Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Someday Somewhere ❯ Seventh Mistake ( Chapter 7 )

Evangelion Parody Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

 

Non-Standard Disclaimer.

I did have it for a little while, but I traded it for some magic beans. Maybe not the best decision of my life, but definitely not the worst (That would be my decision to write Evangelion Fanfiction).

 

Author's Pre-Self Loathing -

Have we all had enough yet? (Give me a `Hell Yeah!')

I wanted to raise my voice in chorus with you all, but a certain Chibi Female Friend of mine is still making certain threats. Threats that fill me with a sense of nausea and dread. Any being endowed with a Y chromosome knows just what I'm talking about.

Also, I realise it's been a while and this will now become the way of things. Not just for this, but all my fics.

No explanations, no apologies, no talent, no girlfriend. (Ain't life grand!)

No wonder I'm receiving hate mail and death threats. Now if I only had a stalker I could claim celebrity status.

 

Someday Somewhere

Seventh Mistake - Debts, Demands and De Womans-Nyan?

 

NERV HQ - We Have Uncovered The Enemy And Discovered It Is Us

 

“Run that by me again, Ritsu-chan.” Misato's cold and altogether dangerously quiet voice demanded. “Just what does `Uh-Oh' mean exactly?”

Resisting the urge to swallow, Ritsuko glanced nervously at the unforgiving and in her honest opinion, dangerously close barrel of Misato's pistol. A pistol that was now currently resting rather uncomfortably against her temple. “What I meant to say was…..” The terribly loud, at least to Ritsuko, noise of Misato releasing the safety reverberated and echoed inside the scientist's head, causing the usually stoic blond to sweat nervously.

“I'm waiting Ritsuko, but your time,” Misato's eyes narrowed to thin slits and the taut muscles along her jaw began twitching, “just like my beer buzz, is fast disappearing.” It wasn't that she wanted to kill Ritsuko. No, it was just that the little voice in the back of her head was screaming at her to `Cap the bitch now!'. The only thing that granted her blonde colleague a temporary reprieve was that Misato's internal judge, jury and executioner just happened to sound remarkably similar to Asuka and she had quickly developed an immunity to that particular noise not long after the young firebrand Pilot of Unit 02 had come to intrude on the idyllic life she had been building with her Shinji.

“I might have…..” Not entirely certain of Misato's current psychological stability, especially considering Shinji had been removed from her care, Ritsuko struggled for the right words that would keep her cranium and it's precious contents intact just a little while longer, “well, perhaps by accident….” seeing Misato's scowl darken and the knuckles of the hand holding the pistol whiten, suddenly had Ritsuko very concerned. A concern compounded by the knowledge that Misato had not had a single alcoholic beverage since entering the lab with Shinji earlier. “GivenShinjikunthewrongcannisterwhenhewentdownintoterminaldogma.̶ 1; The words jumbled together as Ritsuko clamped her eyes closed and waited for the inevitable moment of her life's end.

<I can see the headlines now. `Brilliant, Super Sexy Scientist Meets Unfortunate Demise at the Hands of Deranged, Stupid Whore. Evangelion Pilot Lover Heartbroken. Vows Never To Love Again.'>

Seconds ticked by and Ritsuko wondered whether someone who had had their brains unceremoniously blown out by their best friend would actually realise that the event had taken place. Her analytical mind quickly deduced that given the circumstances, there was approximately a 67.3% chance that she had in fact survived. This statistic consisting largely of Misato injuring herself by mis-firing her own weapon.

<I still should have heard the weapon fire though.>

So given the lack of an earth shattering `Kaboom', she wisely decided that that particular statistic would be better told in NERV's corporate newsletter while she was holidaying somewhere far, far away fromTokyo-3 and vengeful women with guns.

“Ritsu.”

Glancing up at her friend and would be executioner, Ritsuko was surprised to find Misato staring somewhat slack jawed at one of the display screens. “What is it Misa……….” Ritsuko asked, her own words trailing off as she also turned to look at whatever it was that had essentially spared her life.

Both women stared, stunned into silence at what they were witnessing. “Cat-Girls.” They both whispered.

