X-stasy

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha.

Chapter 11: -Akumu-

Kagura soon came upon the naked form of Isane being cradled in the arms of the insolent wolf demon Kouga. Isane was sobbing into Kouga's chest and mumbling about how 'he was going to kill her'. Kouga of course was doing his best to comfort Isane while also enjoying the fact that Isane was naked and in his embrace. He was about to take advantage of the situation; he was a man after all, when he heard a familiar voice carried on the wind that made his blood run cold.

"Kouga!" Kagura swooped down on her feather and jumped off landing in front of Isane and Kouga. "Hand Isane over to me now. I have need of her. And if you know what's good for you, you won't get in my way."

Isane looked back at the woman curiously, surprise distracting her from her fear of Sesshoumaru and the Tenseiga for a moment.

"What the hell?" Kouga spat clutching onto Isane so tightly she yelped in pain. "I'm not handing Isane over to anyone!"

"Men," Kagura sighed. "They always have to do things the hard way." Kagura opened her red and black fan and pointed it threateningly at Kouga. "Give her to me or else."

Kouga simply glared back at Kagura. He wasn't going to give Isane up that easily and certainly not without a fight. He gently set Isane on the ground and prepared to face Kagura. The Shikon shards glowed in his two legs and arm. Kouga cracked his knuckles and gave Kagura a lopsided grin. "Or else what?"

"Foolish whelp," Kagura smiled, "Dance of the Wind Blades!" Kagura moved her fan gracefully through the air creating the blades of wind that shone with energy and that went hurtling in Kouga's direction.

Using the power from the shards Kouga's speed increased by ten times and he casually leapt out of the way. The wind blades missing their targets created large ruts in the earth. He didn't intend to be bested by the Wind Sorceress for a third time. No, he had been practicing for when this day would arrive again. He had an ace up his sleeve after all. He had underestimated her before but he didn't intend to do so again.

For the first time ever-Kouga unsheathed his sword. He then pointed it a Kagura and waited for her next attack.

Kagura raised an eyebrow at him. She was surprised that he had decided to use his sword and realized she had never seen him use it before. Well, she decided she would find out what the sword was capable of.

"Dance of the Dragon Snakes!" Kagura yelled as she unleashed her more powerful attack upon Kouga. Kouga had never been able to withstand her most powerful attack before and she wondered how he would fair this time, now that he had decided to depend on a sword for protection. She almost laughed aloud at the thought. He was foolish indeed.

The large whirlwinds formed in the air and sped towards Kouga with sickening speed. They were almost upon him when something unexpected happened. The tornados began to slow and soon the elemental wind energy was being sucked into the sword that Kouga still held before him. Kouga could feel the sword vibrating from the effort of absorbing the elemental attack. It was all he could do to keep the sword straight in front of him, he felt like his arms would be ripped off, and they ached deeply. But it was worth it in the end since it was actually working.

In what felt like hours but was really mere seconds Kagura's whirlwinds were sucked into Kouga's enchanted sword. Kagura wore a look of disbelief on her face. Now was his chance.

Kouga used the speed from the jewel shards to attack Kagura unawares. She had been so caught off guard he managed to punch her hard in the gut so that she bent over gasping for air. He then wasted no time in grabbing her around the throat with his one hand, attached to the arm, which had a Shikon shard. He then began to squeeze until Kagura felt herself choking. She was in so much pain she found she couldn't move or do anything to stop him.

And then suddenly the pain ended and Kouga was no longer strangling her. In fact Kouga was flying towards the air towards a tree. He hit it with a large cracking sound filling the air; bark shards splashing into the air. Kagura turned her confused look upon Isane who was glowing golden.

"How dare you harm a woman, male." Isane reprimanded glaring daggers at Kouga.

Kagura quickly composed herself remembering Isane's hatred towards men, hatred that Naraku had no little part in forming. And hatred that she could use to her advantage. She bowed deeply to Isane, "Thanks for helping me. It's really lucky that I ran into you actually since I'm in sort of a pinch."

"You have need of my assistance?" Isane asked curiously, her self-assumed duty towards her fellow womankind taking over.

"Yea," Kagura kept her head bowed concealing a smile. Surely, the woman couldn't be so easily fooled...

"Well, then of course I'll assist you." Isane agreed.

Kouga pulled himself up from the ground and stared at Isane in disbelief. "Isane, what are you crazy?! You can't go with her! She works for Naraku!"

