Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ We Call These 'Tweezers' ❯ 1 ( Chapter 1 )

We Call These 'Tweezers'

 

S.A.: Hello peeps! Just to let you know, I really liked this fic, but I was bored, wanted to MST something and this was all that I had. I will make fun of and insult this fic, but it's out of boredom, not hatred. God that sounded lame.

 

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY THING except Raven, cause that's me. Ember owns the fic “We Call These `Tweezers'” I'm just using it to cure my 12:30-in-the-morning boredness.

 

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW:

Toboe: Wolf's Rain

Ed: Fullmetal Alchemist

Gaz, Dib: Invader ZIM

And then there's Tenten and if you don't know who she is, what are you doing here.

 

In the deep dark regions of space…

 

Raven: (Playing on a Gameboy Advanced) Can't believe my cheapo parents… (More muttering) Most advanced gaming system is NINTINDO 64!!

 

Toboe: You've never complained before…

 

Raven: There's never been a Fullmetal Alchemist game at the used game shop before…

 

Ed: That explains it… HAHA! Told you she liked me better!

 

Raven: I worship Wolf's Rain. (Throws fork, missing Ed's head by inches) Don't dis Toboe. That's like disin' the Yoshinator.

 

Tenten: …You really need to find a better name for Yoshi…

 

Dib: Guess what I've found for you…

 

Raven: Tacos!!! I'm starving!

 

Dib: Err… no… It's a NejiLee Fanfiction!!

 

Tenten: (Scream) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! The horror!!

 

(In ta theater)

 

Dib: Role call!

 

Raven: If I go more insane from this, I'm gonna-

 

Ed: Here!

 

Toboe: I am old enough to read this, right?

 

Gaz: It's only PG-13.

 

(Toboe: (Glare) You're like what, seven?)

 

Tenten: (Tremble) The horror…

 

We Call These 'Tweezers'

 

Tenten: (Grabs popcorn) This is gonna be interesting…

 

by Ember

Summary: It was bad enough that to get Sakura's attention, Rock Lee would be forced to alter his Gai-sensei-esque appearance and ruin what, to him, was the epitome of masculine beauty. But did he absolutely need to ask Neji for help? NejiLee, one shot

 

Raven: Masculine beauty?

 

All: HA!

 

Warnings: Boredom fiiiic! Yes, Ember was bored one night and decided to spill this boredom out onto the eyes of a million fangirls and boys across the world. -love- Out-of-character Neji and slight Sakura-bashing. But I love Sakura... ;-; I feel bad for that last one.

 

Gaz: Sakura-bashing?

 

All: Yay!

 

A/N: I really need sleep. This is all like, what the (Beep) was I thinking? But at the same time, I love the idea.

 

NOTE: Censoring is from SilentAngel1291. Parents are watching what she writes

 

Oh, come on. Like you've never wanted to be transported into the manga, shove a pair of tweezers at Lee, and run away screaming to go unf Kiba.

 

Raven: Go WHAT Kiba? Other than that, I did that in a dream once.

 

Hmm? That was only me, then? Oh, wow. Don't I feel embarrassed.

Anyway, I like NejiLee. Though... I like SakuLee more. -shrug- In the end, Lee needs lovin'.

 

All: NOOOO! (Makes cross with fingers) NOT SAKULEE!!!! THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH EVIL WE CAN HANDEL!!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon- fifth, in fact, in a series of beautiful Sunday afternoons that put the 'sun' in Sunday- and, come to think of it, may very well have added the 'day' on there as an afterthought.

 

Raven: Sounds like me on sugar high…

 

The sky was blue and cloudless, the sun was bright yellow and shining, and Gai-sensei had called the day off training- resulting, of course, in Rock Lee stretching by the side of the road, getting ready for his afternoon free-time training- which always followed directly after the free-time noon training, subsequent to the free-time morning training, and preceding the free-time evening, night and last-minute-before-bed training. The short breaks were for rest, extra training, eating, reading, and, of course, the very activity he was catching up on now.

 

Raven: Reminds me of why I liked Lee in the first place…

 

Neji would have called it 'stalking.' But Neji wasn't there at the moment.

 

All: IT ISN'T ILLEGAL UNLESS YOU GET CAUGHT!!

 

And Lee knew, though perfectly honest methods (he had, after all, bought Naruto the promised four bowls of ramen after asking, very politely and crisply, for the information, so it wasn't like he had snuck around or anything. It had been in broad daylight- if that was ecchi, then he didn't know what to think) that Sakura walked by here every day on her way to meet Ino for lunch and possibly discuss important Sasuke-stalking methods. Just thinking about it made Lee's stomach twist- he had to stop Sakura from going and perhaps making the perfect plan with which she would finally open Sasuke's eyes to her utter perfection! He grabbed a rock and aimed it at a telephone pole. If he hit it, he would finally win over Sakura...

 

Gaz: That's gonna miss by a mile.

 

"Oh, hi, Lee!"

The familiar voice choked Lee, made his heart skip a beat, and made the rock fly about a foot askew of the telephone pole.

 

Raven: And bounced off the brick wall and hit Sakura in the shin.

 

Toboe: (As Sakura) OW! Where you trying to break my leg?!

 

Ed: (As Lee) OH, NO!! CERTAINLY NOT, MY DARLING ANGEL!!

 

Toboe: (As Sakura) Oh. Well, then you suck.

 

"Sakura-chan!" He spun around to face her, his hair moving like a single body around his head, and gave his best good-guy pose, with all his huge heart behind it.

The pose, the smile, the general aura, seemed to put Sakura off. "Ah... I was just going out to lunch."