 

[Insert Add Break Here]

 

Terminal Dogma - It May Be A Small World Afterall, But Lillith Doesn't Feel The Need To Obey The Mundane Laws Of Reality

 

Thinking back over his brief yet moderately eventful life, Shinji concluded that all things considered, his current predicament ranked somewhere in the top five pivotal events that would essentially define the person he was likely, at least in his estimation, to one day become. And perhaps if granted the luxury of time, peace and quiet, he was confident that he could review and prioritise each monumental, life-changing situation that had occurred and rank them accordingly.

Lacking peace, quiet or time, he made a mental note to create said list at his next earliest convenience. He just wasn't sure whether he had a say in having another convenient moment of relaxing solitude any time soon. The reason being the issue at hand that presently required his complete and undivided attention.

<I'm trapped in a room with `mood' lighting and physically restrained to a large, comfortable bed with an attractive young woman who appears for all intents and purposes to be preparing to relieve me of either my chastity or my life.>

Never having read anything in the NERV employee handbook that even remotely resembled his current dilemma, Shinji deduced that he didn't really have any available options except one.

Negotiation.

The first step, Shinji realised, was to get his breathing under control. This would hopefully reduce his heart rate to a tolerable level that would allow him to remain conscious and hopefully alive. Unfortunately, the girl who was central to his quandary had progressed from the stage of standing beside the bed watching him with intense fascination to crawling onto the bed and straddling his naked, prone body. “Uhhm, Ayanami?” Shinji had initially attempted to look anywhere and at anything other than the exquisitely naked alabaster flesh directly situated in front of his eyes, but simply gave in. It didn't make any sense to try and resist the temptation when it was on display so blatantly. And he had to admit that Rei was worth looking at even without the cat ears and tail.

“Rei-nyan.” Rei #4 replied contentedly, her ruby orbs gleaming with anticipation. The inherited memories conveniently supplied by her `Onee-chan' that had sustained her and her many `sister's' during their prolonged confinement in Terminal Dogma were insignificant when compared to having the real thing at her disposal. Sparing a moment to consider the numerous opportunities that the current Rei Ayanami had wasted and squandered, the Rei perched atop Shinji felt obligated to make up for lost time.

“Huh?” Shinji answered, somewhat distracted as he found his attention increasingly consumed by the way lithe young girl's pelvis rested comfortably against his lower abdomen.

Flexing her hands, Rei #4 smiled with satisfaction at the long, razor-sharp claws that extended and retracted from her fingertips, marvelling at the versatility of her recent acquisitions. “Call me Rei, Shinji-nyan.” She playfully demanded of her captive, leaning forward so that her face was mere inches from his.

Swallowing nervously, Shinji resisted the urge to blink the sweat away from his eyes. “Uhm, okay. R-Rei.” While he had said her name often enough in his dreams, Shinji found himself unable to replicate his dream-self's calm sophistication when it came to saying it for real for the very first time. The degree of difficulty was exacerbated by the way she was now resting on top of him, the only thing separating them from actual skin to skin contact a thin silk sheet.

Nearly overflowing with pleasure at hearing Shinji utter her name, Rei #4 pressed herself against Shinji as much as she was possibly capable of, inhaling deeply. “You smell nice Shinji-nyan.” Shinji's scent and the physical proximity she shared with him stirred something deep and primal within Rei #4's body and she found herself desperately wanting to explore the sensation further. It was an `itch' that needed to be `scratched' and her burgeoning feline mentality informed her that cat's were extremely proficient at `scratching'.

Shinji began trembling nervously, despite enjoying the way Rei lightly rubbed her nose against his bare skin and how she lightly dabbed her moist tongue against him for a brief moment before moving to another part of his body. “Errr. Thank you Rei.” After voicing his gratitude at her simple, courteous words, Shinji suddenly found Rei nuzzling her lips against his neck. What he found most disconcerting though was the deep, vibrating noise the slender girl was producing.

<Is …….. Is she purring?!?> He wondered. When Rei had first entered his line of sight after waking up, he had thought the ears and tail were simply just another misguided attempt at cosplaying. He was fast beginning to appreciate just how real they appeared to be, especially when her warm, soft ears brushed against his cheek and how her tail slipped under the sheet and snaked around his upper thigh.

