InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ Into the Arms of the Enemy ( Chapter 21 )

Author's Notes: Hey, everyone! Thanks for all of your comments! I just have a two things I figured I'd touch on, and then I'll let you all get on with reading the story!

 

WEBSITE COMPLETED!

 

Firstly, my website is done! The link is on my profile page! Yes, the site that has existed in rumor and myth is now finally complete and published! Here you can find mp3s of my solo and choral work, including several of the songs from the chapter in this story entitled “Musical Prayer”, along with fun photo albums of me and my familyi. There are two songs currently not on there, one of them being the “Ave Verum Corpus” (my personal favorite), which will be up shortly, along with “Homeward Bound”, which I hope to have soon. Other then that, the songs you are looking for are as follows:

“Oh, My Luv's Like a Red, Red Rose”

“Lamentations of Jeremiah”

“Bogoroditsche Devo”

 

COLLEGE DECISION!

 

Second, I have officially decided on a college! Contrary to what I'm sure you're all thinking my decision will be, I have decided to attend the University of Oregon next year for several reasons. Since they would take up waaaay to much space on here, I'll just post the reasons on my profile page, and you can check them out there. Since I've been telling you guys all about it from the beginning, I figured you all should know (though Killabri was the first to know…sorry, it's not privileged information any more).

 

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Title: The King's Mistress

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter Twenty: Into the Arms of the Enemy

 

Rating: PG-13 (for language and, at times, implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, nor do I take credit for several of the historical ideas, facts, and realities I have taken and used.

 

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No one can even begin to comprehend the strain put on my heart the moment I chose to turn my back on the man I loved…the man who was salvation amidst utter chaos. I'm sure you're all puzzled as to why I would ever do such a thing, and why I would blatantly refuse his offer to postpone (or even cancel) his wedding to my sister to see where our relationship would go. In all honesty, I can't blame you for being confused, for, looking back, at times I'm unsure as to why I did such a thing, considering the fact that the alternative would have been so much easier…for everyone.

 

Who knows; perhaps if I had just given in to what I wanted, none of the events to follow would have taken place. Perhaps, had I not been so self-righteous, Kikyou would…

 

But no. I shall not begin to blame myself for such things. It was no fault of mine, but the workings of fate. The moment she became involved with Onigumo all those years ago, and then left him alone to face the cruel realities of the Tower, she set her fate in stone, and nothing that I could do would ever change that.

 

By God, though, how I tried. How I fought against the tides of time and fate, and that monster who had been born out of an innocent love gone all wrong. How I prayed daily for her safety, and for my sanity as I tried to settle into the life I accepted as inevitable.

 

Ah, Kikyou…sister…would it have been that simple? Could I have prevented all the chaos that was to follow by simply being selfish for once? Could your virtue have been saved?

 

No!

 

No…I cannot think such things. I will not, for even the thought that I could have saved you from such pain causes my hand that holds this pen to shake.

 

Kikyou…where are you now? I pray you are safe, and happy with the path you were forced to take through no fault of your own. I pray that you are warm and protected by people who love you…for God knows you and I both had to travel through Hell to reach a place of peace at last…

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

“Ouch!” Kagome cried out in pain as she pulled her finger back from the paper she had been reading over, having successfully obtained her tenth paper cut of the day. Popping the wounded digit into her mouth and sucking gently to prevent further bleeding, she looked over at the sound of footsteps to see Sango approaching with a look of friendly concern.

 

“Are you alright, Kagome?” She asked, coming to her knees so that she was eyelevel with Kagome, who was seated in a small chair by the hearth of her chambers.

 

Both women remained silent for a moment, just gazing at one another, the only sound being the crackling of the fire contrasted with the wind coming through the open windows. It was an odd contrast, to be sure, but for some reason that morning Kagome had been in the mood for fresh air combined with a warm glow from the fireplace as she worked on the many wedding plans that had to be completed.

 

“I'm fine,” she finally replied, looking back at the paper, filled from top to bottom in elegant cursive…her handwriting…and now dotted at the bottom with a few crimson spots courtesy of her offended finger. Reaching up, she rubbed the bridge of her nose with her other hand, letting out a long, exhausted sigh. “I guess I've just been at this too long…I swear I've been looking at the same page of notes now for the last thirty minutes.”

 

Sango smiled in understanding, looking radiantly beautiful with her hair done up elegantly in a partial bun, the rest of her hair pulled through the center and falling in a braid down her back. She was dressed in a gown of elegant pastel green, a color Kagome thought looked well on her, the dress itself cut in a simple style with a modest neckline and sleeves that were cut in a unique combination of tight and loose, flaring out at the elbow to fall and cover her knuckles.

 

She'd always thought her childhood friend was beautiful with her dark hair and rich brown eyes that were always full of life and the potential to love. Sango had seen tragedy in her life, to be sure, having lost her parents and now having to care for her ailing brother who had never been able to leave their family manor out in the country. But now, more than ever before, Kagome thought that the woman before her seemed to glow with an inner radiance, and she couldn't help but wonder what the source was…though she certainly had her suspicions, which involved a tall man with black hair and violet eyes.

 

“Maybe you should take a break,” Sango finally commented lightly as she leaned back on her heels, placing both her hands over one of Kagome's so that they all rested over the paper Kagome had been trying to read a moment earlier.

 

“Ah, I don't know if I can afford to do that right now,” she sighed, casting a gaze full of longing towards the window, beyond which was endless blue skies and the potential for some lighthearted fun…something her life had been seriously lacking lately. “These wedding plans are so time-consuming, especially now that we have to prepare accommodations for King Henry VIII and his court.”

 

Sango shook her head and exhaled a breath. “I still can't believe he's coming all the way here for the King's wedding.”

 

“Well, in this country it's a big deal to have a royal wedding,” Kagome replied, though inwardly she was still reeling from the reality as well. She would meet, in person, the famous Henry VIII, the Golden Prince of Europe, along with his mistress Anne Boleyn and, awkwardly enough, his wife Queen Katherine of Aragorn as well as he still had to keep up public appearances despite his attempts to obtain a divorce. “After all, with the way demons live, they only get married once every couple hundred years. It's not anything like the other nations of the world where a new marriage might take place every couple of decades.”

 

“True,” Sango agreed with a nod before falling back on her heels completely, folding her hands demurely in her lap as she glanced at the roaring fire, the yellow-orange flames licking at the edges of the brick hearth keeping it imprisoned. “But even so, I think King Henry would forgive you if you took a day to treat yourself to a little break.”

 

Kagome smiled. “I don't know, Sango…I still have to figure out what to instruct the cooks to prepare for the day, along with choosing the instrumentalists and the appropriate music, and I still have to figure out the seating charts for both the wedding and the banquet that will follow.” She groaned. “That is the worst, because the list continues to grow, meaning I'm constantly having to start over.” She grinned and winked at her friend. “I tell people to alert me by a certain date as to their intentions, and yet they all still manage to be at least three weeks late.”

