Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Second Coming ❯ Outing ( Chapter 15 )

Chapter Fifteen: Outing

 

A shriek rang out in the hallway of the school one Friday afternoon, as the lot of us were cleaning and tidying our classroom. I was closest to the door, and bolted that way; Hikari, feeling a sense of responsibility as the class rep, I'm sure, followed close behind.

"There, that should do it," Asuka was saying casually, looking at her cell phone.

"What the hell was that?!" I blurted out.

"What? Oh, nothing," Asuka said, smirking. "I just was leaving a message for Kaji. I can't seem to get him to return my calls these days. He's always out or something."

"You wonder why?" I said in response, though Asuka continued going on about being stood up for phantom dates and such.

I almost saw the lightbulb appear over Hikari's head. "You're free tomorrow?" she said.

"I guess so," Asuka shrugged.

"I wonder if I could ask a favor," Hikari said with a guilty, apologetic expression. "My big sister's got this friend, and he's been asking about you.."

"A blind date?!" Asuka exploded. Myself, I was wondering why a college student wanted to hook up with a 14 year old, even a college graduate 14 year old, but I kept my mouth shut.

"Pleeease?!" Hikari pleaded. "He's really nice.."

Something occurred to me at that moment. "Oh, crap. That's tomorrow," I said aloud.

"What's tomorrow?" the other two girls stereoed.

"What? Oh, uh," I said, stammering, realizing I'd said what I'd been thinking. "Um.. Ikari's got a special day coming up tomorrow.."

"Special day?" Asuka scoffed. "Did the 1990s call and say they were delivering some more SDAT media for him?"

"No," I said with a frown, lowering my voice, looking over my shoulder into the classroom. "Tomorrow is the anniversary of his mother's death."

And I just told him to write off his dad.

 

To my surprise, Shinji brought it up with me later on, as we were all preparing to go home.

"Jillian," he said, approaching me as I exchanged shoes at the locker. "About the talk we had last week.."

"Oh, hi, Shinji," I said, hoping my faked surprise at his appearance before me wasn't too transparent. "Right. Like I said, I'm your sounding board anytime you want it."

"Yes," he said with a nod. "With all due respect.. I'm seeing my father tomorrow. I think I need to."

"It's your choice," I said, trying to smile genuinely for him. "Just try to be strong."

"Thank you," he nodded. "I will."

 

Misato had an engagement as well, I learned the next morning, as car after car came to take away the residents of the neighboring apartment. Soon, I had the entire place to myself.

"Wark."

"Except for you," I seethed, looking over the balcony rail at the penguin; as usual, he was pressed up against the Lexan, looking for a handout, even though I was seated on a patio chair and clearly not in possession of any treats.

"Waaaark?"

"Shut up," I said. "I'm going out for groceries this afternoon; maybe I'll get you something then." Much as I disliked the bird, it was the closest thing to a pet in my life, and so long as I kept my fingers out of the way of his meals, I came through our encounters pretty much unscathed.

He made a sound that almost sounded like a raspberry, and I looked back over at him, expecting to see a tongue sticking out from his beak. Instead, I watched the portly waterfowl turn and waddle away.

 

As I'd said, I had a grocery run to make in the afternoon. I walked down to the store, feeling spoiled by the warm weather; it had been pleasant, and in many cases outright hot, all the time I'd been in Japan. It was, of course, that way year-round because of Second Impact, but as someone who hated the long, cold Canadian winters of my youth (Jack's youth, that is), being so comfortable for so long seemed almost criminal.

While I was browsing the store, when I got to the newspaper rack, I picked up the romanized editions, as was my usual habit. However, a picture on another publication beside my usuals caught my eye. The picture was of a car, all four wheels off the ground, flying over a hill on a dirt road. A lot of the kanji was stylized in different fonts, and I was still not up to speed on a lot of it, so I took that book with me to the cash as well, and asked if they could tell me if it was what I thought it was.

I was overjoyed when the clerk told me it was advertising Rally Japan, which was happening the next weekend. The joy turned to despair when I learned it was in Obihiro, which was for all intents and purposes at the other end of the country. Sure, I could watch it on TV, as Misato had suggested so long ago when I first came to Japan, but I hadn't given up on the idea of getting special permission to go there in person. That, however, seemed like an impossibility now, considering the distance.

I still took home the magazine, which turned out to be the official program for the rally, and busied myself for the afternoon with reading it all - or at least all of it that I could manage. Much as I hate to admit it, like I said above, I still wasn't 100% fluent with the Japanese written word. I could read enough to get by, for most of the book.

So, 10 years after my last rally - so to speak - was I behind the times? Not quite. The main manufacturers and marques were still in competition, along with a few others I'd never thought would join in. I didn't recognize most of the names associated, of course, though some of them bore clear lineage to the greats of yesteryear that I recalled from my past life. Scandinavia was well represented, of course, where the modern version of the sport essentially was born and flourished.

In any case, a rally is a rally, and Rally Japan was one of the world class events. I'd never attended one of such caliber before, and as the day wore on, I became more and more bound and determined to get to Obihiro in any way possible. Even if I had to take the Eva and park it in a hangar at the airport, standing at the side of the stage in my plugsuit and dripping with LCL, I intended to go.

 

Misato didn't arrive home that night; Shinji and Asuka screwed around for a while, alternating between goofing off and arguing, from the sounds of what wafted through the thin walls of the complex. I went to bed late, after having spent most of the evening looking up rally-related stuff on the Internet. I was as giddy as a school girl - well, technically, I was a school girl, I supposed - but you get the idea. I fell asleep dreaming of cars flying past me, mere feet away, engines roaring and gravel spraying this way and that.

 

Late the next morning, I found Misato at home, though I evidently dropped in just before she was going out. I asked her for a moment of her time, as she shrugged on her red jacket.

"Sure," she said, snatching up some toast she'd put down moments before.

"Well.. I know how we pilots are required to be on standby at all times, and trips are frowned upon, but I.. well, Rally Japan is this coming weekend, and.. I was hoping maybe I could attend.. even though it's in Obihiro.."

"Yeah, probably," she said, munching on the toast and downing a can of coffee.

"I really think I can come up with a plan that.. what?" I said, caught off guard by her response.

"I'll make it happen," she said. "Just give me some time, okay? I have something pretty important today."

"Really??" I exclaimed. "You're serious?"

