InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Crying Game ❯ Runaway ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha. I just like to play with them.

The Crying Game

Ch.4

By: Lara Winner

Numb.

Bone deep coldness.

Complete lack of feeling.

Kagome wasn't sure how else to describe the emptiness inside of her. She packed the remainder of her things in a daze, her movements robotic and habitual, requiring no thought. Behind her clam exterior, hidden by her forced smile, was a vortex of violent self-recriminations and scathing curses directed at her foolish hopes and dreams concerning Inuyasha.

The night before had been so perfect. His caresses were demanding, his kisses impassioned, and the security she had felt at being held so tightly in his arms had made her heart soar. But that was a dream and dreams were of no substance other than fantasy. Now Kagome's heart lay shattered in irreparable pieces because she'd childishly mistaken a moment of lust for her fairytale fantasy of love.

Never again would she be so naive. To give her virginity to him… the one thing that she as a woman could give to the man she loved and she threw it away because… because… An angry sigh escaped Kagome's lips as she hefted the heavy pack onto her shoulder. Because she loved a man who was still in love with a ghost.

To assume Kikyo's memory held all claim to Inuyasha's heart was one thing but to hear him say it hurt worse than she ever thought possible. However, it never once occurred to her that he held her at fault. She knew he didn't blame her for Kikyo's actual death but he did blame her for possessing the miko's soul. And that meant that everything they shared was done out of revenge. He used her because she was better than nothing. He used her so he could be close to what was left of his precious Kikyo.

Ice. It surrounded Kagome's heart and froze the tears she should have shed. Like an infected wound, it festered and oozed with hurt and pain that was momentarily at bay. She knew it was there, waiting for her to allow it to take control and turn her inside out with anguish. But mercy held it back. The apathetic tranquility needed to last till she returned home. Once back in her own time, in her own life, surrounded by her family it would be bearable. She would no longer be in Kikyo's world, living Kikyo's life, yearning for Kikyo's lost lover.

Kikyo…

Kagome swallowed at the lump that remained lodged in her throat. Striving for a light tone she smiled sadly, "I'm ready to go guys."

A small brown and gold bundle of fur flew across the room and attached itself to her leg, looking up at her with watery green eyes. "Do you have to go Kagome?" he asked pitifully.

Lifting the kitsune cub she settled him on her free hip and brushed Shippo's bangs out of his eyes gently. "Yes, I have to go sweetie. If I study really hard and catch up with all my school work I'll be able to graduate with my class this year. As much as I love being with you I can't stay here permanently."

"But what if I never see you again?" he asked plaintively as his bottom lip quivered.

"Oh Shippo," she smiled pressing a kiss to his brow. "I could never leave for good. I'll drop in now and then, you'll see."

"But it won't be the same." He cried squeezing her as tightly as his little arms could. "Once you go you'll forget all about us. I don't want you to leave me."

Two fat tears marked their way down his cheeks and Kagome felt them tear at her already broken heart. It was then that a bittersweet truth finally revealed itself. This was her life now. Even though she was from another age these people had become more than friends. They were extended family. Fighting to survive along side them had created a bond that could never be severed. Her future would never be complete if she forsake the past.

"I'll be back Shippo. I promise you that. No matter what I'll never forget you guys."

"We know Kagome," Sango grinned. Her usual mildly aloof exterior was in place but Kagome could see the sadness in her warm eyes. Reluctantly she transferred Shippo into Sango's arms feeling a .little more at ease at her understanding.

"Just try and stay out of trouble in your world okay." Sango winked.

"I won't have time for trouble." Kagome laughed.

"Incase it finds ye…"

Kagome turned to Kaede to find the older woman holding out a beaded necklace in her wrinkling hand. The green beads glinted and the gold character for Life dangled at the end of the necklace. Kagome excepted the gift, turning it over in her hand reverently. "Arrigato."

"Take care child so that ye may return to us one day." Kaede said softly, her gruff voice loosing its edge and her one visible eye twinkling.

Kagome nodded, afraid to speak lest the tears start falling and she would be unable to stop. Turning to Miroku she tried to smile as he grasped her left hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze. His knowing eyes held her own steadily and she had the feeling he was trying to tell her something. But as quickly as look came it was gone and Miroku raised her hand to his lips in gentlemanly fashion. Kagome couldn't help but laugh knowing he was anything but.

"Until we meet again my lady." He drawled huskily.

"Save it you hentai." Kagome chuckled as a wisp of her good humor was returned.