 

Sango giggled. “Well I suppose you could just tell them all to seat themselves since they failed to reply when they were supposed to.”

 

That brought forth a giggle, and Kagome's eyes danced as she shook her head and glanced back at the beginnings of the seating chart she had begun to create anew, balancing on the edge of the wooden table she had been using as a makeshift desk since it had been impossible to move the large mahogany desk from her bedroom into the main area with the fireplace and all the windows.

 

“Right,” She finally replied, her voice light, “I can imagine that would go over really well with some of the most powerful and influential people in the country and throughout the world.”

 

Shrugging her shoulders, Sango stood up and smoothed out her skirts. “I'm sure you could make Bankotsu understand, considering how much he seems to have taken a liking to you.” She winked, and Kagome blushed.

 

Memories of the handsome Eastern King came to mind, and in spite of everything that had been going on, Kagome still felt a slight flush come to her face. Since they'd left, he had diligently written to her at least once every week, sending her little gifts and endearments to her affections, and in a time when she felt so lost most of the time Kagome clung to such a truly irrelevant piece of attention as though it were her lifeline, just as she had begun turning to Kouga more and more for his support and kindness.

 

“Come on, Kagome,” Sango pressed, acquiring a pleading look in her eyes. “You really need the break, and I want a chance to just talk to you for once without worrying about anyone else listening in.”

 

“And how do you suggest we manage that?”

 

The brunette put a finger under her chin thoughtfully, tapping it against her cheek gently. “Oh, I thought perhaps we could go for a horseback ride…you know, like we used to when we were younger.”

 

Without even realizing it, Kagome's eyes lit up at the prospect. She hadn't been riding…truly riding…in so long; not since that hunt so long ago when she was still getting used to living as a courtier, and getting used to the King himself.

 

The thought of Inuyasha caused her heart to clench in silent pain, but Kagome forced his image out of her mind, instead focusing with all her might on the promise of a long ride with the sun on her face and the fresh air blowing through her hair.

 

That's how it had been now for the past four days. Each time she thought of him, she forced him from her mind, doing her best to put walls around her heart in order to block the pain and do what she knew she had to. And whenever the two met, as was necessary for banquets or other social occasions, they were very formal on purpose, covering their pain by falling back on etiquette that had been pushed into their minds since they were old enough to walk.

 

But that didn't prevent the silent longing that Kagome felt whenever she saw him, or heard his voice, or caught wind of that beautifully masculine scent as he would take her arm or lead her in a required dance. Her body silently cried for his, and she could physically feel her form quivering whenever his lips brushed the back of her hand or when he placed his hand against the small of her back to guide her through a waltz.

 

But more than anything, what killed her the most was the occasional flash of longing in his eyes…those beautiful amber eyes…when he looked at her. When she saw that, it was all she could do to keep from taking him in his arms before the entire court and running her hands through his hair as she comforted him and promised to love him faithfully for the rest of her life.

 

“I suppose I could spare a few hours,” Kagome finally replied to Sango's question, suddenly desperate to get out of that room that was so full of memories…memories of a night that never should have happened, but that had been so beautiful she knew she could never regret it, no matter the pain it brought as a result.

 

Rising to her feet, careful to not disturb any of the carefully organized papers scattered all over the table, she smoothed her own deep purple and green skirts, unconsciously moving to touch the pearls at her neck as she rolled her head from side to side in order to work out the kinks from hours of being hunched over the desk.

 

They were the pearls he had given her after announcing she would be the Summer Maiden; the first of many small gifts he was “required” to bestow upon her as part of the honor of carrying the title. Back then she hadn't thought much of it, but now, looking back, she realized that the gifts had become more personal each time, another subtle sign of his growing affection for her.

 

Ironically, she recalled the comment she'd made to Kikyou that day as they traveled to Bankotsu's castle, when the older woman had been excitedly describing her wedding dress, and how it would be outlined in pearls to emphasize virgin innocence and beauty. Kagome had said then that pearls also represented tears, and that each pearl was supposed to represent a tear that would be shed on account of the man a woman loved.

 

At that point, she'd meant it as a subtle stab towards her older sister who seemed to be so happy and content with her new station in life…but now, well, it seemed that Kagome Higurashi was the one shedding the tears for every pearl given to her by the man she loved.

 

“Kagome?”

 

Shaking her head, Kagome glanced over at Sango, who was giving her a strange, almost concerned look. “Yes?”

 

“Are you alright? You seemed far away just now.”

 

“I'm fine, Sango…just tired, I guess. This ride will do me some good, I think.”

 

“Alright,” the brunette replied, though she didn't really seem to buy the excuse as she opened the door and moved out into the hallway, shooting Kagome worried looks over her shoulder every few seconds as they moved towards the stables.

 

Once mounted on their horses, the two women moved quickly out of the restrictive walls surrounding the castle and into the open fields that stretched for miles. Unlike Bankotsu's palace, or even Inuyasha's home in the center of the kingdom, Kagura's palace was not near a large city, which meant visitors had the freedom to ride as far as they pleased without coming close to intruding on a farmer's property…it was one of the few good things about the South.

 

For a time it was just silent, the horses running as fast as they could, both women allowing themselves the freedom of feeling the wind in their hair, their skirts blowing out behind them and fluttering wildly at their ankles.

 

But finally, after having watched her friend for too long, once she was sure they were far away from any prying ears or eyes, Sango slowed her horse to a slow walk, forcing Kagome to do the same. “Tell me what's troubling you, Kagome…and I want the truth.”

 

“What?” Kagome blinked, unsure of how to respond. Her friend had always been direct, this she knew…but this was a whole new side to Sango's personality. She almost sounded upset. “There's nothing wrong, Sango.”

 

“And if you think I believe that for one minute, then you have no faith in the friendship we've forged over the past ten years.”

 

This time there was also hurt in her voice, to which Kagome responded by blushing in shame. “Oh Sango…it's not something you should ever have to be burdened with.”

 

“And I think I can handle myself, Kagome,” the brunette replied harshly, though she tried to soften her face. “Do you think I don't know that something's wrong? Miroku's acting all weird around me now every time I give him a strange look or mention your name in a conversation, and you and the King are avoiding one another like the plague.” The woman released the reins with one of her hands to semi-cross her arms in an expression of displeasure. “I'm not stupid, Kagome…so don't treat me like I am.”

 

“I never thought you were, Sango,” Kagome rushed to assure her lifelong friend; a woman who had never been anything but loyal to her. “It's just that…well…” She blinked and looked at the ground in shame. “What I've done should not burden anyone but myself.”

 

Sango rolled her eyes. “And there you go again.”

 

Kagome blinked. “There I go again with what?”

