Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Who knew... ❯ 30. SMOKE AND ASH ( Chapter 30 )

HIIII EVERYONE!!! LISTEN LISTEN, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR??? MMM??? PLEEEEASE??? I WOULD SOOO LOVE TO SEE HOW YOU PICTURE Asuka AND THE CHARACTERS OF MY STORY IN YOUR HEADS…

-_- DID I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR? I'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR DRAWINGS!!!!!!! AND MAYBE THEY COULD GIVE ME SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO CONTINUE THIS…

SO! GRAZIE IN ADVANCE! AND OH, MY EMAIL IS suxgiu86@hotmail.com ....

 

And now, on with the story. At the end you will find a nice little link to…well you'll see. ^_^ ciao!

 

 

30. SMOKE AND ASH

 

Kakashi was sitting on his bed, back against the wall, looking out of the window.

 

In his hands was his hitai-ate, which he was randomly creasing and folding, tying and tangling, eyes fixed on the window, opened in spite of the cold wind coming in.

 

The light turned off, the whole room was absorbed in darkness and obscurity, allowing just a few rays of moonlight to barely trace the contour of the objects.

 

The white haired shinobi sighed. The last time he had broken his stillness to have a quick look at the clock on his headboard, it was past midnight.

 

He was worried sick.

 

Not because he thought that something bad could happen to her, of course. Whoever had the ultimate bad luck to try and bother her, well, they would learn their lesson.

 

He always forgot that she was nothing more than a girl; she was supposed to be innocent and naïve, like the civilian girls of her age, but in her eyes, in spite of her sunny façade, were the echoes of many battles, and the reminiscences of many deaths.

 

She had been called by the Hokage…it was ironic how in that situation she had been given a way out by fate, while he had been previously forced to witness the forced confession of his feelings by the Uchiha bastard.

 

Asuka…what did she think about him, now? Was it possible that he had mistaken the signs, that the girl did not feel something more than camaraderie or mere friendship, towards him? There had been days in which he was sure that her childish heart would beat just for him. Kakashi knew it, he just knew it. The blush spread across her cheeks… what if he really had mistaken?

 

If it was just a huge, immense, enormous misunderstanding, and that she was disgusted by the fact that a man of his age could feel attracted by a thirteen years old girl?

 

Did she think of him like a sort of paedophile?

 

He could clearly hear the noise his heartbeat made when it increased; it filled the room, and was driving him mad.

 

He had seen her smile, in the wood. He was sure she had smiled, oh so sure. But then the smile had faded.

 

And now he was waiting for her in the middle of the night, and she wouldn't come.

 

The dark mask hid a light, bitter smirk.

 

`Obito, how is that possible that I always end up in pathetic, impossible love triangles?' the jounin thought, as if talking to his friend could help.

 

`First it was you, Rin, and me…and now, now I am stuck in this thing with the Uchiha brat and…and Asuka! Thirteen years old! Am I really that wrong?!' Kakashi shivered as a blow of particular cold wind surrounded him.

 

Kakashi embraced himself with his own arms, after momentarily defeating the laziness that had overcome him.

 

`How I wish I could speak with you about that. You would laugh at me! Would you, Obito? Or would you sit and listen, brood over it with that typical Uchiha attitude, ponder, think, and then end up telling me `it's up to you, Hatake'? Right. You would be useless. But still, I could have had someone to talk about this…if I ever found the courage to even consider speaking to you about my weakness.'

 

“Kakashi! It's too damn cold in here! What the hell are you doing with all the windows wide open in the middle of the night?!” Asuka had left the mask and weapons on top of the small dresser and was now hurrying towards the windows to close them.

 

Kakashi was just too happy to tell her the first reply, the honest one, the one that had crossed his mind at that very moment. He was waiting for her, and no one else.

 

She had come back! She didn't find him creepy, revolting, disgusting! She had come back! That was already something. Not much, but something.

 

The white haired young man hadn't realised that he still had nor spoken neither moved, and he hadn't noticed that Asuka was now in front of him, hands on her hips, staring into his eye.

 

“Well?” the Yoshizumi girl asked.

 

Kakashi shook. “Waiting for you, Asuka-chan.” the girl had laughed lightly, and was now back to the dresser, removing the armour and the arms and legs protectors, then placing them carefully into one of the drawers. “Did the Hokage hold you back for so long?” he asked, casually. He really wanted to know what she had done during the last few hours.

 

Asuka froze. She didn't turn to look at him, and replied with something murmured that sounded like “had things to do” and “problems to settle” while untying her hair.

 

But Hatake Kakashi knew her better than that. She was hiding something.

 

He moved, and before she had time to notice he was behind her, holding her tight. Asuka was almost paralysed.

 

“Tell me what's wrong, Asuka-chan” he whispered in her ear huskily, making her shiver.

 

The girl had her eyes shut closed, and was repeating into her head `tell him now' over and over again, like a tantrum.

 

She lightly pushed him away, making sure that he wouldn't interpret the gesture badly, and turned to look at him.