"Travel safe and…" his eyes darkened, "pay no attention to that pompous ass. Despite all he will miss you, he just doesn't know how to show it."

Shifting the pack more comfortably on her shoulder, Kagome looked down hoping no one would see the lost hope in her eyes. "I appreciate everything Miroku, but Inuyasha meant what he said this time. He has no need to worry though. I won't ever bother him again."

Forcing one last smile, Kagome brought herself to say good bye and then she was off on the familiar trek to the Bone Eater's well.

****

"Great genius! That was fucking brilliant!"

Snarling at himself, Inuyasha slammed his fist once again into the mangled bark of the tree reveling in the pain of ripping flesh and cracking bones. The trunk of the gnarled tree groaned in protest as each powerful blow weakened the hold of it deep roots in the earth. Black blood, darker than onyx, splattered in droplets on the grass as it ran in rivulets down his fingers and pooled at the tips of his claws before falling.

Nearly screaming with uncontrollable fury and a healthy dose of revulsion at his emotions and his actions, Inuyasha bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He panted, dragging in deep breath after deep breath trying to regain a hold on his humanity long enough to rid himself of this demonic rage. But that cool voice of reason was not forthcoming. Instead the only thing he was feeling was the instinct to keep destroying until there was nothing left, not even himself.

He wanted to hurt something. He wanted to make something else feel the pain that ripping his insides apart. For a moment a pair of silvery-gray eyes filled his mind, making him growl as the accompanying face followed suit.

"Damn you Kagome!"

He hated her. As much as he loved her, he hated her and the hold she had on him. No one besides Kikyo had ever made him feel so thoroughly that his emotions went beyond his control. Yet Kagome made him weak. She made him vulnerable and confused. She could knock down all his defenses with a look and in the same moment kill him without saying a word. He feared her control. It scared him to no end to see how easily she could manipulate him. She was his personal paradox of salvation and damnation.

Inuyasha grit his teeth and clenched his fists, ignoring the pain. The bitch had him cornered, ready to retreat and lick his wounds in defeat. He had reacted. He lashed out looking to rip that happy smile right off her face. He wanted to hurt her and bring her down to his level just for a moment. She may have a life to return to but he didn't. She was his life and he was loosing her.

It was impossible to understand how Kagome could be so careless about abandoning him after everything they shared. Granted, it was common knowledge that she was attracted to him. He could always tell by her scent or in the way her body temperature would rise when he would carry her on his back.. Sometimes when he touched her she would become breathless and other times he would catch her watching him when she thought he didn't notice. The little flirtations were flattering but it remained nothing more than sexual desire. She didn't love him.

And today only proved it. After spending a good part of night making love to her, the first words out of her mouth were to tease him about not getting to say goodbye. She was a heartless bitch. She had to know what she was doing to him. And yet she did it anyway, willing to rip him up out for sheer amusement. That was why he said those damning words. He knew she was jealous of Kikyo. Here, in Fudal Japan she virtually lived in the dead woman's shadow. Kagome was constantly striving to prove her individuality.

He had known she would get angry. He even expected to get 'Sat' straight to hell. What he didn't expect was the look of pure misery that set her shocked features right before her eyes iced over in hatred once his words sank in. In that second he knew she'd never forgive him.

Angry tears made his eyes glassy and his vision blur. Letting out a pained whine, he collapsed to the ground, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his head on his knees. The instinct to curl into a ball until the pain stopped was vaguely comforting. He had no strength or will left to do much else. He was drained, physically and emotionally.

It was then he caught her sent.

Kagome smelled like rain drifting on a summer breeze, warm and flowery and fresh. It was unmistakable and he would know it anywhere. He stiffened, trying to ignore the sudden rush of adrenaline that made his heart pound furiously against his ribs. Did he dare? Did he follow her to the well? It wasn't that far away, he could beat her to it. He began to move only to stop, his vacant gaze fixating on nothing. She was so close…

But was there anything left to say?

It didn't matter. The need to see her once more was nearly overwhelming. There was no time to think as his muscles sprang into motion carrying him through the air in one powerful leap. Green and blue collided in a blur of color and the wind stung his skin like needle pricks as soared as fast as his hanyou body would carry him. Then below him in the distance he saw the splash of brown marking his destination. Without warning he fell from the sky landing in a defensive crouch just a few feet in front of his careless mate, blocking her from her only exit home.

The young woman gasped and stumbled back in surprise. Inuyasha smiled coldly, a determined gleam entering his golden eyes. Even his voice held an edge of steel, daring the raven haired girl to protest as he growled softly…

"You're not leaving Kagome."