Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ Shallow Means, Deep Ends ❯ Am I not yours? ( Chapter 1 )

 

 

Shallow Means, Deep Ends

 

Am I not yours?

 

 

The black clad figure slowly walked forward, doing well to keep in the shadows and out of sight. After all it wouldn't do if he were spotted. Not when he had worked so hard to get to this point. Not when his non-existance meant everything. No, he couldn't know he was watching. He couldn't know that all he ever did was watch, because what he really wanted to do wasn't an option anymore. He could do nothing but watch because the person he really wanted to do more to wasn't there…not really.

 

Though the similarities were almost scary. He scanned the features of the boy who had captivated his interests. The cinnamon spikes that seemed to jut in all directions caught his attention first. How many nights had he run fingers through hair just like that, and yet at the same time not the same at all? It had been shorter than…not quite as wild.

 

His face was also different. It held more innocence. You could tell that he wasn't corrupt yet. No one had turned him to darkness…no one had taken that light behind his eyes away yet. Those eyes that could tear you apart with one glance…they were what he loved most.

 

Those sparkling pools of sapphire he was sure could light even the darkest of worlds. The shone with the brightness of a thousand suns, and glittered brilliance of a thousand diamonds, and they used to stare at him with nothing but love. Had it been love? Could they even love? He wasn't entirely sure, but he thought he was missing an intricate part to be able to feel that kind of emotion. Then was it a lie? Could everything he had thought he felt really have been based on an illusion? If that were so then why did he get this feeling whenever his eyes landed on that face? Why did his chest constrict whenever those eyes landed on him.

 

Wait! Why was he looking over? Shit!...He had been careless. He had been too busy in his thoughts to realize that he was starting to walk his way. He had to get out of there now…He had to get out of there before…

 

“Hey! Who are you?” Damn. He had been careless, and now…now he would have to deal with the consequences. Thankfully though he knew that the brunette still had no idea who he was. They all looked the same in these damn black cloaks after all. Yes, he had been caught spying, but at least he still had his secrecy.

 

The boy began running towards him, and he was actually quite surprised that his annoying companions weren't trailing after them. Though they were in Twilight Town, and so they were in no danger. They had probably gone to restock their supplies or something.

 

As he got closer, his resolve on whether or not he should stand his ground was fading rather steadily. Because the closer and closer he got, the more and more faint traces of someone who used to move just like that came into his memory, and he began to have second thoughts.

 

Holding out his hand, he summoned the darkness into his fingertips, fully prepared to make a portal and get the hell out of there, but then something stopped him…Or rather someone.

 

At the same moment he had turned to walk through the gateway his wrist had been grabbed, and he had been whipped back around so that he was staring Sora straight in the eyes. “Don't go…please.” The boy pleaded, and really he had no idea where such a plea had come from. They were enemies right? So then why could he possibly want him to stay? Could it be that some part of him remembered? Could it be that they were still connected?

 

“Are you…are you Riku?” His face immediately fell. So that was it. This cloak had worked better than he could have ever imagined as a disguise. Sora had no idea who he was, but the brunette obviously had someone in mind of who he wanted him to be.

 

Riku…the boy who had given himself to darkness and now fought in an area in-between, Sora's voice held a deep longing as that name passed his lips. The person he had worked so hard to search for…his Riku. Those beautiful eyes were rimmed with a mixture of sadness and hope as the question that passed between them remained unanswered.

 

Sora wanted him to be Riku. He wanted that loneliness that you could see radiating off of his features to be over. He smirked from beneath his cloak. Such desperation can often be used to a great advantage. Tilting his head to the side, he pulled his hand away from the keyblade wielder and used it instead to gently caress his face.

 

His leather clad skin slid against that of the brunette's and he longed for what it might feel like to touch that soft warmth with his own hand. Sora's eyes closed, and a small whimper escaped his throat. “…Riku…” He whispered, immediately leaning further into such a small touch. “Please…please tell me it's really you.”

