Love Hina Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040 Fan Fiction ❯ Bat Tales ❯ Joke's On You ( Chapter 5 )

“Speech”

Thoughts

[Sign Language]

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“Mmmm… God Shinji, this is divine,” Ritsuko moaned happily around the food in her mouth. Across the table in Misato’s apartment, Shinji smiled slightly, averting his eyes.

“Um, thank you, Ritsuko-san. It was… My pleasure.” Sitting next to him, on either side, were an oddly-smiling Maya and a not-quite smiling Rei. Shinji had refused to look at either since they sat down. Misato and Asuka had been bickering as usual, though Ritsuko had noticed something… Off, with Shinji, her assistant, and the First Child.

“Are you all right, Shinji? You’ve hardly said a word all night.”

“Just… Tired,” he coughed. Maya smothered a giggle, while Rei’s not-quite-a-smile grew. Ritsuko raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I’m going out tonight… Again… To find Batman,” Asuka declared. She smirked. “And I’m going to find him and kick his ass!”

“Yeah, right,” muttered Shinji under his breath. Asuka growled.

“What was that, Baka?”

“Er…”

“Ikari-kun was merely stating how unlikely it will be for you to locate Batman,” Rei assisted. Asuka fumed while Shinji whimpered.

“Um, Rei? I really don’t-”

“What?! Oh, and I suppose Baka here could do better?”

“Indubitably,” Rei stated calmly. “Ikari-kun would not scare Batman away with loud, self-centered rants.”

“WHAT?! You little-Why I ought to-”

“ASUKA! Sit down. I have a headache,” Misato groaned, holding her head. Ritsuko smiled slightly at that.

“Well, thank you for the food, Shinji. It was a pleasure. Maya? I expect to see you bright and early next morning… So don’t stay up too late. We have the new synch data to work through.” Maya blushed and giggled slightly.

“O-Okay, Sempai. I think I’ll sleep extra well tonight,” she added, descending into giggles once more.

“Hang on Rits-chan. I’ll walk you to the door,” Misato objected, unsteadily getting to her feet and following the blonde to the door. Shinji grimaced. Though Maya and Rei’s presence kept Asuka (who had stormed off, grumbling) off him, their new relationship was… Very awkward. Even if they’d done… That.

“Ikari-kun… Would you like me to take tonight’s patrol for you?” Rei asked, breathing warmly in his ear. He froze, as Maya kissed his other ear.

“Yeah… Rei and I could… Trade off…” Shinji coughed, before slowly standing up.

“I really should… Be going. I’ll be back, later tonight. You two should take the night off.”

“Promise?” Maya implored. Rei also looked intently at Shinji.

“Promise. You two should get more rest anyway,” Shinji noted, in the Batman’s tone. Maya giggled, as Rei smiled ever so slightly.

“Oh? And why is that?”

“You’ll see,” Shinji smirked. Asuka’s curse drew Rei and Maya’s attention to the other entrance to the kitchen.

Standing in an elaborate red costume, Asuka grumbled as she pulled on a pair of night-vision goggles over her eyes.

“All right… I’m gonna get Batman tonight, and I can’t wait to see the look on your face Baka Hen-Hey! Where’d Baka go?!” Asuka snarled, looking about the kitchen. Maya and Rei exchanged knowing glances. Asuka harrumphed.

“Well, I’ll just gloat to him in the morning.” And with that, the self-dubbed Crimson Avenger departed out the door. Misato came back in, rubbing her forehead with a groan.

“Man… Even if she’s not going to get Batman, I’m glad Asuka’s out there at least,” Misato opined. Rei raised an eyebrow.

“Why is that, Major Katsuragi?”

“Ritsuko says some creeps have been following her lately. If they were a real threat, Section 2 would have dealt with them by now, but still…” Misato shrugged. She then smiled at the two younger women.

“So! You two wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure! What kind?” Maya asked.

“Indeed,” Rei added, though internally she was considering that Shinji might want to know that Dr. Akagi hadsome safety concerns. While she didn’t particularly like the faux blonde, she knew that Shinji cared about her. It was his open heartedness that had drawn her to the shy, quiet pilot of Unit 01. The fact that he was Batman did not change her feelings for him at all, except perhaps to intensify them. Though darker, more forceful, and certainly more confident, Batman was not a different personality of Shinji’s.

Rather, it was another facet of him. A facet that made her feel warm in her heart… And some other places she hadn’t really seen the use for until fairly recently. Her research material had aided her and Lt. Ibuki in providing Shinji-kun with a pleasurable, confidence-boosting night, as the Commander had prescribed.

It did not seem as though he needed that much of a boost, however, the blue-haired girl thought to herself, smiling ever so slightly, as Misato pushed in a disk of a Pre-Impact movie, and the three women sat down on the couch to watch.

