InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Without a Lullaby ❯ Bokuseno ( Chapter 11 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter XII: Bokuseno
Sesshomaru stood next to the ancient demon tree in companionable silence. He had arrived quite a while there before, and they had done nothing but speak in small talk and pleasantries. He had not yet come to the real reason as of why he was there, and the old tree knew it. But Bokuseno remained patient with Sesshomaru, knowing he was one who seldom spoke his mind, even to him.
But he also knew he was the one Sesshomaru came to most often when he was in need of advice, which he rarely admitted to himself as ever needing such.
He had known Sesshomaru for nearly five centuries by then-ever since the Great Dog Demon brought him around as a pup. He was three centuries his otouto's senior...
His recently deceased otouto... Bokuseno thought solemnly...
Though he was mostly a supporter of pure blood lines, he could not deny one of Inu no Taisho's broods as being a great demon. The hanyou had proven himself beyond a doubt in his mind that he deserved ever bit of recognition that he got.
His attention was brought to Sesshomaru, who was carefully considering his words in the matter that troubled him.
Perhaps it was about Inuyasha?
“Do you know anything much of human females?”
The question caught the ancient one off guard quite a bit, but he thought over the question carefully and honestly.
“I must admit, Sesshomaru-sama, I do not know much of human females besides what your father would confide in me of Izayoi-hime.”
The name of the human female caused Sesshomaru to bristle somewhat, but he did not show it.
“What is your concern, Sesshomaru-sama?”
Sesshomaru looked at the tree seriously, speaking firmly, “Inuyasha's wench, the miko Kagome.”
Bokuseno was once again surprised by his lord's answer. What concern had he with the miko?
“What is your question, Sesshomaru-sama?”
“This Sesshomaru is...confused... by her mind state. She is oblivious to much, and forgets things she is constantly reminded of. It appears as if she dreams while she is awake and her sleep is plagued with nightmares. Though I have heard of such behavior in ningens, I never before encountered it for I never have dealt with ningens on such a frequent level until come these past few years.”
Bokuseno appeared to mull over his words, thinking over them carefully. He had heard of such behaviors in youkai that lost their mates, but he did not think that Inuyasha and the miko had mated. Nor did he think that ningens took mates on the level youkai did.
“Do you know perhaps what could have caused this change, Sesshomaru-sama?”
“I do, in fact. The ningen was close to Inuyasha, and upon his death she lost her voice. Not long after was she assaulted by a bandit in the woods close to my castle. She regained her voice, but seldom does she use it, only to speak repetitive questions to myself and Rin.”
Bokuseno saw things a bit clearer then.
“So, she has become detached?”
Sesshomaru was puzzled, but he did not show this either. He just spoke, “What do you mean, `detached'?”
“Has she no solid grasp on reality?”
“No, I do not believe so.” Sesshomaru appeared sullen and somewhat worn at this fact, staring at Bokuseno for his much needed insight.
“Sesshomaru, from what I understand and have heard about humans is that when they reach that state, they feel as if everything that they held sacred was lost. When humans give up like it appears this miko has, they wither away and become nothing more than a memory and soon are lost to time.”
Sesshomaru once again felt himself rising on the defense at the things that Bokuseno hinted at.
“You mean she will become decrepit and die?”
“I very much so mean such a thing will befall her.”
Sesshomaru felt himself stiffen as he sniffed indignantly, turning his back to Bokuseno.
He turned at the sound of his name, giving the ancient one a burning look of defiance, reminding him of the days Sesshomaru was proud and stubborn... just like his otouto, with much more grace.
“If the ningen has nothing to attach her to reality, she will die.”
Sesshomaru stood there quietly, and took what Bokuseno said with an unspoken understanding.
Turning to go silently, he left with the wind as soon as he showed, expecting to return to the castle within a few days.
Something to attach herself to, like an anchor...
Sesshomaru sighed inaudibly at the prospect. Perhaps he should start taking the miko along with him on his journeys, afterall...
Rin rocked back and forth on her heels, staring at Jaken. “I'm booooored!”
Kagome was kneeling next to her in silence, as Jaken fumed at the two young girls from across the room. He had dealt with Rin's complaints for a good hour and he was beginning to get fed up.
To his dismay, he watched as Rin scrambled up to race across the room to prod at him. “Jaken-sama, when is Sesshomaru-sama going to be home?”
“I don't know, girl, so stop asking!”
Rin put her hands behind her back and whined again, “I'm bored, Jaken-sama! Play with me!”
Jaken glared at the girl, “I have no time for such a thing, Rin! Go play with the ningen!”
Rin stomped her foot in indignation of Kagome, “Her name is NOT ningen! Her name is Kagome!”
“Whatever, girl, just go bother her instead!”
Rin shook her head, “Kagome-neesan is sad and Rin does not want to bother her! Besides, I am hungry and Sesshomaru-sama said you must take care of us! So feed us!”
Kagome turned her head away, noticed by Jaken who proclaimed, “The ningen does not appear hungry!”
Rin stomped her foot again, in a very demanding way, “Jaken-sama, Sesshomaru-sama said you must so you must! So feed me and Kagome-neesan or I am going to tell on you!”
Seething, Jaken screamed, “Spoiled girl!” at her before stomping his way toward the kitchen, and out of sight. Rin breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she ran back to Kagome and gestured at her, “Coast is clear!”
Kagome looked at her, a bit of confusion showing on her face, as she spoke softly, “What do you mean?”
“Silly, I mean it's okay now!”
Kagome felt something wash over her, unsure of what it was.