Lost in the moment, Rei #4 began running her supple fingers across Shinji's chest and stomach, alternating between gentle, feather-light strokes and firm, vigorous kneading. “You feel nice to-nyan.” She whispered dreamily, amazed at how muscular Shinji actually was as she continued to massage his taut, lean frame.

“Actually Ayanam-“ Shinji winced as Rei dug her fingers forcefully into his hips. “ Uhmm, Rei.” He corrected quickly, his use of her given name eliciting yet another scintillating smile from the young girl. “There was something I wanted to ask.” Mustering as much courage as was possible given the circumstances, Shinji valiantly decided to take control of things before Rei progressed beyond simply grinding her body against his. “A few things in all honesty.”

“Ask anything of me Shinji-nyan.” Rei #4 answered, only marginally slowing down in her exploration of Shinji's body and the sensations that touching him produced.

Thankful for small mercies, Shinji exhaled the air he hadn't realised his lungs had been holding. “I was kind of wondering just where I am?” He asked, twisting his head around as best he could without dislocating his neck. As dazed and confused as he was, he knew that this wasn't Rei's apartment. No amount of remodelling and interior decorating could modify her squalid little hovel into the set of a porn film. And he couldn't recall ever seeing a room similar to this anywhere around NERV headquarters or anywhere else for that matter.

“Home-nyan.” Rei #4 stated calmly, her hands beginning to travel along the edges of the sheet that lay between her and Shinji.

“And the reason I'm tied to the bed?” Shinji asked, testing the restraints once again, hoping that the soft leather shackles and chains had somehow loosened since he had last tried only moments before.

Confused by Shinji's question, Rei #4 looked up from her investigation of Shinji's lower torso “Simplicity-nyan.” She answered. Seeing no reason for further explanation, she resumed her inspection of what waited beneath the sheet.

“And the reason I'm naked?” Shinji added quickly, hoping to prevent his final remaining modesty from being removed.

“Necessity-nyan.” Seeing that Shinji had more questions, Rei #4 reluctantly released the sheet and moved back up to snuggle in against Shinji's side. She decided that it would be easier to answer his queries now, allowing her to return to her task without interruption.

Breathing a sigh of relief now that Rei was no longer satiating her curiosity, apparently content with tracing nonsensical designs with her fingertips on his chest, Shinji ran his eyes down the length of her body, appreciating the curves of her adolescent frame. “And the reason you're naked?” He wasn't complaining as such. He had always hoped to one day be naked with an attractive woman and do what was meant to come naturally. He just didn't expect his first time to involve leather and chains. Misato had assured him that the `Hard Play' was usually reserved for the second date.

“Con~ven~i~ence-nyan.” Rei #4 laughed softly, tapping her fingers in time to the enunciation of her reply.

“I see.” Shinji replied, not really understanding much of anything that was happening. “And them?” He asked, indicating over his shoulder to the large group of Rei look-alikes that were all similarly unclothed and whispering and giggling amongst themselves as they patiently watched the proceedings taking place in the middle of the room.

Rei #4 raised herself off the bed slightly and waved at her `sister's'. “Waiting-nyan.” She said, lowering herself back down next to Shinji.

“They kind of look like you Rei.” Glancing back at the cluster of azure haired beauties, Shinji smiled as they waved to him, some even going so far as to blow kisses and pose for his benefit. “They even have cat ears and tails like you do.” He clarified, perplexed by the unusual circumstances.

“Agreed-nyan.” Rei #4 nodded, concurring with Shinji's observation.

Shinji concentrated his serious, sombre gaze on the girl resting comfortably at his side. “Rei?”

“Yes-nyan.” Rei #4 answered, hoping that Shinji was nearly finished with his questioning. She really had things to accomplish and while it would be preferable if Shinji complied, it wasn't entirely necessary.

“Why are there so many of you and why do you all have cat ears and tails?”

 

[Insert Add Break Here]

 

Central Dogma - Can I Trade This Job For What's Behind Door Number 1?

 

“Okay, okay. I take it back.” Asuka conceded, scowling in annoyance and frustration. “Un-fuck you.” She proclaimed loudly, ridiculing the pale, red haired girl to her left. “There? Are you happy now bitch?” No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't bring herself to like the new transfer student, even if they did share similar hair colour.