Isane was slowly turning her gaze back on Kagura but it was too late. Kagura's hand came down hard upon the back of Isane's neck rendering her unconscious.

She then took Isane's limp form in her arms, along with her clothes, and the Fenikkusu sword, and soon they were speeding through the air on one of Kagura's enchanted feathers before Kouga could do anything to stop them.

It wasn't long before Isane began to stir however. She looked at Kagura questioningly and then remembered what had happened. "Who are you? What do you want from me?"

"All I want is for you to help Sesshoumaru," Kagura revealed.

Isane began to shake violently. "Sesshoumaru! I-I can't help him! He tried to kill me! No! I won't go! Take me back! I don't want to die!" Isane began to panic and struggled against Kagura's grip upon her.

"Will you get a hold of yourself?" Kagura yelled getting frustrated as Isane continued to fret. "Quit it will you!"

"No! I won't go! He'll kill me! I don't want to die! You can't make me!" Isane's voice trembled.

SLAP.

Isane looked back at Kagura, tears streaming down her face beneath the Noh mask. That had really hurt with her mask on and everything. Isane then began to cry childishly.

"You hurt me!" Isane whined. "Why are you being so mean? You're just a big meanie! And Sesshoumaru is a big meanie too! I want my mommy!"

SLAP. SLAP.

Kagura slapped her once and then used the back of her hand for another quick hit on the other side of her face.

"Ugh!" Kagura cried. "You are impossible! Get a grip will you?! Sesshoumaru is not going to kill you."

"He's not?" Isane questioned slowly sniffling.

"Of course not." Kagura huffed. "Why would he kill you when...he loves you." Kagura managed to grit out the last part.

Isane was shocked. She didn't know what the hell was going on. Was this all a dream? Or was she still trapped in that Nightmare...

"Is this real? Are you real? Who are you? What do you mean Sesshoumaru loves me?" Isane questioned all at once.

Kagura sighed. "Yes, this is real you must have been trapped in a Nightmare by creation of the Shadow Demon. He must have fabricated some scenario where Sesshoumaru wanted to kill you with the Tenseiga am I right?"

"Yes," Isane swallowed slowly as things began to make sense.

"Now, Sesshoumaru is in danger. He went off to fight the Shadow Demon alone since he was angered by what it did to you."

"Sesshoumaru...angry because of me."

"That's right." Kagura swallowed. "He cares for you. Now will you help me save him?"

"Save...Sesshoumaru...the one that is meant for me and only me. But how can I help?"

"Just be true to your own feelings." Kagura tried to smile. "You love him don't you?"

Isane nodded unsure of what she would say if she spoke. The Nightmare she had been trapped in had revealed what she felt in her heart.

"Then that's all you must do. Love will set you free."

"I'll try." Isane agreed. If Sesshoumaru was in trouble and if it was her fault she had to help him no matter what.

"And who are you?"

SLAP.

"Hey what did you do that for?!" Isane demanded.

"You ask WAY too many questions." Kagura grinned. "You should remember me. My name is Kagura. Can't anything that makes sense come out of that mouth of yours?" Kagura sighed, it was going to be a long way to Sesshoumaru. And besides she saw no good reason to be nice to her rival.

ooo

Sesshoumaru tracked the Shadow Demon until he suddenly found himself emerging from the Forest of Death. He felt something cold touch his bare skin and looked up to see that it was snowing. Fluffy snowflakes the size of gold coins swirled in the air around him, falling from a silver gray sky, making it hard to see. It reminded him of that day long ago, it had been a day just like this one...

He looked around him bewildered for a moment and decided to turn back into his human form since he noticed that just ahead of him lay a small town, and he was certain its inhabitants would not be too pleased with a giant dog demon showing up. As he approached the town his youkai senses tingled...

A nostalgic feeling washed over him as if he had been there before. When he entered it he was almost sure of it, he had been there before. The town was eerily quiet and seemed almost abandoned. Where was everyone? Then he heard it. The sound of singsong laughter.

Isane's laughter.

Sesshoumaru ran in the direction of her laughter and was surprised to come across a crowd of villagers. They had gathered in a circle around Isane. Suddenly one of the villagers threw a stone at Isane and it hit her shoulder with a sickening crack.

"Die foul demon!" The villager spat as Isane simply laughed at the pain it caused her.

Sesshoumaru looked at what was happening in horror. "Not again...this can't be happening..." Sesshoumaru tried to take a step forward but found he could not. He was suddenly helpless. Fear shot through him as he realized he was just as helpless as he had been that day...