Misato didn't answer, and I fell deathly silent, staring at her as she performed her next task. Seemingly oblivious to my outburst, she had pulled out her service weapon, checking the magazine and ensuring it was full. Putting it back in the gun, she safetied it and put it in a holster somewhere within her jacket's confines.

"Sorry, but I have to run," she said. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"...Uh.. okay," I said, still shocked at her unusual morning preparations.

She nodded, still having not looked my way since I entered the apartment. With a steely, determined look on her face, she headed to the door and, putting her boots on, stalked out.

"..the fuck?!" I murmured, still standing in my neighbor's kitchen. Asuka, somewhere in the rest of the apartment, heard me and my Western profanity, and followed the sound to its source. "What are you up to, Fourth?"

"Does.. Misato normally check her gun before she leaves the house?" I asked. Maybe it was a tougher neighborhood than I'd ever noticed, and she just wanted to have some protection..

"Nope," Asuka said, crossing the room to open the fridge and root around inside. "But who knows? Maybe she just cleaned it, and was making sure it still functioned properly. Or maybe Kaji did something last night and she's going to go thank him for it."

The last part was doubly ironic, coming from Asuka as it did, and reminding me of what was likely to happen. Shit. He's going to show her Lilith today.

"That was a joke, Fourth," Asuka deadpanned.

"Wha? Oh! Yeah, heh, maybe," I said, forcing a laugh.

"Though he probably would deserve it. He shrugged me off last night! What a rude thing to do."

"Well, it was late, I'm sure, since they weren't home by the time I went to bed. Maybe that was it."

Asuka hmph'ed, and came fully into the kitchen, putting down some toast for herself. "What are you up to today?" she asked.

"Oh, not much," I responded. I explained about the rally race.

"You'd better not get to go!" Asuka snapped. "If I couldn't go to Okinawa, that's just not fair."

"Maybe you should ask again," I said. "Maybe things have changed." After a beat, I added, "You could come to Obihiro with me if you wanted.."

"Nooo, thank you," she quickly replied. "You keep your little otakudom to yourself."

"Suit yourself," I said, smiling for the first time since I'd thought Misato was going to draw a bead on me. "Anyway.. I should go now."

"What for? Sit down, I'll get some juice and make some extra toast. Bacon? Eggs?"

"Sure. Bacon, please," I said, taking up the offer eagerly. I didn't truly want to be by myself at that point, considering what my mind would run away with - Misato and Kaji, in Terminal Dogma - if let to its own devices.

Asuka set a glass of orange juice down in front of me. I stared at it and tried not to think of the word 'Tang' as I said, "So, um, what were you two up to last night? It sounded pretty.. rowdy."

"What?!" Asuka said with shock. "Nothing! I don't know what you were hearing, but it must have been your imagination."

"Uh-huh," I said, taking a sip of the drink, and finding with relief that it was not, in fact, LCL. "Remember the time you 'overheard' that ...adult video... my computer inadvertently played one afternoon, through the wall?"

"The one you called a 'browser hijack'?" Asuka said mockingly.

"I'm not into that kind of stuff," I responded, on the defensive. "Besides, even if I was, I would've kept it to my private self instead of blasting it across the whole apartment block. Anyway, my point is, I was imagining last night as much as you imagined hearing that video."

Asuka sighed. "I'm rubbing off on you too much. You're getting relentless."

"Learned from the master," I grinned.

"We kissed last night."

The grinning persisted. "Oooooh," I said, (somewhat) feigning surprise. "And?"

"What do you mean, 'and'?"

"Did you like it? Did he like it? Is--"

"Urusai!" she demanded. "Not another word!"

I laughed. "Sounds like something did happen," I teased, knowing full well that if things went as I thought they did, something did happen. Hopefully, Asuka wouldn't use the opportunity to remind herself of Kaji's brush-off again.

"What exactly is it you want to know?" Asuka snapped, pushing my plate of bacon and toast across the table toward me.

I buttered one side of the toast and started making a bacon sandwich with it. "What brought it on? Were you guys watching a romantic movie or something? How did he react? What do you think I want to know? I want to know everything," I grinned.

Asuka was silent for a minute. Then she finally muttered, "I was curious.."

"Curious?" I echoed, then realized she meant the reason for the kiss. "Ohhh. Did it live up to your expectations?"

"I don't know," she responded, shaking her head. "He's so.. so.. inexperienced. Childish."

I so wanted to challenge that, but I let it go for the moment. Asuka continued talking.

"It started out as a tease," she said. "But once it got going.. I don't know.. it was.. something else."

"You are allowed to like him, you know," I said.

"Shut up!" came the instant reply. "Who could like someone like that?"

"Someone who sees something in him," I said softly. "Something they think they can work with. As in, something they can change for the better."

Asuka's gaze lifted up to glare at me. We sat wordlessly for several long moments.

"Don't let me dictate how you live your life," I finally added. "Do what you want."

"He's so.. not me!" she protested.

"Damn, Sohryu, haven't you ever heard the phrase 'opposites attract'?" I said with a smile. "I don't see what's so wrong with giving things a shot, other than you'll scare the living shit out of him and make him wonder what alien possessed you and flip-flopped your attitude towards him."

Asuka looked like she wanted to protest my appraisal of her 'attitude', but didn't say it. Instead, she said, "What if I find out it's wrong? What if it's not what I expect it to be?"

"Burn that bridge when you get to it," I suggested. "You're strong, though - I have a feeling that, just like most everything else you do, this'd be the right thing."

Asuka chewed on that, and her breakfast, for a long moment. Finally, she made one last statement, leaving the conversation unresolved, but definitely putting a lid on the discussion. "If you breathe a word of this to anyone, ever, at all, I will purée you and feed you to the penguin. I mean it."

I couldn't help but giggle. "You have my word," I assured her.

 

Misato happened to arrive home that night about the same time I was coming back from getting groceries for my supper. Knowing (or presuming) that her day had been, to say the least, weird, I simply greeted her with a hello.

"Hi, Jill," she said tiredly. I held the elevator open for her, which garnered a thanks as well.

"Long day?" I queried, mainly for the purpose of small talk, but also to see just how much she'd let out.

"So to speak, yeah," the major nodded, eyes on the floor indicator. "How about you guys? Did you enjoy your day off?"

"Pretty much," I replied. "Asuka and I sat and talked for a while, and then I spent some time playing on the computer." After a second, I decided to add, "Looking up stuff about the rally race."

