InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ The Ultimate Price ( Chapter 35 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

The Ultimate Price

I had lived for almost seventeen years, had known pain, love, and incredible joy, and yet, in an instant, it had all been forgotten and my world had ceased to move. Inuyasha no longer existed; Miroku and Sango had never known me; Shippou had never laughed; none if it had ever happened. All that mattered, all I cared about, was Kikyou…my dear, beloved sister, who had been the source of so much pain and so much joy in my life.

My skin still recalls the feel of her cold skin as she fell against me that day in court, her eyes closing in exhaustion, her brow beaded in sweat, her hair matted and damp, her normally rosy cheeks pale and lifeless. How had I not seen it? How had I not noticed how ill she looked? Miroku had said at one point during the trial that she had looked unwell, but we had all assumed it was related to her pregnancy and the stress of enduring the court every day.

How wrong we had been.

Kikyou was immediately rushed back to the castle and taken to her chambers, the surgeons summoned immediately to evaluate her condition, and it was determined that she had caught the most evil of all diseases: the sweat. The moment the news got out, people fled from the castle as though it were a deathtrap, and in some ways it was. Everyone knew how contagious the disease was, and how difficult it was to survive once caught. All this I knew, and I wailed inwardly in fear at the thought of how small a chance my beloved Kikyou had in her pregnant condition.

Her fever continued to climb, her coughing fits worsened, and so the surgeons were forced to take extreme measures, bleeding her in hopes of purging her system, even using the leeches, bathing her in water cooled from snow (which had just begun to fall) as they tried to break her fever. But nothing worked. She remained sick in her bed, the child in her belly draining her energy, the disease slowly taking her life, and I was forced to watch everything we'd done be in vain.

Kikyou, why did you not tell me? Why did you keep such a horrible secret? Why did you bear it alone? And why could I not see it for myself in your eyes? Oh sister, forgive me…forgive me…

* * * * *

The air was cool against the window, and Kagome entertained herself by watching fog materialize into various shapes against the glass as she breathed, one of her cheeks pressed against the pane, the harsh, brown gardens of the castle stretched out beneath her, covered in snow. The trees had lost all their leaves, the bushes long since having turned brown, the beauty of autumn giving way at last to the harsh reality of winter, the flowers all wilted and gone.

Sighing, Kagome watched her vision through the window become momentarily blurred thanks to her hot breath and leaned away. Death was in the very air she breathed, her lungs heavy with it; with the certainty that on that day at least one person was going to die.

Those members of the court who had remained after the scare of the sweat had woke that morning to silence, rather than the harsh pounding of hammers, alerting all to the fact that the soldiers had finished constructing the scaffold that would mean certain death for the condemned criminal Naraku. It was a heavy silence of purpose as remnants of the court (mostly demons that were immune to such diseases as the sweat) moved about their day, dressed in somber colors of dark blue, green, and gray.

But Kagome could have cared less.

All she cared about was the woman behind the large double doors leading into the Queen's private chambers, where she knew Kikyou was in bed fighting for her very life.

It was all their fault, she thought bitterly, feeling the unfamiliar sting of hate as her heart sought someone to blame, thinking of Sesshoumaru, Bankotsu, Kagura, and every member of the court who had put Kikyou through such a hell in the first place. They were the reason she had been put in the Tower…they were the reason she had taken ill…they were the reason she had allowed her pride to overpower her sense of reason and not tell anyone.

She hated them! She hated them all!

Her eyes flying open in surprise, Kagome breathed deeply, trying to calm her nerves, stunned by such venomous thoughts…thoughts she'd never known before.

Without even thinking, Kagome stood up and moved away from the window, out of Kikyou's study, and into the hallway, mindlessly following the path down the grand stairs, out the door, and across the frozen gardens to the chapel and monastery, needing comfort and solitude. The great cathedral was silent, the pews empty, but Kagome was grateful as she sank to her knees at the alter and bowed her head in prayer, begging for help and guidance. Yet for once she felt no comfort; the beauty of the stained glass windows did not move her, and the sounds of the chanting monks reverberating throughout the marble structure brought no sense of peace.

In truth, Kagome had never felt so alone in her entire life.