The villagers began to unleash a barrage of stones at Isane, and as they hit her, and caused her to bleed she only continued to laugh louder. A chunk of Isane's mask broke and revealed a single golden eye, the swirling emotions that the eye held almost made Sesshoumaru cry out. They were killing her, and deep down she was gaining no satisfaction from it, it was her body however that responded to pain in such a way, but not her soul. Her eye was filled with such sadness even as she laughed at her plight.

"Isane!" Came Sesshoumaru's strangled cry.

He watched as a stone hit her directly on the side of her temple and she soon collapsed to the ground in a heap, a pool of blood forming around her staining the white snow. "No!!! Isane!" Sesshoumaru yelled. Soon the villagers casually left the girl for dead and Sesshoumaru suddenly found that he was able to move again.

He quickly ran to Isane's side and felt her neck for her pulse. There was none. But then why hadn't her body restored itself? Thinking quickly Sesshoumaru unsheathed the Tenseiga and pointed it at Isane's fallen form. He would not lose someone so dear to him again...no not again. He raised the Tenseiga high and brought it upon Isane. Nothing happened. Again. And again.

With each slash Isane's body was wracked with a spasm from the force of the Tenseiga, glowing with blue energy, but still her body would not awaken.

Sesshoumaru threw the sword aside disgusted. 'It really is a worthless sword. I can't even save her. The only one I want to save.' It wouldn't bring Isane back. He took her body in his arms and brought her close to his chest. It was all his fault. It was all his fault that she had died, stoned to death by the villagers, who hated demons so much. He suddenly took note of her mask. Slowly he began to remove it. A bright light blinded him temporarily as he did so.

And when he looked down upon Isane's face he saw that it was no longer her own.

"Haruna," he breathed. There in his arms was a small girl-child of about seven years of age. She was stunning with tan skin, dark luminous eyes, and shimmering dark purple hair. She had elfish ears and wore a white sundress, which was stained red with her blood.

"Sesshoumaru," came Haruna's weak voice. "Is it really you?"

"Yes, Haruna, it's me. I promised you I'd come back for you didn't I? I promised I would bring help." Sesshoumaru's eyes filled with tears as he gazed upon a face that he thought he'd never see again.

It had been so long ago...

"Sesshoumaru...you'll never forget me right? I'll always love you." The little girl said solemnly before her head rolled to the side.

"HARUNA!" Sesshoumaru yelled.

He had only felt so helpless once in his life. And it was one of his greatest fears to ever feel such helplessness again.

"I'll never forgive them!" Sesshoumaru growled standing with the limp form of Haruna still in his arms. "I'll never forgive the humans for what they've done Haruna! I swear it!"

He suddenly felt nine all over again, and just as helpless as he had felt then as well when his child love had been brutally killed by the humans of a village that despised demons more than anything.

Tears streamed down his cheeks and froze in the chill air.

"I will never cry again Haruna...I only shed my tears for you." Sesshoumaru promised her.

Snowflakes sparkled like crystals as they blew through the cold air around him, but not as cold as one boy's heart, once warm, now frozen...

One snowflake resembled a heart...

A heart of ice...

ooo

Sesshoumaru found himself back at his palace in the Western Lands. It was a beautiful sunny day, not a cloud in the sky. But something didn't feel right...

Suddenly the scent of smoke filled his nostrils. No...it couldn't be could it? It was the same as when...

Sesshoumaru quickly ran in the direction of the smoke and his suspicions were confirmed. The entire building of the east wing was engulfed in flames. Several demon guards were trying to squelch the flames with buckets of water but to no avail.

Sesshoumaru's heart clenched in his chest. "Mother!" He quickly pushed past the guards as he made his way inside the burning building. He just had to find his mother and save her in time. He just had too. The last time...he had been too late. Always too late...always too helpless to do anything to protect those that meant most to him. Fear welled up in Sesshoumaru's chest again. And his feet felt weighted as he made his way through the burning corridors towards his mother's room.

He had made it to her door. He quickly kicked the door in just as he had that day...and there surrounded by flames on all sides of her was his mother.

"Mother!" Sesshoumaru cried.

The woman in questioned slowly turned to face her son. She was beautiful with thick orange-red hair, styled with bangs. Her eyes were green and tilted like a cat's. A red crescent moon glowed on her forehead, the mark of a Priestess of the Moon. "Sesshoumaru...my son. Please forgive me...but I am to join the God Feng now."

