Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ One Hundred Random Situations where Sasuke dies! ❯ Quest for the Holy ??? ( Chapter 2 )

Way number 6

5 years after the chuniun exams

Sakura: Hey, you guys guess what?

Naruto: WHAT?

Sasuke: hn

Kakashi: huh?

Lee: YES?

Gia: SAKURA!

Yourmaster: Llamas!

Sakura: IM GETTING MARRIED!

Naruto: WHO?

Kakashi: WHAT!

Gia: WHERE?

Yourmaster: WHEN!

Lee: WWWHHHHHYYYYY! (breaks down crying)

Sasuke: (Melts into a puddle and dies)

Everyone stares at Sasuke,

Kakashi: …

Gia: …

Sakura: …?

Lee: (cries)

Naruto: …

Yourmaster: ok then...

(Awkward silence)

Way number 7

Sakura: YAY its Halloween!

Naruto: That means RAMAN!

Sakura hits Naruto on the head irritated,

Sakura: No you idiot, on Halloween you get CANDY!

Naruto: RAMAN!

Sakura: CANDY!

Naruto: RAMAN!

Sakura: CANDY!

Naruto: RAMAN!

Sakura: CANDY!

Naruto: CANDY!

Sakura: RAMAN…WAIT…AGH! CURSE YOU NARUTO! (Sakura chases Naruto around in circles)

Sasuke was walking around when he heard a loud person scream “THE ENGLISH ARE COMING, THE ENGLISH ARE COMING!” so he decided to investigate,

Gia: OH, LEE OH LEE WHERE ARE THOU LEE!

Lee: THY LEE HAS COME, AS YOU HAVE CALLED!

Gia: LEE!

Lee: GIA-SENSEI!

Gia: LEE!

Lee: GIA-SENSEI!

German dude: SMURCLE KUGLHAINER!

Gia: …

Lee: …

Me: Hey!

Lee: Oh, hi yourmaster.

Gia: HELLO YOURMASTER, AUTHOR OF THIS…STORY. PROTECTER OF THE…SITUATIONS, IMAGINATOR OF WHAT WE SAY AND THE THINKER OF THE WINKER!

Me: …

Lee: …

German dude: Schnitzel?

Crab: I Pinch

Car: …

Crab: pinch?

Car: No

Crab: Why no pinch?

Car: You know, I got some tongs and melted butter in the back if you want to settle this right now.

Crab: No pinch, no pinch…

Sasuke suddenly is hit by a moose and dies…

Way number 8

Me: Hey Sakura, How do you drown a Sasuke?

Sakura: I Don't know, how!

Me: WATCH!

Puts a scratch n sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

Sasuke: SNIFFY!

Sasuke jumps in the pool and drowns.

Sakura: Haha that's a good one!

Me; yeah…

Sakura: …

Me: Funny how they always fall for it...

Sakura: yeah...

Way number 9

Sasuke was walking around in the forest when suddenly…

Sasuke: FAN GIRLS!

Fan girls: SASUKE-KUN COME BACK!

Suddenly as Sasuke runs away form the…Fan girls…he gets attacked by a killer…

Sasuke: BUNNY!

(clop, clop, clop)

(whinny, whinny)

Sasuke suddenly looks to his right and sees a large group of men…with swords…and…armor…

Galahad: They're nervous, sire.

Arthur: Then we'd best leave them here and carry on foot. Dis-mount!

Tim: Behold the cave of Caerbannog!

Arthur: Right! Keep me covered.

Galahad: What with?

Arthur: W-- just keep me covered.

Tim: Too late!

(dramatic chord)

Arthur: What?

Tim: There he is!

Me: Dundundunnnnnnn

Everyone: (stares at me) ..oops..sry..

Tim: Ok, lest start where we left off, Arthur, your on.

Arthur: Where?

Tim: There!

Arthur: What, behind the rabbit?

Tim: It is the rabbit.

Arthur: You silly sod!

Tim: What?

Arthur: You got us all worked up!

Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!

Arthur: Ohh.

Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Galahad: Get stuffed!

Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.

Galahad: Oh, yeah?

Robin: You mangy Scots git!

Tim: I'm warning you!

Robin: What's he do, nibble your bum?

Tim: He's got huge, sharp-- eh-- he can leap about-- look at the bones!

Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

Tim: Look!

(squeak)

Bors: Aaaugh!

(dramatic chord) (clunk)

Arthur: Jesus Christ!

Tim: I warned you!

Robin: I done it again!

Tim: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them--

Arthur: Oh, shut up!

Tim: Do they listen to me?

Arthur: Right!

Tim: Oh, no...

Knights: Charge!

(squeak, squeak, squeak)

Knights: Aaaaugh, Aaaugh, etc.

Arthgur: Run away! Run away!

Knights: Run away! Run away!...

Tim: Ha ha ha ha! Ha haw haw! Ha! Ha ha!

Arthur: Right. How many did we lose?

Launcelot: Gawain.

Galahad: Ector.

Arthur: And Bors. That's five.

Galahad: Three, sir.

Arthur: Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

Robin: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?

Arthur: Oh, shut up and go and change your armour.

Galahad: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake.

Arthur: Like what?

Galahad: Well... ooh.

Launcelot: Have we got bows?

Arthur: No.

Launcelot: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

Arthur: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

Monks: (chanting) Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.

Arthur: How does it, um-- how does it work?

Launcelot: I know not, my liege.

Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments!

Brothers Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

Second Brother: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloth's and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother.

Second Brother: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

Maynard: Amen.

Knights: Amen.

Arthur: Right! One!... Two!... Five!

Galahad: Three, sir!

Arthur: Three!

(angels sing) (boom)

Sasuke: …

Fan Girls: …

Bunny: X.X

Me: …

Fan girls: SASUKE-KUN YOUR SO COOL! (clobbers in him)

Sasuke: X.X