az: Heheh. Thank you to whoever reviewed and liked this sad story. Even I cried while typing it, though I wondered if it was because of the fic or that winamp of mine playing sad songs in a row... XP Yes, it seemed to strongly suggest that I am very good at angst fic... half of my fics are angst! haha
A side shot of what-ifs that correspond with my current fic... this line of plot was actually the original baseline for the other one but then... I changed it.
Alert me if I seemed to overplayed Kakashi. This whole thing will be focus mainly on Kakashi anyway...
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto manga or anything of it. If I OWNED it... will I be wasting my time here? Characters and original excerpts from the fic are copyrights of Masashi Kishimoto-sama. I want to thank all those thoughtful songs from various soundtracks that helped me a lot in getting the right emotion into my fics. Kakashi-centric... with a dab of Sasuke angst this time.
WARNING: Yes!! I will mess with your head... again!! So beware... don't be hard on yourself if you tend to cry on this chapter too. But I don't think so.
Fragility
Remorse and sorrow
Written by Azzie/Az aka Izumi Ishtar
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'Kakashi-sensei... mou ii yo--'
Kakashi ignored them bluntly as he could not make himself walk away from the tombstone of which the two persons, father and son had been buried together in eternal peace. 'Leave me be...', he said hoarsely as Iruka appeared in front of them. 'Kakashi... they would never want you to punish yourself or mourn this much for them. Don't make me do something that I'll regret on you...'
Kakashi looked up towards him. Ever since that day he hadn't bothered to properly groom himself, now wearing his usual jounin outfit almost in a slapdash manner... even his usual sharingan eye was not covered by his head protector or even his characteristic mask was not pulled up. 'Oh yeah...? Like what?', he asked as he saw what Iruka had wanted to do. But due to his weakened state and the fact he hadn't covered his sharingan, he could not even counter the attack for his chakra was very low as Iruka placed a hard punch towards his middle... rendering him unconscious. Iruka sighed as he lifted Kakashi on his back.
'Ne... sensei. Will Kakashi-sensei be alright?', asked Sakura as Sasuke and Maito Gai looked at him with worry. Iruka shrugged as he stole a glance towards the tombstone.
'I hoped so. Sakura... Sasuke. Will you go to the Lady Godaime to tell her that I could not be able to go teach at the academy today? I'll be at Kakashi's place for a while to look after him.', he said as Sakura nodded. Sasuke shrugged. 'We'll ask if we could take over the job today in your place if possible...'
'Thank you...', said Iruka as Gai walked away listless. It was painful enough to see Kakashi break himself before... it was still painful when he had to see it again now...
XXX
'Hey... Kakashi! Snap out of this!', cried young Maito Gai as the son of the White Fang of Konoha remained still in front of the cenotaph. Another name had been added to the piece of stone several days earlier that week. His sensei's.
All because he had selflessly sacrificed himself to sealing the nine-tailed fox demon into his newly-born child. Just that simple act... and he had ended his short-term service as the Fourth Hokage of Konoha. Now... not only Obito's name was carved on that stone, Arashi-sensei's name was now a part of the numerous names on the stone slab. Thankfully... and strangely, he had somehow glad that his father's name was not in it. It will hurt much more had his father died in different circumstances and got his name carved in there. It would be like a mockery to his own self if all of the people he cared had their names carved in the cenotaph.
It had puzzled him on why Iruka was so sore that his parent's name was not carved in there. Yes... he knew that underneath that reckless facade that Iruka had acted in after the Kyuubi attack, the lad was also similar to him. They both had lost people that are very dear to them.
But then... Hatake Kakashi will never do the same thing as that lad did. He rather kept everything inside. His sorrows, remorse... everything. He'd learnt that ever since the rumors about his father's suicide had spread around Konoha, half of the villagers often gave him discontented looks for being the last remaining heir of the Hatake family. They always had a lot of false assumptions made towards him that he stopped bothering to gain their favor. Not that the fact that he'd been acting so coldly towards his father's death he witnessed with his own eyes had the villagers becoming even more wary of him...
Well... everyone except Arashi-sensei and Sandaime of course...
'Hey... Kakashi! Didn't you hear me?', cried Maito Gai again as now he could hear Iruka's voice joining the other lad as well as Kurenai Yuuhi and Sarutobi Asuma.