“Not particularly, Sohryu.” Lina Hayashibara, or Rei #12 as she was also known, glared back at the loud-mouthed Second Children. “I was merely attempting to point out that you are leading us in the wrong direction.” She alleged, waving a hand at the door directly in front of them. “I see no reason for you to vent your frustrations at me.” Resting a hand on her hip, she smirked at Asuka. “And you call me a `bitch' like it's a bad thing.”

“This is my turf Hayashibara. Understand? I say whatever I feel like saying to whomever I feel like saying it to.” Mirroring Lina/Rei #12's pose, Asuka easily matched the other girl's smirk with one of her own. “As for leading us in the wrong direction, I know this place like my own backyard.”

Before Hikari could point out that Asuka lived in an apartment on the 8th floor of a building complex and therefore lacked a 'backyard' as such, Asuka pushed the door open.

“See!” Asuka gloated triumphantly, throwing the door open. “What did I tell you? Get out here now Baka. You've got some serious explaining to do and your regular `I'm sorry' won't cut it this time.” Several seconds ticked by when Asuka, Hikari and Lina/Rei #12, not understanding why Shinji had yet to appear, peeked into the room.

“What the-“ Shigeru Aoba stared in surprise and shock at the three young girls standing in the doorway.

“Shigeru, don't stop now, I'm just starting to get into it.” Makoto Hyouga looked over his shoulder back at `The Big, Bad Wolf' and was surprised to find his `special' friend staring at the doorway. “What are you looking at Shig-“ Turning around, Makoto let go of the basket he had been carrying and pushed the red hood back from his head.

“It's not what you think.” Shigeru declared loudly, trying in vain to think of an excuse that would explain just why he and Makoto were playing `Little Red Riding Hood and the Big, Bad Wolf'. Unfortunately, nothing plausible really came to mind, short of `Commander Ikari and Sub Commander Fuyutsuki made us do it'.

Picking up a nearby perforated ball gag from a desk covered with numerous sado-masochistic sex toys, Asuka dropped it to the floor and looked at the two embarrassed men. One dressed in a studded leather body harness, embroidered codpiece and wolf's head mask while the other man wore a white pleated pinafore dress, red hooded cloak and what appeared to be white fishnet stockings with ruby red stiletto high heels. Shrugging her shoulders, Asuka glanced around the room, noting the camera and studio set lighting. “Of course it isn't.”

“Maybe you should spend a little more time in your backyard Sohryu,” Lina/Rei#12 remarked snidely, “either that or you should really do something about the type of people you invite over to play.”

“Get a decent dye job.” Asuka grumbled in reaction to Lina/Rei #12's sarcastic comments. Turning back to the problem that was preventing her from detecting Shinji, Asuka jabbed her index finger at the cross dressing `Bridge Bunny'. “Listen up Little Bo Peep.”

“Little Red Riding Hood actually.” Shigeru interjected, correcting the young German girl's mistaken assumption. “We did Little Bo Peep last we-“

“Oh shut up.” Hikari had reached her limit. Not only did her lovingly made lunch go to waste, she was now expected to trawl through the seedy underbelly that was NERV asking closet cosplay freaks for help. All in all, the young Class Representative of Class 2A had enjoyed better days. “Look, I couldn't care less whether you're Bo Peep, Red Riding Hood or the Wicked Witch of the West. Has either of you two seen `MY' Shinji-kun?” She insisted, using her most authoritative voice that had taken the better part of six years as class representative to develop.

“Recently?” Both men looked at each other, trying to remember when it was they last saw the awkward young Pilot of Unit 01. He always mentioned having to be somewhere else whenever they asked him to join their Amateur Dramatic Theatrical Troupe.

“Look, I'd hate to risk breaking a nail by having to gut the two of you, but if you don't start squealing you'll discover what really happened to the Three Little Pigs.” Following the guilty gaze of the two men, Asuka rolled her eyes as she spotted three latex pig masks. “Just forget we were ever here. Hikari. Hayashibara. We're leaving.”

