InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Crying Game ❯ Without You ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha. I just like to play with them.

The Crying Game

Ch.8

By: Lara Winner

The days passed by in a blur as Kagome buried herself in her school work. Twice her mother asked her what was wrong but she felt she couldn't talk about Inuyasha. Just saying his name was enough to get her eyes all misty. Love hurt, worse than any injury she had ever received. But unlike cuts and bruises, a broken heart didn't mend itself quickly.

Only time could offer any help and now the days seemed to be one endless procession after another filled with repetitious actions that held little or no meaning. Even the thought of graduating in three months held no appeal. It was as if nothing could lift her spirits out of the dark depression into which she had sunk.

Masochistic tendencies made Kagome replay the argument with Inuyasha continuously in her mind. She scrutinized every detail, looked at the events from every angle and now she could see what she hadn't seen that night. Even though Inuyasha didn't return the depth of her feelings, he at least cared enough to be hurt by the thought of her with Houjou.

It was so obvious now. But why didn't she see it when it mattered? Why had she allowed her anger to speak instead of her heart? If she could take back the hateful things she said she would in a heartbeat. Despite the dog-demon's shortcomings her true intention had never been to banish him from her life. And now that she was able to see things logically, and not clouded by her own jealousies of the dead priestess Kikyo, she realized that Inuyasha was not usually that cruel. It was the youkai in him that had provoked her viciously, not Inuyasha himself.

But all the lamenting and apologizing Kagome could do would not reverse what was done. She had told him she never wanted to see him again, and knowing Inuyasha, he would abide by her wish. So the only option left was to carry on and hope that one day she would stop longing for the golden eyed hanyou to return.

However, it wasn't till Saturday afternoon as Kagome was getting for her outing with Houjou that another thought crossed her mind. There was one other person that was caught in the midst of her hell and she had never once considered his feeling. And that was Houjou. Kagome had literally felt her stomach turn as she realized that her stupidity and rash actions could hurt the human boy also. It was obvious he liked her and here she was taking advantage of that just to spite her own heart.

Looking at her sad reflection, Kagome couldn't help but wonder when she had become so shallow as to hurt everyone she cared about. Though she didn't love Houjou, she did care about him. He was a good friend and he was always there whenever she was in need of anything. And she knew that if she was going to get over the love of her life then she would need all the friends she could get to support her. The only way to avoid hurting Houjou was to be honest.

And so it was on her second date with Houjou that Kagome set out with a heavy heart and every intention of making it their last. To her surprise it wasn't as horrible a scene as she expected. Houjou was a smart young man, much smarter that she usually gave him credit for. He was the one who broached the subject that she had trouble bringing up.

They were approaching the shrine. Walking side by side, she felt Houjou glance at her every so often and finally she looked up and caught his gaze. There was a concerned frown marring his handsome face as he asked softly, "Is everything alright Kagome?"

It was time. Kagome knew she needed to explain herself now or she would only regret it later. Steeling her spine for the inevitable, she began sadly, "Houjou I-" But a soft finger pressed against her lips stopped her words mid sentence and she stared at Houjou wide eyed.

"You don't have to say anything Kagome. As a matter of fact, I bet I could say it for you. You just want to be friends, right?" There was no anger in voice, just mild disappointment and ironic humor.

Nodding guiltily, she peeked up at his face. "You're not mad are you?"

"No, not at all." He shook his head, nudging her arm playfully with his elbow. "Actually, I think you're the only girl I know who wants to be my friend. All the other girls at our school are the same. They play coy and try to impress me, and forgive me if I sound completely conceded, it's just that I'm sick of all these girls throwing themselves at me. But you don't act that way and that's why I have fun with you and I can talk to you."

"Poor Houjou. The life of a single seventeen year old boy is fraught with so many difficulties." She sighed dramatically, teasing him. He laughed and she felt herself relax for the first time since their date began.

Having Houjou understand her feelings was a great burden lifted off Kagome's shoulders. It now gave her mind even more time to think about Inuyasha. And while she wallowed in her own self pity she at least knew there was one person who would be there should she need him.

****

Crimson clouds floated in a flame painted sky. Dancing hues of orange and red and gold graced the heavens as the red sun began to drop below the horizon. From his branch Inuyasha could see for miles on end, his sharp gaze spotting solitary huts and small villages along the plush landscape. The chilled evening breeze ruffled his silver hair and the young hanyou folded his arms and crossed his legs, never tearing his eyes away from the beauty of the world he knew.

Like a plague feasting upon flesh, desires began to enter his mind, tormenting him with the simple pleasures they showed him. Kagome could be with him now, curled against his side and sharing a sunset that seemed so dangerously beautiful…

Inuyasha shook his head and tried to push the thought from his mind. Instead of finding peace another cruel notion made itself known. Today was Saturday. Right now Kagome was with that bastard having the time of her life, probably falling in love with the idiot and he could do nothing to stop it. After all, she'd made it perfectly clear that she never wanted to see him again.

Like countless times in the past week, Inuyasha found himself having the strange urge to cry. It was a sobering realization, enough to jar him out of his musing while allowing him to feel disgust over his weakness. It infuriated him to admit that a woman, and not just any woman but a human to boot, had the power to bring him to his knees so easily. Sessho-maru would blame it on his humanity and his brother would also be a lying hypocrite. Little Rin seemed to have just as much control over the youkai as Kagome had over him. Maybe it was a hereditary flaw among males in the Inuyoukai lineage, he brooded.

