InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Womanly Problems ❯ Triple sitting! ( Chapter 4 )

Inu Yasha was still unconscious from the sitting Kagome gave him. We tried to ask her why she did it, but she just glared at us. Her face was red though. Hhhmmm . . . . . . It makes me wonder . . . could it be that our Inu Yasha finally got enough balls to ask our Kagome to bear his child?

. . .

What?! It could happen!

You know what's been bugging me lately? Am I a monk? It's strange. You can only be a monk if you are a man - but I am a woman with the thinking pattern (and capacity) of a male. So am I still a monk despite the fact I am woman? If not, wouldn't that make me a priestess? A miko like Kagome? Only Kagome isn't really a miko - she just has miko abilities. Untrained dangerous abilities might I add. Ergh. Too much thinking. So bored. I'll just stick with the monk title for now - maybe Mushin will no what to do! Yeah we could go visit him, I just hope he doesn't try any moves on me with me in this . . . . . situation. I would just have to kill him if he did. Hhhmmm I wonder if that would be how Sango feels whenever I grope her . . .

Well I'm off. I need to go think, anywhere but here. Sango and Kirara went somewhere - they wouldn't tell me where though (It's not as if Kirara could talk and Sango wasn't feeling generous). Kagome went back to her time, little Shippo is somewhere out there, and Kaede is out in the forest getting herbs. Leaving me alone . . . with HIM. So I guess you could comprehend my desire to leave this hut and get FAR away from that gods forsaken mutt.

I draped the dark black hooded cloak around my shoulders, wrapped a black silk scarf around the lower half of my face, picked up my shakujo and pulled the black hood low over my face so that it was in the shadows. I stepped up to the flap of the hut and prepared to take my first steps out into the world - well technically not, but you get the drift. I took a deep breath and pulled aside the flap, my eyes widened in surprise at the scene I saw.

Men. I know what you're thinking. What's so special about men?! Well can you honestly tell me that you've ever seen a village full of men lined up, nearly naked, in a straight row, upside down and ALL bald? Huh can ya!? I didn't think so!

Well this one of those very few times in my life where I'm glad I am not a man. Yup, very few. In fact this is the only time I've ever been glad that I'm a woman. Yup.

I walked up to one of the women nearby and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned, said something cheerful, I said something cheerful then I asked, "Why are all the men upside down, nearly naked and bald?"

Her face hardened, "They were all chasing after a woman and in front of us! Worse than Miroku them were!"

I made an 'oh' sound, exchanged more pleasantries then retreated as fast as I could toward the forest. It would be best for them (and me) if they didn't know I was the woman 'them' were chasing. I don't exactly want to die at the moment.

Uh oh.

I need to go pee.

Uh . . . how do women pee?

Darn! I don't know!

Great. Now while I'm contemplating on how to go about emptying my bladder, I'm doing the little dance. You know, the dance where you jump up and down from foot to foot as the pressure in your bladder increases to the point of spilling. Yeah, that one. That ever popular dance children frequently performed and adults occasionally indulged in.

The little stream that was trickling nearby wasn't helping any. Trickle. Trickle. Trickle.

ARGH!

Okay think back. Wait. Kagome! Urgh . . . squatting . . . . . something about squatting! I think. Dammit! I wish Sango or Kagome were here. Even Kaede would be a welcome instructor. She would be less likely to laugh.

One would think that person who was as perverted as I would know how women excreted urine from their bodies. Well guess what?

I don't. So there!

Oh crap. Uh think Miroku! Squatting. Sango once said something about squatting. Okay.

I squatted down by the base of a tree and pulled up my robes. Okay. Uh . . . squatting . . . uh what did she say next? Um . . . I think she said that a snake almost bit her while she was squatting . . . .

ARGH!

I jumped up backing away from the tree and allowing my robes to fall freely. Oh man! What do I do!?

ERGH!

*

I snuck back quietly toward Kaede's hut. I paused outside the flap of the hut when I heard voices within.

"Why the hell did you sit me for you bitch?!"

Inu Yasha.

"You deserved it!"

Kagome.

"I did NOT! Unless . . . . . unless you really DID have sex with Sesshomaru!!!!!"

Yup. No doubt about it, that accusation was all Inu Ya - Did he just accuse our Kagome of 'doing it' with Sesshomaru?!

"SIT!"

He deserved it.

"BITCH!"

He's just plain suicidal.

"SIT! SIT! SIT! I did NOT have sex with your brother!!"

Ouch. A triple sitting. His nose must hurt a lot.

"HMMMPPHHMMM!!"

I wonder what he just said.

"Half brother, half sister. I don't care! The point is I did NOT do the hanky panky with him!"

How could Kagome even remotely understand him with his face planted to the ground?

"HMMPHHM!?"

Wait . . . what does hanky panky mean?

"Hanky panky just basically means . . . . . having sex . . ."