 

“You're being the selfless martyr again, Kagome, and I won't stand for it. You do know that the entire reason for having friends is so you can share your troubles.”

 

But Kagome didn't seem to hear the last part as she had started chuckling and shaking her head. Sango cocked an eyebrow. “What's so funny?”

 

“Nothing…it's just that,” she looked over at her friend, “You're not the first person to have called me a martyr in the last couple of days.”

 

“Hn,” the brunette grunted in a very unladylike manner before shaking her head. “Well, whoever said that to you is smarter than you give him credit for.”

 

An image of Kouga smiling at her came to mind, and Kagome couldn't help but smile softly at that. “I suppose you're probably right.”

 

“So are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?”

 

Sighing, Kagome tried to figure out how to put into words all that had transpired in the past few weeks. But how could she? How could she possibly verbalize all the intense emotions roiling within her breast? How could she describe the love that she felt for her sister, which was constantly battling with the passion that scalded her every time she was in his presence?

 

“It is nothing more than matters of the heart,” she finally concluded lamely, knowing that didn't even come close to telling the whole truth. “Silly matters of the heart…problems I have brought upon myself.”

 

At that, hearing the pain in her friend's voice, Sango softened her gaze and looked at Kagome in a new light, noting the slump of her shoulders and the fire that was missing in her dark eyes. “Kagome…didn't you always tell me that matters of the heart are never in someone's control?”

 

Feeling Sango reach over and touch her hand, Kagome couldn't help but smile slightly, remembering the many times she'd said that when Sango had come to her complaining about how she couldn't understand her heart allowing itself to love someone like Miroku (which she still hadn't verbalized to the black-haired man…to Kagome's annoyance). “I suppose I did.”

 

“So this isn't your fault, Kagome. Whatever it is, you need to keep that in mind.”

 

“But it's so much more complicated then that, Sango.”

 

The comment caused the brunette to stop and stare at her friend much more carefully, trying to read the emotions and thoughts passing over her face, before drawing back as her lips formed a silent `o'. It all made sense now…the way they had been avoiding one another, the way Kagome seemed to light up inwardly every time he entered the room…how lately his very presence seemed to cause her pain…

 

“You love him, don't you?” Sango finally whispered.

 

“What?” Kagome blinked and looked up at her friend, instantly alert.

 

But Sango just smiled kindly. “You love Inuyasha, don't you?”

 

“I…he…that is…” Kagome couldn't seem to finish a sentence or complete a thought, disbelief clouding everything else. Dear God, was she that obvious? Were her emotions so easy to read that anyone in the court could see what they had done just by looking at her face?

 

“Please don't lie to me, Kagome,” Sango pressed, clearly seeing that she had hit the center of the target.

 

Every argument she had been about to voice…every refute she'd been about to make seemed to fade away at that honest request. After all, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if Kagome had a friend of her own to rely upon. Inuyasha had Miroku…why couldn't she have Sango?

 

“Yes, Sango,” Kagome finally admitted, feeling her shoulders slump at the very thought of the situation she now found herself in. “I love him.” And yet, even as she said the words, it was as though a thousand-pound burden had been lifted off her shoulders…like part of her pain had been passed on to someone else to deal with for a while.

 

It was the greatest sense of relief she could have ever known.

 

Sango's eyes softened, and their horses came to a complete stop as the two women looked at one another directly for several moments of silence, the wind tickling their skin. “Does he know?”

 

“No…” Kagome blushed, recalling that night that shouldn't have happened. “Well, that is…he…I...we…” There she was again, unable to complete a single sentence.

 

But the brunette seemed to understand, because she just sighed and nodded, looking away. “It's alright, Kagome. I understand what you mean. You just haven't told him verbally yet.”

 

Her cheeks flamed at the thought, but Kagome couldn't deny it. “That's right.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

She looked up at that. “For what?”

 

“Just for the fact that you always seem to be the one who is stuck picking up the messes that others make.” Sango shrugged. “Kikyou is the one with scandal nipping at her heels, and yet you're the one defending her name with every breath you have. She doesn't deserve it, you know…your loyalty.”

 

How many times had Kagome heard that one before in the past few weeks? Was she really becoming so predictable? So mundane? So boring?

 

She could see it now: loyal little Kagome, who was so worried about doing what was right that she failed to see what was right in front of her face.

 

With a sigh, Kagome just looked out over the plains before her, stretching into mountains on the distant horizon, closing her eyes and allowing the wind to rush past her ears in a thrilling sensation as she kicked her horse into a walk once more. “I do what I have to,” she finally replied, and with that the two women began galloping once more, having said all that was necessary.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

It was a truly beautiful day, and inwardly a part of Inuyasha rejoiced at being outdoors, feeling the usual sense of urgency to move on begin to return now that the immense pressure of preventing war by delicately handling the King of England had finally been lifted. It had been announced that the court would leave within two more days, giving every courtier ample time to prepare, and now the hanyou King was just counting the days until he would finally be gone from such a place that seemed so unwelcome.

 

An image of Kagura with that slight smirk she always seemed to wear came to mind, and Inuyasha couldn't help but close his eyes and shudder in disgust. The woman's presence nearly drove him mad every day when he was forced to associate with her, though he could tell that she liked him just as little. She had a peculiar smell about her, one that wreaked of dishonesty and a lack of care for hygiene…a combination that caused his stomach to turn; the first because he hated liars, and the second because the stench of body odor on his sensitive nose made him nauseous (which was why he avoided traveling to France…the dominant nation when it came to poor hygiene and excessive perfumes and colognes).

 

The luxury of having a bath, he knew, was something that he had come to take for granted, and yet Inuyasha knew he couldn't survive any other way. It was something only the very wealthy could afford to do, as commoners didn't have the resources (or the time) to fill a tub with water and warm it daily for use. There were even some rumors that commoners could hardly manage one or two baths a year…a thought which made him cringe.

 

In that sense, he had never been more grateful to have been born a Prince Royal…his poor nose never could have survived otherwise.

 

There was the sound of rustling branches, followed by the noise of dozens of fluttering feathered wings, and Inuyasha glanced over to see Kikyou with her hands over her head as a whole flock of blue birds evacuated a large tree after having been disturbed. Eventually they faded away into a huge blur against the blue sky, and when she lowered her arms and raised her head once more, Kikyou was smiling.

 

“I suppose it's my own fault,” she commented lightly as she glanced back at the now empty tree. “You warned me not to get any closer, but I didn't listen.”

 

“Keh,” Inuyasha looked away, out over the sweeping landscape of the South, a combination of rolling hills and flat plains, all visible from where he stood with his betrothed at the peak of a hill they had ascended earlier that day on horseback. Painfully, Inuyasha recalled thinking as he had been uncomfortably seated in the saddle how Kagome probably would have allowed him to run on his own…perhaps even letting him carry her as well as she had once expressed a keen interest in doing.