 

“Kakashi, we have to talk.” She stated.

 

Inner Kakashi growled. Shit. That was exactly what he feared…nothing good ever came from a `we have to talk'. If someone had good news, they would definitely scream it out loud. When someone said `we have to talk', wearing a deadly serious expression as the one that was shadowing the delicate features of the girl in front of him, he knew it, troubles would come.

 

“H…hai” he found himself replying, while she grabbed his hand and brought him to sit on the bed, one in front of the other.

 

“At the Hokage tower” the girl began “in the Hokage office…I met my grandfather.”

 

“Oh.” Kakashi was sincerely surprised. What did the old man want from her, now that he had succeeded in obtaining the wedding with the powerful Uchiha clan?!

 

“And where my grandfather goes, troubles follow.” Asuka added, studying the young shinobi expression.

 

He nodded. This he knew, he knew it oh so well.

 

Ok Asuka. Tell him loud and clear. Straight to the point. Now. Yes…I must. I have to. As if it was easy… she shut her eyes and began speaking, hoping dearly that he wouldn't interrupt her with silly questions like `how, what, when' and stuffs.

 

“My grandfather is sending me to Kirigakure to learn how to be a goddamn good wife, and the Hokage has found me a suitable mission in the country of Water. I don't know how long I will be gone, but it is supposedly from three up to five years. Ren is coming with me. And no” she opened her eyes but looking away, as she didn't think she could bear a direct eye contact with him now “there is no way out. I am leaving tomorrow evening.”

 

Kakashi felt his vision blur, and he was suddenly cold, very cold, as if he was about to faint. No. he wouldn't show her she was his weakness, at the moment.

`Resist, you idiot' he commanded himself, while struggling to keep an emotionless expression.

 

“Kakashi…I'm going to miss you so much!” Asuka sighed, throwing herself against his chest, making the two of them fall on the mattress; he instinctively closed his arms around her and began stroking her long hair while she sobbed.

 

He said nothing. His mind was too confused, his heart was bleeding too much, he was just too shocked to gather the strength to say something.

 

She clutched her fists grabbing his shirt, dragging him even closer. Her head was on his chest, and she could hear each and every beat of his heart, which were irregular, too fast, and too slow.

 

They were basking in the darkness, lying in the shinobi's bed, in silence, barely breathing and, for Asuka, crying.

 

And that's how sleep surprised them.

 

* * *

 

A ray hit his eyelid, penetrating through the light curtains of his bedroom, but he refused to open it.

 

Kakashi had his throat completely dried, as if he had wandered in a desert for days, and he didn't really feel his left arm, as if it was asleep, or something weighted on it. He breathed deeply, and his lungs were filled by a fresh, summer-like scent, a scent he knew all too well. Asuka's scent.

 

Shit.

 

He flashed his eye open, and was welcomed by the sight of the young girl still asleep in his arms.

 

He moved his asleep arm to let it rest and regain sense, careful not to wake her up.

 

The girl's forehead was covered by her thick bangs, and her rosy mouth was lightly opened; he could feel the warm breath escaping the kunoichi's lips, as he studied carefully her features, trying to burn them forever in his memory, as if he was using his Sharingan.

 

Her long dark locks covered her shoulders and reached her elbows, smooth on the top of her head and wavy, almost curly, from under her neck to the tips.

 

Of course, Kakashi hadn't forgotten what Asuka had told him last night. How could he, now that he was awake?

 

He wanted to bask in her presence until she let him be close to her. He wanted to remember how holding her felt, how her lips curved when she smiled and the sound of her laugh.

 

The young man felt the kunoichi in his arms move, and soon she was looking at him with sleepy eyes.

 

“I was wondering when you would wake up, Asuka-chan.” he whispered.

She looked in his eyes, silent for a moment, staring at how handsome he was even when he woke up and his hair was a mess. Wait. His hair was always a mess.

“You don't throw off that fucking mask even when you sleep, Kakashi, do you?” Asuka said, rather annoyed that he wouldn't let her see his face not even on that day.

 

Kakashi smirked. “Good morning princess!” he said, mockingly.

 

They raised and sat on the bed, Asuka combing her hair with her fingers, Kakashi rubbing his eye.

 

The girl looked at the clock; it was almost 10. Shit, it was late, so damn late. And she still had so many things to do, too many things to do, before that night.

 

She stood up, and walked to the dresser. She had to pack her things. She never knew that packing could be so dreadful.

 

Asuka felt Kakashi's silent stare on her back while she brought her things from the drawers and placed them into boxes and bags, which where mostly to be sent to Kiri after her departure.

 

They were like that for what looked like an eternity.

 

When Asuka finished packing, she turned, and gave a sad look at the room. She had been happy, during those days with Kakashi. She really had.

 

“Well…” she said softly, hesitating. “I guess I should be going…” Kakashi had left the bed and was in front of her, looking down at her.

 

He grabbed her hands with strength and pulled her to his chest. Asuka did nothing to stop him.