"Oh, yeah," she said, running a hand down her face. "About that.."

"You can't let me go?" I said, preparing for disappointment.

"No, no," Misato replied. "I made a promise, and I'll have to figure out a way to keep it." She thought for a few moments. "I think I have an idea, but I'll have to run it past Commander Ikari first. And do some pre-scouting of our own there."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Aw, you don't want to spoil the surprise, do you?" Misato said with a wink. "I'll get back to you."

"All right," I acknowledged, as we stepped off the lift. "Thanks, Major."

"Talk to you later!" she said, heading into her place.

I tried to retain my composure until she was gone, but what with the thin walls of the building, she and anyone else who was home probably heard me bouncing around and squealing with elation once I got into my own apartment. I threw myself on the bed and kicked about in a little hyperactive fit for a few seconds.

All right!! I gushed to myself. This is too good to be true! For once, the invocation of such a thought didn't result in me suddenly going all introspective and worrying about what might go wrong. I was too far off the ground, so to speak, to be brought back down to earth. Forget cloud nine, I was on cloud 999.

Overreacting? Absolutely. But cut me some slack. I was a kid again, and I was being handed the keys to the fun house.

 

Misato invited me over later that evening, presumably to explain the situation (or so I hoped).

I dashed back out to the store beforehand, to have something to bring with me, as was my tradition. Fish for the monster, and one of those small ready-to-eat chilled cakes for the rest of us.

Asuka let me in when I arrived, her shoulders drooping as she saw that it was me at the door. "Hi, Fourth, come on in."

"Whassamatter?" I asked.

"Nothing," she shrugged, turning to walk back into the apartment. "Thought maybe it was Kaji."

"Oh for.. let it go, will ya?" I muttered, rolling my eyes behind her back. If she heard me, she didn't acknowledge it, or was just planning for my fiery demise at a later date and time.

"Good evening, neighbor!" Misato greeted me from the table, clearly already into her nightly round of beer. "Have a seat."

"Sure, let me feed the bottomless pit first," I countered, unwrapping the fish and lowering it to my side; Pen2 was already there, having bee-lined to me as soon as I had entered the apartment. In a flash, all I had left was a bit of soggy newspaper, which I took to the trash and then went to wash my hands.

"Oh," I heard Shinji say as I was turning off the water tap. "Hello, Jillian."

"Hi, Shinji," I said, heading over to the table at last and sitting down. The Third Child was coming into the room, SDAT headphones in his ears; he headed to the fridge to get an orange juice.

Asuka was perched on a chair at one end of the table, and Misato and I sat across from one another. The major said, "All right, here's the deal. As you know, we can't risk leaving the Evas unstaffed for any significant length of time, especially with the unpredictable timeline of the Angel attacks."

Pretty articulate for having had half a six-pack already, I observed. It just served to reinforce how good Misato was at her job, I figured. "Okay," I said.

Misato went on, "Having said that, I do agree that some.. extra-curricular excursions are necessary to keep you all from going mad. The thing is, we still can't let you all go at once."

No outbursts came from Asuka's end of the table; either she'd already been prompted of my trip request, or she was, again, silently plotting how to get revenge for her trip earlier in the year being canceled and mine being approved.

"I, um, I'm not sure.." I false-started. "It doesn't seem fair when you put it that way, considering Okinawa and all.."

"There'll be other chances for those who don't go this weekend," Misato explained. "Just remember, that will be your turn to stay back and be on first call."

"Okay," I nodded.

"We're going to let two people go to Obihiro," the major declared, "for the car rally. One is you, Jill, obviously."

"Oh," I said, and looked to Asuka.

"Nooo, thank you, tomboy," she said, taking a jab from back when we first met and using it again.

"Suit yourself," I smiled. I noticed Shinji, who was leaning against the counter finishing his drink, had taken one of his headphones out.

"Car rally?" he asked Misato.

"Jill has asked to go to the Rally Japan races in Obihiro this weekend," Misato explained to him. With a smile, she said, "You're fond of autos and racing, aren't you, Shinji?"

"Uh, a little, yeah," he responded, looking at the three of us in turn.

I let things hang for a second before I took up the reins from Misato. "Do you wanna come, Shinji?" I asked.

"Sure, I guess," was his reply.

I looked to Misato. "Is that cool with you?"

"Works for me," she replied. "But you haven't heard the whole deal yet."

I glanced at Asuka while waiting for Misato to continue. The Second Child was looking at me when my gaze turned her way, but looked elsewhere when she saw my attention on her.

"Go on," Shinji was saying to Misato.

"You two will be considered to be on alert," she said, gesturing to Shinji and me. "If anything happens - an Angel attack, a malfunction with Units 00 or 02, if Asuka or Rei catches the flu or falls down the stairs, anything at all, you will be recalled. A VTOL will be at the ready all weekend and will pick you up directly from whereever you happen to be in such an event."

I had visions of a stage of the rally having to be stopped because one of the giant NERV crafts had landed on the road, so Shinji and I could board. "Okay," I replied.

"That's fine," Shinji added.

"Why couldn't we do that in Okinawa?" Asuka muttered.

Misato turned to her. "Policies change and new ideas are born," she explained. "If you have your heart set on Okinawa, you can go later, after they're back, but the same rules will apply; you'll have to be prepared to return here on no notice at all."

"Fine, fine," Asuka said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I get it. It's a good idea."

"I know," Misato grinned, a little drunkenly. She turned back to the rest of us. "Be ready to fly out Friday morning at 9:00. You'll be there for 12:30. Barring any problems, the return trip will take place at 8:00 Sunday night."

"Thank you very much, Misato," I told her.

"You're welcome, but you will have to make up those two school days. Just remember that," she smiled.

 

"You sure you're okay with this?" I was asking Asuka a couple days later, at school.

"Sure I'm sure," she said. "Go off and enjoy yourself."

"What about Shinji?"

"What about him?" she snorted. "What do I care what he does?"

"Asuka," I said with a knowing tone.

"What?" she all but yelled at me. "I don't care! Are you listening?!"

"Okay, okay," I said, acquiescing to her. I couldn't help but throw in one last line which I hoped would lighten the mood: "Did you want me to bring anything back from Obihiro for you?"

She sighed with aggravation. "When are you leaving again??"