"No! Mother! Please don't do this! I still need you!" Sesshoumaru exclaimed.

Sesshoumaru's mother smiled a sad smile. "Promise me you'll find love and be strong to protect the ones you love."

Tears streamed down Sesshoumaru's face and he nodded. "I promise mother but please take my hand! You don't have to do this!" Sesshoumaru reached his hand out to her urgently.

His mother looked back at her son's urgent expression and hesitated. She had decided to kill herself, and perform the ritual seppuku of the sect of the ancient God Feng, which meant being consumed in the flames. However upon seeing the expression on her son's face her resolve began to weaken and so very slowly she began to reach her hand out to him...

"Mother!" Sesshoumaru cried with glee. But then suddenly the ceiling beams collapsed and blocked the entire doorway. And there was no way Sesshoumaru could get to his mother. His lungs were already filled with smoke, his eyes burned. And his hands...a mere child's hands weren't powerful enough to move aside the burning wood that was piled in the doorway to get to her in time. "No...not again! Why is this happening to me? I can't stand this!" Sesshoumaru sunk to his knees trembling with fear. Fear of the helplessness he had never wanted to feel again, fear that he had vowed he would never feel again as long as he had become strong enough.

"Mother...I've failed you for the second time. Please forgive your unworthy son."

Sesshoumaru stayed where he was and let the flames consume him as well.

ooo

Sesshoumaru once again found himself in the Forest of Death. The air was sterile expect for the scent of blood. He recognized that blood. He looked down and saw a trail of blood leading off into the trees. He decided to follow the familiar and sweet scent of blood to its source...

He continued to walk until he saw a red blur up ahead. Urgency suddenly welled within him and he ran to the being's side. He was shocked when he saw who it was.

"Isane?" Sesshoumaru questioned.

Isane stirred and slowly turned her head towards him. "It's you..."

Sesshoumaru felt sick as he took in the sight of her body. It was battered and bruised in places and there was also blood in between her thighs.

"Isane...who did this to you?" Sesshoumaru asked.

"You did." Isane coughed up blood and it streamed down her chin underneath her mask.

Sesshoumaru stumbled backwards at what she had said. "What do you mean? I could never do something like this! I have my honor!"

"Honor!" Isane croaked. "Where was your honor when you beat and ravaged my body Sesshoumaru? Where was your honor when you enjoyed the pain you caused me! Where was your honor when my body enjoyed the pain but my soul shattered at what you did to me. Where was your honor when you used your sword to make it easier for you to-"

"Enough!" Sesshoumaru clenched his fist in anger. "I could never..."

"Look at your own blood stained hands and sword if you don't believe me." Isane suggested.

Sesshoumaru looked down at his hands in shock. She was right...they were covered in her blood. And in his right hand he held his sword that was also covered in her blood...and something else. He sniffed the air and felt that he was aroused by the smells of blood and her forced wetness.

Sesshoumaru sunk to his knees shaking.

Afraid...of himself.

As he lived yet another of his greatest fears...to live without honor.

ooo

Sesshoumaru startled as he took in his new surrounding...where was he? Was he still in the Forest of Death? It started to rain and Sesshoumaru realized it would be impossible for rain to enter that desolate place. He heard a branch break up ahead and quickly attacked out of sheer instinct.

He was so lost to his youkai instinct of self preservation that he barely gave himself the chance to see who it was, who he had killed. He was so on edge after all the other horrible visions...

"Rin?" Sesshoumaru chocked out. But it wasn't really Rin was it? It was a fully-grown woman, who looked just like her. And he also noticed that she was naked and that she was beautiful. He felt desire stir in his chest and felt disgusted that he would be attracted to his ward in this way. He had only ever seen Rin as a daughter. But had feared the day he might be drawn to her since he had been drawn to her since the beginning as he had to no one else.

He had also feared that he would lose control one day to his youkai blood and hurt Rin. Just as he had now.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," came Rin's unmistakable voice albeit her tones were a bit deeper. "Why Sesshoumaru-sama? Don't you love Rin anymore?"

Sesshoumaru looked back at Rin confused before he looked down between them. His eyes widened in disbelief. He had his hand in Rin's chest...he had her heart in his hands. He quickly removed his hand and was shocked to see her heart in the palm of his hand.

"Why?" Rin asked sadly as she collapsed to the ground lifeless.

