InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Someone Who Understands ❯ Chapter 1

Holy Water

 

Sango curled up on her side in her bedroll. She felt the heat from the dying embers of the cook fire lave her face and slowly dry the tears there. Nightmares. Nightmares every night, she could not seem to shake them. She had tried sleeping tea and special herbs, but now she was reduced to merely staying awake all night long to stave off the images. Tonight she was losing the battle. Slowly, the dream started.

Family lay strewn and bloody on the compound floor. A man, half of his face missing. She flipped him over in her dream. Her father. She started to cry all over again. His one remaining eye was wide and unseeing, the bloody mess of his skull crawled with insects and rot. She felt her stomach heave and even in the dream, a cold sweat broke out on her face. She backed away hurriedly, stumbling over another body in her haste. Her mother's pale visage looked back at her, white and cold. Sango didn't want to look, but the dream would not let her close her eyes. Her mother's body was literally torn in two, the lower half lying some two feet away, partially devoured. A gaunt arm was thrown over her head, an eternal scream frozen on her lips. `Oh Kami!' Sango screamed in her dream. And she couldn't stop. She screamed and screamed and screamed…

 

Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you'd never tell

 

Sango jolted awake, blankets wrapped tightly around her legs. She kicked them free and rolled hurriedly out of bed. Sitting on the hard earth, she hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed huge wet sobs. After a few minutes, her cries ceased and she laid a tearstained cheek on her knees, shivering in her light sleeping kimono. She closed her eyes and tried to feel the heat of the fire again, but it had burned down, even the embers had gone out. It seemed like an omen. All alone, Sango. The wind swept through the trees, moving the leaves gently and Sango could remember the hanging in the doorway of her ruined house. It hung from one nail and brushed the ground. Never, forever it had whispered. Never, forever. And for a moment there was that feeling, the one you get when you wake up in the middle of the night and you're somewhere unfamiliar and everyone you know is sleeping there. They've left you alone and the bottom of your stomach drops out and a silent tingling sensation enters you. First at your fingertips, then your arms, finally making its way to your heart where it freezes you and leaves you colder than winter frost.

 

Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

 

“Oh, Kami.” Sango said softly to the night. “I know we haven't spoken in a while and I suppose that's my fault. I know this isn't how I'm supposed to do this. I know I need incense to burn and special prayers to pray, but I've tried that and it hasn't seemed to work. So now I'll try it my way.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, the night wind caressing her hot cheek. “I'm very lost now, Kami. I'm…suspended over the world. I can see it all going on below me. All the people, all the places. They all go flashing by, but I can't touch any of it. I can see it crystal clear, Kami knows I can.” Her voice broke harshly. “It's there, but I'm not part of it anymore. I was once. Not anymore. I'm sort of washed out now. Am I alive? I don't think so. At least not in the way the others are. I get no joy from anything. Everything is sorrow. Do I do it to myself, Kami?” Her eyes scanned the glimmering stars above her. “Do I ignore all the good and embrace the bad? Where is the good, Kami? Where!?” Her voice completed a rising crescendo. “Where is it? I don't think…I want…” She trailed off. “I don't know what I want. That's silly, isn't it? I ask you for something and I don't even know what I'm asking for. I'm a fool.”

 

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

 

“No.” The voice startled Sango and she jumped. She felt a hand on her shoulder and her head shot up to look at the dark form of a figure standing behind her. He came around to face her. The monk. “No. You are not a fool.” Sango was mortified. He had heard her?

“What are you talking about, houshi? Are you crazy?” Her voice betrayed her forced calmness.

“Sango.” Miroku crouched on the ground beside her, not looking at her, but out into the woods. He picked up a stick and jabbed at the cold embers. “I heard you praying.”

Sango kept a straight face and stared out into the woods like the monk beside her, not fixing her eyes on any one thing. She stayed silent.

“Do you ever feel empty, Sango? I mean really, truly empty?” Sango did not speak. “Sometimes I feel like it's all I can do to keep myself from shriveling up and blowing away. And I feel like maybe my life isn't really that important to anyone. If…I mean when I die before this quest is over, who will care? Who will cry when I'm gone? Who will say the prayers and burn a candle for my soul?” He turned his face upward and looked at the same stars Sango had gazed at only moments before. “I've come to accept it, the fact that there is no one left who cares. But you, Sango. There are so many people who would cry for you. Kagome, Shippo, Kaede, even Inu Yasha would say a prayer.” He turned to look into her eyes. “And so would I.” A sad smile broke over his face. “In the end, it's not our actions that make us alive, but the people who love us.”

Sango looked away and almost screamed in shock when she felt his soft lips on the crown of her head. The tears began again.

 

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she cries

 

She heard his retreating footsteps and her eyes went to the fire that the monk had rekindled. Those who love us? She spun around. “Houshi!”

He looked back at her, a resigned smile on his face. “Yes, Sango?”

“Houshi…I…” she bit her lip, unable to form the words. She steeled herself. “There are times, Houshi, that I want to wring your neck.” The monk's smile widened. “But tonight,” she paused. “Thank you, you are a good friend.”

Miroku lost the humorous look and was suddenly serious. He walked back towards her. “Sango, do I have to say it any plainer? That's not what I want.” She looked at him suspiciously. He kneeled down beside her bedroll and reached for her face. She jerked back, away from his violet eyes so filled with love. His heart dropped and he stood angrily. “Why do you do this, Sango? Why do you refuse to let me help you? To let me love you? You shout at me and call me names when you know you're the only thing I've ever wanted! I don't understand how you can be so lonely and yet refuse to let anyone take that loneliness away!” He stood above her, hands clenched and chest heaving.

 

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

 

A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked up at him, frustrated, in love. As slender hand reached up to take his rigid fist and tug at it, making him kneel beside her once more. Sango straightened up and awkwardly moved toward him on her knees. She placed both of her hands on his shoulders and looked up at his face. His poor, confused, bewildered eyes gazing at her, not knowing what she intended. Tilting her face upwards, she put pressure on his shoulders, making him lean down to meet her. Their faces were inches apart. “I'm sorry.” She murmured. “I want your help, your love, if you still want to give it.”

His response was to kiss her so deeply that she was sure he could feel her soul, pounding in distress. He soothed her with his lips, kisses that promised that she would never be alone again. Never.

 

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water