 

He didn't though. No, all he did was pull that cupped cheek closer to his own face. So close that he could just feel a whisper of warm breath on his lips, and if he closed his eyes he could imagine just whom that breath belonged to. Seemingly of its own volition his body began to move closer to that warmth. He didn't even realize how close he had got until his lips barely touched those of the keyblade wielder's.

 

Just that small bit of contact sent a shiver down his spine in recollection, and he knew he had passed the point of no return. His arm came around the brunette, landing on his lower back and pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe, all he could do was feel those silky lips gliding against his own.

 

It took him awhile to process just what that meant, but once he did he only kissed all the harder. Sora was kissing him back, but it was only because he thought he was Riku, the boy he seemed to love enough to travel the galaxy in search of. The brunette's mouth opened to him, and he took no time at all in slipping his tongue into that sweet cavern that he adored so much. Their tongues slid together, and all time seemed to stop.

 

How many times had he kissed him like this? How many times had he been on the point of losing it and just one of these kisses and a smile had turned his entire world around? This is what he was missing. This is what he craved. He pulled Sora all the more close, and deepened the kiss until his lungs burned. It didn't matter though. Let him die, as long as he died while experiencing this he didn't care. Though of course that didn't mean the brunette was prepared to throw his life away over one kiss, because he pulled away gasping and with a sloppy smile on his face.

 

“I knew I'd find you!” He stated in exhilaration. “We searched for so long, and I was starting to give up hope…but I knew you were out there.” He flung forward, embracing him and squeezing him as tightly as he could. Apparently letting him get away again was not an option. “I'm so glad you're here…I'll never let you out of my sight again...I love you so much.” He sobbed into his chest, and for the first time since they had started this charade he began to feel a pang of guilt…not to mention a little jealousy.

 

He shouldn't be the one hearing this confession. This was meant for his beloved's ear, and that could never be him. He could lie to himself all he wanted, tell himself that this was okay, but in the end the boy in his arms didn't belong to him…not anymore…in fact he never had.

 

Holding him for just a moment longer, he took all he could out of their embrace before gently pushing the brunette away. It pained him to see the hurt and confused expression on that innocent face, but he couldn't be the one to take that innocence away from him. Not like this…not without him even knowing.

 

“Riku?” He asked unsurely, and all he could do was stand there still clad in his cloak and try to think of a way out of this unholy mess he had brought down upon himself. “Come on, you're really starting to freak me out.” His voice had risen a few pitches, and his forehead was creased with worry. “Please say something!” He pleaded almost hysterically, and it was in that moment when he could no longer hold up this façade. He had to do something.

 

Taking a deep breath, he brought both of his hands up to the hood of his cloak and carefully brought it down, revealing a wild mess of unnaturally spiky red hair and the greenest eyes imaginable.

 

“Axel!?” Sora choked, and began shaking his head back and forth in disbelief.

 

Wincing at the pained expression he saw on the brunette's face, the redhead tried his best to try to sort this out. “Yeah it's me, but before you…”

 

*SLAP!*

 

Rubbing his sore jaw, Axel quietly finished lamely. “Freak out.” That little pang of regret grew a little when he saw those wonderful sapphire eyes quickly overflowing with tears.

 

“Why!?” Sora asked angrily. “Why would you do something like that to me?” Axel opened his mouth to respond, but apparently it was one of those rhetorical questions because he was never allowed a response.

 

*SLAP!*

 

“Why did you kiss me!?” He bellowed. “Why did you pretend to be Riku!?” Okay see the first question had basis, but the second…the second was just not fair.

 

Running a hand through his ridiculously long spikes, Axel gave the boy a lopsided grin. “Well aren't we just quick to toss out blame, but if I remember correctly I never said I was your boy toy…” He poked his chest, and then winced as his hand was slapped away. “You just assumed.” He rubbed his now sore hand, feeling like passing on the blame. “Didn't anyone ever tell you that you're not supposed to go around molesting complete strangers.”