Interesting . . . . .

"HMMMPH PHMMMMHHHMMMP HPHM PHHMMHH!!!"

"JAKEN?! YOU'RE ACCUSING ME OF SCREWING AROUND WITH JAKEN!? SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT!"

Oh . . . Bad bad bad move! Poor abused harassed bruised beaten and battered Kaede's floor.

"HHHMMPPHHHHMMMPHHHHMMMMMHHHHHHMMMMPHMMMMMPHHHHMHHHHHHHMMMMHHHH!!!!"

I'm pretty sure that that was a run on sentence.

"SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! SIT! Hmph! I don't have to listen to this any longer! I just came back to tell you something about Miroku!"

Eeee. I better go in before she explains.

I walked carefully keeping my back to the wall and warily watching the two fight - well actually Inu Yasha was unconscious and Kagome was just staring, at what I interpreted her gaze meant, concerned at the welfare of the poor battered hut floor. She sighed then turned around to look at me with an odd look.

"Miroku." She said and cocked her head to the side. "Uh . . . . . why do you have your butt against the wall?"

I laughed nervously and grabbed my spare robes. "No reason . . . . . uh . . . I gotta go!" I said and raced out the door with posterior still facing the wall. I ran behind the hut and sighed in relief. Note to self: Get a veil. Hoods are just so damn hard to keep on especially when racing around everywhere - which we do a lot of.

I heard footsteps entering the hut. "Hello Kagome." Pause. "Let me guess. You and Inu Yasha had an argument."

Sango.

"Yeah. So where'd you and Kirara run off to?"

I discarded my old robes and donned on my spare ones.

"We went around and talk to some people about the elementals about rumours, stories, curses, information on their location . . . . ."

I perked up at that. Maybe Sango deep down inside DID care about me.

"Any luck?"

She probably didn't have any with the way my luck has been going.

"No. Although there was this story of a man got turned into a cow by an elemental . . ."

I blinked.

"A cow?!"

I blinked twice.

"A female one too. Apparently he was spying on the very same elementals that cursed Miroku."

I blinked thrice. (Is thrice a word?)

Kagome laughed then replied. "Miroku sure is lucky that he . . . she only switched genders!"

Yup. ^^ I sure am lucky.

"And that he/she only has one curse placed upon him!"

TWO! Two curses!

"Yeah imagine if he was a female cow!"

WHAT?!

"He would probably ask us to milk him!" They laughed.

0_0 I had no idea how they sick they were!!!

"That would be funny!" Kagome exclaimed between laughs.

They're Cruel. Just plain cruel. ;-;

"It would be even be funnier if he were one of the men being tortured outside by the village women!"

She hates me . . .

"Sango!"

;~;

"What? Hey . . . how come there's a trail of piss on the floor?"

*

I walked along in the middle of the group with Kirara on my shoulder. When Inu Yasha found out about what he did he tried to commit seppuku (ritual suicide) with the nearest thing he could find . . . . . Which happened to be a plastic butter knife. Sad world. Well he couldn't commit seppuku so he just avoided me instead.

Well I have veil now. I can see the world but they can't see me - my face anyway. It's much better seeing as the hood always flapped back revealing my face.

We stopped for lunch and I started the cooking fire, as usual, when I felt something trickle down my legs. It couldn't have been urine. The girls taught me how to pee properly! I finished the fire and hastily excused myself.

I ran into the brush and hoisted up my robes. There was blood running down my thighs!!! I pulled down my underwear and inspected myself. I was bleeding! Down there! I definitely don't feel injured or even remember being harmed in the first place! What do I do? I know! Kagome. She'll know what to do!

I put everything back on then calmly walked over to where Kagome was crouched and placing some water over the fire. I tapped her on the shoulder, she turned and looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Kagome. May I speak to you. In private?" I asked.

The miko nodded then stood up and followed me behind some bushes. Oh great. What do I say? Could you please help me Kagome? I'm bleeding from my crotch! -_-

"What is Miroku?" She asked when we stopped.

I looked at a tree behind her hiding my nervousness a moment of silence before I said. "I'm bleeding."

She gasped in alarm then grabbed my arm and started to examine me. "Where? I don't see anything." She said peering up at me.

I felt myself blush. "My . . . . . groin . . . . ." I muttered.

Kagome stared at me as if I'd suddenly grown three heads. What? Do I have a booger? How would she even see the booger behind the veil?

"Monthlies." She said quietly. "You're having your 'period'."

Huh?

Kagome let go of me then backed away. Did I sprout a head or something?

"Stay right here! Don't move!" She cautioned. Then she spun around and ran full speed to the camp.

What'd I do?

-

Shakujo - Miroku's staff. A staff given to monks of the Shinto religion. (I think it's the Shinto religion.)

This chapter is dedicated to Queen Klu and pinkjasmine.