Sesshoumaru backed away in horror and tossed her heart away from him. His own heart was beating so fast and loud. And then he felt sick when he realized it wasn't his heart at all but the sound of Rin's still beating heart that was filling the sterile air around them.

"No! Rin!" Sesshoumaru sank to his knees and punched at the ground in confusion, hate, despair, and most of all fear. His body was shaking...and he was crying.

The rain pounded around him mercilessly and formed a puddle of water in front of him. He looked down in the puddle and faces began to form in the water.

"Sesshoumaru..." came a voice that sounded like his mother's. He looked into the water and saw his mother's beloved face. Then the water shifted and it was Haruna's face he saw. "Sesshoumaru..." She begged. The water shifted yet again and it was grown up Rin. "Sesshoumaru-sama..." She pleaded.

"No I can't!" Sesshoumaru yelled. "I can't help any of you! I failed! I can't do anything!" Tears streamed down Sesshoumaru's face as his body shook with the force of his crying.

"Sesshoumaru..." came a melodious voice.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Sesshoumaru...please let me in." Came a musical voice he recognized. He looked down into the puddle and saw Isane's face...no he saw only the Noh mask. And then suddenly her image began to solidify and before he knew what was happening the image of Isane was coming out of the water and becoming real. "Sesshoumaru...I'm here for you." Isane reached out her hands towards him as half of her body came out of the puddle.

Sesshoumaru looked back at the image of Isane coming out of the water in shock.

"Sesshoumaru...you've been trapped in a Nightmare. I'm here to guide you back to me. Just...trust me Sesshoumaru." Isane told him reaching out her hand to him.

Sesshoumaru whipped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. And slowly he reached his hand out to her...

"That's right...I'm here Sesshoumaru. Everything will be alright now. I can help you leave this place." Isane sighed as Sesshoumaru placed his hand in hers.

Suddenly a bright golden light filled the area blinding Sesshoumaru temporarily. When he next opened his eyes he was afraid of what he would encounter. But only saw Isane's masked face hovering over him. His head was in her lap and he could smell that she was still bleeding from the wound he had caused her. She was dressed in his brother's haori once more the Fenikkusu sword tucked into her obi belt.

"Isane...is this real?" Sesshoumaru asked afraid.

"Yes, Sesshoumaru this is reality." A small frown formed on the face of the Noh mask as she noticed that Sesshoumaru was trembling. "There's nothing to be afraid of Sesshoumaru. I'm here and I'll protect you." She said using a finger to whip away a single tear that was on his cheek.

"This Sesshoumaru fears nothing nor no one." Sesshoumaru argued his pride getting the better of him jerking his head away from her touch.

"Of course not," Isane agreed. "But Sesshoumaru...we don't have much time. As much as I'd like to continue holding you like this the Shadow Demon is right over there...he's going to try and trap you in Nightmares again and Kagura...she's trying her hardest but she's going to end up trapped in Nightmares too if we don't do something."

"Kagura? Shadow Demon?" Sesshoumaru quickly sat up and looked to where Isane was weakly pointing.

"Dance of the Wind Blades!" Kagura's confident voice rang through the air. Blades of sharp wind went hurtling towards the Shadow Demon slicing through many parts of him. But the demon simply started to pull his parts back together. Kagura kept her eyes closed so not as to succumb to the power of fear the Shadow Demon would otherwise have upon her. Using her yoki to sense and reach out to find the other demon's yoki she was able to more or less fight without needing to see her opponent. But she was also keeping her distance while trying to buy Isane time to try and bring Sesshoumaru back from eternal Nightmares.

Kagura was glad that Sesshoumaru was so powerful that his hair had not been affected by the Shadow Demon's hold upon him-no it had remained it beautiful silvery blonde-white. Kagura thought back to Kouga and InuYasha and compared them to Sesshoumaru knowing that they weren't her type of man. No, she much preferred Sesshoumaru's limitless power and grace to the others' sense of humor and brute strength.

"Use Isane! Quickly!" Kagura called over her shoulder upon seeing Sesshoumaru return to consciousness. "Hold her close and feel for her...that will release the power you need to defeat the demon!"

Sesshoumaru hesitated but then scooped Isane swiftly into his arms. He looked down at the limp and injured woman whom he had come to care so much about. He put his pride aside and admitted to himself that he harbored feeling for this woman. He deeply cared about her...maybe one could even call it love? Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and concentrated on the feeling. His heart and soul warming with thoughts of her.