'Kakashi...', he turned around as Rin stared back at him, equally saddened. 'Sensei would be sad if he knew you'd be like this. Obito too. You hadn't eaten much these few days. You're hurting yourself... can't you see that everyone is worried about you?'
Kakashi closed his eyes as he tried to will the tears that threatened to flow out from his eyes to go away. 'Rin... tell me. I really am weak, ain't I? First it was Obito... then Sensei. Both times I couldn't do nothing to help them...'
'NONSENSE!', cried Rin as the rest of their friends jumped. 'You're not weak... you're a very good ninja. Sensei knew that... even Obito realized it. They'd want you to continue living... for your sake and theirs too!', said Rin again as she lowered her voice to a whisper. 'Anyway... we still had to look after Naruto. That child had no one else left other than us...', reminded Rin as Kakashi suddenly remembered of that fact. The fact that Naruto was the only remaining descendant of their beloved sensei after his wife had also died that same day after giving birth to that child. No one but them... the Sannins, and Sandaime knew of that one secret, and they had sworn to keep it that way.
Since Sandaime had told them about the youngest child of the Yondaime Kazekage of the distant Sunagakure who had sealed inside it the sand priest turned demon, Shuukaku. It was rumored that that child, at the moment had been several months old, had already been feared by its own people because of the fact that its birth had also taken the life of its mother. Because of that... they don't want to let anyone else knows of the relationship between Naruto and Arashi-sensei.
Kakashi turned towards the cenotaph again as he tried to cheer himself. 'Yeah... thanks Rin. I almost forgotten about Naruto. But really--', his tears finally gave him away, '--baka Arashi-sensei! Now I really have to take care of his baby since he was now gone! Stupid sensei... you really know how to make me do anything that you wanted me to do!!', Kakashi cried as Rin glanced towards the other chuunins, feeling glad that they hadn't caught Kakashi's words on Naruto being Yondaime's child.
She turned back towards Kakashi as the lad had started crying. Rin held him close as the lad continued to cry on her shoulders. Somehow, he was glad that he still had Rin beside him. She was his anchor... the pillar of strength that tied him towards retaining his sanity.
'Arigato... Rin.', said Kakashi gratefully between sobs.
It was not long after that, that even Rin had perished during one of her missions. It was a hard blow on him as all of his former team had officially been declared deceased. He could have followed Hatake Sakumo's path had Naruto not have existed to keep him wanting to stay alive...
XXX
Kakashi woke up on his bed as he wiped away the tears that had lingered on his face. It had been so long since he had dreams about that day... long time ago. And now... he was exactly like the way he had been that time. And this time, there was no Rin to help comfort him anymore...
'Oh... finally you're awake. Good... I just made some rice porridge. It's better you eat it while it still warm--'
Kakashi sat up reluctantly as he saw Iruka pulling up a chair and sat beside his bed. The man scooped up a spoonful of the deliciously smelling porridge as he placed it before his lips. 'Come on... you've got to eat.', he said as Kakashi let the man feed him before blushing profusely. He immediately took the bowl from him as he looked away. 'Thanks... but I rather feed myself. I'm not a kid...', said Kakashi as Iruka chuckled.
'Of course you aren't!', said Iruka, delighted at the change of mood on his friend and colleague. 'Wait here... I'm getting my own bowl. It was hard put to have dragged you up here that I'm feeling hungry myself...', said the man as he darted towards the kitchen. Kakashi snorted as seconds later, Iruka returned with another bowl. Kakashi stared wide-eyed at the amount of abalone mushrooms on Iruka's porridge before gasping in surprise as Iruka transferred half of it onto Kakashi's bowl.
Iruka grinned at him. 'Eat it up... you needed all the strength you've got.', he said as Kakashi gave him a look of disbelief. 'You're pampering me too much...', he said as he took another spoonful. 'You're a good cook! It tasted great!', cried Kakashi, surprised that a normal rice porridge could taste so good as Iruka snickered modestly.
'No... I'm not that good. You probably hadn't eaten much these days that my porridge was that welcomed to your taste...', said Iruka as the mood turned somber again.
'Naruto would have wanted you to take care of yourself better than acting remorseful like this...'
Silence.
'Yeah... Arashi-sensei too would have asked me to do the same...', said Kakashi dejectedly as Iruka glanced at him...
Rin too... Obito also. Heck... even his father!
Somehow at the moment, he hated being the only one still living. Surviving alone while the rest of them died one by one...