 

Nine o'clock on Friday morning saw Shinji and I at the air base nearest Tokyo-3, boarding a NERV VTOL with all of our stuff. Okay, all of my stuff; Shinji was traveling light, with a pack containing a couple of changes of clothes and some snacks and drinks. I had my camera, tripod, three changes of clothes, snacks, drinks, a battery charger for the camera, spare Memory Sticks, a music player for the trip there and back, and etc.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Misato said from the driver's seat of her car. She'd driven us to the airfield, graciously enough.

"I think I got it all," I said, turning back to her with my hands full.

She held out a green duffel bag, smirking.

"Oh! Crap! Um.. hang on," I said, hurrying over to the idling jet-craft and dumping my stuff at the boarding stairs. Dashing back to the car, I took my plugsuit bag from Misato with thanks.

"Try not to lose this," she said. "You might need it."

Doubt it.. unless the shadow Angel attacks ahead of schedule. "I'll keep it with me at all times," I vowed.

"Good. Have fun!"

I waved as she backed away from the landing pad, then I dashed back towards the ship once again. Someone had picked up all my stuff and moved it into the craft, so all I had to do was scramble up the stairs and get into one of the seats.

"I brought your bags aboard," Shinji said, gesturing to a couple of seats across the aisle, laden with the gear.

"Thanks," I said, hefting the duffel. "Almost forgot this."

"I put mine into my pack," he pointed out, "so I'd have less to carry."

"Yeah, I probably should have done that, but I kind of got carried away," I admitted. Sitting down, I removed my sunglasses and perched them atop the Subaru World Rally Team sun visor I'd bought in town before heading out. "We'll have plenty of time on the flight in for me to do that kind of thing, I think."

"Right," Shinji nodded, smiling. Seeing him with an expression other than agony or being upset always threw me off, but I was too elated on actually going to the event to dwell on it.

The machine took to the skies and headed towards the northeast at a dizzying pace, even faster than the Evas could run. The landscape zipped by under and around us, with the pilots giving us a great up-close view of Mt. Fuji before leaving the region for Obihiro.

My mind, of course, was already on the rally stages. Forget worrying about the Evas and keeping my role in it all straight; at that point, my biggest concern was to make sure that we got a good spot, to both watch the race and capture the action with my camera gear.

 

The race weekend started out with what's called a Super Special Stage, which is one of the rally's stages, held in a stadium or motocross park, or other place where lots of spectators can gather. It's also the only time that cars race side-by-side, rather than the timed runs made on the normal 'special stages' themselves.

Shinji and I had average seats, which would have been near the goal line had the bleachers been part of a football stadium. Instead, we were on the edge of the first turn of the course, so we got to see both cars in each race twice, at the height of their acceleration.

I have to admit now that I would have embarrassed Asuka to no end. I was in full-out otaku mode, standing up and cheering and screaming my head off. I think it scared Shinji a little, but he mentioned nothing at the time.

Nearby, of course, were two agents from Section Two. Their job was to grab us and haul ass to the VTOL if any kind of alert occurred at NERV HQ, or any indication of Angel attacks became apparent. I was comfortable knowing, or at least presuming, that they wouldn't be needed, and I had told them to stay out of our hair and let us enjoy ourselves. Still, two large, suited men a couple rows away, wearing dark glasses and talking into their wristwatches, was a pretty conspicuous thing.

 

On Saturday, when we went out to the rural stages themselves, it started out as a pleasant, enjoyable day. The buses hired by the rally organizers disgorged their passengers at the start of the first spectator stage, and we all spilled out into the countryside, wandering along until we each found our own perfect spot to take in the action.

Shinji and I must have hiked three or four kilometers in from stage start, until we got to a point where the road came over a crest. The cars would be accelerating there, and it was likely most of them would take air over the impromptu jump.

"This looks good," Shinji said, looking around.

"I agree," I replied, shrugging off my pack and unfolding my camera tripod, preparing to set it up.

Shinji took a moment to remove his own pack and get out a drink, then watched me. "How did you get interested in all this?" he asked.

Adjusting the tripod, I smiled and shrugged. "I don't remember, to be honest," I told him. "Saw it on TV once, I guess, and as they say, the rest is history. I admire these guys. They have b.. er, guts.. to drive at a hundred and sixty K through a tight forest, on a gravel road."

"It is pretty dangerous," he agreed. "But what I meant is, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing a girl would be interested in."

I smirked and glanced at him. "You need to listen to Asuka more," I declared. "Remember, I'm 'weird'." Getting out my camera, I placed it on top of the tripod and started to ensure the aim and tilt was set up right. "Besides, there have been lots of women involved in this sport forever."

"Oh.. sorry," he apologized.

"Don't be sorry," I said, and then decided to stand up and face him directly to make a point. "I wasn't trying to get you to apologize, or change your mind, or anything like that. I was just stating my opinion. And you were just stating yours. People have different ideas about things, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"A-all right," Shinji said, surprised at my response.

"Besides," I said, going back to work, "it's okay to be at odds with someone. There's nothing that says you need to share the same opinions and beliefs as anyone else. Not everyone in the world feels the same way you do, and they definitely don't feel the same way as I do." That last bit was tossed in as a self-depreciating remark, as a joke, and I hoped he took it that way.

"Okay," he nodded.

"Good," I grinned.

It took about 30 minutes for the first cars to come through the stage. The first car was the 'zero car', not an actual competitor, but marshals checking the security of the course, to make sure no spectators were on the course, there were no big rocks or logs or anything that idiots had strewn across the road, or no traffic could get in from a sideroad by accident, for example. All the while, I was spouting all of this info to Shinji as well, knowing that he probably would have been content to just sit (or stand) and watch, but I was too hyped to stay still.

A few minutes after the zero car finished the stage and declared it safe for competition, the first car was released from the starting point. Cars are released every two minutes from the starting point, and race against the clock, not one another - so, for example, the fourteenth car through the stage could be the leader, if he drives the stage in the least amount of time.

It was as the first competition car came over the crest that everything began to unravel for me. A marshal's whistle sounded from up the road, and the car's roaring engine could be heard just beyond that. In seconds, the machine launched itself off the crest in a scene which, to a racing nut like me, at any other time, would have been very picturesque.

However, I hadn't taken into consideration that there was a long curve that preceded the crest, a right-hand turn for the drivers. The cars would still be sliding out across the road toward the left when they took off from the crest of the hill.

