Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ To Find Inner Strength ❯ The Road to Self Destruction ( Chapter 4 )

Neon Genesis Evangelion

To Find Inner Strength

A/N: First of all, I want to apologize to you all for the previous draft of the fourth chapter. I uploaded the unfinished chapter 5 by accident instead of the completed chapter four. Again, a thousand apologies. Please enjoy the REAL chapter four.

Part IV: The Road to Self Destruction

Finally, the results came in. She smirked cockily. There was no doubt that she would be number one. Her opponents were pathetic. One was a passive wimp and the other was the equivalent of a doll. There was no way she could ever loose to them. She was the smartest and the most talented, after all.

“Congratulations, Shinji! You’re number one!” Misato sounded overjoyed at the test results.

Asuka’s perfect world slowly began to topple. If it were Rei, she wouldn’t have cared too much. Admittedly, Rei was always focused, it seemed. But, Ikari? No, that just wasn’t possible! It wasn’t conceivable, and most of all, it wasn’t FAIR!

Even after almost a year, of training in martial arts, Shinji was still the same wimp in Asuka’s eyes. Ignoring the slight shape he was developing in on his body, of course. Shinji had indeed changed, but not drastically. He still was a bit socially shy, but he did hang out with his friends more. He even started to put some use to the cell phone that Misato gave him. Of course, it was always either Kensuke or Touji on the other end, but Misato was just happy that he was actually using it.

Shinji had been training with Ryu for a total of ten months. He had gotten down the basic katas, but struggled with the more advanced ones. Ryu has trained him well and was content with Shinji’s ever growing progress.

After the sync ratio test, the three pilots left NERV headquarters. Understandably, Asuka departed from her fellow pilots, not wanting to see their faces for the rest of the day. She had a very rough week and it seemed that her past sliced at her psyche every time she felt vulnerable to it. As of late, her vulnerability rate was at an all-time high. She kept trying to tell herself that she was strong enough to not need anyone, but the more she did, the more it seemed like nothing but a meaningless statement.

She returned to Misato’s apartment, hoping to find it empty, which see did. At least she had the tranquility of being alone. Of course, being alone meant having more time to think, and having more time to think meant her past could attack her again. She was setting herself up for an emotional roller coaster that would, as it always did, leave her depressed and broken. She then decided to leave, but not before kicking over a nearby chair out of pure frustration. She then left for Hikari’s house.

After Asuka departed, Shinji offered to walk Rei home, but she refused. This made Shinji mentally question for her reason behind it as he wandered over to Kensuke’s house. He seemed to have a bad habit of dwelling on the small things that occur. He couldn't get his mind off of Asuka being upset, so he decided to find something to do to occupy himself. At that moment he decided to seek out Ryu, as it happened to be almost time for his training. He left for the park.

Later on, Asuka started blankly at the television as she beat her foes to a bloody pulp on Hikari’s Guilty Gear X video game. Ever since she had gotten there, all Asuka did was play that stupid game. Of course, she was her best friend and she knew that Asuka was having a hard time, so she easily let that go. Of course, Hikari didn’t know the real reason behind her friend’s preoccupation. Asuka told her about losing to Shinji, but that was as far as she went.

As Hikari kept her eyes on Asuka, she shifted uncomfortably on the bed. There had to be more to it than just loosing to Shinji Ikari. She could understand the frustration, but this was much too excessive for just a simple loss. Not even Asuka could be that petty. There was something deeper. Something that Asuka wasn’t telling anyone. Hikari made it her goal to find out what it was and help her through it.

Another hour went by of Hikari watching Asuka beat the game again. Thankfully, she turned off the game, as Hikari was tired of hearing the patterned sound effects.

Heaven or Hell? Let’s Rock! DESTROYED!

Normally, Asuka’s almost unnatural gaming talent would awe Hikari, but she wasn’t in that kind of mood. She was too worried about Asuka to care if she could pull of the instant kill technique before the first ten seconds of the round was over. Of course, in the back of Hikari’s mind, she thought that was pretty awesome.

Asuka place the controller back on the floor and asked, “Do you mind if I stay over tonight?”

“Sure,” said Hikari.

Asuka asked, “I’m not being an inconvenience am I?”

Hikari shook her head, “Not at all.” She then smiled, “I don’t mind.”

“Focus on the target, Shinji,” said Ryu. “Remember that the Senpu Kyaku relies on not strength, but momentum and how well you can balance that momentum. Once you’ve mastered that, the Tatsumaki Senpu Kyaku will be that much easier to learn.”