“Well this was a total waste of makeup.” Makoto sighed dejectedly now that the mood was broken.

“Don't fret Mako-chan.” Shigeru consoled his friend. “One day we'll get to the part where we live happily ever after.”

 

[Insert Add Break Here]

 

Tomoko/Rei #48 glanced out the corner of her eye towards her younger sister, Momiji/Rei #113. On cue they both nodded in silent agreement and dashed around into the nearest available corridor, leaving a startled Rei Ayanami and Mana Kirishima in their wake.

<They seek to escape.> Rei thought to herself, moving quickly to follow her errant younger siblings. <They must not be allowed to locate Shinji before I do.>

“Where do they think they're go-“ Mana stood in the corridor, staring at the path the two new transfer students had taken. “-ing?” Walking five steps forward, she looked up and down at the wall that blocked her passage. Knocking on the steel structure to confirm its validity, Mana turned back to stare in confusion at Rei. “Ayanami, did you see where the other's went?” She asked. “Ayanami?” Blinking in surprise, she walked back to check the hallway that they had arrived from. “Where did everyone go?” She asked, mystified by the sudden turn of events.

 

[Insert Add Break Here]

 

Mayumi Yamagishi looked up at the rather imposing metal door that basically prevented her from entering NERV headquarters and reuniting with Shinji Ikari. She was tempted to ask her Angelic counterpart to simply tear the door from its hinges thus allowing her to continue on her way, but decided that the Angel of Illusion was best left to creating the diversion as was originally intended. Besides, the poor dear rarely had the opportunity to flex its wings and have any real fun. This meant she had to find her own way inside.

Reaching into the ever-present book bag at her side, she removed a single sheet of paper, staring intently along its edges. Satisfied that it would suffice for what she had in mind, Mayumi flicked her long, dark hair back and threw the paper at the door.

Instead of drifting slowly to the ground, the paper whizzed through the air slicing into the steel like a diamond through glass. Within seconds the door was reduced to a pile of neatly cut sections of scrap metal. Pleased with the results, Mayumi held her hand out for the paper to return. “I will have to remember to thank Yomiko-neechan for teaching me how to do that.”

 

[Insert Add Break Here]

 

“Here you go. One for each of us.” Ritsuko handed each woman a long, thick, ornately coloured shaft topped by a bright, bulbous orb.

Misato ran her hands tenderly along the length of the shaft from the base to the top of the globe. “Ritsu-chan? Is this what I think it is,” Tearing her eyes from the object in her hands, she looked to the woman she had seriously contemplated executing not more than an hour ago for confirmation, “because if it is, I've already got one at home.”

“Trust me Misato.” Ritsuko grinned, removing her lab coat and throwing it over the back of her chair before retrieving her own sceptre. “You don't have one like this.”

Turning a deep scarlet, Maya looked for the best way to hold the rod that didn't suggest she had something other than Shinji's safety on her mind. “Are you sure Sempai, it kind of reminds me of the one you gave me for my birthd-“

“I'm quite sure Misato wouldn't be interested in whatever it was someone gave you possibly as a token of their affection in the hopes that you'd want to join them for a hot, steamy night of sexual depravity.”

“I wouldn't?” Blinking in surprise, Misato glanced up from her enthusiastic inspection of Ritsuko's gift to find the blonde scientist standing behind her young protégé with a hand clamped firmly over the younger woman's mouth.

“Of course you wouldn't.” Ritsuko tittered nervously, slowly releasing Maya from her control. “Besides, aren't we here because we want to rescue Shinji-kun from the evil clutches of those abominations?” She enquired, pointing towards a view screen dominated by a security footage snapshot showing an unconscious Shinji being hauled away by a large collection of identical blue haired cat girls.

“Yeah,” Misato had to agree with the other woman on that particular issue, “but there's always time for depraved sex.”

“There'll be plenty of time to fulfil any and all of our carnal desires once we rescue Shinji-kun.”

“You're right.” Nodding happily, Misato reorganised her priorities for the day. “Rescue Shin-chan then depraved sex.” Her smile beamed as she playfully kissed the top of the wand. “Works for me.”

