Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Famous Quotes Never Said ❯ Narrative Convinience ( Chapter 7 )

Two words: Narrative convenience

 

Orochimaru: Fuck, my arms! *Runs away*

Kakashi: Now, we can all take a bre-

Itachi: Hello -/_\-

Kakashi: Where the hell did you come from?

Itachi: Oh, you know, out back. Anyway, give me all your Naruto -/_\-

Kakashi: Screw that, I KEEL YOU!

 

*Mindrape occurs*

 

Kakashi: x_x

Orochimaru: Oh yeah, did I mention? This guy's stronger than me

Kakashi: Stronger than you? The leading student of the God of Shinobi who you just killed twenty minutes ago? Despite the fact you're 50 and he's not old enough to shave?

Orochimaru: So it would seem

Kakashi: Horseshit

Kisame: You're fucked now!

*Goes for kill*

*Gai appears*

Itachi: o/_\o

Kisame: Oh no, Spandex, our secret weakness

*Flee*

 

Meanwhile in some shithole town near Konoha:

 

Jiraiya: I better stay close to Naruto because I know Akatsuki are after him and if they catch him they'll surely OMG BOOBS! Fuck you Naruto, go to the room and watch pay-per-view

Naruto: No one loves me

 

In the room

 

Naruto: When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are..

*Knock knock*

Naruto: OMG! It must be my new family! That wish came true fast...

*Opens door*

Itachi: -/_\-

Kisame: ...

 

Naruto: :O Are you my mommy?

Kisame: I'll cut you!

Jiraiya: Oh noes you didn't!

Itachi: OMG! Spandex and an old pervert in one day? How unlucky can we be? T/_\T

Kisame: It feels like he's undressing me with his eyes

Jiraiya: Alright, prepare too-

Sasuke: Hated brother!

Naruto: Omg he loves me

Itachi: Oh, Sasuke. Hey look, I'm sorry I put that Uchihacest story on MySpace…

Sasuke: Chidori!

Kisame and Jiraiya: *Get popcorn*

 

*Physical and metal rape occurs*

 

Itachi: I'm so awesome ^/_\^

Sasuke: *Is in coma*

Itachi: Where was I, oh yeah. Jiraiya… will you sign my copy of Icha Icha Paradice? ^/_\^

Jiraiya: o.O

Kisame: I could have been teamed up with the transgender with digi-cam with the auto-felatio hands but oh no, I had to pick the “Genius.”

Itachi: *Bitchslaps*

Kisame: D':

Itachi: @/_\@ Anyhoo…

 

~I am Uchiha Itachi. Commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true Hokage, Marcus Aurelius. Son to a murdered father, brother to a fucked up Bishy, and I will have my Naruto-kun, in this life or the- RUN AWAY!~

 

*Is gone*

 

Kisame: WAIT FOR ME!

Jiraiya: You won't get away this jutsu is impossible to escape!

Naruto: *Bitchslaps* You fuckwit! Don't you know as soon as Kishi write a rule like he has to break it?

Jiraiya: *Makes chase*

---- Space where Itachi should be---

Jiraiya: Damm. Well, at least I'm unhur- *trips and smacks head on floor* DAMMIT!!

 

Meanwhile

 

Kisame: Brave Sir Robin ran away!

Itachi: Shut up

Kisame: Bravely ran away away!

Itachi: I said shut up!

Kisame: When danger reared it' ugly head, Sir Robin bravely turned and-

Eric Idel's lawyer: *Bitchslaps*

Kisame: Um, anyway, why didn't we take Naruto?

Itachi: Because it is not yet time

Kisame: Then why did we come at all?

Itachi: …

Kisame: And he's a ninja, he could die before we're ready. He'd be safer locked up.

Itachi: Well, if you really want to know…

 

*end*

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Itachi: You see I was rushed straight into the story. Rather than build up my power Kishi just decided to let Ororchimaru who was just shown to be godly powerful say I was tougher than him. Swift and easy.

 

Yumikaro: So why didn't you get Naruto?

 

Itachi: Look on the front cover, we can't kill the hero or at least not so early on. However since it'd be retarded that Naruto could beat at such a young age Jiraiya is now so powerful we could never beat him. Just thinking about it makes me break out if shattered vertebray

 

Yumikaro: So how strong are you in 309?

 

Itachi: Oh, I'm really uber now. Wonderful powers were granted to me when Sasuke aloft his magic sword and said;

<b>"ITACHI HAS THE POWER!"</b>