When he opened his eyes and peered down at Isane he saw that the both of them were surrounded by a shimmering golden aura, not unlike the one that Isane was sometimes engulfed in. It reminded him of the Goddess of the Sun, Huang, and her consort Feng, God of the Moon, the two eternal phoenixes that symbolized everlasting love. It reminded him of his mother, being a Priestess of the Moon, and a devotee of Feng. It reminded him of the blood of the God that flowed in his veins...and the blood of the Goddess that might very well flow in Isane's veins.

They were connected.

He realized that now. Perhaps, she was even his destiny. It was strange to think how fate had seemingly thrown them together.

Isane reached up a trembling hand and stroked his cheek lovingly with her soft, slender fingers. He smiled down at her and could feel the power radiating off of them both. He turned to face the Shadow Demon, who was watching them speculatively. Sesshoumaru took a step forward, and other step looking directly into the gaze of the Shadow Demon and yet not being paralyzed with fear.

Somehow it was working.

Sesshoumaru wasted no time in summoning his green energy whip. But when he did he noted it was different than before since the source of the power was different. The whip was no longer green but a yellow-gold color. Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at the demon and smiled evilly. It was time to put an end to this game of Naraku. He was tiring of Naraku's games, tricks, and illusions.

"Whip of Light!" Sesshoumaru bellowed as he slashed his whip out towards the demon. The Shadow Demon tried to flee into the shadows but the whip of light seemed to cut through shadows and demon both.

The Shadow Demon shrieked in pain as it was being cut apart.

'So that is the power of love...' Kagura thought as she watched and felt tears well up in her eyes.

Sesshoumaru did not relent and slashed again and again at the Shadow of Naraku until nothing but writhing pieces of shadow were left upon the forest floor. He had done it...they had done it. Sesshoumaru smiled at Isane unabashedly his white teeth gleaming. The smile felt strange, and a bit out of place but right. Together, they had managed to overcome their darkest fears, and defeat the golem that Naraku had been so sure would be their undoing. Love it seemed had been stronger than their greatest fears after all. He would have to remember to thank Kagura for her advice.

Where was Kagura? He looked around for the Wind Sorceress surprised to see that she had vanished. His eyes softened as he thought of how Kagura had helped them without asking anything in return. He knew she cared for him...however he knew he didn't feel the same way about her. And perhaps she knew that as well and that's why she had left them alone.

All that remained of the Shadow Demon were several shards of the Shikon jewel lying upon the ground where the demon had been destroyed. Sesshoumaru calmly walked over and picked up the shards pocketing them and making a mental note to give them back to Kagome.

When he looked down at Isane again he saw her turn her head away.

"Isane..." He began softly not really knowing what to say. He felt so many foreign emotions stirring in his chest and he didn't know how to deal with any of them. The two people he had cared about most in his life, his mother, and his child-love Haruna, their lives had been taken from him long ago. And the warm heart only a youth could have turned frozen as ice. But now as he peered down at the mysterious Noh mask and body of this woman his heart was filled with emotions he hadn't felt since long ago. Was he falling in love with Isane? Did he already love her?

"Sesshoumaru...I'd like to be alone for a while if you don't mind. Why not go back to the others and let them know what has happened." Isane suggested coldly, her face still turned away from him.

Sesshoumaru felt stung, but decided the others should know what had occurred. He turned to leave and found himself looking back at her one more time before speeding away from her, engraving her image in his memory.

ooo

As soon as Sesshoumaru was gone Isane removed the Noh mask from her face and flung it away from her. She then let the tears flow freely down her face. She cried silently for a moment before her body was wracked with sobs and she began to cry into her hands. She was so confused...so torn apart.

When Kagura had made her realize that she had been trapped in Nightmares unable to let go, and that Sesshoumaru was in danger because of her, she had been very worried. Even though she still felt fear of him rejecting and hating her she couldn't help but be worried for him because she loved him. The Nightmare had made her come face to face with her emotions and she knew she truly loved Sesshoumaru with her entire being-heart, body, mind and soul. But the Nightmare had also revealed other things to her.

She was positive that Sesshoumaru would never love her in return, not when he found out the truth of her existence. He would hate and reject her. She was almost sure of it. But despite this fact she couldn't help stop her heart from welling with emotion at the thought of him, or the butterflies in her stomach from fluttering when she thought of his piercing golden gaze. The love she held for Sesshoumaru was even stronger than her love for Naraku had been. Even without hope of being loved in return she found she couldn't stop loving him even if she wanted to. It seemed she was doomed once again.