“Please help me…” she whispered, unsure of who she was asking, just needing to hear her own voice, reminding her that she was indeed still alive and hadn't passed on to some void between Heaven and Hell where she was being forced to slowly watch her sister fade away and die.

The sound of soft footsteps reached her ears, followed by a heavy and gentle hand on her shoulder, and Kagome turned to see the kind priest she had met what seemed an eternity ago gazing down at her with a gentle face, his eyes wide and filled with the potential for enlightenment, his lips turned up in a wise smile. He opened his arms, clothed in his simple brown monkish robes, and offered her whatever comfort she would take from him as he spoke. “My daughter…you are troubled?”

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, and without even thinking Kagome turned and threw her arms around his thin waist, surprising him, before the older man gently placed his bony hands on her back and formed soothing circles with his thumbs. “Forgive me, Father,” she sobbed, “For I have sinned. And I don't know what to do. I'm so confused.”

“Hush, my child,” he soothed, moving so that he was sitting in the closest pew, Kagome following, though she remained on her knees, her head now in his lap as he ran a hand through her hair, the ebony tresses falling loosely over her shoulders. “It will do you no good to fret over so many things at once. First tell me what this sin is that you speak of.”

She swallowed, her voice raw with pain and grief. “I have known hateful thoughts towards my fellow men.”

“Have you wished them harm?”

Kagome closed her eyes, feeling exposed under the pure gaze of the priest as she thought about the spiteful women who had spoken against Kikyou…about Kaguya and her traitorous tongue…about Mary, the woman she had slapped for speaking out against the future Queen. She could not lie. “Some of them.”

“And what, my daughter, do you believe has caused you to have these sinful thoughts?”

“My sister.” The sound of her voice was no more than a squeak as she valiantly fought back another onslaught of tears. “She is…is…”

“Dying.” The priest finished without hesitation. “Yes, I know; I have been called to her side more than once in these past few days.”

Kagome looked up at that, gazing into the face she believed could never tell a lie. “And do you think she is leaving us?” She swallowed. “Father, do you truly believe Kikyou will die?”

“If it is God's will…”

“But do you think she will die? I know you have seen many who are sick before.”

The older man sighed, wishing he could give the beautiful young woman before him some hope; wishing to bring back the gentle smile of peace he'd seen on her face when she'd first come to court as she sat in the back of the church during mass…but also knowing he could never tell her something he believed to be false. He owed her more than that. “I believe her time has come, yes.”

Kagome felt her body begin to shake once more, and she broke down into open sobs as she fisted her hands in the priest's robes. “It's not fair. She doesn't deserve this. Not now…not after all her suffering. She deserves better.”

“But my daughter, who could ask for more than being admitted into the Kingdom of Heaven?” The priest asked, offering comfort in the only way he knew how: his faith. “Your sister has purged her soul, and I know she will move on to a happier place than this, where she will not be judged so cruelly, for our Lord is forgiving. Be happy for her.”

Kagome looked up, and the pain in her eyes tore at his very soul. “How can I be happy, Father? Even if she does go on to a better place, she is still leaving me here in this world. She is still leaving me alone. I don't want her going to a place I cannot go…where I cannot know if she is happy and safe…where I cannot watch over her, as she has watched over me all my life.” Her voice cracked. “I don't want her to leave me.”

He smiled kindly. “You must not be selfish, my child. You must trust God to protect your sister for you, and trust that she may watch over you from heaven far better than she ever could here on earth.”

Kagome shook her head. “But…”

“I know it's hard to accept. I know we, as mere humans, must of course feel pain upon losing those we love. And I also know you will, in time, come to accept this fate and recognize it is for the best.”

Kagome doubted she would ever view Kikyou's imminent death as a good thing. “And how long must I wait?”

He shrugged his shoulders and glanced up at the golden cross hanging from the center of the great dome over the alter. “That is something between you and God, my daughter.” He felt her start to pull away, knowing that was not the answer she wanted, and so stopped her with his hands under her chin, keeping her gaze trained on his. “And until that time comes, you must seek those that make you happy here on earth, and find comfort in their presence. Surely there are people like this that you may go to?”

Inuyasha immediately came to her mind, but Kagome shook the thought away. She would not…could not seek comfort from her sister's husband while Kikyou lay on her deathbed. That was just something she could never do, no matter how much she craved Inuyasha's strong arms and comforting voice. “It would be sinful for me to take comfort in the one I love,” She finally whispered. “You know, for I have spoken with you of this before.”