XXX
Sasuke took a small detour as he and Sakura finished teaching Iruka's class that evening. After saying goodbye to Sakura, he had returned to the spot where they had been before, looking for his sensei...
He could still remember how one of the villagers had lightheartedly said about how delightful it would be if the 'kyuubi' would die soon and then looked at him in alarm when he said bluntly that Naruto had just died. It was painful... that only after his death, half of the remaining Konoha villagers who had still treated Naruto with intense hatred finally regretted those feelings. Since they had to admit, Naruto had always made their lives interesting with all of his earlier pranks and his usual cheerful outburst.
It was then revealed amongst them that Naruto had somehow gave them the kind of cheer that Yondaime had once shown and that they had regretfully missed the charm the child had. More surprises and regret overwhelmed them after Naruto's true lineage was finally revealed. Regrets overwhelmed those adults who had treated him unkindly before... but what was the use of it? Now? Naruto was already dead... no amount of apologies from the villagers could bring him back.
Even if they did cried tears of blood.
Sasuke smiled bitterly at the tombstone as he stared at the small picture of Naruto and Yondaime. 'You've really taught them a lesson, eh? Served them all right after all they did to you...', said Sasuke as the intense emotion he buried inside threatened to come out to surface again. 'Baka! Looked at what you had done by dying! Kakashi-sensei was turned into a wreck like that! The fifth had become so detached with life, she almost wanted to quit from becoming Hokage while Jiraiya-sama had been out drinking on daily basis. The whole village became out of order! Sakura and I... as well as the others luckily had manage ourselves to get over the shock, but... YOU had DIED, idiot! How do you think we can cope with life after knowing you will never laugh with us again?'
Sasuke knelt over the grave as he sobbed. 'Why did you saved me from Orochimaru only to die on me later? Rather you could have just killed me... then I won't have to see you dead in front of me. Stupid... idiot... baka!!', he cried as warm hand touched his shoulders.
He looked up as his brother stood looming over him. 'That kid had asked me before to settle things with you. So... here I am.', said Itachi as he shrugged. He knelt beside Sasuke as he said a small prayer for the two people. 'Arashi-sama told us to continue our earlier mission, but he also told us... that he won't force us to continue removing ourselves from our past attachments. So... I decided to return. I already told the fifth Hokage about this. I'll worry about the judgments on me later...'
'So you're staying for good...', said Sasuke nonchalantly as Itachi nodded. 'Kisame's coming with me...', he said as he pointed towards the man. 'Hope you won't mind. He was a bit on the rough side though... might have some trouble with Gai-san.'
'Hey!', said Kisame somewhere nearby as Itachi chuckled for the first time ever since Sasuke had last remembered.
'So... he's your precious best friend, eh?', said Itachi as Sasuke nodded solemnly. Glad to hear that you hadn't killed him like I tried to convince you before... but still, here we are. Him dead because of another reason...
Itachi glanced towards his little brother as the lad shook with inner sorrow. The elder Uchiha pulled his brother into an embrace as Sasuke choked with suppressed sobs. 'There.. there... let's go home.', said Itachi as the brothers rose and walked away towards home. Kisame snorted as Itachi kicked him for being such an idiot...
XXX
Another day had passed by as Kakashi returned to the tombstone. He received another scolding from Iruka earlier for insisting that he had to come visit the graves again. He placed the flowers in front of the stone slab as he did a small prayer. As he did it, memories of the day when both the father and child had been buried replayed in his mind...
It was sunny. Pretty uncanny as it had often happened that whenever a Hokage died and the village mourns over them, it will be a rainy day when the day comes for the last ritual to pay their respect. But this time it was sunny. A real clear blue sky, just like how both persons had their eyes sky blue. Or how their blond hair reflected the sunny whether. The only rain that ever fall that time was the day before, when the two of them had heaved their last breath.
It was a small ceremony, partially since not a lot of people were told about the fact that their Yondaime had still been alive before and now had died again, for real. And the fact that it was a funeral procession for Naruto too that they had made it quietly. So it was supposedly attended by him, Iruka, Yamato, Sai, Sasuke and Sakura, the sand siblings who had came all the way from Sunagakure, Gai's team, Asuma's team, Kurenai's team, Konohamaru and his friends, Anko, Jiraiya-sama, Tsunade-sama and Shizune, several of the Jounins, Chuunins and ANBU members who had ever since the chuunin exams been on good terms with Naruto, Hyuuga Hiashi, Nara Shikaku, Akimichi Chouza, Yamanaka Inoichi, the Inuzukas and Ichiraku and his daughter, Ayame. It was done so privately so that the moment will not be tarnished by hateful villagers who'd be more than happy to say that Naruto's death was well deserved.