 

The memory caused other, more vivid memories to surface, of her laughing face and beautiful smile, her eyes dancing with merriment as she twirled about the dance floor or galloped about wildly on horseback, throwing all caution to the wind if it meant having a moment of freedom. Inuyasha could picture perfectly the way her face hardened and flared with fire when she was angry, knowing all too well the fierce temper that lay beneath the serene surface of her personality.

 

He loved that fire. There was no woman who even came close to possessing such vigor for life. Everything Kagome Higurashi felt, she clearly felt with every fiber of her being…and her emotions always seemed to transfer to him as well. When she was happy, he was happy, and when she was sad, he was desolated.

 

This was why Inuyasha found it so difficult to stay away from her now. He could see the pain in her eyes whenever she looked at him as they passed one another in the corridors of the castle, or exchanged glances at dinner. It had not escaped his notice that she had purposefully rearranged the banquet seating charts so that Kouga now sat to his immediate right, her attempt at placing a physical barrier between them, and he could see how she withheld her desire to lean against his body when they were forced to share a customary first dance of the evening.

 

It was as though a piece of her spirit had just flown away like a bird in winter, and it killed him to think that for her the spring would never come again, and that he was the reason for it.

 

Kagome…

 

“Inuyasha?”

 

He blinked and realized he had been staring off into nothing, his eyes having long since glazed over in thought as he turned and shook his head to clear it, Kikyou coming back into focus before him, her eyes full of questions and her head cocked seductively to one side as her long black hair blew out behind her…tempting…always tempting…

 

“What?” He finally spoke, his voice gruff as he tried to cover the hidden pain…the confusion he felt running rampant in his very soul. A part of him wanted nothing more than to cast this woman before him aside and take Kagome into his arms forever and not accept no for an answer. But another part of him was still entranced by the older Higurashi sister's dark beauty, and by the tragic glint that had always seemed to haunt her eyes, ever since he'd met her.

 

He was drawn to that pain, the need to ease it often overpowering his ability to see reason. All he could think about was how he had once desperately wished for someone to come and care for him in his time of need, and that now, as he gazed at Kikyou, he felt she needed that someone too.

 

She smiled and reached up to touch his face with her fingers. They were cold. “Where were you just now, Inuyasha? What were you thinking about?”

 

Kagome…his heart silently wailed. “It was nothing,” he verbally replied. “Just matters of state that have been troubling me for some time. Nothing that should concern you.”

 

Sensing that he was holding back, Kikyou took another step forward, though she allowed her hand to drop once more to her side, where it clenched the skirts of her elegant deep blue gown. “I wish you wouldn't keep things from me.”

 

“What?” His eyes flashed at that as Inuyasha met her gaze, knowing she could read him too easily for him to feel comfortable. Kagome could read him just as well, and yet, for some reason, he didn't mind that so much. With Kikyou the concept was, frankly, unsettling.

 

Inuyasha shook his head, refusing to think of her yet again.

 

Damn it all, the comparisons had to stop! They were two different people; anyone who wasn't blind could see that! And Kagome belonged to someone else…she'd made her choice, and he would just have to accept it.

 

“I'm not hiding anything from you, Kikyou,” He finally replied to her comment, though he looked away from her, her dark eyes suddenly feeling very intrusive.

 

She sighed and looked away as well, sensing him pulling away from her both physically and mentally. The thought caused her to inwardly flinch, and Kikyou stared at the ground as she tried to think of something to say…anything to break the uncomfortable tension between them.

 

But nothing came to mind. Or, at least, nothing that would possibly lighten the mood; and the thought disheartened her beyond belief.

 

What had she done? What had she agreed to by signing the pact of engagement to this man? She hardly knew him at all, now that she really thought about it!

 

Balling her hands into tiny fists, Kikyou realized that Naraku's arrival had been a curse in more ways than one. It had not only turned the court against her, but his sudden appearance had caused her to reflect back on the love she'd tried so desperately to put behind her, which meant she had been inevitably forced to evaluate the loveless relationship that currently existed between herself and Inuyasha…the man she was to marry.

 

The man I am to marry.

 

Suddenly, the thought was not so welcome. Where once she had been overjoyed at the prospect of marrying him and becoming Queen, now a small part of her (the part of her that remained the innocent girl seeking true love) shied away at the thought of sentencing herself to a life without love.

 

But then she thought about all the cruel faces back at the castle, their eyes full of the secret hope that she would fall to her knees in shame, and remembered the way everyone had shunned her for a time when Onigumo had first been locked away in the Tower, and her heart hardened once more. She would show them all that Kikyou Higurashi could rise above any adversity, and that even a scandalized woman could make something of herself!

 

Looking back over at Inuyasha, tracing his body with her eyes, Kikyou noted his tense stance as the wind blew through his silver hair and red shirt, which was loosely tucked into a pair of black pants, his hands clenched at his sides, his firm jaw tense and his eyes focused on something she could not see.

 

“Do you believe what they say, Inuyasha?” She finally asked aloud, wanting the answer to a question she'd been secretly asking herself since the rumors had started. If he believed them…well, if that were the case, she was doomed.

 

The hanyou turned at the sound of her deep velvety voice, meeting her gaze once more and noting the sharp look of seriousness in her eyes. “Do I believe what, Kikyou?”

 

She turned to look out in the direction he had been gazing just a few seconds earlier. “Do you believe what the other members of your court say about me? Do you think that I am a whore and a traitor to the vows I took when I agreed to marry you?”

 

Inuyasha's gut clenched tightly and a deep frown marred his face as he tried to understand what she was implying by that question. “Why are you asking me this, Kikyou?” He probed, not only because he was afraid to give her the wrong answer, but also because he was trying to understand why she seemed so suddenly insecure.

 

Hearing his response, Kikyou turned sharply and looked into his eyes, feeling her heart twitch in true fear. “I need to know, that's why,” she whispered softly, trying to find the answer she needed, the reassurance she longed for, in his eyes.

 

“I…” Inuyasha shrugged his shoulders, feeling, as he always did, cornered by such a line of questions. If she were Kagome he would have felt comfortable responding however he liked, knowing Kagome would either snap back to an answer she didn't like or nod her head in acceptance if she approved. If Kikyo had been Kagome…

 

But she wasn't. “I don't really listen to rumors, Kikyou. I learned a long time ago that to be a royal figure means your life will forever be picked apart by those who believe they understand what's going on but who, in reality, know nothing at all.”

 

The icy fingers of panic continued to grasp at her heart, and Kikyou felt her face pale slightly, shivering as a gust of wind blew past her cheek and pushed her hair out before her, partially blocking her line of sight. “You're not answering my question,” She finally spoke, trying to sound firm and resolute despite her sudden insecurity.