Shinji nodded. “The concept seemed simple but it was difficult to get his body to follow through. He had already been at this for an hour. When he left Kensuke’s house, he never imagined the training would suddenly become this intense. He had advanced far enough to where Ryu could teach him a few techniques. He taught Shinji a great deal of defensive techniques, since defense seemed to be Shinji’s strong point. However, to develop him into a well rounded martial artist, the boy needed some offense. Thus, the hellish training of the dreaded Senpu Kyaku, which is Ryu’s spinning roundhouse kick.

Ryu tied a thin rope around a can and hung it from a tree. Then, Shinji was to jump into the air, while performing the kick, hit the can accurately and land back on his feet. The problem Shinji had with that was he kept missing the target and he had yet to land on his feet. This proved to be Shinji’s longest session yet.

“Senpu Kyaku!” Shinji jumped up and kicked at the can before missing and falling flat onto his behind. “Ow,” whined Shinji, “I think I broke my butt.”

Ryu extended his hand to him and helped Shinji up for the thirty-second time. “You should know by now that leaning these techniques takes time, Shinji. It can’t all come to you at once. You must work for it. Let me give you some advice. Don’t concentrate on hitting the can. Concentrate on the can itself.”

Shinji blinked with a puzzled expression. “Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryu explained. “Don’t look at the can with you eyes. Look at it with your mind. Draw a mental picture and follow through with your body.”

Shinji nodded. “Okay. It’s worth a try.” He closed his eyes. In his mind he pictured an object swinging in the darkness, which soon became the shape of a can. It swung back and forth before Shinji. He positioned himself carefully, lining his body up with the image he had in his mind. Once he successfully did so, he opened his eyes to see the can matched up perfectly to the mental image he had.

“Senpu,” Shinji cried out, “KYAKU!” Shinji jumped up into the air, whirling his leg around and kicked the can, but he used too much force and still ended up landing on his butt for the thirty-third time that day.

Ryu helped Shinji up again and said, “See? You’re progressing nicely!”

Shinji frowned sourly. “My sore butt seems to have a slightly different opinion.”

Ryu chuckled. “Now, now. You can’t expect to be good at something without trial and error first, Shinji. Besides, I think that you’ve gotten a lot better since you first started.”

Shinji sighed. “Well, I do feel a lot more in shape that when I first started. I still feel like I’m not doing as well as I could be doing.”

“Have you been meditating at home, like I suggested?” Ryu asked.

“Um…not really,” said Shinji. “I have to cook most of the time and when I’m not doing that, I’m practicing the cello at school.”

Ryu nodded. “I see. Perhaps maybe you should try doing it just before bed or when you first wake up. You need to train your mind as well.” He pointed at the can, which was still swinging about from Shinji’s kick. “That is the result of training your mind, Shinji. Martial arts isn’t simply learning how to fight, it’s much more than that. It’s about learning to make your mind, body and spirit one. Meditation can help both the mind and spirit. It’s also a good start to finding your true self. In order to become a good martial artist, it is of the utmost importance to know yourself. Knowing yourself means knowing your limits and knowing your limits means you’re that much closer to breaking them. Do you understand?”

Shinji nodded. “I think I get it. So what you’re saying is that meditation can help me get up to speed in my training?”

Ryu shook his head. “No. Being ‘up to speed’ shouldn’t be of any concern. Going at your own pace is the best way to go. What I’m saying is that meditation will help you to focus your mind and spirit. As you just experienced, when the mind is focused, the body can easily follow through.”

Shinji nodded. “Oh, I see now. So if I meditate regularly, you’re saying that concentrating will become easier for me to do?”

Ryu nodded. “Exactly.”

Meanwhile, Chun Li left the Commander Ikari's office after a long chat about the functions of her new position. He told her about the importance of it all, but it sounded more or less like babysitting adults. However, if she wanted to get to Bison, she had to put up with it. It was already known to her that he had something to do with the Second Impact, but how it all came to pass was a complete mystery to Interpol. The worst part was that their resources and manpower and been cut drastically due to that. Many people had died, along with her short-time partner, Wallace. That alone was enough to push her forward to finding out what was going on. She thought back to her previous observations of some of the NERV staff. Kaji seemed to be pretty normal, despite being a womanizer. Misato didn't seem the type to be a Shadowloo agent, due to her irresponsible nature, but it could be just an act. Ritsuko raised a little suspicion to Chun Li. It seemed that she was always leaving out details. Then there was the Commander, Gendou Ikari. He OOZED with suspicion.