The priest nodded, having already heard her confessions on several occasions about her love for the King. He'd always found it so difficult to tell her that what she was doing was wrong, because, in all honesty, he saw her struggle every day to do the right thing. How could God, or any of his servants, reproach her with that in mind? “And what of your mother? Or your brother? Your friends, the Lady Sango and the Lord Miroku? Can they not offer you comfort?”

Kagome felt the tears spring up anew. “Not enough.”

He smiled in understanding and all-knowing wisdom. “My daughter, there will never be enough comfort. Nothing can ever replace those we love. All we can do is try and continue to live our lives as they would have wished; take comfort in those who care about you…in knowing your sister will go to God well loved and cared for, and that her reputation has been salvaged thanks to you. And, in time, know that the pain will recede enough that you may once more begin to live again.”

Kagome looked down with a frown. “But Father…how can anyone want to live knowing there is such pain in the world? How can I go on, knowing some day I may lose everyone I care about?” She felt a flare of anger. “Why would God, if he's so merciful, take from us and give us such pain? Why would he give us such suffering?”

The priest sighed again, having heard such a question from so many young men and women he had long ago lost count. He still didn't have an answer, for it changed with each person and the level of their faith. “Our Lord works in mysterious ways, my child…and we are not meant to understand them. All we can do is live our lives as best we can, try to be good people, do as He would do, and pray that in the end we shall be rewarded.”

“But Father…”

“My child,” his voice was warm but firm. “You cannot live your life each moment fearing the pain that life can bring, for that would be no life at all. You cannot cease to exist simply because life is unfair, or because it does not all go according to your plan. Take comfort in your pain, because it means you love your sister more than you thought possible.” He touched her cheek fondly and wiped away the tears from her eyes. “You cannot have love without pain, my child, nor can you have pain without love. Without loss we would not know how to cherish that which we have, and without sadness we would not understand what it means to be blessed and joyful. Take what life gives you and accept it with open arms; use it to grow and to change and to become a better human being, and know that each day you will come closer to being someone we can all be proud of.”

His voice echoed into the very far corners of her soul, and Kagome felt something warm spark where all she'd know for the past several days was cold, unfeeling hatred. Reaching out with her hand, she grasped his, her warm, youthful fingers finding comfort in his aged palm and caressing thumb.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice finally calm after days of struggle and grief.

He made the sign of the cross over her head with his free hand before his eyes brightened with his smile. “Bless you, my child.” They continued to stare at one another, the priest offering Kagome his comfort and his wisdom, the ancient dance of old to young, wise to youthful, passing between them, as it was meant to be.

Suddenly the church doors were thrown open, and Kagome broke away from the priest to turn, still on her knees, to look down the aisle at Sango, who was standing in the doorway with a shawl thrown carelessly over her shoulders, her hair falling over her shoulder in a simple twist. “Kagome…its Kikyou.”

She immediately pulled away from the priest and rose to her feet. “What's wrong?” But even as she asked, Kagome had a feeling from her friend's pale face she knew what was wrong.

“The surgeons say she hasn't much time, and she's asking for you,” Sango finally managed to say after taking in a few deep breaths of air. “I've been looking everywhere for you. You'd best hurry.”

Kagome bowed her head. “Of course.” She turned to the priest, wanting to thank him again for all he'd done for her, not just then, but throughout her entire struggle, but found the words would not come. So instead she gazed into his deep, kind eyes, and drew strength for what she knew was about to come. “Father, I…”

He just smiled and touched her cheek before moving away. “It is nothing. I shall pray for both you and your sister.” And then he turned her back on her, clasped his hands before him, and moved to kneel before the giant cross, his lips moving in silent prayer.

* * * * *

Such a strange feeling it was to wake up and know you had slept your last sleep…dreamed your last dream…eaten your final breakfast. And yet, suddenly, Onigumo, once nobleman and now condemned, was no longer afraid. The trembling of his body had stopped; his cheeks had acquired a glimmer of their old color, his eyes sparkling as a shadow of the cheerful man he'd once been.