 

“I thought you were Riku!” He countered, to which Axel just waggled his finger.

 

“Yes, so you've said…but maybe you shouldn't just assume everyone in a black cloak is the silver haired wonder.” Sora's eyes were narrowed to slits.

 

“You led me on, and you know it.” He growled, wiping furiously at his eyes. There was no more sadness left in their depths. No, now only blinding fury shone there…a look he knew only too well. Just then…they looked so much like each other.

 

Crossing his arms, Axel gave him a smirk. “That may be, but just look at it this way.” He waved his hand in front of himself in explanation. “Now, if you ever do manage to snag your babe then you'll have had some practice.

 

“I'll kill you!” Sora shot out, at the same time summoning his keyblade to his hand and lunging forward. Green eyes widened at the sudden attack, and Axel barely had enough time to jump out of the way of the deadly blade.

 

Sora seemed pretty pissed though, because he wasn't showing any signs of letting up. When he realized that his last attack hadn't connected, he turned right around and swung again, this time coming a little too close for comfort. The odd sword slashed at his clothes, cutting off the tassels of his cloak.

 

Jumping up onto the ledge, Axel put his hand out in front of him to still the furious warrior. “Whoa! Chill out kitty!” He paused after his nickname was let out, and had to give himself a few moments to laugh quietly at his own joke. He still couldn't get over how cute the brunette had looked as a little lion cub. However, this was definitely not the time to be reminiscing about such things.

 

Flawlessly flipping off of his perch, he landed calmly in front of the boy. “There's no need for violence, after all I didn't even come here to see you.” The brunette's eyebrows knitted in confusion, but he still managed to keep his steely gaze.

 

Though that didn't mean that his curiosity didn't start to get the best of him. “W-what are you talking about?” He said through clenched teeth, but Axel could already tell that his resolve was slipping away.

 

Now the only question was what was he going to do now? He could tell him. He could tell him and risk the wrath of the rest of the Organization…or more of their wrath anyways. He bit his bottom lip in confusion. What exactly would he tell him though? How do you even begin to explain something like this?

 

“I wanted to see him.” He started out quietly, not really trusting his voice at the moment. “I just wanted to see him.” His normally biting voice trailed out in an almost whisper, and it was in that moment that he realized just how much he longed to carry out that request. How long had it been since he had seen that smile? How long since he had heard that laugh? How many months had went by since he had seen those clear blue eyes looking at him in a way that they never looked at anybody else. The same way Sora's had looked at him when he thought he was Riku.

 

“Who?” He heard Sora ask nervously, and really he could only think of one answer to give him.

 

Green eyes flickered up to meet the brunette's, and without a thought he answered the question burning in their depths. “The person I love.”

 

“Love?” Sora spit out like it was some unwanted entity in his mouth. “You're a Nobody Axel…you can't love.” Green eyes widened to saucers at the boy's unlikely hateful tone, but then he chalked that up to the fact that he had just pretended to be the person he loved in order to kiss him. Well Sora could be awfully vindictive when he wanted to be, huh? Yet another trait the two shared.

 

Axel put a hand to his chest in mock pain. “Aww now see you went and hurt my feelings.” Sora just shrugged nonchalantly.

 

“Like I care.” Even though his tone was harsh, he was already beginning to lower his weapon and Axel could see the anger begin to leave him.

 

Still…there was a question burning in the back of Axel's mind over it all, and he had to have an answer. “What makes you think I can't love anyways?”

 

The keyblade lowered altogether, and with a shrug Sora made it disappear before answering his question. “You don't have a heart. You can't care…If you could you would have never done what you did.”