"To be laid low by our respective mates." Inuyasha muttered to himself.

It was a perversely humorous concept. That he should come from a long line of fearless warriors and great Inu-Lords of the West, only to have his one weakness be a stubborn, hotheaded, confusing, gorgeous, and oh-so-careless female. It was sick joke.

Yet had Kikyo not done the very same thing to him years ago? It was a painful question but Inuyasha couldn't help but analyze the answer. In a way she had. Kikyo was a brave and intelligent woman. She was a respected and feared priestess and her people adored her. She had once had a kind heart and a certain fondness for children. Her beauty struck the hearts of men with desire and the hearts of woman with envy. And Inuyasha, like everyone else, had fallen under the spell of her innocent strength.

Kikyo was clever. She had him willing to sacrifice everything, even his life, if it would make her happy. And he was young and foolish. For a lonely hanyou the acceptance and affection she offered was as precious a thing as water in a desert. She had become his lifeline. He had given her total control, which was why Naraku's illusion of her betrayal had destroyed what was left his trusting heart.

But Inuyasha had put Kikyo to rest. She had granted him forgiveness and in turn he freed her soul to return to the peace of the after life once more. Kikyo no longer possessed his heart as she once had. He was no longer that insecure and lonely young boy. While his body may not have aged a day he knew the journey of the last two years had given him a new outlook on everything he had once believed. And he had to confess that Kagome was at the center of his growth and awakening.

This time, however, the cold sting of betrayal was real. She wanted him gone leaving her free to pursue whomever caught her interest and though it went against his very nature to give up without a fight, he found that for the sake of her happiness he was willing to sacrifice his own. Only one word came to mind for his selfless dedication…

Sucker.

What a fitting title. It summed up his own opinion of himself nicely. But cursing himself the fool would not rid him of the love he felt for Kagome. Even knowing his love was not returned, or wanted, did nothing to alleviate the malcontent that filled him. He was lost in a hellish prison of his own making and he now had to the bear the punishment of daring to achieve what was not meant to be.

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Inuyasha shifted in his seat as his eyes continued to roam the sky. Velvety black stretched out of the east, fading into dark blue as the colors clashed with last rays of red still streaking the west. On the breeze a familiar sent suddenly caught his attention and the hanyou bit back a groan. Listening carefully, he waited till the approaching soul was in sight before snapping out his irritation at being disturbed.

"If Kaede sent you to fetch me you can tell the old hag I'm not coming!"

The young man's head jerked up and he smirked in amusement as he leaned against his staff. "Well, I see you are in the best of moods as usual."

"Spare me Miroku." Inuyasha growled, leveling his new companion with a glare. "I'd like to be alone if you don't mind."

Miroku shook his head and laughed. "Yes I do mind. You're always off alone and you've done nothing but sulk since Kagome left. I'd say it's about time you pulled yourself together."

"Pull myself together…Why you…" Sputtering angrily, Inuyasha jumped from his high perch and growled threateningly at Miroku. "What I do is my business so why don't sty out of things that don't concern you!"

If Inuyasha's anger struck any fear if in the young houshi, he didn't show it. Taking a step toward the hanyou, Miroku placed his hand on Inuyasha's shoulder and amended softly, "I consider you a friend so I'm making it my business. I have eyes, you know. I see what you're doing to yourself. You're not eating or sleeping and all you do is sit and stare at nothing for hours. Can you really blame me for being worried about you? You haven't been yourself at all."

"Miroku, if Sango turned her back on you and fucked you over I don't think you would be any better off than I am !" Inuyasha shouted.

Miroku let out a pained sigh. "I swear you don't have the brains the Gods gave a chicken." He muttered, his patience thinning. "Kagome has duties in her era Inuyasha. You can't order her around and expect her to do your bidding. Have you ever noticed how you treat her? If I were Kagome I would have slapped you silly but for some mysterious reason she keeps forgiving you and I can't see why. All you ever do is hurt her feelings. Would it kill you to be honest and tell her how you really feel for once? If you did I bet she would come back."

Inuyasha's anger deflated and he looked away from the conviction in Miroku's eyes. "She wouldn't come back Miroku." He whispered sadly. "She's with someone in her time. They went on a date today, and on top of that, she told me she never wanted to see me again."

"Oh dear," Miroku groaned. "What did you do this time?"

"What the hell do you mean by that? I didn't do anything." But even as he said it, Inuyasha remembered their argument and how the need to hurt her outweighed his better judgement. Miroku seemed to read his thoughts, giving him a skeptical look. Throwing his hands in the air Inuyasha snapped, "Okay, maybe I said some things I didn't mean but she's the one seeing someone else."

Miroku shook his head and grinned. "And you're going to give up just like that? Think about this Inuyasha. How is Kagome supposed to know you want to be with her if you're always pushing her away? This guy is giving her attention and he's probably just plain nice to her. Maybe you should try it sometime. I know she'd forgive you. She loves you. Everybody else sees it but you."

Inuyasha's eyes widened in surprise. Amazement and wonder filled his voice as he asked, "You really think she loves me?"

Miroku turned his eyes heavenward as if beseeching divine assistance. "If I have to spell it out for you then you don't deserve my help and you certainly don't deserve Kagome." With that said, the young monk turned away but stopped as one more piece of advice crossed his mind. "If you really love Kagome there should be no shame in saying it. Remember, pride without consequence is simply unattainable." And with that he was gone.

Long after Miroku departed, Inuyasha remained staring sightlessly into the darkness feeling the painful truth of his friend's words.