Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Cloud Philosophy ❯ cloud philosophy ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

A/n: Just something that was in my head for awhile on one of those really beautiful days and I wanted to share. A shika pov, one shot about one of my favorite pairs.
warnings: so much love (for those creeps that can't handle the mushy talk)
summary: Shikamaru shares his musings on his two favorite subjects, Neji and clouds.

It's pretty much routine for me now, coming outside to one of my favorite spots after missions and watching the clouds. That is if the weather provides them. Luckily today is one of those meant for me perfect cloudy days. Deep blue sky with large thick mounds of white puffs scattered across it, enough to cover up the sun and provide shade. There's a gentle breeze blowing but not enough to chill or sting the eyes. Perfect.

I had just gotten back in the village earlier this morning after a mission involving fuedal lords and inner village politics, it was troublesome and dull even for me. So I needed this relax time. As soon as I got in I filed my mission report, which was a success of course, and checked in with the Hokage. Then I went home to check in with my parents and let them know I was still in one piece. Mother's orders. After that I headed to my place in the chuunin barracks to unpack and shower. Once that was done I was on my way out to the hill, which is where I'm lounging now. Usually I lie out alone, to think or not think, to just relax or be alone. Though, I've had company with me on occassions, like today. I ran into Naruto on my way over here. He'd heard I was back in the village and wanted to catch up, having been away himself for some odd weeks of training, as usual.

Now, I love Naruto like a brother but the guy can be a headache sometimes and has zero patience or will power to keep still for more than five minutes. So I was surprised that he asked to join me even after I told him I was about to do one of the most unexciting, unmoving things in the world. So we caught up on the walk over, he went on about his training, I gave him a quick runover of my mission, which he also agreed was boring even for me. Once we got to the hill and lied down conversation came to a standstill. And like most days when I have someone else with me I can usually predict the moment the person is ready to get up and leave. It starts with a sound, usually a sigh, groan, or some kind of 'hm'. Naruto chose the sigh, and made sure it was loud and clear before sitting up beside me. I had to give him credit though, for lasting the fifteen minutes that he did. I peek an eye open to spot him shaking his head in bewilderment, something else I've seen before.

"Man I don't know how you do this for so long." He says.

Closing my eye back I tell him, "I have my reasons." He stands, probably staring down at me.

"Y...eah, well that's all you buddy." He yawns. "I'll see ya later."

I pull a hand free from behind my head to wave him off and then he's gone, same as the others. But it doesn't bother me, I usually prefer to be alone anyway. That way I can avoid having to entertain or make small talk. I open my eyes now and gaze upwards at the white masses drifting slowly by, I let out a content sigh. Naruto's comment coming back to me, "I don't know how you do this for so long." You wouldn't believe how many times and different ways I've heard that same thing in question and I always give the same response, "I have my reasons." And I do, a few reasons actually. Some of them old and some new. I'll always remember what got me started in this "hobby" of mine in the first place, way back when I was still just a kid.

~~~~~~~~~

I was only ten years old then, it was one week after my birthday and by Nara clan standards it was time for me to learn the kekegenkai, shadow jutsus, and get prepped for joining the ninja academy. It was alot of hard work and long hours for days at a time. Didn't help that I was kind of a crybaby as a child, and yeah pretty lazy and unmotivated, not much has changed. But all the pressure and constant talk of darkness and shadows was wearing on my fragile young mind. So one day during training I ran off to cry alone, avoiding the woods cause that was just more enclosed darkness that I didn't need. I stumbled upon this open field not too far from my house, sat myself down and balled like a baby. When the fit was over and I was too tired to move I lied myself back onto the grass and looked up. And it was- I don't know an enlightening moment for me, yeah even at that age. The clouds on that day were huge and almost blindingly white. And not to sound lame but it literally brightened my mood.

The longer I layed there and stared, the more my mental clutter cleared up and the dark thoughts were removed from my mind. I was mesmorized by them and easily drifted off to sleep watching them lazily float above me. I wasn't sure how long I slept but my dad found and woke me up. The clouds had thinned out by then but the want to see them again, to feel that calm and complete relaxation was all I needed to be hooked. I wanted more.

On the walk home I told my dad what I'd been doing and he laughed, slapping me on the back and told me he understood. Then he added that I should be careful about falling asleep outside because we lived in a ninja village and dangers were everywhere. I still fall asleep outside but my skills are sharp enough now for me to be alert.

So after that every chance I could get I would go cloud gazing. It got so bad that I'd look up as I walked and would end up falling on my face or bumping into someone or something. I started seeking out better spots, higher elevated areas to put me closer to my new found fascination. I weeded out the places where too many people would show up, I didn't want anyone company back then jus tme and my clouds. I managed to narrow it down to three favorites. The roof, the hill and the field where I first began watching.

