Legend Of Zelda Fan Fiction ❯ When Lunatics Speak ❯ True Boredom - The LoZ OoT/OC Quiz of Randomness ( Chapter 1 )

OMG, WTH is this?

I totally stole the idea from Twili-imp21 and then stole the questions from Mbryn!

Two of the crazy peoples below are my OCs from a LoZ doujinshi I'm working on, set in the OoT timeline, and the rest are other characters in the story (uh, like Link, Ganondorf, and Malon…). I will hopefully someday post that doujinshi, so you can see who the hell these freakin' lunatics are.
This whole thing was done entirely for my own pleasure and enjoyment, but I hope some of y'all get a kick out of it, too; otherwise I don't know why the hell I'm posting it.

*Legend of Zelda and the pertaining characters (except mine!) are owned by Nintendo. (And Ganondorf is grateful for that, because he knows if I owned him, he'd so be mah love slave XD)*


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Who/What are you?

Nanikka: Nanikka Ittanna, exiled Gerudo warrior now working for that overbearing douche bag Ganondorf. *flips Ganon off*
Link: I'm Link. I was just minding my own business in Kokiri Forest, when one day I wake up and BAM! I'm the Hero of Time. And I'm Hylian. That was a surprise…
Ganondorf: Is an introduction really necessary? I seized control of Hyrule and am now King. Of everything.
Nuna: I'm Nanikka's older sister. I'm an elite warrior in the Gerudo tribe, but lately I haven't been feeling so well…
Malon: Hiyee! I'm Malon Lon, co-owner of Lon Lon Ranch! I looooove horses! XD

How old are you??

Nanikka: That's on a need-to-know basis. *Nuna whispers “She's 28!”*
Link: I have no idea. I do so much time travel, I really start to lose track. I think I'm around… 17 maybe?
Ganondorf: Wouldn't you like to know? *Nanikka pulls out a megaphone and shouts, “Ganondorf's dangerously close the big 4-0, people!” Ganon wraps the megaphone around her neck*
Nuna: 35 and I could kick your punk a$$ any day.
Malon: 16. Tee hee! :D

You got any bad habits??

Nanikka: Yeah. Working for Ganondorf. *glares at Ganon; he smirks*
Link: Well, I used to have one. But then I just started tuning Navi out.
Ganondorf: *laughs* Are you kidding? Everything I do is bad!
Nuna: I keep a secret stash of chocolate… does that count? *Nanikka interjects, “About that… you might wanna restock…”*
Malon: I eat cow pies! Mmmmm… :D

Any stupid fears?

Nanikka: I don't think any fears are stupid.
Link: Well, I kind of have this feeling that Sheik might be gay… and I'm always afraid he's coming on to me!
Ganondorf: I am your fears.
Nuna: The only fear I have right now is that I might die before I see my sister again.
Malon: I'm terrified of balloons! :D

Are you a boy or a girl??

Nanikka: Have you ever seen a guy with bazoombas like these?
Link: Contrary to popular vote, I actually am male.
Ganondorf: Neither. I'm a man. …I still think the jury's out on Link, though. *Link glares at him*
Nuna: Please, do you have to ask?
Malon: I'm a girl. But sometimes I pretend I'm a fairy! Tee hee! :D

Do you have any brothers or sisters?

Nanikka: As you must know by now, Nuna is my older sister.
Link: *sigh* Nope.
Ganondorf: *looks away* I had a sister. She was caught in a sandstorm and didn't survive… She was weak. *Nanikka interjects, “Whatever! He totally misses her.”*  
Nuna: Didn't I tell you already?
Malon: The cows are my siblings! :D

Are you a virgin?

Nanikka: *blushes and crosses arms uncomfortably* No Gerudo is a virgin. *Ganondorf snickers, “With the exception of you.” She kicks Ganny*
Link: What? Uh, well… yes. *Ganondorf snickers again* Shut up, Ganondork!
Ganondorf: *smiles evilly* You must ask? Really, now? I'm the only male in a whole tribe full of females. You do the freakin' math.
Nuna: No.
Malon: Yes. I'm holding out for my white knight in shining armor! Teehee! :D

Who's your mate/spouse?