Chun Li sighed as she walked through the corridors of NERV while thinking these thoughts. She was so occupied that she bumped shoulders with someone.

"Oops. I'm sorry about that," she said as she looked to see the face of the one and only Misato Katsuragi.

Misato smiled, "No, it's my fault. I wasn't paying attention. Hey, you're the Commander's new assistant, aren't you? Chun Li Dorai, right?"

Chun Li nodded. "Yes, and you're Misato Katsuragi, correct?"

Misato nodded. "Yes, that's right. So, how's work so far?"

Chun Li shook her head, "Tedious, heavy, and troublesome."

Misato chuckled. "Welcome to the club. By the way, are you clocking out anytime soon?"

Chun Li replied, "Thankfully, yes. I was just on my way out. Why do you ask?"

Misato grinned. "Ritsuko, Kaji and I were gonna go out for a drink after work. You're more than welcome to come along, if you like.”

Chun Li smiled politely before replying. “I’m sorry, but I’m not much of a drinker. Besides, I think it’s better if I went straight home and rested. Perhaps another time.”

Misato grabbed her shoulders and shook the poor Interpol agent back and forth. “Oh, come on! It’ll be fun. Besides, since we all work together, it’s only natural that we get acquainted in a carefree atmosphere. We were all looking forward to finally sit down and chat with the new girl, the amazing Chun Li Dorai!” Misato grinned from ear to ear.

Chun Li raised an eyebrow. “You really know how to lay it on thick, don’t you?”

Misato asked, “It that a ‘yes’?”

Chun Li smiled a little. “Well, I suppose it will be okay. I’ll meet you in the front lobby after I punch out.”

Misato chuckled gleefully. “Great! I’ll see you then.” Misato cheerfully walked off, leaving Chun Li to her thoughts.

At that moment, Chun Li remembered that she wanted to go home early in order to spend time with Ryu. She frowned as her expression turned sour. She thought back to the previous conversation with Misato and how she convinced her to go drinking.

“She…she tricked me! ‘Amazing Chun Li Dorai’, my foot.” She sighed. “I suppose it’s too late to complain now. Then again, it’s a good opportunity to check things out.”

------------------

Asuka had a hard time sleeping. Those horrible thoughts of the past would always attack her the moment she drifted asleep. She hated to sleep because of this, which lead to her occasional nights of insomnia. This happened to be one of those nights. She tried to shake the thoughts away, but staring at the ceiling all night surely wasn’t the answer. She needed activity, but she couldn’t just flip on the game and wake Hikari up.

After sitting up in bed, she looked down at her slumbering best friend. Asuka knew that she was imposing. She gave it some thought and decided to leave. She just didn’t want to bother Hikari with her problems. However, deep inside, Asuka knew that was far from the real reason. It disgusted her to think it, but she was running away; from her past, from those who would help her, even from her true self; the lonely, crying little girl rocking a tattered doll in her arms.

She picked up her school bag from the floor and went to the door. She looked back once and whispered. “Good night, Hikari.”

Hikari simply turned over and mumbled incoherently in reply, not even aware of what was going on. The only thing remotely coherent was the word ‘Suzahara’ which must have been the main theme of whatever dream she was having.

Shortly, the door was closed and Asuka was gone.

Tokyo three was safe from the angels that night. However, devils with the form of humans were lurking about. Devils who had no regard from human live, devils that spent the lives of others without caring, and devils that wouldn’t think twice about destroying something precious that belonged to another for the sake of what they consider to be fun.

Needless to say, it was a bad night for a fourteen-year-old girl to be strolling home nonchalantly. It was an even worse night to take a short cut through a rough area where bars and whorehouses were located. Asuka really didn’t care at that moment. She was so depressed that it didn’t matter anymore. What was the use? She was abandoned, Shinji was the man, Kaji had Misato, and no one needed her anymore. If she got raped or killed, no one would care. If she didn’t, still no one would care. No one understood her. No one ever tried. Perhaps death was the answer she sought.

-----------------

Chun Li couldn’t believe how much of a lush Misato could be. Slurring all over the place and hanging all over Kaji, despite the fact that she pretends to hate his guts. Of course, Ritsuko did give fair warning that Misato was liable to get plastered.