~~~~~~~~~~

And that's how it all got started. I stretch and yawn as a butterfly passes by me a short distance away. Reminding me of another reason that holds a special memory for me with the clouds....

The day before I started at the academy, I was gonna play a game with some neighborhood kids I knew. Something about being ninjas, which wasn't allowed until you turned thirteen or passed some kind of exam. So the kids liked to pretend in the meantime because nothing was more exciting than being a ninja. I was in no rush either way. Anyway when they started choosing teams for the game, one boy, that I didn't recognize, was getting picked on by the others. Probably because he was a little heavier set and they didn't want him slowing them down. They were being pointlessly rude and stupid to him, even though it was typical boy behavior, I decided to piss them and their game off anyway.

That kind of behavior never sat right with me even as a kid, I was always mature for my age, probably since birth. Well if you don't count the tantrums and fits I threw crying when I didn't want to do work. But I knew right and good from bad and wrong and the last two I made sure to stay away from. So I left and decided to go cloud watching instead. It just so happened that one of my favorite new spots, on top of the roof of an abandoned building, was being occupied by the very boy the other kids had been picking on earlier. I was momentarily stunned seeing him there but then remebered I took my slow time walking over, so he probably left the game soon after I did and got there first.

It was no big deal though. I was already there and wasn't about to turn around. Besides the kid and his dad were there first so I wasn't gonna ask them to leave. I introduced myself and found out the kids name was Akimichi Chouji. We got along alright and hung out most of that day after his dad left us and he's been my best friend ever since. Plus he's the first person I ever shared my cloud hobby with. Even though my dad knew about it, he was always too busy to indulge himself with me. To this day Chouji's gone cloud gazing with me more than a few times and has never gotten bored or made fun of me for it, even though deep down I know he wants to. I think he holds back on the teasing because it has special meaning for him too.

~~~~~~~~~~

I've been laying out here for over an hour now contemplating my cloud watching reasons, even though I'd never tell anyone these things out loud. Its still good to know them for just incase the right time comes when the right persons asks.

Its getting late into the day and the suns gonna set soon. Turning the white pillows into different shades of orange and yellow, sometimes red, purple or pink hues. Whichever, they were always captivating to look at. It took me awhile before I started to watch sunset clouds because I never really paid them any mind back then and I was usually inside by the time the sun went down. Mother's orders, she was always so worried about me as a kid, probably thought I was an idiot. To her surprise I'm far from an idiot.

By the age of thirteen after having experienced the sunset clouds, I was completely enamored with all clouds. Their sizes, shapes and different colors, everything. Although it took me awhile to warm up to storm clouds. It was their bringing rain and thunder, the darkness, all things associated with the harsher parts of life that I tried my hardest to avoid. I was basically living in a cloud myself when I watched them float by. Where everything was bright and good, cheesy as that sounds. I'm well aware its a fools paradise and life's not like that, especially for ninjas. It could be someday but at the present it isn't. So I let myself have my world. I'd go to my cloud nine to forget about it all for awhile and storm clouds just didn't fit into that place. But the older I got the more I appreciated them because I started to understand and accept that they were still my clouds, just in a different mood so to speak. And changes were a natural part of life. Clouds could go from dark to light and vice versa in minutes, kinda like people. So instead of cursing them inside from my window at home I'd go out and look up as if it were any regular blue sky and white cloud day.

Have to admit though if it wasn't for a certain someone I might still have a sour disposition for storm clouds but now I find them fascinating.

Closing my eyes again a small smile creeps onto my mouth. That happens a lot when I'm out here, my smiling at the thought of this person, I mean. He's like my own personal storm cloud at times. My newest and probably one of my favorite reasons for cloud gazing.

~~~~~~~~~~

The first couple of times I encountered Hyuuga Neji were during the chuunin exams, since he was a year older than myself and living in a closed off clan, I could only see him in large gatherings. Even then I never really paid him too much mind. From the small encounters where I just observbed him I could already tell what kind of person he was. A noble clansman, arrogant, powerful, stubborn, and very attractive. Which to me all added up to troublesome. So like all troublesome things I avoided him which wasn't hard because of the different lives we lived. That didn't mean I never thought about him though.