In a way he was grateful the day had finally come. He was grateful he would never again have to force himself to live with the guilt of knowing what he'd done to the woman he loved. And, more than anything, he was grateful that the spirit of Naraku would die with him and never again be able to harm Kikyou.

It had been such an unusual feeling as he'd stood and heard Sesshoumaru pronounce the verdict of guilty. It had been to Onigumo as though he had lived the past several years of his life shrouded in darkness, clothed in a veil that blocked the sun and the light, and then, all at once, it had all been removed to leave him standing, naked and alone, to face the consequences of what he'd done. He had allowed Naraku into his heart, to take possession of his very soul for the purpose of exacting revenge…and when he'd had his doubts, the beast had taken on a life of its own and refused to give back control. Now, the damage had been done, and, like the coward he really was, Naraku had vanished as though he had never been there before, leaving Onigumo feeling alone and without a friend in the world.

Not that he deserved one. Not after what he had done…

“Kikyou.” Her name was still like the most beautiful music he had ever heard, rolling off his lips in a rush, the sound soothing to his ears and to his mind as it wrapped around his raw nerves and calmed his racing heart.

He loved her still. He always had. In all the years of torment he'd spent in the Tower, he had never stopped loving her; if he had, he wouldn't have continued to be so bitter…he wouldn't have accepted the offer of the demons who had sensed the evil in his heart and come to his window one evening with the proposal of offering their strength in exchange for his soul.

Then he had been a fool and bargained willingly, only later understanding the truly horrid mistake he had made.

And as punishment, he had been forced to watch as Naraku, spawn of the demon cruelty he had allowed into his heart, carefully plotted Kikyou's demise, crying out in anguish as Naraku pursued her relentlessly until she finally gave in, even going so far as to use Onigumo to suit his purpose, causing pain at every turn for the woman that he loved so dearly.

And in the end he had succeeded. Rumor was Kikyou lay dying in her bed, without hope of survival, the child in her belly…his child…doomed to die with her before it even had a chance to live. She had taken ill with the sweat, they said, while in the Tower. And it was all his fault.

His fault!

With a hiss, Onigumo shot to his feet, knocking the small wooden chair he'd been sitting on to the floor. “Kikyou, what have I done?” He hollered, knowing the guards could probably hear him…knowing they all probably thought him raving mad…the man with two personalities.

He didn't care. He deserved it all. He deserved their scorn…frankly, he welcomed it. Anything to block out the pain of knowing what he had done to her. His angel. His perfect, beautiful, wonderful Kikyou.

“My love…” His voice cracked as he recalled her laughing brown eyes and her delicate white arms as she would wrap them around his neck, leaning in to whisper some scandalous secret desire into his ear. She'd come to court an innocent, and he'd shaped her into a woman of experience. But she'd allowed him to. She'd allowed his touch…his kisses…his caress…and his love.

Everyone had warned her that he would destroy her, and she'd ignored them all for his sake. She'd thrown her reputation and her chance for a respectable future to the wind…all for him. And, in the end, all he'd done was betray her just as much as she had betrayed him.

Could he truly blame her, he wondered, for leaving him to rot in the Tower? Could he truly say he would have done any different?

Kagome's words from that day in court echoed in his mind, her scolding, self-righteous tone burning into his heart and searing a scar over his once-impenetrable pride. She had said Kikyou had been young and foolish, and that everyone was guilty of it at one point or another. And she was right.

He had never been a saint; had never pretended to be. Yet when he was finally wronged by someone he had been so offended and hurt he had been unwilling to listen to reason. He'd ignored the letters she'd sent to him in the Tower, begging for his forgiveness, swearing she would remain loyal to him until he was released. She had offered him her very soul, and he'd thrown it away, sending her running into the arms of another man and driving him wild with jealousy and rage as he listened to the court gossip from the mouths of the soldiers outside his cell door.

And then the demons had come…slithering into his cell through the high window and circling his body, almost as though they would offer him warmth and comfort, speaking in his mind…insisting they had a way to help him.

He was a fool.

And now Kikyou was dying.

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and Onigumo fiercely wiped them away, never having been one for weeping. Yet the sadness weighing on his heart was more than he could bear, and he wished the guards would come already and take him away. He was prepared for death; he'd been prepared for it from the moment he'd come to understand Naraku's true intentions towards himself and Kikyou…but he'd never prepared for the reality that Kikyou might die as well.