During the night out, Chun Li did at least get to know everyone a bit better. Misato was a true ‘beer bandit’, Kaji was a horny philosopher, and Ritsuko happened to be the sanest of the trio. She did have a good time, however. Her and Ritsuko hit it of quite well as they observed Kaji and Misato’s interactions with each other, deciding that the two of them needed to get a room and STAY there.

“Cats, you say? I love cats! They’re so cute and cuddly,” said Chun Li.

Ritsuko nodded. “Yes, they keep me company most of the time. I suppose I’d rather be around cats than a roommate. Less troublesome.”

“Laaaa la la la la la….HEY! La la la la! Laaaaa la la la la la…..HEY!” Misato pumped her fists into the air in a drunken craze as Kaji tried his best to hold her down. They both ended up almost falling to the ground.

Kaji sighed. “I think it’s time we called it a night.” He looked over to Chun Li and Ritsuko. “It’s been fun, ladies, but it looks like this one’s down for the count. I’ll take her home. I’ll see you two at work.”

“Try not to take advantage of the situation,” said Ritsuko, “Not that Misato would mind or anything.”

Kaji chuckled, “No, no. I try to at least stay away from certain dangerous situations. She sleeps like a log, but can kick like a horse. Ow!”

Misato looked up at him after pinching his leg and slurred, “I herrrd dat Kasssshi….who you callin’ a tortoise?” She then promptly passed out.

Kaji shook his head, “This is going to be one long night.”

-----------


Asuka wasn’t watching where she was going and ended up bumping into someone, causing her to fall. Before she could feel the ground, a pair of strong, yet gentle arms caught her. Asuka, taken by surprised, cried out with a start. She looked up at the face of her savoir to see the prettiest face she had ever laid eyes on. His smile was gentle, he eyes were shining down at her and his mint breath gently hit her face as he spoke.

He asked with much concern in his tone, “Are you all right, little one?”

Asuka was taken by his looks so much that she could only nod in reply. Despite meeting such a handsome man, her mood didn’t change. She still felt worthless. Why was this man even paying attention to her? Was this and act so that he could rape and kill her later? She was in a bad area, so that could’ve very well been the case.

After a few more awkward moments, he invited her inside one of the buildings. Asuka, of course declined. She was feeling worthless, not stupid. Afterward, he offered to take her home, but she convinced him that the most he could do was call a cab for her and not come along for the ride. He simply smiled and agreed to it.

They both waited outside for the cab to arrive and he offered her a bottle of water, which she accepted. After drinking it, they both sat down on a bench outside one of the clubs.

----------------------

Shinji woke up with another bad stomachache. Holding his arms over his stomach, groaned as he shifted around in bed, fighting the pain. A faint blue glow surrounded his body as he cried out in pain.

“What’s happening to me?”

Shinji managed to muster the power to get out of bed. He stumbled weakly out of his room and out into the living room area. No one was home. Both Misato’s and Asuka’s room doors were wide open and empty. He had to leave and release the energy somehow. It was tearing him up inside and it didn’t seem like it was going to simply go away this time.

It took him an agonizing fifteen minutes to get outside of the apartment complex. He made his way to an open field, which was located in the back of the building. By then, his entire body was surrounded by a bright blue aura. The pain of his stomach had spread out to his arms, legs, and even to his head.

“Master…I can’t…no. I mustn’t run away. I can’t run away….” Shinji closed his eyes. “Remember the training. The training….”

Shinji. In order to channel ki properly, you have to remain calm. Don’t hesitate. Don’t allow frustrations to take you. Let go of fear and never loose yourself. In order to move ki, simply imagine it flowing to a single part of your body. Concentrate, then once gathered, release it the best way you can.”

“Let it gather,” Shinji told himself. He took deep breaths to help calm himself as he followed the instructions left to him by Ryu. Soon, the blue glow slowly, but surely made its way to his right leg. By the time it was all transferred to his leg, the power it possessed was almost too much for Shinji to remain standing.

“I’ve got it now.” Shinji smirked at his accomplishment. “And now to release. He picked up a rock, which was about the size of a baseball and tossed it into the air. He patiently waited for the right moment, then sprung into action.

“SENPU KYAKU!” Shinji cried as his utilized he special move taught to him by Ryu to unleash his hoard of ki onto the poor rock that shattered into dust at the moment of impact. Also, due to the amount of energy used, a small explosion occurred in the open field, with Shinji at the center of it. The blast along with the high output of ki, left Shinji unconscious.