I never really cared about either gender more than the other but for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about this male in particular. As fate had it we got the chance to work together on a retrieval mission, that was far too big for either of us at the time, but that's another story entirely.

Anyway during that mission I got to see the Hyuuga up close and personal. I still thought he was arrogant, powerful, stubborn and yes attractive, beautiful even. The dark hair that flowed behind him like a mass of shadows screamed touch me. His smooth voice that sounded a few tenors too low for the way he looked managed to compliment him perfectly whenever he spoke. It was quiet and soothing. A welcomed sound compared to the other guys that were on the mission with us. The pale skin with elegant features, that remained masculine somehow, puzzled me in a good way. Just like his equally pale blind seeming eyes fascinated me. Eyes that could read you, see you, and see through and past you. I know alot of clans have their personal physicalities and kekegenkai's but this one intrigued me more than any other.

Those eyes that reminded me of clouds.

I was dumbstruck seeing them up close for the first time, but we were planning for our mission then, so I had to keep focused and try not to stare. It wasn't easy though. I had a feeling in me, a weird, good feeling and it was because of Neji. Guess you could say he made my head feel partly cloudly.

Like I said before on that mission I was able to learn more about him then just my initial observation of his character. How he worked- it was professional and efficient, calm and rational. He was a quick thinker and smart. I liked him more and more with every new fact that I discovered, but those eyes. Those cloudy eyes drew me in most of all.

At one point we got into a bad situation that had us trapped in a chakra absorbing rock. We were surrounded by darkness. Something I wasn't too happy about, you can't use shadows in the dark unfortunately. But those eyes, Neji's eyes stood out, glowing actually and I had to pull all my focus to not gawk at him.

The sight of it thought, it took me back to my chidlhood and the reason why I ran away from training with my dad that day. How the bright presence of the clouds brought me to my senses. And as corny as it sounds, Neji's eyes were the light in the darkness at that moment and it helped me clear my head and stay calm enough to devise a plan out of the situation. The fact that he actually understood my plan and logic enough to explain it to the others- well lets just say it had me sold. And it hit me then that I liked this guy... alot.

That mission was one of the biggest and scariest failures of my life. Because alot of my friends almost lost their lives and I've got a guilt complex like you wouldn't believe. However, something good did come out of the tragedy, besides everyone making it back alive, I got to see Hyuuga Neji as a person. A person that I wanted to know.

So I made it happen subtly, day by day, week by week, we slowly became friends getting to know one another better. The more time we spent alone together the more I saw the similarities between him and myself and between him and the clouds. And not just physically either. There are personality qualities, and yeah I kinda do think that sometimes clouds have a personality. On good days Neji's bright, calm and quiet like the white clouds, which I love. And like a dark cloud blowing in he can be harsh, bitter and noisy, a storm cloud if you will, which I've also come to love because of him. Some days its gray skies and gentle rains, a sadness about him that melts me inside. His pain consumes me liike those gray clouds that seem to take up the entire sky. They're nice in a way but you just wish it'd pass already. I imagine anyone would feel that way about someone they cared for. Wanting their gray skies cleared up to see their smiling happy face again.

Also, like the clouds, Neji can be drifty. Sometimes looming or in your face, other times unnoticed and in the background. He's light and dark, calm and stormy, strong and powerful. Even though clouds look delicate they can cause just as much destruction as say an ocean or fire. Clouds bring heavy rains, enough to flood an entire area out. They can drop down glass breaking hail. Well that might be exaggerating a bit, but they can block out the sun in their own way, thats gotta count for something right? So I'd say they're pretty strong and powerful in an unseen way, kinda like the attacks Neji uses.

Another similarity, one of my favorites the clouds and Neji are beautiful to look at. Deceiving, changing, fast and slow, sometimes there and other times not. Delicate and soft like the snow that falls from them and sometimes he can be just as cold. The two are a perfect comparison in my book and nothings better than bringing two of your favorite things together. Which I did.

During the months we've been seeing each other there's been an unspoken affection and commitment between us. It doesn't have to be said for us to feel it there and we've got no complaints about one another. I figure it'll remain this way unless one of us calls it off or finally announces the obvious. Now that I think about it I can compare our relationship to the clouds too.