Surprisingly enough, words escaped around and almost all of the villagers came to pay their last respect to both father and child. He found it ironic that only after his death, Naruto received the recognition that he had tried so hard to achieve when he was still alive. And none... he had noted, displayed any hint of being glad that the hyperactive ninja dubbed the loudest ninja of Konoha had ceased to exist. And he could not interpret whether that was a good thing... or not.
While contemplating this... Kakashi swore that he could spot seven shadows of red clouds on a black sky, giving their distant and silent respect towards the two deceased before disappearing again...
XXX
Kakashi ran his hand over the two self-portrait of his two loved ones as he tried to feel their warmth again.
'Kakashi-sensei... what are you doing? Don't tell me that you already missed us so much.'
Kakashi's heart jumped as he turned around to find the blond smiling at him. And behind the lad, stood Arashi-sensei and two figures who could be what his former companions could have looked like had they still be alive. Obito, with an eye-patch over the sharingan which he had given to Kakashi, was wearing a dark blue shirt while Rin stood beside him, her dark, long hair tied in a high pony tail matching so perfectly with her sakura petal kimono. All four of them had smiled to him so sincerely that he wanted to cry.
He felt a hand jostling his silver tuft of hair as he looked up to find Arashi grinning at him. 'Hey there... big baby.', he said in a melodious voice as Kakashi snapped aloud. 'I'm not a baby!', he cried as Obito chuckled. Rin knelt over him as she smiled. 'Silly Kakashi-kun... why on earth would you think that you're all alone? All of us will always be with you... here.', said Rin as she placed her hand over Kakashi's chest where his heart would be.
'Well, that's sensei for you. Ano... Kakashi-sensei... thanks for looking after me all this while. But this time, try looking after yourself more--', said Naruto as another figure approached him. He gasped as he knew all too well who was the person looking back at him. Hatake Sakumo. Konoha no Shiroi Kiba. His father...
'Silly child. Forgetting all of the things I've taught you... is it?', said the father as Kakashi felt the presence of all the persons dear to him, appearing in front of him now, warming his heart.
'Kakashi--!'
Kakashi's eyes snapped open, realizing he had fallen asleep beside the tombstone as Iruka stared at him in mock relief. 'Thank goodness... I thought you'd try to kill yourself or something when I saw you lying here with that thing beside you.', said Iruka as he gestured towards the white chakra blade that had lain on Kakashi's side. The only last memento that was the only proof that the man was really the son of the White Fang.
Kakashi doesn't seemed to notice Iruka's concerns for him as he glanced towards the stone slab. 'Was it just a dream...?', he muttered as Iruka looked at him with concern. He shook his head as he finally stood along with Iruka. Something fell onto the ground as Iruka picked it up.
'Yours--?', asked Iruka as Kakashi eyed the shooting star-shaped, rainbow-colored crystal tied on a string with surprise and wonder. He swore he had imagined Rin gave it to him in his dream. Hesitating at first, Kakashi took it from him as he slung the necklace over his neck and smiled contently. Iruka looked at his suspiciously as Kakashi reassured him. 'Don't worry... I'm okay. Let's visit Ichiraku after this together. It's been a while since I went there... and I don't like to eat by myself.'
Iruka was startled by this change of attitude but he was glad that Kakashi had ceased to be gloomy and agreed to go along with the plan. Kakashi grinned back at him as he turned around in surprise as he thought he saw Arashi-sensei and Naruto smiling back at him from a distance. Shaking his head at the vision, he left with Iruka towards the busier side of the village, his previous emotional burden lifted as the thought of all his precious persons remaining in his heart gave him renewed strength to continue living his life to the fullest.
Perhaps one day he might even become the next Hokage for Arashi-sensei and Naruto's sakes. But then... that was another story...
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az: XDXDXD Perhaps after this, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Sai and Sakura part of the story will come. And a little part on Deidara settling down in Suna for good measure. XP. Not quite care for the remaining Akatsuki members... let them go home or roaming the country for all we know! XDXD. Still developing the plots for spiral... XD
Yeah... happy ending where Akatsuki quietly disbanded... XP