 

“Ask me to wait for you, Asuka.” He said, pleading, almost begging.

 

The girl felt like she couldn't breathe. “I can't” she admitted honestly.

 

Kakashi put his hands on her shoulders and forced her to look into his eye “Why?! Why can't you?! Does what I told you yesterday mean nothing, Asuka? Do my feelings for you mean nothing?!” he screamed, and then he paused, and asked her in a sadder, calmer voice “I love you. Does that mean nothing to you?” he looked away, ashamed of being so exposed in front of her.

 

Asuka didn't expect him to openly tell her that he loved her; actually, she had hoped he wouldn't.

 

“To me, to me it means a lot, Kakashi.” She said.

“But you have to understand…that it doesn't matter who I love. It doesn't matter who loves me” she told him, speaking what were the reflections of the night before. “It doesn't matter what I feel, what I want; I wasn't given a choice. If I told you I loved you, we couldn't be together; we could be lovers for a short time, but then we would have to part. My destiny was chosen for me. The wedding with Itachi is the only thing in my life as certain as my death. Please…understand me. I loved every second I spent with you, Kakashi. I wouldn't forget you if I tried. And I don't want to forget you. Ever.” She said.

 

The girl walked to the door of the apartment, and after giving a last, sad look at the man who was watching her leaving, she closed the door behind her, and left.

 

 

* * *

They had come to gather her bags and boxes. He had opened the door, greeted them, but nothing more.

 

He had been sitting on the border of his bed the whole day. He hadn't eaten; he hadn't done anything but being there, staring at the emptiness of his house, and thinking.

 

The street was empty and silent, and he had watched the sun go down sitting in complete silence and stillness, while, again, light abandoned the room to make space to gloom and darkness. Only the pale light of a street-lamp allowed a few drops of light to enter.

 

Strade deserte, note distorte Deserted streets, distorted notes,
Componi per lei You write down for her.
Si è fatto buio già It's already dark…
Ore seduto su un marciapiede Hours sitting on a sidewalk,
Sotto un lampione… Under a street-lamp…
Sai che lei non tornerà You know that she is not coming back…

He could still feel her perfume in the room, and was torn between letting the wind blow it away or closing the room, sealing it forever on the inside. He didn't know if the second option would do him any good. No, actually, the continuous thoughts of the time they spent together, of the words she had told him, of the laughter they had shared…it would have sooner or later killed him.

 

The white haired shinobi sighed. It was not the words she had told him, but those she hadn't told him that made him bleed.

 

She hadn't said no.

 

But she hadn't said she loved him, either.

 

E' un lamento continuo It's a continuous lament
Di frasi che ormai sono andate, sparite Of words that by now are gone, disappeared
Mai più sentirai That you will hear no more.
Ti aspettavi di udire You expected to hear
"Sei il solo per me" “You're the only one for me”…
Metti l'anima in pace Rest your soul,
Quei giorni son già Those days are already
Fumo e cenere… Smoke and ash…

 

It was when the shinobi who came for Asuka's things had left that he had found it.

 

On the ground, between the wall and the bed, and god only knew how it could end there.

 

It was dusty, creased, and even a little bit torn. There were a few words scratched on the back, in a neat, girlish calligraphy. Those words made him smile.

 

`Always with that mask on, you baka, how is one supposed to know that you're smiling! Sempai, I defeated you!! ^_^ Love, Asuka'

 

He had blown the dust away, and had traced the lines of her face with his lean, pale fingers. He was sitting beside her, the summer sun shining on them both, Kakashi with his usual pale complexion and mask, Asuka tanned and smiling. They were happy. Gai had taken that pic, after a sparring match between the Yoshizumi girl and the Copy nin, won by Asuka, the first time she had won over him. She was a hard one to fight.

 

La nebbia sul viso The mist on your face
Nasconde il sorriso Hides the smile
Di quei giorni in cui Of those days in which
Lei era accanto a te She was beside you…
Riassaggi i momenti You retaste the moments
Scorrendo i messaggi Looking at the texts,
Ma solo quelli più dolci But only at the sweetest ones…
Non li cancellerai You won't erase them…

 

He had held the picture against his heart like a schoolgirl in love, before remembering her last words.

 

Il tuo mondo Your own world
Sta andando a puttane Is fucked up
Oramai… By now
Puoi reagire, ma forse You can react but maybe
Non è ciò che vuoi… It's not what you want
Preferisci esser vittima You'd rather be a victim
Non guarirai… You won't heal
Non mollare, Don't give up
E' un consiglio, It's an advice
O ti ridurrai Or you will be nothing but
Fumo e cenere… Smoke and ash…

 

Asuka

 

She was gone.

 

 

 

°°°°° ;°Â°Â°

 

Heeeeei so here is the end of the chapter…liked it? Liked it??? Hope so!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNPWnYKw9Wo here you will find the song Fumo e cenere that I used in this chapter…I didn't really wanted to make this a songfic, but I guess I was too caught up in the writing to even notice -_- mmm