“Okay, here's how they work. Each device is activated by a sequence of words and physical movements. These pamphlets describe the individual requirements for each of you.” Ritsuko informed them both, handing out a glossy brochure to each of them.

Misato quickly skimmed through the document, her eyes widening in astonishment. “Haven't done `That' since college.” She murmured, her cheeks burning at the rekindled memories of the immoral times of her youth. “Hope I can still bend that way.”

“Sempai, I can't do this.” Maya looked at her mentor, alarmed by what she was expected to do and say. “It's indecent!” In fact, Maya was certain that at least one of the procedures was physically impossible.

“You two need to watch more Sentai shows.” Ritsuko began removing her clothes, motioning to both Misato and Maya that they should follow suit. “The masked heroine's always have ridiculous catchphrases and poses that they use time and time again when they transform.”

“Don't you mean `Hentai' shows?” Misato muttered, removing her clothes and scattering them around the office.

 

[Insert Add Break Here]

 

NERV Central Mailroom - Going `Postal' Is Only Permissible For Permanent Employee's. Casual Staff Are Restricted to Maiming and Mutilation.

 

“So this is what the Americans promised us?” Kouzou ran a critical eye over the large wooden crate stamped `This End Up', `Fragile' and `Top Secret - Please Don't Look Inside' in large red English words. A multitude of smaller stamp marks indicated that the delivery had travelled to most major cities around the globe before finally arriving in Tokyo-3. “I kind of expected Unit 03 to be ……….” Generally known for his perspacapacity and eloquence, Kouzou suddenly found himself bereft of a suitable description for what he was looking at.

“To be what exactly, Sensei?” Once the arrival of Unit 03 had been confirmed, Gendou had almost broken down and wept. But being the man he was, he had simply ordered an innocent technician who happened to be passing by to do so in his place. Two bullet wounds in the kneecaps later and the technician had realised that the Commander was invariably not one to joke about such matters. Given how the rest of his day was progressing, he almost felt a tinge of regret at allowing the young woman to take the day off and go to hospital. He really felt the need to shoot someone again.

// - Meanwhile in Gendou's Mind - //

// Laughing maniacally, Chibi Bastard Ikari held aloft the Lance of Longinus, declaring his successful implementation of Third Impact. Chibi Yui at his side sighed wistfully, embracing her Chibi man in a romantic embrace, both chibi's conveniently ignoring the wanton destruction that lay behind them as a result of their endeavour . //

“Larger.” The Second in Command stated rather flatly, disappointed by the fact that the latest Bio-Mechanical Fighting Machine came parcelled in a crate barely two and a half metres high, wide and broad. “Perhaps the Americans are playing some sort of joke.”

Gendou removed his white gloves and massaged the bridge of his nose. “Like shipping it piece by piece and expecting us to assemble it?” Replacing his glasses, he slammed his gloved hands onto the safety rail. “Just what are those insipid Americans playing at?”

// Unable to restrain his amusement at the sight of his Chibi wife verbally disciplining their whiny, cry-baby Chibi son for not understanding and believing in his Chibi father, Chibi Bastard Ikari continued his insane laughter as he closed the deal that would see the bothersome Chibi wuss paying for all of his dastardly crimes against Chibi humanity. Life for a Chibi Bastard was good. //

“Well, Keel did mention that financial restructuring was an eventuality.” Kouzou tried to visualise the type of Pilot that would be required for such a scaled down version. “I didn't expect the cost cutting to affect production of Unit 03 so severely.”

“If only the boy had been twins, or even triplets.” Gendou mused. “I could have easily found the necessary additional investors.” He silently cursed his son's selfishness. “It's all his fault for having the audacity to be born an only child.”

// With his loyal Chibi Army of Chibi Rei's and SD Evangelions, Chibi Bastard Ikari seized control of the world, declaring himself Chibi Chojin. //

Kouzou groaned quietly. Whenever Gendou began ranting about his son, it meant only one thing. “Just how much are we in debt this time?”

“It depends on the seasonal adjustments.” Gendou admitted. “It's all in the way you look at it.”

“What kind of way?” Kouzou asked. “The `I squandered it all on hardcore porn and illegal pharmaceuticals' kind of way, or the `I didn't know sheep of ill repute charged that much' kind of way?”