Never her.

Never.

“Oh my Kikyou…” He collapsed onto the chair once more and hung his head low, running his hands through his hair, which still felt so long and strange to him, Naraku's influence still strong despite his sudden absence. “Forgive me, my love…forgive me…”

His solitude was at last interrupted by the sound of the guards turning the key to unlock his cell door, and Onigumo was greeted by the frowning faces of six soldiers, all of them casting him hateful looks. He bore it all with the elegance and grace of a man who had been raised at the High Court, standing up and straightening his shoulders, walking forward and carefully masking the torment of his mind, hearing as the soldiers fell into step behind him, forming a careful box so he could not escape.

He didn't intend to, even if God himself struck them all down and offered him the chance. This time he would not run.

It was snowing outside, the chill of the early afternoon causing him to involuntarily shiver, but Onigumo still did his best to pretend he was immune to it, his expression unchanging as he marched towards the small knoll where, at the top, he saw the scaffold that would mean his doom. A crowd had, naturally, gathered, though it was somewhat smaller than usual due to the scare of the sweat, but even so he could spot a few of the noblemen and women of the court he'd known before his life had become such a living hell.

He spotted Kaguya, her eyes lowered as he walked by, refusing to meet his gaze, but Onigumo still managed to glare at her nonetheless, blaming her for everything that had befallen both he and Kikyou. She had convinced Kikyou to betray him, and then she had dared to return and turn the tables yet again, threatening the life of the woman he loved.

No…even if he had lived, he would have never forgiven her for all that she had done to both of them.

There had never been such a silence as the one he heard that morning; no one dared say a word, all the insults the mob had planned refusing to come, the rotten vegetables they had prepared to throw suddenly heavy in their hands. It was as though they could all see that the man before them was entirely different than the accused they had watched all throughout the past six months at court, and could now muster nothing more than pity for the condemned, their hate vanishing.

Without hesitation Onigumo stepped up to the scaffold, purposefully not turning to look at the man dressed in black off to one side, knowing even his courage would falter if he did. He stood still as one of the soldiers, the old man he'd recognized as the soldier who'd befriended Kikyou, came forward and tied his hands behind his back.

“Do you have any last words you would like the world to hear?” He asked loudly.

Onigumo lifted his chin a little higher and straightened his back, his arms now clasped behind him tightly with rope that chaffed at his wrists. “Only that, in spite of everything, I have never loved any but Kikyou Higurashi, and I shall always love her, even into the world beyond. I pray I shall one day see her again, and that I may ask her forgiveness for all I have done.”

He went silent, and saw a few women dab at their eyes while the men all nodded their heads in approval of his courage and honesty. He couldn't help the slightly roguish smirk that came to his lips. At least he would die with some honor left, and a little respect. A man in his situation couldn't ask for more than that.

And then he expelled a surprisingly calm breath as he felt the guard place the blindfold over his eyes, sending the world into darkness.

* * * * *

Kagome slowed her steps to a dignified walk as she reached Kikyou's outer study, glancing warily at the large mahogany doors which were still closed, blocking her sister from view…keeping her safely locked away from the rest of the world. Taking in several deep breaths, she calmly waited for the signal that she may enter, her outer poise betraying the frantic race of her heart.

She wasn't alone; the Marquess, Souta, Miroku, and Sango were also in the room, along with Shippou, Yuka, Gideon, Bankotsu, Sesshoumaru, Rin, and…her stomach clenched…Inuyasha. They had all come, she understood, to pay their respects to the dying Queen, and that reality was more than she could bear.

The dying Queen…

Without thinking, as she looked from one pair of sorrowful eyes to the next, Kagome turned away and hugged her waist, swaying back and forth, searching for strength and comfort. But there was none to be had. There was no easy way to prepare for speaking with a woman who was about to die…a woman who Kagome happened to love more than life itself; who she would give her very life for if it would make a difference.

She felt his presence just before he placed a hand on her shoulder, and Kagome instinctively melted into his touch despite her resolve to not seek any comfort from him out of respect for Kikyou. She couldn't help it; she was only human, after all.

Inuyasha didn't say a word, but she knew what he meant, and gladly welcomed his strength into her own heart, preparing her for what she was about to do. It would be her greatest test yet.