This was the perfect opportunity! Rocks and telephone poles aside, here was one Rock Lee's perfect chance for getting a date, a real date, a lunch date, with Haruno Sakura, the prettiest girl he knew and would ever meet!

 

Tenten: (Cough) Excuses me? I PUT EFFORT INTO MY APPEARANCE!!!

 

"I wouldn't be much of a gentleman if I didn't offer to come with you and pay!"

 

Raven: Ah. Chivalry still exists.

 

Sakura smiled, and Lee's heart plummeted at the sympathy he saw in the expression. He gasped in air, realized there wasn't much room to expand his lungs with his heart taking up all that space in his lower chest, and let it out silently. "And I wouldn't be much of a shinobi if I couldn't take care of myself," Sakura pointed out, delicately.

"Ah. I... suppose that's true."

Sakura shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, then smiled wanly. "Listen, Lee, this is a special friend thing with Ino. Maybe some other time?"

 

All girls: BOOOO!!!

 

Lee brightened immensely. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

 

All girls: (look at each other) Maybeeee…

 

Sakura hurried to amend her mistake. "A friend date, Lee."

 

All girls: BOOOOO!!!!!

 

Ed: Hypocrites.

 

"Oh. A friend date." But he wasn't really all as disappointed as he acted. Friend dates could change into real dates much more easily than no date at all!

 

Raven: Is it a bird?

 

Tenten: A plane?

 

Toboe: Superman?

 

Gaz: My great-grandma?

 

Ed: No…

 

All: IT'S CAPTION OBVIOUS!!

 

Sakura turned and left with a quick goodbye, and Lee reached down to grab another rock. If he missed the telephone pole, nothing horrible would happen this evening to ruin his potential date with Sakura-chan!

It was fairly easy to avoid the pole, and Lee left for home in high spirits. Of course, he didn't see the rock bounce off a nearby mailbox and hit the pole from behind, and he was humming too loud and off-key to hear the dull thunk.

 

Raven: It's much more fun to hit mailboxes with baseball bats than with rocks.

 

Ed: …You'd know, wouldn't you?

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

"Gai-sensei!" The long, drawn-out cry announced Lee's arrival at the training field where Gai could be counted on to be ninety percent of the time. This time, he wasn't training with Lee, like he usually was- this time, he was watching Neji do a couple push-ups, long black hair in a cascade over his shoulders. Lee hesitated and watched his teammate, feeling a twinge of hot jealousy- Sakura would date Neji, if he asked her, he was prettier than Sasuke anyway. Even if he lacked the signature look of their master and sensei, Neji was not an unattractive boy.

 

Raven: Neji… doing push-ups…

 

Tenten: (Hits Raven on the back of her head) Stop you're droolin'!

 

"Lee!" cried Gai-sensei. Lee strangled his initial reaction and, delaying the exchange of emotional names, he pulled to a stop in front of his teacher and plowed ahead into the point of his problem, Neji slowly getting up and standing behind Gai while the taijutsu ninja spoke.

"And that's my problem, Gai-sensei!" Lee cried loudly. Neji, he was pretty sure, rolled his eyes, but as always it was kind of hard to tell. Their teacher was unusually quite for a long time, staring at Lee with eyes already starting to tear up.

"Lee," Gai started, after the appropriate dramatic pause and with a tint of emotion coloring his voice, "I can really only think of one piece of advice to give you."

 

Raven: (As Gai) If you're going to dress like me for the rest of you're life, then fallow my old dream, JOIN THE CIRCUS!!

 

"What is it, Gai-sensei?"

The older shinobi hesitated, then, awkwardly, said, "I've had this exact appearance for nearly thirty-five years, Lee. And I... never did find... that special woman." He paused again, his eyes wide, caught up in the moment. "Sometimes I don't know that even Kakashi finds me worthy as a rival, and sometimes I worry... that you... don't find me..."

 

Gaz: (As Gai) Sexy enough to be you're… lover…

 

"Gai-sensei!"

 

Raven: Will… Not… Comment… (Repeats)

 

"Lee!" The exchange was cut off by Gai continuing along his same thread. "And when I watch you... emulating my appearance- I am glad, because I want to be your role model, and yet... I want you... to find the woman in your life!"

 

Ed: Or, as it turns out, man.

 

Lee's eyes grew even more impossibly round. "So... you want me... to..."

 

Gaz: (As Lee) Get… a… sex change?

 

"I think it's time you were to change your appearance, Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

The building emotion finally broke Gai down. "Lee!" he cried out, raggedly.

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"I'll come back tomorrow," Neji commented dryly, throwing a towel over his shoulder. "If you think you'll be done..."

 

Toboe: Even I know that he should run…

 

Tenten: I swear! Lee and Gai kept up that “LEE!” “GAI-SENSEI!” Thing for a week STRAIGHT once. Gave me nightmares.

 

"Neji!" Gai yelled in a sudden burst of clarity.

Neji faltered. "...Gai-sensei...?" he offered, hesitantly.

 

Ed: He shouldn't have done that…

 

"You can help Lee find a new appearance!"

 

Raven: Where do I sign UP!?

 

Although glad he wasn't going to be pulled into a three-way name-yelling festival, this idea, if possible, put Neji on even more awkward footing. "I can do what now?"

 

Tenten: I've been pulled into one of those once… WASN'T PRETTY.

 

Lee fingered his bowl cut and said nothing.

 

Raven: Okay, Dib, we need a break.

 

Dib: I don't know…

 

Fire Alarm: (Goes off)

 

Gaz: MY PIZZA!! (Runs off)

 

Dib: Okay. Let's take a break.

 

Review please. And can anyone send us some water?