Nanikka: What? I don't have one. *whispering* Okay, so don't tell him, but I've always had a bit of a crush on Ganondorf… *Ganon chuckles, “I heard that.”* Shit!
Link: Uh, no one at the moment… I sure would like to have one someday, though. I've gotten a lot of offers! 0.o
Ganondorf: The Great King of Darkness needs no mate. *Nanikka coughs, “A babysitter wouldn't hurt, though.”*
Nuna: Well, there's a sweet Hylian man named Drexl whom I've known for a long time… I think I love him. And I think he feels the same way. (I hope!)
Malon: My knight in Shining Armor! Tee hee! :D

Do you have any kids?

Nanikka: Not right now.
Link: I'm just a kid myself! Of course I don't. *Ganon interjects, “And let's not forget you're still a virgin"* Shut UP, Ganondork!
Ganondorf: Humph. How should I know?
Nuna: *blushes* No.
Malon: The cuccos are my kids! Tee hee! :D

What's your favorite food?

Nanikka: Mmmm, steak. *“You bastard!” Malon yells*
Link: Food? What's food? I don't eat.
Ganondorf: Your intestines, if you don't stop asking these ridiculous questions.
Nuna: Sandworms! Yummy! *Nanikka barfs*
Malon: Milk! *Link mumbles, “Uh Malon, milk isn't a food…”* How would you know, Link? You never eat any food!!! Tee hee! :D

Have you ever killed anyone?

Nanikka: A few people.
Link: Just Ganondork's cronies. *sticks tongue out at Ganondorf*
Ganondorf: *smiles* That's like asking me if I've ever breathed or spoken.
Nuna: I've had to. But it's not something I take pleasure in.
Malon: *cocks head curiously* Who is this `Anyone' person? :D *everyone falls over*

Do you hate anyone?

Nanikka: Most of the time, just Ganondorf. (Okay, so it's a love/hate thing…)
Link: Nope. But there's this one guy who keeps pissing me off. *Glares at Ganon*
Ganondorf: Your mom.
Nuna: Certainly not.
Malon: *indignant* Who is this `Anyone', dammit?

Do you love anyone?
Nanikka: Well, my sister of course. *Looks away* Maybe some other people too… *glances at Ganondorf, then at Link*
Link: *glancing back at Nanikka* Uh, I… well…
Ganondorf: There's no room for love when you're ruling a kingdom.
Nuna: Yes I do. Several someones.
Malon: *crying* Why won't you people tell me who this `Anyone' is? D: *everyone falls over again*

What is your job?

Nanikka: Well, I used to be just a regular ol' assassin-for-hire, until Ganondorf blackmailed me into working for him. *glares at Ganondorf*
Link: I'm the Hero of Time. I save the freakin' day.
Ganondorf: Well, it's NOT listening to a series of mindless questions, I can tell you that.
Nuna: I'm an elite warrior of the 1st rank. I'm an expert in stealth (and reconnaissance). Heheh.
Malon: I feed the cows and horses. Tee hee! :D  

What do you do to relax?

Nanikka: I crank call Ganondorf. *Ganon raises his fist. “So that's who's been leaving stupid messages on my telepathy orbs!”*
Link: Put Navi in a bottle. And bury it.
Ganondorf: Spar with a couple dozen lizalfos -- or stalfos, whichever mood I'm in.
Nuna: Eat chocolate!
Malon: I like to sing. Teehee! :D

There's a person who's teasing you; what could you do?

Nanikka: Tease them back. *mischievous grin*
Link: Play along, and maybe they'll give me their most precious possession!
Ganondorf: *smirks* Beat them at their own game, of course.
Nuna: Smack `em.
Malon: Tee hee! :D

Let's say there's a person you really care about but she/he doesn't know your feelings. How do you tell her/him?