 

“Because I'm not quite sure what it is you're asking of me!” Inuyasha replied, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation.

 

“How can you not know?” She retorted, feeling herself begin to lose control…something that rarely happened. “I'm asking you a simple question, Inuyasha! Do you believe the rumors or not?”

 

“Why do you care what I think?”

 

“Because you're the man I'm going to marry, and I need to know that we trust one another before I take my vows!” Now she was starting to yell, partly because of the noise of the wind, but also partly because she was losing her temper.

 

Inuyasha's amber eyes flashed back at her dangerously as he crossed his arms over his chest. “How dare you speak to me about trust, woman?”

 

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means that while you're ranting on about the importance of honesty, you're conveniently forgetting the fact that you failed to mention to me the extent of your affair with Naraku before you met me! Even when I asked you, you purposefully excluded a few important details!” The hanyou glared, stepping towards her slightly as he reached down and wrapped his fingers around the hilt of his sword for control, using his other hand to point at her form fiercely. “You said it had been a small liaison of no importance, and that a few bored women at court had blown the entire thing out of proportion!”

 

Kikyou took a step back, placing one of her hands over her heart to control its suddenly rapid beating, knowing this was the first time she and Inuyasha had ever had a real argument. Before, it had always seemed like their conversations had been somewhat artificial, both of them controlling their real emotions to keep everything between them “pleasant”, but now…now she was truly getting a glimpse at a side of the hanyou she had never seen.

 

“I was embarrassed and frightened of you rejecting me,” she replied sharply, gesturing wildly with her arms. “And besides that, I figured you knew all the details since it seemed like everyone else knew!”

 

“I told you I had no idea, Kikyou,” Inuyasha stopped moving and took in a deep breath as he tried to control his words, not wanting to say something he would regret later. “I told you I paid no attention to the comments of others. And besides, did you really think I would have judged you so poorly simply because of a mistake you had made in the past?”

 

His tone had changed so suddenly, from enraged to hurt, that Kikyou couldn't help but blink and look at him in a new light, realizing that she was the one who had perhaps been cruel and distrustful. And yet, the seeds of doubt still remained, insisting that he would not have taken it as well as he claimed, and that she had been right to refrain from telling him all the details.

 

“Inuyasha,” she took a step towards him, the motion hesitant, unsure of how to approach this man who was so passionate and self-righteous beneath the exterior façade of being uncaring and cold. “I was young when I made the mistake,” she finally stated simply. “I wanted to just put it behind me…and I guess I thought by not telling you I could just start over again.”

 

Kikyou had hoped her words would have softened him towards her; thought that perhaps she would sound sincere enough (since she was telling the truth) that he would turn and look at her once again with those adoring eyes he had cast upon her for so long, telling her that he cared for her despite her own personal barriers and hesitations when it came to relationships.

 

But instead what she received was a scowl and a deep, almost hidden look of pain as Inuyasha flicked his amber eyes in her direction. “It doesn't work that way, Kikyou…you can't build a relationship on lies and wishful thinking.”

 

To her horror, he turned his back on her, gazing out over the scene before him, and for the second time in her life Kikyou Higurashi was truly afraid, feeling the ground beneath her vaporize, the solid foundations she had been building up over the past few years crumbling down around her ears.

 

It was all so familiar…so very familiar…memories of her fingers running through her hair desperately as she cried out in a rage at the thought of being forced to abandon Onigumo to the Tower, and then being forced to return home for six months while the scandal of her relationship with a convicted criminal swept through the court. Then, even when she'd returned, all the women had gazed upon her with distrustful eyes, shaking their heads when they thought she wasn't looking and whispering that she was a lost soul…a broken woman with no hopes for a successful marriage.

 

That was when she had met, by chance, the new King, and on that night when she'd stumbled onto the balcony to see his own inner pain and distaste for court life, Kikyou had believed she had found her salvation. It had been perfect…the best plan to shut the mouths of those old ninnies and gossipers forever…for who could speak against her if she was married to Inuyasha, and wore the diadem of a Queen on her head?

 

Everything had seemed to fall into place after that first meeting. She had been charming, and Inuyasha had clearly been lonely and afraid of his new place in life as the King.

 

It had been easy, as she reflected back on it, to believe that she had loved him, because he had loved her, showering her with gifts every day, placing her by his side in the seat of honor and then guiding her about the dance floor during banquets, flaunting her new position in life for the entire world to see. He had been handsome and graceful, and for a long time Kikyou had believed herself in love with this new man in her life.

 

But slowly, as is true with all things false, the wonder and newness of the relationship began to wear off so that, by the time their official engagement was signed and sealed, Kikyou had come to understand that she did not love him, and probably never would.

 

They were two entirely different souls brought together for the absolute wrong reasons. He had been lonely and in pain since the day his mother died, and Kikyou was smarting from the scorn of the court and looking for a way to get her revenge.

 

In a way, Kikyou now thought as she looked at the man she was to marry, standing as he was with his back turned, his silver hair blowing in the wind, they had both used each other. He had used her to try and fill the void in his soul that had been growing since the day he was born and rejected from certain circles of society due to his human blood, and she had used him as a means of flaunting her success, proving to the world that she could recover from scandal and still make the best marriage a woman could.

 

So now that she recognized their relationship for what it was…what happened next?

 

Kikyou blinked.

 

Where did they go from here? All they had to stand on were lies, pain, heartbreak, and distrust. So how could they ever hope to have a successful marriage? Was that even possible any more, or was that just another piece of wishful thinking in her mind?

 

“I'm sorry, Inuyasha,” She finally stated aloud after several long minutes of silence, though his only response was to have one of his ears flick back in her direction, telling her he was listening. “I never wanted to hurt you…and yet, somehow, it seems like I have.”

 

To that Inuyasha just grunted, a million lashing retorts flying through his mind, though he managed to withhold all of them. Even he understood that this was not the moment to launch into an argument. Right now both of them needed some assurance that their marriage could succeed…that they were not doomed before it even started.

 

But Inuyasha was beginning to think that assurance wasn't possible any more…and with the thought, inevitably, came Kagome's face, a smile creasing her mouth and lighting up her eyes.

 

He knew he shouldn't go and seek her out…he knew he should just stay away…and yet, he needed her. Not as a lover. Not as a woman who he was madly, passionately in love with...for he had already been in such throes with one Higurashi sister, and was not anxious to go there again any time soon.

 

No…what Inuyasha needed at that moment was the support and comfort of a woman who he had come to view as a dear friend. A woman who seemed to understand him better than he understood himself…who knew when to push him, and when to just back off…who understood that there were moments when he needed to hear the truth, and other times when all he could take were a few choice words of kindness to sooth his aching soul.

 

Inuyasha needed Kagome…needed her in a way he'd never known before. The only person who had ever come close was his mother, but now even his relationship with her was starting to pale in comparison to the dangerously intense feelings he was developing for the younger Higurashi sister.