“Be wise, Kagome,” she heard him murmur, his voice low.

“What do you mean?”

“Just…don't get too close. You don't need to fall ill too.”

Kagome felt her body go rigid. “Inuyasha, she's my sister.”

“And the sweat doesn't discriminate between friend and foe,” he retorted without pause. “This is a deadly disease, Kagome…just promise me you'll be careful.”

She turned around to look at him, seeing his concern for her, and tried to keep that in mind even as her mind raced and she felt the hatred from before well up inside. “I will not stay away if she asks me to come to her,” she replied steadily. “The rest of the world put her in this situation, and I'll be damned if I make her suffer any more than she already has.”

“For once can't you be reasonable about something?”

“I am being reasonable!” Kagome snapped. “It's all of you that have been otherwise!” She pointed wildly at everyone in the room, including Inuyasha, which shocked him. “It's your fault she was put in the Tower in the first place! It's your fault she's now sick! All of you! And now, thanks to that damn trial and everyone judging her, Kikyou will die!” She felt tears well up in her eyes. “I hope you can all rest easy knowing you brought justice to the unfaithful Queen.”

She turned away from them all, for once rejecting even Inuyasha's comfort, and left them all to stand in stunned silence as one of the doctors opened the door from within and motioned for Kagome to enter. Without hesitation she walked forward, ignoring all around her, her head high despite the tears streaming down her face. It would do no good to remind Kikyou of her dire situation.

But even she had to resist the urge to turn and run when she entered the darkened bedchamber, her survival instincts insisting she was walking into a deathtrap.

The air was heavy and hot, the thick purple velvet curtains drawn over the windows to protect against the harsh, biting cold wind and piercing light of day. The smell of incense, which the priests had begun to burn, added an ethereal feeling to the atmosphere, stinging Kagome's nose as she breathed, and off in a corner was a pile of bed sheets, covered in sweat from one of the Queen's many fevers, waiting to be washed. Three physicians moved about with various bottles and remedies, and two maids were bustling about trying to keep the room clean despite the presence of death.

They all glanced up at Kagome as she moved forward, the door closing behind her so that it was once more strangely dark, only the light from the fireplace making it possible to see anything, but the younger Higurashi sister ignored them all, her eyes trained on the massive royal bed before her, where she saw Kikyou, propped up by pillows, dressed in a simple white nightgown, her long raven-black hair spilling around her shoulders and head in a neatly combed mess, her maids obviously still loyally caring for her appearance.

Kagome felt her breath hitch in her throat, withheld tears causing an ache in her chest as she saw her normally strong and proud sister, pale as a ghost and covered in a sheen of sweat, her breaths coming in ragged pants. “Oh sister…”

Kikyou opened her brown eyes, still deep and sharp with intelligence, and looked over at Kagome with a soft smile that seemed to take up far too much of her strength. “Kagome…” Her voice was surprisingly strong, and Kagome mused that perhaps Kikyou was putting all her strength into speaking and thus taking away from the rest of her body. “Please come and sit with me.”

Immediately Kagome walked over and sat on the bed, arranging her simple magenta skirts and leaning up against the headboard, placing a hand over Kikyou's and trying not to wince at how cold and clammy it was. “How are you feeling?”

She could have shot herself for asking such a ridiculous question.

But Kikyou mustered a smile anyway in response. “Thank you, Kagome.”

“For what?”

“For everything you've done for me. For defending me and risking your own reputation, and for putting your very life on the line. I wish…” She took a deep breath. “I wish I could live long enough to repay you.”

Kagome found the words heartbreaking, and did the only thing she knew how to do in such a time and place: she smiled. “Come now, sister, what kind of talk is this? You've never been one to voluntarily surrender; and now's not the time to start.”

She watched as Kikyou just shook her head and gave her an imploring look. “I've also never been one to deny the truth, or to back down from the hand fate gives to me. I will die, Kagome…you and I both know this. It is just a matter of time.”

Refusing to answer, Kagome instead busied herself playing with a strand of Kikyou's black hair, noting how soft it still was in spite of not having been washed for the past three days. “I did everything I could for you,” she finally said in a low voice. “But it wasn't enough.” Their eyes met. “Why couldn't it be enough, Kikyou?”