Right toward where Shinji and I were.

We were in no danger from the first car's path of travel; he was going fairly slow, because the gravel was still thick and deep on the road, yet to be swept off by all the cars' tires churning it up. However, it was close enough to me for me to flash back to another time in another life, and I went into a state of panic.

"S-shinji," I stammered, shivering and shaking. "We have to get out of here."

"What?" he said, surprised. "We just got here."

"I can't be here! We're outside the turn! This is bad!" I hollered, stepping away from the camera. I was going to pick the whole thing up and cross the road to the safe side.

"Wait!" Shinji said, grabbing at the sleeve of my T-shirt. "You can't cross now, the race is underway!"

"We've got two minutes," I babbled, struggling to break free. "We can't stay here!"

"Jillian.. calm down!" he protested, grabbing hold of me with both hands now. "We'll back up a little bit, okay? We can't enter the road or they might cancel the stage. You just told me that a few minutes ago. You don't want to ruin the whole day, do you?"

"I.. I.." I stammered, still trying to get away from him.

"Please. You're safe. I'm here with you. We'll move back, and watch from the tree line. Is that okay?"

Finally, I stopped resisting his grip. Looking towards him, I said, "O.. okay." I don't know if I was projecting a look of abject terror, but Shinji's expression surely led me to believe he was scared, at least of my reaction if nothing else.

Shinji only let go of me when it was apparent I wouldn't bolt and run. He took our packs and stuff and gestured for me to follow him, and I hefted the camera and tripod and ran the same way he was going.

"See?" Shinji said, resting a hand on a tree he was standing beside. "These are at least fifteen centimeters across at their base. We're fine in here."

"R-right," I said, still shaking, still trying to regain my composure. I tried to distract myself by working at setting the camera up again.

Just as I was finished and focusing down the stage again, the marshal's whistle blew, and car number two launched itself off the crest of the hill. Involuntarily, I flinched and recoiled, and hit the shutter on the camera too early, ruining what could have been a great shot. The car, of course, came nowhere near us, and roared on down the stage, fans on both sides of the road cheering madly.

"Are you okay?" Shinji asked. "Maybe we should go back--"

"No," I said firmly, though I could still feel myself shaking. "W-we're staying. I'm bigger than this. I can beat this." I hadn't meant to say the last two sentences aloud, but I did.

"Okay, if you say so," Shinji said warily.

The race continued, and I tried to keep my cool, but every time a car came over the crest, I found myself unable to keep from jerking away from the camera, wanting to be able to see clearly if it was going to come my way and wipe me out. I tried many times to steel myself for the cars' approach, but every time, I failed.

Then I jumped again, shocked as something touched the middle of my back. When I regained my senses, I realized it was Shinji's hand.

"I'm right here," he said. "Focus on your pictures and the race. I'm watching for you."

I didn't know what to say. He was basically telling me (and my irrational mind) to put my safety directly in his hands, literally, and forget about worrying about it. If I was in danger, he would take care of it.

Is that something Shinji would do? I wondered. A moment later, I told myself that was a ridiculous thought, especially since he was already doing it. Then, the whistle blew, and the sixth car was thundering down the road towards the crest.

"Everything's okay," I heard Shinji say as I leaned my face towards the camera's viewfinder. "I've got you."

His hand pressure increased slightly as the car burst over the crest, moving at full speed and engine howling. I focused all my energies into tracking the car in the lens and shooting at just the right second, and after an electronic 'click', I was rewarded with a masterful shot of an Audi Quattro rally car in flight.

"Th-thanks," I stammered as the noise dwindled down to nothing again.

"It's okay," he said, smiling at me as I looked at him over my shoulder. "It's no problem."

It occurred to me at that point, finally, that it truly was no problem to him. Despite all the screwed up things in Shinji's life, being protective and helpful was his way. In the Eva, he always kept the safety of his fellow pilots in mind. This, obviously, was no different in his view of things.

I thanked him again when the stage was over and we were moving on to the next location.

"It's all right," he reiterated, "but what went wrong there?"

"Um," I said, unsure of what to tell him. Admitting that I flashed back to the moment of my first death was probably not the right thing to do. Finally, I told him, "I've never been to a world-class event, and they run faster and harder than anything else. I just wasn't prepared for it, that's all." There, at least a sliver of truth was hidden in the answer.

"You had me worried for a minute," he responded.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly. "I hope I didn't ruin the trip for you."

"Not in the least," he assured me. "Don't worry about it."

We continued on to the next spectator stage, with me focusing my thoughts on a confident, talkative Shinji. Would this have effects on how things turned out in the end? For the first time in a long time, I turned my thoughts to the fate we were all racing towards. And, for the first time in a long time, I felt oddly optimistic about our chances.

 

When we returned home, days later, a number of things were waiting for us. Piled schoolwork, sync and harmonics tests, and other such things, not to mention our friends, who wanted to hear all the details of our trip.

"I thought you didn't like cars and racing," I kidded Asuka, as we suited up for a synchronization test.

"Shut up! That's not what I'm talking about," Asuka said, stepping out of her civilian clothes.

"Then what?" I asked.

"You.. and the Third.. were together by yourselves, for an entire weekend.."

"Gah! Uckk," I shivered. "Asuka, I'm not that kind of person. We just went to the races and had a couple meals together. Otherwise, nothing went on."

"Are you sure?" Asuka teased, all but leering at me.

"Pilot Thomson is not interested in a relationship right now," Rei said quietly from her corner of the locker room.

"What?! What do you know, Miss Perfect?!" Asuka bellowed, obliterating my gasp of surprise and jaw-dropping look of shock.

"It is readily apparent, to one who is observant," Rei said, shrugging her shoulders into her plugsuit.

I found my voice. "Rei, um... thanks for taking my side, but.."

"What would she see in a dolt like him anyway?" Asuka snapped. "Always doing what he's told, never taking initiative, always apologetic for everything, including things that aren't his fault..."

Oh, boy, I thought. If Shinji's attitude from the trip spills over to today, this won't end well.

Rei activated her plugsuit without another word, and headed to the test cage, with Asuka's ranting chasing her out of the locker room. I sighed and carried on my way as well, listening to Asuka rail about Rei and Shinji alternatively, all the way to the cage.

Misato was waiting for us, and wanted to know how things had gone on the weekend as well.