 

The sound of pounding hoof beats came to him in the silence that currently rested between him and Kikyou, and as Inuyasha turned he felt his heart leap into his throat, his gut clenching in disbelief as he saw two riders approaching at a lazy speed, their gowns fluttering in the wind and their long hair fluttering out behind them like persistent clouds.

 

Blinking, the hanyou tried to comprehend if it truly was her; and yet, as she drew closer and he saw her dark eyes flash in surprised recognition, he knew it was so. It was as though fate had heard his need, and sent her to him.

 

But now that she was here, he didn't know what to say or think…

 

For her part, Kagome felt a huge lump form in her throat, making it very difficult to swallow as she saw the one man she had been avoiding studiously for the past few days standing before her, quickly coming closer as her horse continued onward, oblivious to its master's reservations, before finally coming to a stop beside Sango's steed once they reached the clearing.

 

Flicking her gaze briefly in the direction of Inuyasha's companion, Kagome noted Kikyou's tense posture, her face drawn and pale, looking as though she were now the sister carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

 

Both of them looked like they needed someone's attention, and Kagome, not for the first time, felt torn between the two, wondering which she should tend to first, knowing what her heart wanted to do and yet also acknowledging what her mind logically told her had to be done.

 

Thankfully, Sango was at her side, and instantly took the situation into her own hands when she saw her friend floundering for something to say. She leapt gracefully to the ground, smoothing out her skirts as she approached the King. “Your Majesty,” she acknowledged with a graceful curtsy, as protocol demanded, before rising to her full height once more and turning to Kikyou. “And good afternoon to you as well, Lady Kikyou.”

 

“Good afternoon, Sango,” the woman replied, though her voice seemed restrained, and Sango didn't miss the way her eyes flicked between Inuyasha and Kagome, as though trying to dissect something in her mind.

 

Sensing this, Kagome shivered uncomfortably before moving to stand by her sister, looking at Inuyasha as she did so. “And what brings you out here this morning, my lord?”

 

Inuyasha watched her, almost seeming to study her slight frame in her gown of green and purple, for several seconds in silence before grunting and looking away. “The Lady Kikyou and I felt the need to escape the eyes of the court for a time and be alone.”

 

“I see,” Kagome swallowed, trying not to allow her imagination to wander off too far on the word `alone'. This was no time for petty jealousy. “Well, it is most certainly a beautiful day for riding. I do hope you found the peace you came for.”

 

At that, for some reason, both of them seemed to flinch, and Kagome cocked an eyebrow suspiciously, wondering just what had transpired between her sister and her fiancé while they had been alone.

 

Kikyou had never looked so drawn or so pale, like she was suddenly afraid of the world. What was going on?

 

“Sister?” The casual title slipped off her tongue before Kagome was even aware of it, to which Kikyou started slightly, as though waking from a dream, before giving Kagome a kind, assuring smile as she slipped her arm around the younger girl's waist, squeezing tenderly.

 

“We had a very pleasant morning, Kagome,” she finally replied to the question, though Kagome sensed there was something hidden behind the mask of pleasantries. “But I do think the day is slipping away, and no doubt the King has much to attend to as we are leaving in two days.”

 

Desperate to get out of such an uncomfortable atmosphere, Inuyasha leapt on the opportunity given to him and instantly nodded his head. “Indeed…there is much to do.” He looked at Kagome. “You and Sango can return with us, if you like…so long as you were through riding for the day.”

 

At first Kagome wanted to tell him that they were not done yet, but upon closer inspection she saw that he was silently begging her to come with him…to be at his side. She saw the need clearly on his face, and no matter how much her mind told her to ignore it, Kagome knew she could not ignore his plea. “We would be honored to accompany you back to the castle, Your Majesty.”

 

Sango opened her mouth to protest, feeling that her friend didn't need the added strain of being in close proximity to both the King and her older sister, but instantly closed it once more when Kagome shot her a sharp, meaningful glance, instead just shaking her head and curtsying. “Of course we will,” she echoed Kagome's statement, though she wished that, just once, she could gather the courage to speak her mind and tell this mighty King what a fool he was being for allowing Kagome to walk away, and what a selfish witch Kikyou was for putting so much strain on her sister.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Everything seemed to be fading into darkness…as though all that she had tried to do over the past five years meant nothing. Every smile, every charming gesture, every flirtatious comment, every carefully placed compliment…it all meant nothing now. No one seemed to care about Kikyou Higurashi's pristine record as a virtuous woman and, in turn, Kikyou Higurashi was beginning to fall into the trap of believing it was pointless to continue.

 

She was currently standing out on the wide balcony of her spacious bedchambers which included a large canopy bed and several luxurious velvet couches, befitting the soon-to-be wife of the King; but her posture reflected the very opposite of the glamour and honor seeming to surround every part of her life, her head lowered in despair and her shoulders hunched in defeat as she listened to the cries of merriment coming from below where the banquet still continued.

 

Inuyasha was no longer there; this she knew because she had left soon after he announced he was tired and wished to retire. She'd then watched Miroku follow his childhood friend out of the room in concern, Sango leaving not long after to no doubt make sure the man of her heart was alright, and then she'd seen Kouga and Kagome duck into the gardens, arm in arm, to no doubt be alone.

 

Once all of her friends, most especially Kagome, had left, Kikyou had felt no need to stay any longer. Without the younger Higurashi sister, it was as though her shield of protection from the rest of the court vanished, and they all cast barely-hidden looks of contempt her way, women whispering to their daughters and steering their sons away from her.

 

And so, exhausted and tired of the inward pain of enduring such treatment, Kikyou had also taken her leave, allowing the rest of the court to carry on as it would without the supervision of the King or any of his closest advisors and relations.

 

How had it come to this? She wondered, not for the first time. What, in God's name, had she done wrong in her life to deserve such a cruel fate?

 

All she had ever done was love a man with all her heart, only to be betrayed when he was convicted and sent to the Tower. In truth, she couldn't have saved him…this she knew, because, in secret and unbeknownst to anyone, she had tried to ascertain from advisors to the King what it would take to free the prisoner Onigumo, and they had all told her directly that Inutaisho was determined to put away the criminal no matter what evidence was presented as his former crimes were too great to be ignored any longer.

 

So, once this had been determined, Kikyou had left the court to live at home for a while, allowing the scandal to blow over, before returning to start anew, though this time her innocent face and kind nature had vanished, leaving behind nothing but a calculated woman who was careful to say anything that could possibly harm her or come back to haunt her in the future.