Would history repeat itself? Isane had the feeling that it would. And that she could really do nothing to stop it. Once again her heart would be broken and perhaps this time she wouldn't be able to put the pieces of her broken heart together. When she thought of her love for Sesshoumaru she realized she had never really loved Naraku. She had been more in love with the idea of love than anything else. Before she didn't really know what love really was. And now she knew that since her love hadn't been mutual it had only been an infatuation. She had set Naraku and love on a pedestal and failed to see what either really were.

Naraku had become a mere symbol of true love, and so she had tricked herself. She had been caught up in an illusion of her own devising. Thinking herself in love, and loved by the man she loved. But it was all a cruel joke, a lie. None of it was true. She had been foolish and naive. She had made a horrible mistake. Sure she may have loved him despite his evil ways since he did save her from her sad life in the village, but he was beyond evil. He took lives without hesitation and without remorse. He held no regard for life, human or demon. He was a foul creature indeed that only cared for himself.

When she finally saw Naraku for what he truly was she knew she had never loved him. How could she love someone like him? Her pleasure from pain had given her warped views and that was all. Or at least part of it. Perhaps she had loved him but it was a mistake. And she didn't love him at all now. No, love was something pure to be given and had in return. Love wasn't to give and to be used against you. Isane hoped that she would one day experience true love. She longed for it. And not the evil cruel love she had experienced with Naraku.

When she realized this she wondered how she could even have thought that she loved Naraku. No, he wasn't the man she wanted, nor the type of man she craved. The man she wanted would be more than a man. He would be strong and powerful but he would have honor. He would be beautiful, or at least beautiful to her eyes. He would love her as she loved him. He would have a heart unlike the cruel spider demon. And lastly, he would accept her for who she really was...

A human.

And yet she was afraid to love. She had been hurt very badly by Naraku and was afraid she would be betrayed again. It already seemed as though she was stuck in a vicious circle of love and hate. Where she would fall in love with someone who would only end up hating her in return. Was that her destiny? Was there really nothing she could do about it. Even though she had promised herself she'd never fall for a demon male she had. Despite all the hate she held in her heart for males her heart had warmed to Sesshoumaru. She knew she could do nothing about it. And accepted it. Accepted her cruel fate.

She would always love him, she knew that now. But he would never love her. So be it. She wondered sadly what would become of her. She could feel her body weakening and wished it would all just end before Sesshoumaru returned. It would be easier that way if she would cease to exist.

'Oh Sesshoumaru...I wish my heart didn't long for you so. But I can't help but love you with all my soul. And all I can expect from you is hate in return. I hope I am no longer in this world by the time you return.' She could feel herself weakening and knew that she wouldn't be able to...

On feathered wings of white hope soared away from a lonely heart...

ooo

Miroku and Sango were sitting side by side looking into the fire at their camp. Sesshoumaru and Isane still hadn't returned yet and just moments ago Kouga had went to check up on what was going on. They couldn't have stopped him even if they had tried. Miroku couldn't help but smile wondering if he'd survive. He'd most likely get fireballed for sure. Isane was a fascinating woman but she didn't hold a candle to his Sango he decided.

He knew as he watched Sango looking into the dancing flames that she was thinking of her brother Kohaku. Her eyes were so sad. He just couldn't bare to see her this way.

"I'm sorry." He told her.

Sango blinked at him. "For what?"

"For not being powerful enough to help your brother." Miroku never thought he'd actually miss his curse, but he found he had lost part of his identity along with it. He felt lost and confused unable to help the woman he loved. Maybe it would have been better to have lived with the curse and its consequences as long as it meant Sango's happiness.

"That's not your fault..." Sango insisted feeling drained.

He tentatively put an arm around her and was surprised when she rested her head on his shoulder. "Don't worry..." He told her. "We'll get him back, Sango. And I'll do whatever it takes to see that look in your eyes go away."

Sango turned to him then, with a confused expression on her face. "Why do you care?" And she felt guilty as the words left her lips so coldly. But she really sort of wanted to know the answer. Miroku had been extra nice and attentive with her as of late and she wasn't really sure what was going on. Also she sensed her own feeling for the monk were changing...