 

The redhead's face fell. So he couldn't love? “Then what is this feeling?” He asked allowed. “Why do I want to be with him? Why can I never get him out of my head?” He held his hand to the place his heart should have been. “Why is it that it hurts here when I think of how I lost him when it's nothing more than an empty cavity?” Sorrowful green eyes turned up to meet shimmering blue. “Please.” He pleaded. “Tell me.” Without meaning to he had slowly but surely been backing Sora up into the corner or the back alley, and with that last spurt pushed him completely against the wall, pinning him to the hard brick behind him.

 

Once he had him in such a position though all of his questions faded from his mind, only to be replaced by the vision in front of him. If he pretended hard enough he could almost see the face he had grown so fond of staring back at him. “You look just like him yeh know.” He said without thinking, and knew that he was in trouble at the inquisitive look that covered the brunette's face.

 

“Who?” His voice ghosted across the redhead's face, making him sigh in content as he leaned closer so that he could whisper in his ear.

 

If this didn't work he was out of ideas. “Your other half…” Closing his eyes he took a whiff of the boy's hair. It smelled salty like the ocean, and yet Sora had a definite sweet smell to him. It was just like the ice cream that the boy used to eat all the time. “Roxas.” He moaned out in longing, and he felt the brunette stiffen in his arms.

 

Arms pushed at his chest to get him to release, but Axel was having none of it. He wouldn't let this boy in his arms go…the boy that so much resembled his Roxas. “Don't call me that Axel. Why does everybody call me that?” With a cry Sora roughly shoved him away. “My name's Sora!”

 

Steadying himself, Axel once more began to head towards the keyblade wielder, and this time he didn't plan to be pushed aside. “I know who you are S-o-r-a.” He over pronounced the name. He was getting extremely agitated with the hyper teenager. “After all you're the one that took him away from me…you and that bitch boyfriend of yours.”

 

Sora's eyes immediately became alert at the mention of his little boy toy. “What do you know about Riku?” Axel scoffed. Figures that the only thing he had gotten out of that sentence was the part about that little bitch that had captured his friend.

 

“I know that Roxas kicked his ass, and sent him running with his tail between his legs…but then the pretty bastard just had to go and cheat.” Axel smirked evilly. “Now he's not so pretty though.”

 

“Shut up and tell me what you know!” Axel was about to point out how that made about zero sense, but then an idea popped into his head and he chose to pursue other alternatives.

 

Reaching out with a leather clad hand, he gripped Sora's chin and pulled him close. “Tell you what keyblade master, you let me see Roxas, and I'll tell you where to find Riku.”

 

Sora's eyes widened to saucers, and his mouth dropped open into a grin…that is until he realized what he had just been asked. “But I can't. I don't know who Roxas is! How could I let you see him!?”

 

No. He wouldn't accept that answer. Gesturing wildly, Axel was on the very edge of his patience. “He's a part of you! You must know where he is!” The last bit of sanity that held him in place busted at that moment. “Tell me…Tell me now!”

 

Without meaning to he had shoved Sora in the chest and sent him crashing backwards into the wall. Apparently though he had shoved awfully hard because as soon as the brunette's head connected with hard stone his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he slumped down on the wall unconscious. “Shit.” He cursed. He had really not meant to do that. What the hell was he going to do now?

 

“Great Axel…” He muttered to himself while pacing in circles. “Yes, that's the way to find him…knock the brat out.” He screwed his eyes shut. “What am I supposed to do now?”

 

“Well you could start by seriously talking to someone about your anger issues.” Axel froze. It couldn't be. His breathing sped up, and his head began to swirl. With wide eyes he slowly turned around to face the source of the voice.

 

His eyes traveled slowly up from the black cloak that was identical to his own, to the creamy white flesh that he had kissed on so many occasions, and they finally settled on those rosy pink lips that were curved into a smile that he had been one of the few privileged enough to see. “Roxas?”

 

The boy in question completely ignored his panicked question, and instead went on with digressing his mental issues. “You also might want to look into getting over that whole talking to yourself thing…you look like a crazy person.” That smile widened. “Though of course I already know you're off your nut, so it doesn't bother me…but other people might wanna lock you up in the loony bin.”