 

The Kikyou who Kagome had loved was gone…or, mostly gone, for she was finding she still harbored those sisterly feelings for her younger sister, and the desires for Onigumo had not faded, it seemed, either (to her immense frustration)…leaving behind nothing but the hard shell of a woman who was careful to let anyone in to see her true self. There was nothing genuine left in her soul…all of that had been locked away during those six months that she had been back at home in the country with her family, tending to her broken heart and battered mind, and the only one, any more, who seemed capable of unlocking that chest was Kagome herself, but even for her Kikyou found it hard to turn the key.

 

She couldn't help it.

 

She knew Kagome deserved more thanks for all she had done; she saw all her younger sister had sacrificed, slowly watching as the woman's sparkle had begun to fade under the pressure and ridicule of the court, her innocence withering like a beautiful rose under the intense heat of the sun.

 

Kikyou knew all too well the feelings within Kagome's heart, having seen the way she looked upon Inuyasha, and how such emotions didn't exist when she was with Kouga. She saw how her sister visibly pulled away from the King whenever in his presence, knowing she was fighting her desires with every fiber of her being.

 

And yet, knowing all of this, Kikyou did nothing. She chose to continue down the path she had chosen, which ended in matrimony to a man she did not love, while her sister suffered silently at her side.

 

Why?

 

Tears misted over her vision, causing her warm brown eyes to shimmer, and Kikyou felt her body begin to shiver as her fingers wrapped around the railing keeping her from falling forward into the garden beyond, droplets causing dark spots to form on the grey stone.

 

She did it because she was afraid. She was so afraid…of what she did not know. All she knew was that she was desperately afraid of what would happen if she lost the protection of being Inuyasha's betrothed and eventual Queen. She feared losing this battle that she had been fighting since Onigumo had been locked away in the Tower and she had been left all alone to weather the cruelty of the court, first when she was merely fifteen, and now when the scandal had reared its ugly head once more.

 

Kikyou Higurashi had never been so afraid in all her life.

 

All she had left, all that drove her, was her hatred of the court that had ruined her, and her desperate need to prove to all of them that she could still be somebody of honor and pride. She had come so far…and she would be damned if she failed now.

 

It was easy to hate, and difficult to forgive, as Kagome had proven many times when she had forgiven Kikyou for all the wrongs she had committed against her over the years, while Kikyou could not let go of her hate and bitterness over what had become of her life which, at one point, had shown such promise.

 

“Kagome, please forgive me…” She whispered, feeling her shoulders shaking with the effort of withholding her sobs for fear of the couples in the garden below hearing her. “Forgive me, sister…”

 

Why couldn't God grant her the chance at a new love and a new life? Why couldn't He just give her the one thing she had prayed for over and over again since she had become engaged to Inuyasha and realized she didn't love him?

 

Because he is not the one you have wished to marry, a voice in her head whispered, traitorous to her own mind. And yet, Kikyou knew, shameful as it was that it was the truth.

 

“God help me,” she whispered, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as though to prevent the truth from escaping her lips. “Will I never be free of him? Will I never be free of that part of my life?”

 

It had become painfully obvious to her that afternoon how Inuyasha felt about her. She could see by his tense shoulders and stubborn silence that he was battling with whether or not to believe the rumors circulating about her and Naraku, and that he was trying to stay loyal to her while also ignoring his own growing feelings for Kagome.

 

They thought she didn't see…but she did. She saw more than she really cared to see. She wished she could just be blind and deaf…

 

And then, when Kagome and Sango had arrived and Inuyasha had looked upon her sister with such relief and need, Kikyou had felt like a knife had been plunged into her gut. She knew Kagome had not purposefully intruded upon their private discussion (if one could even call it that), but the reality was she had, and that meant Kikyou had seen proof of what she had been suspecting for a long time…

 

Perhaps she could have fallen in love with Inuyasha, and they could have been happy. Perhaps she could have made him to love her again, as he had when they'd first been courting. Perhaps all of this pain and agony could have been put aside, and she could have found happiness at last…

 

But it was not to be, and Kikyou knew now that it could never be. Not now that Naraku was free and acting as a constant shadow over her heart, or now that Kagome had come back into her life, as well as Inuyasha's, showing him what he could have.

 

And what hurt the most was the fact that Kikyou knew her sister was a better match for the hanyou King. She clearly understood him in ways Kikyou could never hope to understand, her kind nature and gentle personality, combined with her fiery temper, providing the perfect foil for Inuyasha's sporadic and sometimes bipolar mood swings. She could be soothing and gentle when he needed a loving hand, but she could also give him the fight he so often went looking for.

 

With such knowledge came the jealously…oh, the terrible pangs of jealousy, and the envy that seemed to wear away slowly at her hardened heart, causing her to become even more bitter.

 

Kikyou knew she wasn't jealous of Kagome, for she understood, on some level, that it was not Kagome's fault that Inuyasha was falling in love with her any more than it was her fault that she loved him. She understood that neither of them had intended for such things to happen, and that Kagome had not gone looking for love, having watched her try time and time again to love Kouga…and having seen the fact that she was always failing at such an attempt.

 

So why couldn't she just hate Kagome too? Why couldn't she just mentally damn them all and move forward without feeling a thing?

 

More tears fell, and this time Kikyou could not withhold a sob from escaping her lips as her body's shaking turned into giant quakes.

 

“Because I love her,” she replied to the silent question aloud. She had seen what Kagome did every day for her, including acting as the shield against all the cruel comments and ridicule of the court. She had heard some of the comments Kouga or Sango would make about how she wasn't worth it, and how Kagome would staunchly defend Kikyou every time.

 

How could she hate someone like that? Someone so selfless?

 

She'd tried…God knows how she'd tried to hate Kagome for so long. But, in the end, she had realized that it was a futile goal, for she loved her younger sister far too much to ever hate her.

 

The thought brought a smile to Kikyou's face. At least, in Kagome, she had found one person who would always love her, no matter what. Couldn't that be called true love, on some level or another? At the very least, it was loyal love…love that would never falter, never waver, no matter what else happened to come between them.

 

“Kagome…” And with that thought, Kikyou willed herself to turn around and prepare for bed, feeling the exhaustion from the past several weeks weighing down on her body.

 

Perhaps tonight she would finally sleep…Perhaps, after so many sleepless nights, she would finally find some repose and rest…

 

“Talking to yourself again, Kikyou?”

 

All thoughts of sleep faded, and Kikyou gasped as she whirled around to find none other than Naraku leaning against her door, having closed it after coming inside, his arms and ankles crossed and his head bent to stare at the floor…though she knew his cruel eyes were trained on her because she could feel their intense stare.

 

“What are you doing here?” She all but hissed, feeling suddenly very afraid though she tried to keep her face passive and her eyes hardened.

 

He chuckled and stood up to his full height. “I came to speak with you. You seemed very upset as you left the banquet, and I noticed that you didn't eat much either.” He looked at her steadily. “You know, considering all you have to go through every day, you need to keep up your strength.”