As he lay on the ground, a female figure from afar smiled down at him with intrigue. A giggle escaped her lips as she turned away, letting her long bandana tails blow in the wind behind her.

“Very interesting,” she said.

---------------

Asuka kept looking down at the ground. She looked over at the pretty man and then quickly looked back at the ground when she saw him looking back at her. “Thanks for helping me tonight.”

The man chuckled. “No need for thanks. Being in your company is thanks enough.”

Asuka frowned. “Knock it off, buster. I’m jailbait.”

He shook his head. “I’m no pervert, if that’s what you’re aiming at. I’m actually a Spanish bullfighter.”

Asuka retorted. “Well, that certainly doesn’t explain you being in a sleazy district like this. Sure you didn’t mean Bullshitter?”

The man shook his head. “It’s true. However, I could ask the same of you? Why is such a beautiful girl your age at such a place at this time of night?”

“I’m on my way home from a friend’s house,” said Asuka.

He smirked. “Now who’s bullshitting who? You sound like I’m about to arrest you for violating a curfew.”

Asuka groaned. “Oh, be quiet. Anyway, it’s the truth. I left because…well, I guess I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. It’s as if my world’s crashing down all around me and I feel like crap. Hell, I’m even considering suicide. Kinda funny, right?”

The man shook his head. “You’re wrong. True beauty has every right to be here, in this world. Things that would dare to hinder such beauty….must be crushed.”

Asuka raised an eyebrow. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

The man sighed. “I suppose that was a bit confusing for a young one like yourself. First, tell me what is bothering you.”

Asuka replied, “Well, let’s just say I have really bad family issues. I can hardly sleep because my past keeps haunting me. I live with a lush and a complete wimp and they drive me nuts! The worst part is that damn wimpy Shinji is becoming better than me at the one thing I the very best at! Stupid Ikari! And if that isn’t enough, no one seems to understand how I feel, let alone give a damn.”

The man nodded. “That is indeed a problem.”

Just then the taxi pulled up in front of the curb before them. Asuka sighed. It was a long night for her. She stood up and looked back at the handsome man. “Thanks for everything. I feel a little bit better. I don’t know why I suddenly opened up to a complete stranger, but I feel a little more at ease.”

He smiled back at her. “Sometimes a little venting is all it takes. By the way, take this.” He handed her a flyer with his picture on it. On the back, there was phone number. “I know you’re skeptical of strangers, so I won’t ask for yours. Just give me a call if you ever feel the need to. Until then, take care of yourself, priceless one.”

Asuka hurriedly said, “Wait! You never told me your name!”

He smiled. “If you ever call that number, be sure to ask for Vega.”

That was the last thing he said to her before walking away. And despite the fact that the last thing of him she saw was his back, his face would remain in her mind for a long while after.

Moments later, Vega was on his cell phone. “Yes, master, I believe we may have a lead. Sources say that Ryu is currently training a boy here in Tokyo-3 by the name of Shinji Ikari. I’ve found a girl who happens to live with him. Yes.” Vega smiled as he said, “I simply gave her a bottle of my special truth water. She’ll come back to me with more information soon. Yes, I will keep you informed.”

Vega flipped his phone back up and put it in his back pocket. He smirked. “You will be of great use…..my priceless one.”

--------------

As Chun Li parted company with Ritsuko and the others, she headed toward home. She didn’t bother catching a cab, as she didn’t mind walking. It was about a twenty-minute walk home and the first ten were pretty quiet. However, as she passed by a bus stop, she saw a familiar face.

She gasped. “Ken? Ken, it’s really you! Where have you been?”

Ken smirked as he walked over to his long time friend. “Greetings, Chun Li Dorai.”

Before she knew it, Chun Li found herself being knocked over into a pair of nearby garbage cans by a quick sidekick to her stomach. Her eyes narrowed. That’s when she noticed.

Upon Ken’s forehead was a triangular microchip. It was a Shadoloo cyber chip, the very same kind that Bison used on her and Ryu a long time ago. Ken was under Bison’s control and this meant that Ken was infused with Psycho Power along with Hadou. This would be a brutal fight.

Chun Li attempted to reason with him. It was worth a try. “Ken! You have to snap out of it! Don’t let Bison control you!”

Ken’s response began with his hands being cupped, as a familiar blue light illuminated around his palms. His eyes were narrowed and his face was solid. He was obviously playing for keeps.

“HADOKEN!”

To be continued