Like the clouds we can sit still together or drift away from each other with no problems. We might not be around one another for days but we always reform and come back together like clouds do. No explinations, no expectations, no worries and thats just the way I like it. Although as far as clouds go I know there's some kind of natural scientific explination for their formation but who really cares.

Anyway my point is with Neji I don't have to worry about things or think too hard about anything when I'm with him. Things are just simple and easy. High I.Q. or not sometimes I just don't want to think. Especially with all the mental power it takes being a shinobi, its draining. When I'm around Neji or cloud gazing my brain kinda shuts off in the best way giving me a break from life and work and I enjoy every minute of it.

~~~~~~~~~

I open my eyes in time enough to catch the first touches of orange light to hit the clouds as the sun is setting. Neji and I have both been on missions the past week and both returned the same day by coincidence. I know he has his own after mission routine, like most shinobi do and I'm lucky enough to fit into it. We've come accustom to one anothers routines so I come out here and wait and usually around sunset he joins me. That's if he decides to show up or not, its always a question mark. Which makes the wait more fun for me. I either sleep it off or reflect like I've been doing now.

Even though I've watched the clouds with others before, its always different when I'm doing it with Neji. Special in a way. I never feel like I have to entertain him or give explinations and make conversation. But when we do talk its about everything or nothing and always memorable. He doesn't complain about the silence or playing shougi. He never announces his arrivals or departures, so as not to disturb me, not that he could but I appreciate it anyway. I think in his own way Neji understands the clouds too, like he understands me. Because he never asks the obvious questions, why or how can you do this? But if he ever does decide to ask I'll give him an answer. I'll tell him all the things I've spent my afternoon thinking about and I know he'll get it and appreciate the logic behind it. I don't think it'd be that easy for anyone else to undertand and that's why I simply tell them, 'I have my reasons.'

The question of whether he's going to show or not is soon answered because I can feel his subtle chakra approaching as he gets closer to me. Its always nice feeling someone else's chakra. For ninja's its a way of knowing the person is still alive or somewhere around without actually being beside you. With Neji, knowing he's got so much chakra in him and he can still mask it to nothing, well it excites me a little. And yes our relationship has reached the sexual point and not every cloud watching experience we have together is about watching clouds, if you know what I mean. Both of us naked and spent lying together when the sex is over, gazing up at the clouds. I tell ya it's become just like a good after smoke. One of the best feelings in the world and since we haven't seen each other for a few days I'm looking forward to feeling that again.

A few minutes pass and he comes to sit beside me and I open my eyes to watch the graceful motions, it rivals the movement of the clouds above. Even the simplest task he can do with more poise and grace, without even trying, than others can and I always enjoy the show. I now understand poetry in motion.

He smiles at me and I return the gesture, mine coming out bigger than his own. Amiling isn't something Neji's known for but he's been working at it and every one he gives to me , every smile for me is appreciated. Without any words he lays back and settles beside me. Placing his head on the arm that I had stretched out for him and I wrap that arm around his shoulder. All the waiting is always worth this moment.

Alot of people might think this is stupid but when I was younger and even now sometimes, when I'd see a certain type of cloud, the big fluffy bright white ones, I'd imagine myself up in the sky lying on one of them. Letting myself drift and float away from everyone and everything. Its one of my little secrets that not even Neji knows about yet. When I imagine myself up there I either fall asleep or get so into it that I can end up lying out for hours losing track of time. It always soothed me as a kid and its even better now that I have someone else to float away with.

So yeah, some people gaze at stars, I gaze at the clouds. I'll probably be watching them well into the oldest years of my life and the reasons why will always be the same. Because of what they represent and how they make me feel, and the memories attached to the activity. But especially for their plain and simple beauty on the outside but complex nature underneath... just like Neji.

That, or its just my eccentric nature, don't all geniuses have one?

We watch the sunset clouds drift away slowly while the sun sets and the sky darkens to night. The silence only last for a minute before he starts talking. Which is when I wake myself from the relaxed sleepy state I was in to listen to every word his quiet silken voice has to say. Yeah I'm pretty much head over heels for him and its at that moment, during his explinations and complaints about the past few days that I realize- while I'm getting older and watching the clouds, I hope Neji will be there watching them with me.

End
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A/N : Hope you enjoyed. All reads and reviews are appreciated- Linkin