---

Shinji’s thoughts were troubled, even as he vaulted and swung from roof to roof, ledge to ledge, high above the streets of Tokyo-3. His evening patrol routes were memorized, to the point where he could probably do it in his sleep. As it was, doing it while tangling with his personal demons was barely a challenge.

Okay… Dad had Rei have sex with me, and Maya just… Kind of joined in. So… Is sex just something to do? I always thought it… Meant something. Shinji sighed. He cared deeply for both Maya and Rei - But having sex with both of them, though easily one of the best experiences ever in his life, left him confused. Was he just another tool for his father? Was he giving him a ‘tune-up’, as it were?

Ew. Note to self: Never use tune-up in reference to sex again, he thought, before the sounds of a collision deep below him in the streets broke his reverie. He looked down and saw a strikingly familiar car, being smashed and rammed by two foreign BMWs. He scowled.

“Why are you always getting in trouble, Dr. Akagi?” He muttered, pulling a rip cord on his costume. A moment later, bat-shaped glider wings spread out from his cape, while control vanes popped out from either side of the hidden harness. Batman leapt from the top of the building, and surfed the air streams, following the car chase.

---

Ritsuko cursed to herself as the car flanking her right side rammed her again, her much smaller coupe skidding and nearly going out of control. The car behind her smashed again, sending her forward and hitting her head on the steering wheel.

“FUCK! Where the hell is Section 2?!” Her only answer was another crash to the rear, sending her plowing through a railing and down a steep hill. She cried out as she came to a shuddering stop into one of the park’s trees, and screamed when the air bag smasked her in the face.

“Guh…” Dazedly, she pushed open her door and stumbled out of the car. She fell to her knees, feeling blood running down her chin from her mouth and nose. Vaguely, she heard footsteps approaching.

Oh God… Resolutely, she looked up. A man roughly grabbed her and shoved her back into her car. He grinned.

“Sorry lady, but you’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“As are you,” growled a familiar voice. A dark figure fell from above, downing two of the men in one blow. He turned and threw something into the eyes of the other men closing on Ritsuko’s car, before large clouds of choking gas exploded between the men and Batman. The vigilante grabbed Ritsuko, hefted her out of her car, and started running as the coughing and sputtering men forced their way through the cloud.

RATATATATATA-BOOM! Ritsuko’s car exploded into a fireball behind them, as the men opened up with assault rifles. Batman dove behind a tree, pulling Ritsuko with him as the ground spat at them from bullet hits.

“AAAIIIIIEEEE!” Ritsuko cried out, gripping Batman tightly. The caped crusader coughed slightly, before producing a set of small spheres from his utility belt. He threw them out from behind the tree, where they exploded into blinding flashes of light.

The cries of their assailants at their burning sight proved a more than able distraction, as Batman led Ritsuko away. They stopped just within sight of an apartment building. Ritsuko looked over at Batman.

“What are-?” Batman produced his grapple gun, fired it, and the zip line penetrated the side of the building with a muffled click. Batman looked over at Ritsuko expectantly.

“Oh no… I’m not getting on-Hey!” Batman simply grabbed Ritsuko around the waist, pulling her to him, as he hit the auto-wench. The false blonde groaned in fear, holding tightly on to Batman, as they ascended.

“Oh, I don’t like this… I don’t like this…” She muttered, as they swung away.

“Don’t worry… I won’t let you fall,” Batman said quietly to Ritsuko. They landed on a roof nearby, Batman gently setting the doctor down. The blonde, shaking slightly, dazedly kissed the Dark Knight on the lips. Batman’s opaque eye covers widened.

“What was-”

“For… Saving my life… Again,” Ritsuko shrugged, suddenly sheepish. Batman was still for a few moments, before nodding.

“… It’s my job.”

“You do a good one.” The sounds of gunfire emerged from the park they’d just escaped. Batman turned, before looking over his shoulder at Ritsuko.

“Go home. I’ll take care of this.” And with that, the Batman vanished into the night, leaving a flushed Dr. Akagi behind.

Great. First I help some wacko take over the world just to be his punching bag and whore, then I destroy my morals by playing God, and now I’m in love with Batman!

Ritsuko considered that last part.

Well, maybe that’s not so bad…

---

“DAMNIT! BATMAN, THIS IS THE CRIMSON AVENGER! SHOW YOURSELF, YOU COWARD! FACE ME!”

“Shut the hell up, bitch!”

Thwack!

“YEEEEOOOOOWWW! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! HOW DARE YOU- OW! What the-HEY! WHO THE HELL THROWS A SHOE?! OW!”

“Me, you stupid bitch!”