The older woman smiled. “It was enough, Kagome. It was enough to remind me of why I loved you so much, and to bring you back to me for these past several months. You showed me why I need my family, and why I had been such a fool to isolate you all for so long. I missed you, sister.”

“And I missed you,” Kagome hastily assured her. “I never stopped loving you.”

“I know.” Kikyou sighed. “And I also know very well how much you've sacrificed for me, and how selfish I've been. I'm so sorry, Kagome. I wish…I wish I could take it all back.”

“But I don't wish that,” Kagome spoke in a rush, “And I'm the one whose opinion matters when it comes to my life. I would gladly do it all for you again.”

“Even…” Kikyou acquired that sad smile again, her eyes gleaming as though she were capable of understanding everything. “Even if it meant giving up the man you love most? Would you still make such a sacrifice, Kagome, knowing the pain that would cause you?”

Kagome stiffened, drawing her hand away from Kikyou's, her eyes flicking everywhere but at her sister. “I don't know what you mean. Leaving Kouga was not difficult; I didn't love him that way. And besides, I belonged with you. You asked me to come back, and I would never refuse.”

“But I'm not the only one you came back for, Kagome,” Kikyou insisted, though her voice held no accusation…only understanding.

Kagome felt her heart race. “Kikyou, I don't…”

“I know, sister. I've always known.”

Those six words caused a cold ball of shame to form in her stomach, and Kagome couldn't resist the pull of Kikyou's sharp brown eyes, their gazes meeting. She felt wretched; she felt dirty, hearing such words from her sister on her deathbed. And Kagome hated feeling as though her love for Inuyasha was tainted.

But, for once, it was Kikyou to smile and offer comfort to a guilty conscience as she reached out of her own accord and grasped Kagome's hand tightly. “It's alright, sister. While I know how both of you feel, I also know how you've tried to resist for my sake. I, more than anyone, understand the pull of love, and the pain of rejection…and all I can say is I would never have been able to withstand all that you have.”

Kagome thought of that night that seemed so far away…all the kisses and stolen moments…and lowered her head in shame. “Kikyou, I haven't…”

“I don't need to know what all you have and have not done, Kagome,” Kikyou replied firmly. “I leave confessing your sins to you and your priest. I simply wanted you to know that I know, and have known, for some time.”

Watching her sister's labored breathing, knowing she should be concerned with much more important matters, Kagome still couldn't resist the question that spilled out of her mouth. “How…how did you find out?” It was an awful question to ask a dying woman…to ask her when she'd first known that her husband was in love with her sister, and vice versa…and yet Kagome suddenly needed to know. Had they been too obvious? Had they, in their attempts to be respectful, in truth caused more damage?

Kikyou smirked then, her eyes glazing over as she looked back at some memory Kagome didn't understand. “It was on my wedding night that I confirmed what I'd suspected for some time.”

“Your wedding night?” Kagome felt a flare of jealousy as images appeared in her mind, but violently shook the thoughts from her head. Now was not the time!

“Yes…I knew the truth the moment Inuyasha didn't come to me.” Kikyou's smile disappeared to be replaced by an expression of defeat. “After the court made the show of putting us in our room, he just sat in a chair and watched me for a long time, his mind clearly on other things. I invited him to the bed several times, but he…he just couldn't. And that's when I knew; the only reason Inuyasha would not come to his wife was his love for another.”

Kagome felt her body jolt as all the pieces to the puzzle began to fall into place at last. Inuyasha's insistence that he knew Kikyou's child was not his…the way he had not boasted of his triumphs with his wife the next morning, as a new bridegroom usually did…

“Kikyou are you telling me that you two never…” She couldn't finish the sentence, and felt wretched and overjoyed all at once when her sister simply shook her head.

“No, Kagome…the marriage was never consummated.”

A silence fell over the room as the surgeons and maids had disappeared to grant the sisters privacy, and Kagome felt torn between the happiness of knowing her beloved had not betrayed her and the torture of thinking of all the pain she'd caused her sister as a result. “Kikyou, I…I wish…I mean…”

The Queen waved away her comments with a weak gesture. “It's all forgotten, Kagome, and you are forgiven. It's the least I can do after all you've done for me.”

“You owe me nothing,” Kagome reiterated. “You were so good to me when we were young that I feel as though it was the least I could do for you.”