 

It had to be Roxas! After all he was the only person he knew that could be such an ass. He looked up into cerulean blue eyes, and couldn't help but smile. “I've been looking for you for so long.”

 

Roxas gave a small laugh before rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah I know…hell you even went so far as to molest Sora.” He waggled his finger at him. “Oh and by the way I am very pissed about that.”

 

Axel didn't even have the will to think of a decent comeback. He had thought when they had fought in the mansion it would have been the last time he'd see the dirty blond, and yet here he was. No, he was much too elated to be smart.

 

Rushing forward, the redhead grabbed the Nobody in his arms and took no time in devouring the lips he hadn't kissed for what felt like ages. Stars exploded behind his vision as their lips slid together in that perfect way it always had before, and even though he knew he wasn't supposed to be able to feel, he thought something akin to pure joy was flooding his senses at the thought of having this cherished creature back in his arms.

 

On shaky knees, Axel managed to wrap Roxas's legs around his hips. The familiar weight in his arms was welcomed as he pushed him up against the opposite wall to where Sora still lay. As soon as he was grounded he didn't take much time in sending those fiery kisses down his neck. His lips sucked on the beating pulse of his lover, and reveled in how he could make a nice dark blue mark there.

 

If they weren't real…if they really were never meant to exist in this world, then why is it that he could kiss his neck and know that he belonged only to him. How can you belong to someone if you don't really exist?

 

“Roxas…” He moaned. “I've missed you so much.” He nuzzled their cheeks together, and gave a smile at the feel of the dirty blond's mouth quirking into a smirk.

 

“I know Axel, I've missed you to…” That smirk faded. “but I can't stay.” His own smile fell at that as well. Pulling back, he let Roxas stand on his own two feet, and let him off of the wall, much to comatose to do anything else.

 

“Stop joking around pipsqueak…We're in this together until the wheels fall off…just like we promised, remember?” He tried, already knowing by the crestfallen look on the boy's face that he wouldn't be keeping his end of the bargain.

 

“We don't exist Axel…Eventually we'll just fade away.” He reached out, touching the redhead's cheek. “In a sense I already have. The only reason I'm even able to talk to you is because Sora is unconscious.”

 

This couldn't be happening. They had their plans, didn't they? The Organization was working to make them real. They could still win! Even as he was trying to convince himself in his head he knew that it wasn't the truth. After all even now Sora was already quickly unraveling all of Xemnas's carefully laid out plans. So what did that mean for them?

 

“So what Roxas are we just a pair of star-crossed lover's doomed for an ill fate…” He scoffed. “Come on that is such a cliché.” Roxas gave him a small laugh at his joke to try to lighten the mood, but neither could even pretend this was a laughing matter.

 

The small bit of laughter he had been trying to produce got caught in his throat at the broken look on the Nobody's face, and he ended up pulling the boy close instead. Axel nuzzled his face into short spikes, knowing that this was probably the last embrace they would ever share. “Don't look so serious Roxas, it's just the rest of our lives after all.” Roxas squeezed even harder, and without looking the redhead knew that tears were flowing from his eyes. “I like you better when you smile.”

 

Roxas pulled his head off of the redhead's chest, looking into his green eyes and trying to wipe away the tears that were now flowing freely down his face. “Yeah I bet you do…You always were a selfish jerk.”

 

Smiling, Axel used a thumb to wipe a way a line of tears threatening to fall from the boy's shimmering eyes. “But you love me right?” He asked teasingly, but inside he was dying to know the answer.

 

Giving a nod, Roxas leaned forwards and touched their mouths in a small kiss before pulling away. “Yeah Axel, I love you.” He kissed him again. “I know it's not real, and I know that we can't, but that doesn't change the fact that in someway I know I love you.”