“I dabbled a little into the Currency Exchange and Commodities Market.” His latest financial advisor had assured him that the risk was marginal at best. It was the last time he'd ever listen to a penguin in an off the rack Armani suit.

// Chibi Chojin Ikari loomed large and menacing over what remained of the world, his voracious, slimy tentacles slithering out across the globe, violating everything and anything they encountered. //

“You had enough available money for a venture of that level?” Kouzou was honestly amazed. Normally pornography, barnyard prostitutes and narcotics were all involved in some fashion. Gendou epitomised the `Absolute power corrupts absolutely' adage.

“With the NERV Superannuation Fund.” It wasn't like any of the employee's actually knew about the pension scheme. It was just another cleverly disguised deduction that allowed him to fleece money to fund his personal vices.

// Chibi God was dead and Chibi Chojin Ikari declared that all was right with his Chibi world. //

“I thought the MAGI were juggling the books now.”

“They were.” Gendou agreed. “That's the price I pay for letting an artificially intelligent, split personality coffee percolator created by an insane whore and maintained by her cat obsessed, bi-sexual slut of a daughter handle the money.”

Unable to argue with the logic, Kouzou turned his attention back to the problem at hand. “Unit 03 was intended as the sacrificial lamb that would herald the successful application of the Dummy Plug System.”

“And I'm confident it still will.” Convincing one of the Rei clones to play the role of Dummy Plug hadn't been all that difficult. Gendou had only to mention that being the successful Dummy Plug applicant entailed spending private time alone with the Third Children in the confined space of an entry plug for a lengthy period of time and suddenly they had one hundred and forty four expressions of interest for the position.

Motioning towards the ground crew, Gendou instructed them to open the crate so he could see for himself just what it was that the Americans had spent all their allocated funding on developing. <I wonder why the invoice listed it as Evangelion Unit `XXX Rated', instead of Unit 03 as was intended?>

With the packing straps severed, several people began levering into the wooden crate with crowbars. Before they could pry the crate open, the wood exploded from within. “Hello Gendou. It's been a while.” A tall and incredibly attractive woman strode purposely from inside the wreckage and remains of the crate, her sparkling jade eyes flashing with wry amusement.

Gendou considered the gorgeous woman confronting him. “It has?” Scratching his beard, he struggled to recall when and where he had encountered her.

Casting aside the mantle that enshrouded her, the woman revealed a sensual, lithe body. “Please don't tell me you've forgotten this `Old hag' already?” She asked, gesturing at her long supple limbs, large, pert breasts, slender waist and firm, curvaceous hips.

“Naoko?!?” Gendou exclaimed, bewildered by the reappearance of a woman that had been dead for nigh on five years. <Why can people just NOT stay dead?> He went to all the trouble of orchestrating her demise and the annoying old hag just wouldn't take the hint.

“I'm looking for someone.” Naoko purred seductively, causing nearly every male employee and a fair proportion of the female employee's within earshot to frantically declare just how available they were by stripping down to their birthday suits. Ignoring the calamity that her naked appearance was causing, Naoko Akagi scanned the immediate area before turning her radiant gaze back onto an extremely troubled Gendou Ikari. “Perhaps you've heard of him.” Her moist, pink tongue slowly licked around the edges of her bold, dark lips. “His name is Shinji Ikari.”

 

[Roll The Credits]

 

End Seventh Mistake

 

Tbc??? (We'll see)

 

No Pre-Reader / Proof Reader. (As if I could force anyone to even consider reading this drivel and ask that they then provide any sort of constructive feedback.) But I will offer my thanks and appreciation to Chewy and Zen. They both helped more than they'll probably ever realise.

 

Authors Post-Self Loathing -

Things are starting to heat up with this chapter and there will be more heavily scented lime scenes to come. Nothing that breaches into the NC-17 category so it's still safe for those of a more discerning nature. Although why anyone with even mediocre literary skills bothers to read this shitfic still eludes me.

 

As always, post your flames, hate mail and abuse here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other death threats etc are welcome at -

otaku_dman@yahoo.com.au.

Although I don't check it as often as I should. (Gomen in advance)

 

Ja Ne ^-~