 

Kikyou narrowed her eyes. “I should think you would be happy if I became weak and withered away into nothing…after all, you have told me on many occasions how much you hate my very existence.”

 

“True,” he took a step towards her, to which Kikyou responded by backing away, keeping the distance between them the same. He smirked. “But death that way would be far too easy, Kikyou…not to mention cowardly. And you are not a cowardly woman, no matter what you may have done, or rather didn't do, to leave me to rot in the Tower.”

 

Hearing that reference, Kikyou closed her eyes as though she had been slapped. Would the guilt ever fade? Would knowing that she was partially responsible for creating this monster ever leave her mind and allow her to be at peace with herself once more?

 

She doubted it.

 

“I have no intention of dying,” She finally replied, unsure of what else she could say.

 

“Of course not,” Naraku replied as though that were obvious. “You still have too much to prove to the rest of the world, right?”

 

Damn him for knowing her so well! Kikyou resisted the urge to scowl, instead looking away. “I am owed what I have earned, Naraku. After the hell I lived through when you were put away, I have earned some semblance of happiness.”

 

“You lived through hell?!” Narkau unexpectedly launched himself at her, knocking her to the ground with a loud thud which she prayed no one heard, for that was all she needed…everyone knowing that he had been in her room after dark. “What about me Kikyou? Do you think I didn't live through hell too? And yet, you always seem to conveniently forget about that!”

 

His face was so close to hers she could feel his breath against her cheek as she turned her head away, refusing to meet his gaze…for she knew if she did her resolve would begin to wane. “We both suffered,” she finally whispered.

 

But Naraku just laughed cruelly, pressing her arms harder into the floor. “You know nothing of suffering until you have lived for nearly five years in a rotting cell occupied by rats! You know nothing of hell until you experience the true isolation of being in that awful place! To have nothing but a small window too high for you to reach as your link to the outside world…to be taunted by the sounds of merriment and laughter coming from beyond…to hear from the guards about all the happenings at court, where men and women are still free…that is hell, Kikyou! Nothing short of that could ever make your suffering close to mine!”

 

His tirade had clearly taken a certain amount of energy, because Naraku was breathing harshly, his eyes wild and his hair falling out of its clasp at the nape of his neck.

 

Kikyou felt tears leak out of the corners of her eyes even as she kept her lids tightly closed, desperately trying not to pity him, and yet failing miserably. “There are different kinds of suffering,” she finally rasped out, her voice trembling. “Do you not think I suffered just as much knowing I could not help you?”

 

He sneered at her, turning her head and forcing her eyes to meet his. “You didn't even try,” he spat out, to which she winced.

 

“I did try…” She pleaded, knowing it was useless. He hated her too much to hear her words now.

 

“Not hard enough, Kikyou,” the man above her scolded, still not moving.

 

Why wasn't she calling for help? Inuyasha's room was just across the hall, and Kagome was no doubt still out in the gardens…so why wasn't she calling for someone to come save her from this madman?

 

Because you want this, that traitorous part of her heart whispered.

 

“No…” She whimpered aloud.

 

Naraku raised up slightly, looking at her in puzzlement, not understanding what she'd meant by that. But then he smirked. “No…what Kikyou? What is it you don't think you want?”

 

She looked him directly in the eyes. “Get off of me.”

 

This time he chuckled and shook his head. “No,” he replied simply. “I won't because I know what you want, no matter what you may say to try and convince yourself otherwise.” His smirk widened. “I've seen the pain in your eyes as you've watched Inuyasha pull away from you and become more attached to your sister. I know you want comfort of your own, and know that you know you can never find it in that pathetic hanyou.”

 

Instead of speaking, Kikyou just turned her head away again, refusing to answer and give him the satisfaction of hearing how unsettled she was by his comments…which a part of her, shamefully, felt were all true.

 

Naraku chuckled again and gently, almost as though he were mocking her, put his hand against her cheek, bringing her back to face him once more. Without meaning to, Kikyou felt a sob break through her chest as memories of a different time and place flooded her mind…memories of a man with laughing eyes and a roguish smile…

 

You're mine, Kikyou, he used to say, and she would just smile and nod her head to tell him she agreed whole-heartedly.

 

Naraku could see the spell beginning to fall over her once more, watching as her eyes grew moist with memories of that wimp Onigumo who, at that very moment, he could feel somewhere in his soul beating to get out…to save the woman who he so foolishly continued to love despite her treachery.

 

But he, Naraku, would never allow that to happen. He would have his revenge…but that didn't mean he couldn't use some of Onigumo's tricks to get what he wanted.

 

He smirked as Kikyou met his gaze, wondering what was going through her mind, knowing she believed he wanted her dead.

 

No.

 

He wanted so much worse for her.

 

So much worse.

 

“You're mine, Kikyou,” he whispered, not at all surprised when her eyes opened wide in surprise, knowing he had uttered the very words that Onigumo had said to her so many times before. After all, he may have been in control of the body, but he still had the whelp's memories, and he intended to use those to his full advantage.

 

Leaning closer, so that his lips were against her ear, he felt her shiver as he whispered, his breath tickling her skin. “And you'll always be mine.”

 

The final part of his statement was a little more possessive perhaps than Onigumo had been, but it wasn't enough to wake her from her stupor, and Kikyou felt herself responding to his nearness…the only comfort she'd felt in the past several weeks outside of Kagome.

 

But even Kagome couldn't offer her this…the love of the one man who she still secretly wanted more than anything.

 

She couldn't help it. It wasn't as though he'd died and she'd been forced to mourn his death and move on. Instead, he'd been ripped from her at a tender young age, and then the powers of the time had held her back, trying to save her, but all she saw now was that they had instead sentenced her to a life of misery.

 

Kikyou didn't owe Kaguya a debt of gratitude. Frankly, she was the one who should be the source of her hate…after all, had it not been for her forcefulness in keeping her away from that trial, Kikyou would have been put to shame, but would have still had the man she loved at her side, unharmed and adoring her more than ever because she had risked her life and reputation for him.

 

Perhaps the court could have even forgiven her for what she had done with time, seeing that it was out of love…perhaps she could have still been happy…with Onigumo…

 

Without realizing what was happening, she felt Naraku's lips brush against her own and, to her horror, she responded in kind rather than pushing him off and screaming for help.

 

She knew that would have been the right and proper thing to do…knew that she was possibly sealing her doom by even allowing him to remain in her room at all…yet, for once, she didn't care. Kikyou Higurashi was so tired of trying to do the right thing. After all, what had it gotten her in the end? Nothing but pain and shame, since no one believed her no matter what she did.

 

The only regret she had as she kissed back the man who had caused her so much pain, joy, and misery, was that she was somehow letting Kagome down. Betraying the one soul who had stood by her side through everything.

 

Forgive me, Kagome, her heart cried. Forgive me…