"Good, Major, very good," I smiled. "There were a couple of moments, but it was a great time overall."

"That's good to hear," she said. "Shinji and Rei are already in the test plugs. You two get into yours."

Asuka and I got into our respective test chambers and went through the usual startup sequence. When the network connections came up, Shinji was chattering happily with Rei about the trip. She was listening and occasionally interjecting comments when he asked her questions, even rhetorical ones such as 'doesn't that sound cool?', but otherwise she remained quiet.

I didn't know if Shinji's upbeat mood was as a result of the trip, as if it had given his mind a break and allowed him to be a boy again, or if it was the reverse - that his personality had rounded the corner, so to speak, before the trip, and this was simply more of the same of how he was going to be behaving now.

For what it's worth, neither he (at least, as far as I know), nor I, had mentioned my freaking out on the side of the road to anyone. As far as I was concerned, it could stay between us (and the two Section Two men who had undoubtedly seen everything from a short distance away). I had no desire to try to come up with a valid explanation for my breakdown, and it might cause the higher-ups to reconsider my fitness as a pilot to boot.

Everyone quietened down as the test began. We all settled in and did our usual tasks to sync up with the simulation bodies. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I found myself wondering how we could synchronize with the sim bodies, when in fact it was supposed to be the souls inside the Evas (at least, as far as I knew) that we were really linking up with, when we did it for real. Perhaps the sim bodies were as much of a fallacy as the Marduk Institute was; maybe the 'wires' went directly from the sim plugs to the Evas themselves.

Whatever. I knew if I continued along that line of thinking, I would wonder who was inside my Eva again, and I didn't want to go down that road for two reasons: One, the most sensible answer was impossible, and two, all this analytical thinking and worry and doubt would screw up my sync score.

Anyway, sitting/lying in the control seat of the test plug, relaxing and trying to sync up, was hardly a chore anymore. More often than not, the sensation of being on the edge between sleep and consciousness was very real and prevalent. I hadn't yet been caught snoozing, but I worried that one day I might let myself go, and wake up to find all of Central Dogma watching and listening to me snore in the LCL-filled entry plug.

It was Misato's voice that kept me from drifting off this particular time around. She called out for Shinji, who roused from his near-meditative state to answer her happily, asking for his sync score. I was jolted into full alertness by this query. Oh, shit. Here it comes.

"Get this, Shinji: You are number one!" she declared.

I'm sure Misato did that in the hopes that hearing something positive about his time in the Eva would keep Shinji's spirits up, but she didn't take Asuka's frailty - if that is the right word - into account. We all had windows open with the visage of each other on our screens, and Asuka flinched visibly, lips twisting into a snarl, when Shinji was congratulated.

All of our scores were announced at that point: Shinji, as mentioned, scored highest; Asuka next; and interestingly enough, Rei and I tied for third, not very many points behind the German girl.

Back in the locker room, Asuka began ranting about Shinji again. I decided to keep my mouth shut and let her vent; Rei remained quiet, too, though that was, of course, usual for her.

"What a joke! Stupid Shinji better than me? It's not possible," Asuka went on. "It was just a hiccup. We all have our bad days, right, Fourth?"

I blinked, not expecting her to ask my opinion. "We, uh, well, all have good days sometimes too," I pointed out. "Maybe Shinji is just feeling better because of his time off. Get them to give you your trip sooner rather than later, and maybe you'll--"

"I don't need a trip to loosen up or anything like that," Asuka shot back. "I'm fine! There's nothing wrong with me."

"I didn't mean to imply there was," I replied, feeling like I was losing the battle already.

"See you tomorrow in school," Rei said softly from the doorway. I hadn't even realized she was done changing; in another heartbeat, she was gone.

Asuka hmph'ed at Rei's departure, then went back to railing about Shinji. "What a joke. An aberration! That's what it was. Third Child just had a lucky day. I'll put him in his place tomorrow!"

 

Unfortunately, as I'd dreaded, fate had other plans for us for 'tomorrow'.

I hurried towards the Geofront upon receipt of the alert, trying not to look over at the giant, zebra-striped orb in the sky a few blocks away. Cars were abandoned in the streets, and everything was deserted, as was usual during an attack alert. The only person I saw besides myself was Rei, who I happened to catch up with on the way to HQ.

"Where are the others?" she asked calmly, even though she was pounding the pavement just as hard as I was.

"Either ahead or behind," I responded, not realizing how absurd it sounded. "I haven't seen them yet today."

"Right," she nodded, and halted just long enough to swipe her card to get into the base. I followed suit, the armored gates thankfully clanking shut behind us to cut off my view of the new Angel.

Within 20 minutes, the four of us were deployed throughout the city, hiding behind buildings like giant SWAT team members, peeking around buildings at the enemy, or, at least, what they thought was the enemy.

"Recommend we pair up," I called out.

"It's better if you surround the object," Ritsuko responded. "Take up points throughout the city."

"Yeah," Asuka said. I could almost hear the sneer in her voice as she added, "Besides, the great numero uno Shinji doesn't need backup, does he?"

"S-shut up!" came the reply from Eva 01.

I frowned to myself. There went my plan to be there to keep Shinji from falling into the Sea of Dirac. Okay. You'll just have to figure something else out. No sweat.

"Fine!" Shinji was saying in response to some comment from the command center. "01 will take point!"

Asuka growled disgustedly and said, "02 will back him up!"

"00 will back up as well," Rei contributed.

"03 acknowledged, backing up," I declared, and assessed the playing field, trying to find a place that would allow me to stay within range of Shinji so I could try to catch him when the shadow appeared.

If it appears, I told myself. What if Shinji didn't press his hand and fire at the Angel first? How would we defeat it if Shinji didn't take the bait?

While I was moving into position, I asked aloud, "How do we know this is the true target?"

"What are you, a dummy?" Asuka shot back. "It's an Angel! What more do you need?"

"Pattern still orange, still inconclusive," one of the techs spoke up.

"Don't you think it's odd that it just appeared out of nowhere and bypassed all our early warning systems, just to hang out?" I argued. "Doesn't that seem odd?"

"Keep this channel clear for status updates," Misato warned us, ending the conversation. I felt good that I'd at least tried to bring up the point, but annoyed that my protests fell on deaf ears.

"Are you in position yet?" Shinji asked us all, his voice a low whisper, for some reason.

"Almost," I replied. "Two minutes."