It's... okay...?
“What is...?”
Rin fell to her knees beside Kagome, flinging her arms around Kagome's neck as she hugged her tightly, “It's okay to cry now.”
Kagome felt the tidal wave hitting her again, but she desperately grabbed on to whatever excuse she could to not let it overcome her, “B-but what if someone sees?”
“They will not. Sesshomaru-sama is not here, and I have bothered Jaken-sama enough for him to leave us alone for quite a few hours.”
Kagome felt her walls crumbling again, all due to this precious little girl who made her feel safer than the most powerful demon in the world did...
She buried her face into Rin's lap and sobbed again for the umpteenth time that she could remember since Sesshomaru was gone.
“It hurts...”
Rin pet Kagome's hair gently, looking down at the older girl who cried her soul out on her lap. She might have been only twelve, but she was not as naïve as she let on... she knew Kagome was in a lot of pain. And she was not so much of a child that she missed the looks her master gave Kagome...
“I know, Nee-san...”
“I didn't want to...”
“It's okay now...”
“It wasn't my fault...”
“No, it wasn't...”
“I didn't get a chance to say goodbye...”
“He knows you miss him...”
“I couldn't protect him...”
“Things happen for a reason...”
“But I don't want to be here...”
“But you must, because we need you...”
“What if no one cares?”
“You know there are people that love you...”
“But they're so far away...”
“But that doesn't mean you're alone...”
“I feel so alone though...”
“As long as you have them in your heart, you'll never be alone.”
I don't want to do this!
By then Kagome was screaming out her responses, distressing Sesshomaru who had his eyes fixed on Rin's. Though Rin spoke to Kagome, she was having another conversation with Sesshomaru who demanded what was going on, while Rin told him to be silent.
As much as this made Sesshomaru incensed, he knew she was right, so he kept quiet as Kagome shouted her pain in the hallways.
“You have to be strong.”
I can't!
“You must.”
I can't!
Sesshomaru stepped forward then, much to Rin's dismay, and spoke up, “You must and you shall.”
Kagome's head shot up, her emotions running wild and high as her scent spiked. Such a changed caused Sesshomaru to feel light headed because of its intensity, but he ignored it well. He walked straight toward to girl, and lifted her up bridal style, and carried her out of the room and headed to his own.
Rin followed suite, distressed that her close friend was in such a state and furthermore, taken from her.
“Rin, you shall stay put.”
Sesshomaru stopped and glared at her, angry beyond reason that she dared speak against his word, even though it was only by implication.
She shrunk back at his anger, and knew she had to listen as he continued on and left her behind.
Rin's absence not only upset Rin herself, but anguished Kagome. She felt unsafe now, the comfort of the child's lap and purity having been ripped form her.
She looked up at Sesshomaru, a solid stranger in her eyes and tried to cringe back from his touch, though he kept her close to his body. This action did not go unnoticed by him, and he bit back the urge to growl. He went straight to his room, closed and locked the door. He placed Kagome gently on the bed, and leered down at her, making her squirm in discomfort.
“Why does your sorrow reign on you so?”
Kagome looked up at him with shining eyes, an open window to her soul. He felt that same uneasiness he had when he first looked there, and he was sure beyond a reasonable doubt that she could do the same to him.
“Why do you care?”
Sesshomaru didn't know, and he didn't have an answer for that. So he chose not to respond.
“I implored you first, so you answer.”
Kagome wrung her hands together, fidgeting nervously under his intense and concerned gaze.
“...I don't know.”
“How can you not?”
“Because I don't want to know!”
Sesshomaru looked taken aback. How can that be an answer?
“What do you mean?”
“It feels like there in a void in my soul and a poison in my heart! Why would I want to know what makes me feel that way?”
She feels so strongly...?
Sesshomaru had no response to her. He just sat on the bed next to her, and lifted a hand to take a tear from her cheek. He licked the salt water off, as she watched in disbelief at his intimate action.
“...your eyes are like a storm and you taste like the sea. With such passion and will, how can you feel such misery?”
Kagome sat up, her pale face appearing to glow in the afternoon sunlight that drifted through the window.
When had life become such a dream? Everything was so surreal when it came to Sesshomaru...
Her eyes wide, drew in his complexion. Everything cried out that he honestly wanted to know what made her tick at that moment... what made her rip herself wide open and pour herself out like a tempest on his stony floor.
“Because I contained it too long, and I just can't anymore...”
“Because of my brother?”
Kagome shut her eyes tightly at the name, a surge of grief overwhelming her as she admitted the truth, “Not because he is dead, but because of the way he died and my inability to prevent it.”
“Everything happens for a reason.” He used to not believe such a word... Sesshomaru believed you made you own destiny... but nowadays, he found himself questioning everything he once believed and everything he once thought he knew.
“And not just because of him. What happened to me was proof of my weakness.”
Sesshomaru growled, grabbing her by the arm and staring at her, “You are not weak, miko... of all humans I have met, you are one of the strongest.”
Kagome looked into his golden pool cautiously, uncertain of him and his intentions. “Why do you tell me this?”
Sesshomaru stared down at her, peering once again into that spirit which so defined his life everyday since he took her in and made her his own.
“Because it is the truth. And nothing will ever change that.”
A/n: Wow, that came out somewhat nicely, I hope.
And like I said- NO REVIEWS, NO CONTINUING. *****
Sorry... I need the motivation, and if no one cares enough to review enough, I cry and tell the story to buzz off. =( I really do like this, so do R&R please? Thank you <3

Chapter 10
Chapter 12
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