 

Smiling a toothy grin, Axel kissed him again, only this time he kissed him hard enough to leave him gasping for breath when he pulled away. “Good. I would hate to be the only one with this kind of confusion.”

 

Laying his head once more on his chest, Roxas snuggled as close as he could get. “Take care of Sora for me, okay? He gets himself into more trouble then I did.” Axel nodded onto the top of his head, and just continued to hold him close in what felt like would be their last moments.

 

His theory was only backed up when he could hear Sora stirring from against the wall. “And Axel?” He asked, picking his head off his chest to stare into bright green eyes. “Even if we disappear, promise you won't forget me.”

 

Green eyes widened as Roxas's body began to fade away, but he still managed to give his lover a smile. “Of course dingbat.” He jested, and barely managed to hold back a sob. “How could I ever forget about you?” Placing one more kiss on those slowly fading lips, he managed to get out in barely a whisper. “Good-bye.”

 

Giving him a large grin, Roxas gave a wave. “Laterz…” He winked, before disappearing entirely and leaving Axel once again alone. Sora once more stirred from his position on the wall, and without looking the redhead could tell he was now awake. He didn't care about that though. No, at that moment he felt every bit as empty and callous as what they said he was supposed to feel like. Up until this point he had been fighting so hard to find meaning in his life, to survive, but now he welcomed death. All he wanted to do was fade away into nothingness where he could be at peace.

 

“Axel?” The keyblade bearer's voice cut through his reprieve, and he turned to the brunette, trying not to show on his face any inclination of what had just happened here. He knew he would have no problem with that however, because he always was a very talented liar.

 

“Thank you Sora.” His voice was choked and far away, but he needed to get this out before he left. He had made a promise after all. “The next time I see you it'll be in The World That Never Was…I suggest you go there if you want to find Riku.”

 

Having said that he hastily turned and walked around the alley, ignoring the flow of questions spewing from the keyblade bearer's mouth. He had done what they had agreed to, and he didn't feel that he owed him anything more than that.

 

His back hit a fence as he collapsed upon it, all which had just happened finally managing to sink in. Roxas was gone into Sora, and he would never see him again. Not that it mattered, because soon he would disappear back into the nothingness that spawned him. It was all going to be over soon, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

 

A dripping sound caught his attention, and once he found the source he couldn't help the small smile that graced his face. So because a Nobody has no heart they cannot feel? Because of what they lack, they cannot love. If all of this were true, then why was it that tears were falling freely down the face of what was only supposed to be an emotionless husk? Why then did he feel so…sad?

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

 

THE END

 

A.N- Omg that was depressing! Honestly when I started out to write an axel/roxas fic I hadn't intended for it to be so hella sad. But then again (and this is where I go into really long rant about the game after just passing it, and so if you haven't I suggest you don't read) the whole game made me depressed. Everytime they would mention Roxas I would let out with an `aww that's so sad' And then the Organization graveyard made me sad, as did what happened with Axel…just everything. I just felt so sorry for everyone in that game…but maybe I'm just way too sympathetic for my own good. But yeah I'm a big Riku lover, and so it was weird not writing Riku, but I wanted to try this. Oh! And speaking of Riku drools at just the thought They made him sooooooo hot on that game…plus he was like the biggest stud ever. Oh! And Sora so totally and utterly loves Riku more than Kairi. Like he saw Kairi and he's all happy and stuff, but when he sees Riku he collapses onto his knees and starts balling all over his leg….yep he so loves him more lol…but I loved that game! And there's gonna be a sequel…although honestly the secret ending did confuse the hell out of me, but oh well…I'm sure I'll love that one too…as long as Riku's in it…lol Okay well sorry for the extremely long rant you just had to read, but I just had to talk about it.

 

Thank you so much for reading my fic, and I would luv you to death if you sent a review my way….alright luv ya lots…

 

~*~ PrEvIoUsLy ReCoRdEd ~*~