The others didn't respond. I filled up the silence with a suggestion: "Stay cool, Eva 01. Wait for us to have it flanked before you go off on it."

"Hurry up," was Shinji's response. I cursed under my breath and continued to my intended position.

I checked the readouts of the Eva's rifle, as I had several times before. I figured the weapon was pointless, but I wanted to have it ready just in case my gut feeling was wrong, or something else happened that necessitated its use. I had one assault rifle and my prog knife; Asuka, a large pole-ax and her knife; and the other two a pistol and a sniper-type rifle between them. If the Angel proved defeatable, we were equipped to make it happen.

"Are you there?" Shinji hissed again.

"Stop whispering!" Asuka demanded. "And be patient!"

I found myself suddenly filled with a sense of dread, as I heard three shots ring out. The zebra-striped ball vanished from sight, the rounds arcing off harmlessly into the deep blue sky beyond.

"Pattern blue confirmed! Angel!" someone in Command shouted.

"Where?" Misato demanded. "The target's disappeared!"

I had already ejected my umbilical cable and was sprinting over for Shinji's position, consequences be damned. If they grilled me and questioned me forever asking how I knew what would happen, either I would tell them the truth or eventually come up with a good excuse. But I had no intention of letting Shinji get lost to that inky abyss.

His cries for help were echoing over the comm channel when I leapt over several smaller buildings and nearly dove headlong into the Sea myself. Twisting and flailing, I managed to avoid being swallowed, at the cost of crushing a weapons-locker building. Shinji, however, as I noticed when I lifted my head to look around, was already more than halfway swallowed up by the Angel's dark maw.

"Shinji!" I hollered, leaning over and reaching out with the Eva's arm. "Grab my hand!"

He was panicking big time and losing his sync ratio in a hurry, if the jerky, halting movements of his Eva's limbs were any indication. Even if he had been able to reach out to me, we still wouldn't have been able to make contact.

The building I was on began to sink as the shadow/Sea widened, and I had to weigh my options. If I pushed myself a little further towards the Sea, I could probably reach Sho's outstretched hand, but would I be able to pull us both out and make it to safety before the building went completely under?

"Help me!" Shinji wailed, calling out all our names repeatedly. I had no idea where Rei or Asuka were, and never bothered to ask them later. For all I knew, they could have been hanging on to me, to keep me from going in; I'll never know for sure.

However, as my straining and stretching continued to prove ineffective to reach the sinking Eva, a strange thought occurred to me.

Let him go.

I was shocked that I'd think such a thing, and almost whipped my head around to see if someone else was inexplicably in the entry plug with me, and had said it themselves.

You know he'll turn out okay. Just let it happen.

I continued holding my arm out, even though Shogouki was all but completely into the dark void by then.

It's how it's meant to be. It's an important moment in his development. Don't interfere.

I could see what my subconscious, or whatever it was, meant, but I still didn't know if I could just sit there and watch him get taken away by the Angel. Besides, what if he didn't come out of it all right, or at all? What if I turned out to be wrong?

The hesitation provided just enough time for Eva 01, every last bit of it, to sink completely into the black, empty space beneath me.

 

By the time I was disembarking my Eva at the forward command post, almost everything had been set up. Misato was there, as was Ritsuko and a whole raft of techs and mechanics. A briefing on what had happened was going on, but I only listened to it peripherally; I knew what the deal was, and didn't care to hear.

I also didn't have any interest in replaying the last few moments of my rescue attempt in my mind, but that wasn't as easy to walk away from. I didn't know whether to be upset or sick or satisfied, or what. The truth about what was most likely to come was finally hitting me, and to say I was conflicted about what my role should be was a gross understatement. Everything to come - everything that could be defended against or altered - was going to happen, one way or another, and it was my choice to decide if I let it unravel as intended, or not. What if my intervention screws everything up?..

I shook my head violently, clamping gloved hands to my temples as if I could exorcise the thoughts rattling around at that moment. All that I was rewarded with was a reminder of the stickiness of the residual LCL still left on me from the entry plug.

Just then, I heard a rather one-sided conversation from nearby. I turned to look and saw Asuka standing at the railing of the platform we were on, hands on hips, looking over the city and in particular the place where the Sea of Dirac had appeared.

"Well, it's his own damn fault, for rushing in to things," she was saying. A quick glance to the side confirmed that Rei was nearby and presumably the audience Asuka was playing to.

I headed over that way. Asuka continued, "Just because he scored higher than me this one time, he thinks he's got what it takes to lead? Get real."

Rei stepped in and faced Asuka before I could say anything. Asuka noticed this, and snarled, "What? Does the truth about stupid Shinji hurt, Miss Perfect?"

"Asuka," I cautioned as I got to the duo. "Don't go there."

The redhead glanced over at me. She opened her mouth to say something else, but I went on. "Asuka. I mean it. He might be gone forever for all we know. This is not the time to be acting all high and mighty."

"He's--"

"He did what he did because he wanted to prove he could meet your standards!" I snapped. "He just wanted the same thing you did!"

Asuka scoffed. "You don't know what I want, Fourth, so shut up!"

I had a vision just then of me hauling back and pounding Asuka in the face over and over. I didn't want to succumb to that idea - in fact, it outright horrified me - so I shut my eyes and turned my head away from her; coincidentally, towards Rei.

"Jill is right," Rei said. "Shinji may have acted irresponsibly, but he did it because he thought it would prove his worth to you."

"Bah!" Asuka dismissed Rei's assertion. "You're both out of your--"

"All of you, stop it right now!" Misato demanded, from the other side of the platform. She stood, arms wrapped around each other, staring at the giant black disc that had enveloped several city blocks and, more importantly, Eva 01.

"Why he did it is immaterial," Misato said bluntly. "What matters is getting him back."

 

Rei startled me some time later, after we had been dispersed by Misato, but were still loitering around the command post.

"You intend to confront her."

I jumped and turned, seeing the First Child beside me. She was looking at me when I turned around, but momentarily, her eyes moved to focus on the same thing I'd been looking at.

Across the way, Asuka sat against the outer wall of the command tent, knees drawn up to her chin, hands wrapped around her shins, head drawn in, almost to a fetal position. She was all but sulking, after having been reprimanded along with the rest of us, and hadn't said a word to anyone in at least three hours.

I looked back to Asuka and said to Rei, "What do you mean?"