Miroku felt hurt. Didn't she realize he thought the world of her? "Sango...I would do anything if it meant that you'd be happy. I'd even take the curse upon myself again. After so long of watching each other's back...I've grown to respect you and see you as a great friend. But that's not all. As time has passed I've realized that it's not only your friendship I value...I care for you Sango, very much so. And this is no joke and when I say this...I really mean it. Sango I...I've fallen in love with you."

Sango blinked back at the monk in surprise. She was glad that InuYasha and Kagome were asleep so they couldn't see how red in the face she must look. She looked into his dark eyes and saw he was bearing his heart and soul to her. "Miroku...I..." She swallowed nervously as her eyes trailed to his soft lips. "I feel the same way."

Miroku's brows shot up in surprise. "You do?"

"Yes," Sango admitted, finally feeling as though things made sense. "I love you, too Miroku. Actually I think I have for a while now but just now realized it." She then began to lean in to place a kiss on Miroku's lips...

When suddenly Sesshoumaru entered the clearing. He looked...frazzled for lack of a better word, Sango thought.

"Sesshoumaru?" Sango asked and then realized how close she and Miroku were and jumped about a foot away from him.

"Where's Kagome?" Sesshoumaru asked restlessly.

"She's over there," Sango said pointing over to the sleeping form of Kagome in a daze.

Sesshoumaru simply walked over to her and began to stir her awake. By this time InuYasha had awakened and was staring at his brother curiously.

"What's up bro?"

"Isane and I have managed to defeat the Shadow Demon," Sesshoumaru announced as Kagome wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Here I believe these belong to you." Sesshoumaru placed the shards in her hand before standing. "Now I wish to return to Isane...I left her unattended."

"That's fine. We'll be right behind you." InuYasha declared and Sesshoumaru simply nodded.

ooo

Sesshoumaru could sense Isane up ahead. He wanted to get back to her as fast as possible. He felt bad having left her at all. Her yoki was still weakening causing him to run faster. His heart leapt in his chest as he saw her. She was leaning against a tree, an eerie calm about her. Her mask in place, two strands of white hair on either side of her face, and her cascade of red hair about her still trembling form. She was still dressed in InuYasha's haori with the Fenikkusu tied at her waist by her obi. Blood was still seeping from the unhealed wound in her stomach.

Even in her current state Sesshoumaru thought her beautiful.

"Sesshoumaru." Isane's soft voice called as she tried to take a step forward towards him. But her energy gave way and she was falling to the ground.

"Isane!" Sesshoumaru was at her side in an instant catching her before she would have dropped to the ground.

Isane turned and placed her hands on his chest. Her breathing coming in and out in short gasps. He had caught her...and he wasn't pushing her away. She smiled. And felt she wanted him to see her real smile. She shook her head. It was too late now. So she simply laid her head on Sesshoumaru's chest and sighed content...

Sesshoumaru seemed content too but was still worried about her condition. "Isane...tell me what's going on? Why are you weakening? Are you...alright?" Sesshoumaru dreading her answer.

Isane hesitated before answering, she found she couldn't keep the truth from him. "It's this place...there is no moonlight nor sunlight so my powers have no way to replenish themselves. Soon...I'll be completely drained of energy...and I don't know what will become of me. If I die I won't have enough power to resurrect myself and I...think I'll just cease to exist." Isane revealed content to die in the arms of the man she loved and without his hate. She had made her decision.

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in horror. "Isane! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Isane did not respond.

"Dammit Isane! Are you crazy? Did you just want to give up and die?! How could you even think of doing something so stupid? Don't you realize how I...can't you take my feelings into consideration for once?! I have to get you the hell out of here before it's too late! That wound is a mortal wound...and don't worry Isane we'll make it through this!" Sesshoumaru quickly helped Isane to climb onto his back so he could carry her piggyback style out of the forest. She was too surprised and confused by what he had said to resist.

He ran through the forest as fast as he could. He felt weakened and drained himself after having gone through the several Nightmares of his greatest fears. But this only made him push himself harder.

Sesshoumaru's hopped up to the tree branches and began to leap from branch to branch. Speeding through the air he hoped Isane would make it. He could feel her getting weaker and weaker as she lay against his back.

"Just hang on Isane," Sesshoumaru pleaded. "You can do it!"

"Why?" Isane questioned weakly. 'Why is he doing this? He couldn't possibly care for me so much...could he?'

"Because I have yet to solve your mystery." Sesshoumaru smiled down at her.

They just had to make it in time.

Now that he realized...

'I will not fail to save the woman I love, again.'

ooo

To be continued...

Jap trans: Akumu: Nightmare.