Nanikka: *squirms* Ah, well, knowing my temper, he might say something to make me angry as soon as I decide to tell him, and I'd probably just end up attacking him. *glances at Ganondorf*
Link: I'd just come out and say it. When the time is right… *blushes at Nanikka*
Ganondorf: I find an ultimatum to be useful; for example: “You, in my bed, tonight -- or ELSE!”
Nuna: I'd probably do something elaborate and romantic to show my feelings.
Malon: I'd glomp them!!! *glomps Link* Tee hee! :D
    
What kind of powers do you have?

Nanikka: The power to kick your ass with my whip! …I'm still learning some magic…
Link: I can travel through time using the Ocarina, and I can attack using Din's Fire, or the magic-fueled spin swing with my sword. Mostly I fight the traditional way, with a sword and shield.
Ganondorf: What kind of powers don't I have? *grins*
Nuna: I'm mildly proficient in magic.
Malon: I can talk to cows! :D

What is your sexuality?

Nanikka: *sarcastically* I used to be attracted to men, until I met Ganondorf. *Ganondorf laughs, “You never met a real man until you met me”*
Link: Contrary to fangirl belief, I'm not gay! Geez.
Ganondorf: For once, I agree with Link.
Nuna: I could go either way. *winks*
Malon: I'm a girl, silly! Didn't I already say that? Tee hee! :D *everyone falls over*

Favorite season??

Nanikka: Autumn.
Link: Spring!
Ganondorf: Hmph. Summer.
Nuna: Spring, definitely!
Malon: Paprika! Tee hee! :D

Who's your best friend?

Nanikka: Uh, my sister. And my pet dodongo, Dogo.
Link: *sighs* Navi. Ugh.
Ganondorf: You know what they say; keep your friends close and your enemies closer. *pushes Link away* But not too close, `cause you know how fangirls are.
Nuna: My sister!
Malon: Epona! Tee hee! :D

Hobbies?

Nanikka: You make it sound as if I had spare time. Well, if I had any, I'd probably spend it playing music.
Link: Uh, saving Hyrule? C'mon, do you really think I have time for hobbies?
Ganondorf: Playing pin-the-sword on the Hylian is quite an entertaining pastime, I find. *Link inches away from Ganon*
Nuna: I love tending to sick or wounded animals.
Malon: I can talk to cows! :D

What do have in your pockets right now?

Nanikka: My hands.
Link: An arsenal!
Ganondorf: The deed to your life. Don't make me rip it in half.
Nuna: A flower.
Malon: *pockets dripping* Milk! Tee hee! :D
Gollum: What has it gots in its pocketses?

Do kelpies rule?

Nanikka: Not in Hyrule, they don't.
Link: What's a kelpie? Oh, great, is it another one of Ganon's minions? *smacks forehead*
Ganondorf: No, they don't. But they wish they did.
Nuna: I don't know, but I wouldn't want to find out! 0.o
Malon: I can talk to Kelpies! :D

Do you believe in true love?

Nanikka: I don't know…
Link: Of course I do.
Ganondorf: I don't have time for such languid pursuits.
Nuna: Yes, I do!
Malon: *stars in her eyes* Yeeeees! Tee hee! :D

If you were forced to marry someone at this very moment, who would you NOT want to marry?

Nanikka: Uh, my sister? I dunno. *sweatdrop*
Link: Ganondorf! EWWW.
Ganondorf: I'd like to see you force me to do anything.
Nuna: Link! *turns to Link* Sorry hun, you're too young for me.
Malon: Ingo! Ew. Tee hee! :D

So...what are you gonna do now that this tag is over?

Nanikka: Get back to work, I suppose.
Link: Go bomb some dodongos, lol.
Ganondorf: You mean this blasted thing is over? Oh, finally.
Nuna: I'm gonna rest and try to get my strength up.
Malon: I can talk to co-- *everyone yells in unison, “YES MALON, WE KNOW YOU CAN TALK TO COWS!!!”*
Gollum: The Precioussss! We must get it back!!!!