Kikyou chuckled at that, but then was forced to take in several sharp breaths as her body began to tremble with her rising fever. “What a pair we are, Kagome…what a pair.”

Kagome opened her mouth to reply, but at that very moment the air was rocked with the sound of a booming cannon, and without thinking she leapt from the bed and flew to one of the windows, throwing open the heavy curtains to look out towards the smoke trailing into the air following the explosion of gunpowder. It had come from the Tower, which meant only one thing…

“He's dead,” she whispered, thinking of the man who had loved and hated Kikyou. Hearing a sharp intake of breath, she turned around, but found that Kikyou simply wore a calm expression of peace on her face. Moving back to her side once more, Kagome took both her clammy hands in her own firm grip. “Sister…are you alright?”

The older woman just turned her head and looked at Kagome, though it seemed like she was looking right through her to another world entirely. “It's befitting, isn't it?”

“What is?”

“That we should die on the same day.”

Kagome felt her body tremble at such a morbid statement. “Sister…”

Kikyou seemed to remember where she was, her eyes focusing once more on Kagome as she smiled again. “Don't cry for me, Kagome. Please don't cry. This is the best of both worlds. You saved my reputation and my name from slander, and you saved me from a humiliating end. Now I can die in peace and go to the man I love in a better place.”

Recalling the words of the priest, Kagome tried to put a smile on her face in reply, imagining Kikyou as she had once been, smiling and laughing in the arms of the man she loved. “I pray it may be so,” she finally said, her voice soft to keep it from cracking and revealing her inner pain.

Don't leave me, sister! She felt her heart cry, but effectively silenced such a plea to deal with later, when she was alone. If Kikyou could face her death bravely, as she seemed to face everything in life, then Kagome was determined to be the same way.

“Come,” the Queen finally said calmly, as though discussing the weather…as though that afternoon was no different than any other. “Lay with me, sister, and let us talk as we used to when we were young and pain and love were not yet known to us.”

As though controlled by someone else, Kagome felt her body mechanically move forward, swinging her legs up onto the bed as she lay out beside Kikyou, putting her arms about the woman's waist just above her round belly, and feeling as Kikyou wrapped her own thin arms around Kagome's shoulders. Silence, comfortable and beautiful, surrounded them for a time, and if she closed her eyes and imagined, Kagome could pretend they were still young and living at the Higurashi mansion in the country, her father's voice singing throughout the halls as he ordered the servants about, her mother always loyally at his side, laughing at his jokes.

“We've become everything we said we would, haven't we?” Kikyou asked at last, her chest rumbling as she spoke, and Kagome smiled in spite of herself.

“Yes…the Higurashi name is as great as the King, and you and I are the most famous sisters the country has ever known.”

“Indestructible…that's how strong our bond is.”

“Stronger even than that.”

“And we're the most beautiful.”

“By far.”

“Envied by all.”

“That's for sure.”

“And no one will ever say either of us refused to live life and shape our own destinies.”

“No…they wouldn't dare.”

Kikyou took in a deep, shaky breath, and sighed. “Very well…that is enough.”

Kagome felt her smile widen, her body swelling with love and affection for the woman beside her. Kikyou…her other half…her beloved sister. The woman she had idolized and worshipped from the day she was born, who had been the cause of so much pain and joy…who had been seen as her ultimate rival and her strongest supporter all at once for her entire life.

No…she wouldn't have changed a thing.

“I love you, Kikyou.”

Kikyou smiled. “And I love you, Kagome. Never forget that. I promise I'll always protect you, no matter where I am.”

Kagome felt the warmth of the room and the comfort of her sister's arms begin to take their effect, her eyes closing against her will, the air permeated with incense. “I believe you,” she murmured, snuggling more closely against Kikyou's body, and felt the older woman tighten her hold.

They both fell asleep in each other's arms, surrounded by their love, remembering days gone by when they'd dreamed of coming to court together and shaping the world to fit their every desire. In her dreams Kikyou heard the laughter of a rogue, a familiar smirk causing her stomach to clench painfully with love and desire. She was whirling about on clouds, lighter than air, when he held a hand out to her, his clear, all-knowing eyes burning into her soul, reading her every though, dream, and desire. And in that moment, surrounded by love, Kikyou Higurashi died.

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