"Jillian," Rei responded evenly, "Please stop.. 'playing dumb' with me."

I chewed on that for a moment. "I'm sorry, Rei. I won't do it again." After a pause, I asked, "Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"It all depends on what you're planning to say."

"I don't know.. I guess I was going to talk to her about why Shinji did what he did. Try to explain his motives, as far as I understand them."

"I'm not sure she'll be approachable in any regard right now," Rei said. "But it is your choice to make."

I thought about things for a few seconds. "I just worry that the situation will get worse if she's allowed to continue with this attitude. I don't want to see it happen."

"It won't," Rei said, barely waiting for me to finish talking before she responded.

"You seem sure of that," I observed, eyeing her.

She was still staring at Asuka. "Because she has you watching her," Rei clarified.

 

Hours later, after catching a cat nap of sorts and having a bite to eat, I found myself among the assembled staff in the command post again, listening to Dr. Akagi formulate a plan.

Despite anticipating the details, hearing it said by a real life person stunned me a little. Nine hundred and ninety two N2 bombs? Each one of them definitely had a blast radius greater than 680 meters, the current diameter of the Angel - or the shadow it had become. No one could guess the amount of room Shinji had within the Dirac sea; its measurement defied normal mathematics. But still, at the extreme limit of his life-support power, with the Eva surely all but shut down, would he be able to withstand the detonation in close proximity of nearly a thousand non-nuclear heavy ordnance rounds?

When I got into the Eva, all I could think of was how expendable Shinji appeared to be at that point. Clearly they (Ritsuko, and by extension, absentee Gendo) wanted nothing more than to rescue and salvage 01's core and possibly its bio-mass. If it got a little fried around the edges, not to mention the injuries and suffering that would likely be transmitted to the pilot, that was considered acceptable collateral damage.

As the Eva powered up, I experienced a curious, concerned feeling. It took me several minutes to realize that it was the entity within Sangouki; surely noticing my upset, dejected mood, it wanted to know if I was all right. Or, perhaps it was worried about Shogouki's disappearance, or a combination of both.

Things'll be all right, I said in my mind. I'm just tired and upset with my friends. And we'll get Sho back before the UN has their kick at the cat. You'll see.

Relief entered the link then, mixed with confusion. I presumed the latter was because of my confidence that Shinji would break free on his own, after making contact with his mother inside Sho. I wasn't sure how much San could read of my mind, but if it had the ability to check out those particular thoughts, I would have been very intrigued to learn what it thought of the whole deal.

"T minus 8 minutes to N2 drop," Ritsuko's voice came over the comm channel, jarring me back to reality. "Are you three ready?"

Rei, Asuka, and I were positioned equidistantly around the shadow, our task to project our AT Fields into the Dirac sea and keep the blast from escaping through the connection to our dimension, so to speak. The theoretical reasoning for this was that the explosion, coupled with the AT Fields, would cause the severing of the Angel's body - the Dirac sea - from its 3D shadow, the zebra-striped ball in the sky. Theoretically.

Hopefully, Shinji would get it together in less than eight minutes.

"Unit Zero ready," Rei replied.

"Two is ready," came Asuka's response.

"Three is ready," I said in turn.

"Hold off on extending your AT fields until my command," Ritsuko declared.

I busied myself by looking up and zooming in on the aircraft that were flying towards us. This would have to be one of the most precise bombing runs in the history of mankind, if it were to work, and I didn't have much confidence in this world's UN to begin with. Imagine standing beside a manhole while someone drops a trash can full of flaming gasoline from 11 stories up - and trying to get it right in the hole - and that's about what I felt our situation was like at that particular moment.

"I don't like this," I muttered.

"Unit Three," Rei responded, "I share your concern, but we have no choice." Evidently I'd said it loud enough to be heard on the comm channel.

Asuka was oddly silent. I asked, "Two, what do you think?"

"I just wanna get this over with and go home," she said, grumbling about as much as I was. It didn't occur to me until much later that she was upset because Dr. Akagi had written off Shinji. Maybe Asuka was feeling remorse for her earlier comments, or maybe she did have more for him than derisive comments already at this stage.

We all fell silent at this point; I had no idea what else to say, at least, not on a wideband radio channel; Rei was her usual quiet self, and Asuka remained subdued. The tension continued to build as the bombers closed in on the target. I kept glancing up at the zebra-ball to see if it had turned all black - the indication, as far as I recalled, that Shinji was about to break free.

If Shinji were to not make it, who would they put in his place? I found myself wondering. Surely they would stop at nothing to recover what remained of 01, so the odds were it would need to be piloted again.

Probably Rei. And then decommission 00. I wondered what a Third Impact would be like if Rei initiated it and was the catalyst at the same time.

"ETA to N2 delivery: 120 seconds," Ritsuko said. A tech was about to supply her with some information, when the ground started rumbling.

Looking desperately for cracks in the dark mass at my feet, I found myself thinking, All right! Way to show them, Shinji! Keep kickin'!

The others were shocked and surprised at the sudden movement, and so I added my own 'surprise' to the radio chatter. The Dirac sea had fractured all over its surface, the black giving way to red, like a burnt piece of meat showing its partially-cooked middle.

Looking up again, the zebra-ball had indeed turned flat black, and a rend was beginning to appear on one side. I called out for everyone to look just in time to see Sho's two hands force their way through the rift, fingertips first, and shred the side of the Angel's body mercilessly.

Red blood - at least, I presumed it was blood - hemorrhaged from the Angel, as Shogouki made its way out from within. The hiss and gush of the blood along with the roar of Sho was the only thing making any sound; even Command had gone quiet. It was more eerie than I remembered the scene.

"Mein Gott... is that what I'm piloting?" Asuka asked rhetorically.

Ritsuko was saying something in a low tone, too low for the audio pickups to make out. She and Misato conversed, interrupted only when Sho finally broke free of the Angel and leapt down to the street, landing between the three other Evas, blood and gore streaming down the armored surfaces.

I stood and stared, awestruck by the Evangelion before me. Even though I'd expected it, the sight of Shogouki in a near-berserk state, with all the destruction and damage surrounding us, caught me off guard.

Another sensation came to me from within Sangouki; this time, a sense of worry, with fear and pride paradoxically mixed in at the same time. This time, although it was still unexpected, I at least recognized what was going on.

I don't blame you, San, I found myself saying. It's almost enough for me to fill my plugsuit.