“Batman never gets shoes thrown at him!”

“BECAUSE HE DOESN’T MAKE NOISE WHILE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP, MORON!”

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Shinji sighed, rubbing his face sleepily in the entry plug.

“Hey Shinji, you okay? You look pretty tired… Long night?” Asked Maya over the comm. Shinji shook his head.

“Didn’t get much sleep… Sorry…”

“It’s all right, Shinji. Just focus and we’ll have you out of here soon, okay sweetie?” Shinji blinked awkwardly. Ritsuko Akagi was smiling-Genuinely smiling-At him in the control room. He nodded, finding himself smiling back.

“Ah… Sure… Thanks.” Ritsuko winked at him, before the holoscreen vanished. Shinji raised an eyebrow, before another holowindow opened. Rei stared at him from her own entry plug.

“Ikari-kun. Are you allright?” Rei used a special sign language they had developed to convey [Dr. Akagi is far happier and gentler than she has ever been. Do you know why?]

“Yes. I’m allright… Just tossed and turned a lot.”

[Not sure. She was this way when I rescued her last night.]

“Yes. I saw, Ikari-kun.” Rei smiled slightly at this, as Shinji flushed. From the control room, Misato leered and made cat calls. [You moaned her name in your sleep.]

“Ah… Well… Yes… Ummm… Rei-chan, I just wanted to say…” [Does that bother you, Rei-chan?]

“I love you too, Ikari-kun,” Rei smiled, as the control room went silent in shock. [No, it does not. I want you to share your love with everyone who has love for you. Dr Akagi will more than welcome your love, just as I have and Maya has.]

“I know… I love you too,” Shinji murmured back with a shy smile. [Just one problem with that, Rei-chan.]

“Allright, Enough you two love birds,” laughed Ritsuko. “We’ve still got work to do, okay?” Rei nodded, before signing to Shinji [What is it?].

“Hai, Ritsuko-san,” Shinji replied. [If you’re right, then I think that Ritsuko’s in love with Batman.]

[That is difficult,] Rei admitted.

“ENOUGH, YOU IDIOTS! I’m fucking EXHAUSTED, all I want to do is go home and SLEEP! SO LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH!” Shrieked Asuka.

“All right, all right! Sheesh!” Shinji growled. [What a bitch! Do you want me to share my love with her too?]

“There is no need for such outbursts, Second Child,” Rei admonished. [It might make her less agitated.]

“SHUT UP, WONDERGIRL! While you were off fucking Baka here, I was out all night trying to find Batman! So don’t give me any lip!”

“Hmph,” Rei grunted. Shinji rolled his eyes. [Somehow, I doubt it.]

[Indeed.]

---

“Damnit! Those incompetent…” Gendo Ikari smashed the holographic projector on his desk to shards, snarling impotently. Fuyutsuki discretely backed away from the seething commander.

“They were supposed to capture Batman! Sensei, when did incompetence become a prerequisite of hired muscle?” Gendo growled, his teeth grinding. Fuyutsuki sighed.

“Perhaps, Ikari, hiring common thugs off the street was not a good idea.” Fuyutsuki turned to the large monitor on the far wall, currently showing the thugs being led away, after the police cornered them in the park. Some further help from Batman enabled the police to capture them all.

“It seems that I’ve underestimated Batman… Again. I thought that Ritsuko would be more of a hindrance than I thought. However, he is clearly far stronger and more resourceful than I gave him credit for.” Gendo stood and walked over to a hidden door. He pressed a code into a number pad, and the door opened. He entered, as Fuyutsuki shook his head and stepped to outside the secret room.

“Ikari, your obsession with Batman will only sidetrack you from your true goals. Why not simply leave him alone?”

“Because, Sensei… Sooner or later, Batman will learn everything about Instrumentality… And he will attempt to stop us. And, there is a significant chance that he will succeed. I am not going to let my dreams be destroyed by one man.” Ikari appeared in the doorway, as Fuyutsuki gasped. Gendo’s face was a determined glare, before he slipped on a face-fitting white mask, with green hair and painted lips. Gendo inserted plastic braces into his mouth, giving his usually grim visage a disturbing smile. He then inserted a small chip into the back of his throat. After his choking died down, he spoke in a much higher-pitched tone.

“Aaa eee ouu iie oh… Greetings, Tokyo-3! Your old Uncle Joker here! Yes, it’s been quite a while since I gave any of you smiles, but with Bat Breath wandering around at night I thought you all could use some laughs! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!”

Fuyutsuki stared in horror at this Clown Prince of Crime, brought into the world by the same madman who had brought about the Second Impact. He felt sick.

“Come, Sub-Commander! We have a rat with wings to exterminate! Get the rubber chicken! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!”

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