for Inuyasha?

"Alright, sorry." I waved my hand dismissively. "Bad topic."

Sesshomaru scoffed. "Listening to your mouth is tiresome."

"Hey, my mouth is not that bad." I chuckled. "Especially considering who you used to travel with."

Once again, he became silent. It must have hit him really hard, to lose all of them one after another like that. Not that he'd ever admit that. I wonder what Sesshomaru does to cope with stress? Besides put up that icy barrier around his heart again and take it out on the people around him by being cold and aloof, I mean.

I sighed. "Back there...I guess I was praying for Naraku, I guess. And Kanna and Hakudoshi." Now he was raising an eyebrow at me. "I know, it's crazy. I'm fucked up. But it's like as soon as something's gone, only then do people start noticing them. As soon as they're gone, all the resentment you held for them doesn't seem to matter anymore. It's like...nobody gives a damn about you until you're dead."

He averted his gaze from me and started staring at the sky. "That's not crazy."

I guess there's my answer.