One Piece Fan Fiction ❯ Sub vs. Dub ❯ Welcome to 4kids Island where all our anime is freshly slaughtered! ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Sub vs. Dub
Today was sure to be a very strange day for the Straw Hats. They hat fought many opponents over the past. Hell, they'd even fought each other a few times.
Today, something big would happen. For the first time ever, they would have to fight themselves. How is this possible? Well, it all started with an American dubbing company named 4kids.
It was run by an evil man named Al Kahn. Upon realizing that the Straw Hat Pirates we all know and love were living it large, he created evil mutated kid-friendly clones to take them down. Today, he was going to put his evil experiments to the ultimate test.
Now, on with the story…
One day, the Straw Hat Pirates were enjoying a lovely day at sea. Nami was reading a news bulletin they had picked up in the previous town. The rest of the crew crowded around to see what the big deal was.
“Attention, all money-loving pirates,” it said, “You and your crew have just received the opportunity of a lifetime. If you have read this bulletin, then wealth and power can be all yours.”
Nami didn't notice that in small text, it said, “And Chopper plushies.”
Luffy grinned as Nami continued, “If you come to a special island titled `4kids Island', you will be entered in a special fighting challenge in which the winning crew will receive 100,000,000 Beli!”
Nami's eyes filled up with dollar signs as she glared maniacally at the crew and said, “You have to win this competition or else.”
“4kids island…” Zoro stated, “Why do I feel as if we shouldn't get involved? Well, aside from the fact that we have no kids in our crew.”
“Because you like seeing Nami unhappy,” Sanji spat, “How can you be so cruel? If Nami says so, we have to do it!”
“That's if Luffy says so, you moron!” Zoro retorted, “And besides, this place sounds like it might be… uh… kiddish.”
“I don't care,” Luffy retorted, “We'll go to that island! It may be more interesting than you think.”
Usopp laughed and said, “I'm not worried. I highly doubt that any skilled pirates would go to a place called `4kids Island'!”
“At the offer of 100,000,000 Beli, that may not be true,” Robin replied as Chopper laughed and said, “It doesn't matter because we have Usopp.”
That was that. It was official. The Straw Hats were going to 4kids Island.
Meanwhile, Al Kahn was sitting in his chair eating a big Mac while laughing and saying, “Those fools fell into my trap. Good old predictable Nami never turns down a money offer.”
With that, the president of 4kids laughed while a series of bad puns drifted out of his mouth and said, “Finally, we're free! Now we can take over unlicensed anime and make them all suck so bad, they'll have to work for us!”
Meanwhile, the pirates were about to land on the island as a whirlpool opened up sucking in their ship and teleporting it into the middle of the said island where a small lake was perched.
“Damn it!” Zoro cursed, “How will we get the ship back into the ocean?”
“I installed wheels,” Usopp said, “It should be alright, but let's go out and win the prize first.”
“Yes, we have to win by fighting other crews,” Nami explained, “and the last one standing wins the money.”
With that, the crew decided to split up into groups to find more crews to take down. Luffy and Usopp both traveled together by heading north. Sanji requested that he be with Nami in his travels to the south end. Chopper and Robin went to the west, so Zoro was alone going to the east.
This is where our first chapter begins.
Chapter 1: Roronoa Zoro vs. Rolonoa Zolo
Zoro stormed through the woods, cutting down trees and bushes along the way. He sighed and said, “I'm sure the others can do fine without me. I'll just rest here and wait for the enemies to come to me.”
As he closed his eyes, some rude passerby poked him in between his closed eyes as he awoke and asked, “Who did that?”
He was shocked to see that the moron who angered him was no ordinary opponent. This enemy from the opposing crew was… himself?
He hollered in terror and spat, “Who the hell are you?”
“You shouldn't say hell,” this Zoro look-alike replied, “Hell's a swear.”
Zoro grimaced and spat, “No it's not!”
“In America, it is,” Zoro's double replied.
“Who are you and why do you sound like you haven't reached puberty yet?” Zoro asked as his double, feeling a bit offended by the puberty comment, explained, “My name is Rolonoa Zolo, the world famous ex-pirate hunter!”
“NANI?” the swordsman retorted, “I'M the world's most famous ex-pirate hunter! Wait, why does your name sound so close to mine with the exception of 2 R's?”
“Well, that leads me to the puberty remark. See, I'm your clone made by a special organization. I was made to basically be a kid friendly version of you,” Zolo explained.
Zoro grimaced and asked, “I'll ask you a couple of questions to see if you really match my personality. How often do you sleep and what are your views of alcohol?”
“Alcohol is terrible and I sleep less than Usopp does,” Zolo replied.
This obviously struck a nerve as Zoro bonked him on the head and spat, “THAT'S NOTHING LIKE ME! FOR ONE THING, I'M THE ONE WHO SLEEPS ALL THE TIME, NOT USOPP! FURTHERMORE, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC!”
“You ARE?” Zolo replied, “Wow, the boss was right.”
“What are you talking about, you cheap knock-off?” Zoro questioned as Zolo explained, “I was sent by my captain to kill you. See, you're a bad influence on kids and people like you better, so in order to get a bunch of money and stop people from wanting to see you, I'll have to kill you.”
“Just try, bastard,” Zoro challenged, flashing his three swords.
This was it. The two lunged at one another. Sadly for poor Zoro, Zolo delivered the first blow. Zoro felt a small surge of pain and asked, “What the #@&# was that? I hardly felt a thing. Plus, I'm not bleeding.”
“That's because my boss doesn't believe in blood,” Zolo explained, “He says it'll scare children.”
Zoro gritted his teeth and shouted, “You, sir, are an insult to pirates everywhere! For one thing, you can't make an opponent bleed with a sword and… well… WHAT KINDA NAME IS ZOLO?”
Zolo held two swords on the opposite sides of him and shouted, “Onigiri!”
With that, he went right through Zoro's body. Sadly, unlike past opponents for Zolo, Zoro didn't pass out. In fact, he didn't even flinch.
“Face it, you can't win,” he boasted, “If you can't kill me, then fighting me is pointless. As for me, I can make YOU bleed.”
It was soon proven true as Zoro created large cuts and gashes on Zolo's body. Suddenly, something strange happened. Zolo regained his strength and snatched Zoro's swords.
“HAH! You see what I did?” he asked, “I switched your swords with mine. That means that I can make you bleed while you can't, because you're using weapons from my world while I'm using three from yours.”
Zoro was now scared. It was true, these weapons that Zoro now lacked the ability to kill opponents or even make them bleed.
Zolo then struck Zoro in the gut only to notice that Zoro hadn't taken in any damage yet again.
“It seems that everything you touch becomes the property of your world, while everything I touch becomes property of MY world!” Zoro stated maniacally with an evil grin on his face.
Zolo gulped as Zoro took him down in a second. Zoro claimed his swords back and snapped, “Take your junk back with you! This Quado isn't Kuina's Quado! It's fake Kuina's Quado!”
That was that. This kiddy Zoro had finally been dealt with. `I wonder if the others will face kid friendly versions of themselves,' he thought as he walked along whistling the original One Piece opening to himself.