One Piece Fan Fiction ❯ Sub vs. Dub ❯ Clash of the Lovebirds! ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Sub vs. Dub
We now take our story to Nami and Sanji. As the two walked along, Nami stepped on something hard. She looked down and asked, “What's this lollipop doing here?”
“Whatever it's doing here,” Sanji stated, “the one sucking on it is a disgrace to pirates.”
With that, the two walked along while a guy who looked just like Sanji gasped and shouted, “Oh no, my lollipop! (I've been watching too much Lost Piece) Sub Nami crushed it! I like Dub Nami better.”
Chapter 2: Clash of the Couples
As they searched for opponents for Sanji to fight, Nami sat down and said, “Sanji, go find me something to eat. I'm tired of all this walking.”
Sanji's eyes shot up with hearts as he danced around and said, “Anything for you, my sweet Nami-sama!”
Sanji only took 20 steps when a guy who looked just like him stepped in front of him. Sanji glared and asked, “Who are you supposed to be and why do you look so handsome?”
“I'm you,” this man replied, “only I was created by an organization to match you in every aspect while being more appropriate for the kids.”
The second the man pulled out a lollipop, the chef had enough. He grimaced and spat, “SO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LEFT HIS LOLLI LYING AROUND! GOD, since when do pirates suck lollipops? GOD! You don't deserve to have the same name as I do! Plus, you sound like a thug with a cold!”
“You sound like a French Frog, you stinky doo-doo head,” Dub Sanji replied.
This was all the cook could take. Sanji took a drag of his cigarette and stated, “I'm going to kick your ass now.”
Dub Sanji gasped and spat, “Smoke is bad! We have to ensure that more kids suck on lollipops and get toothaches rather than get mucus inside of their lungs!”
“For one thing,” the chef retorted, “kids aren't that impressionable. Secondly, are there any kids present? Third, real men don't suck freaking LOLLIPOPS!”
Sanji went up behind the dubbed chef and kicked him in the ass… er… butthole. Dub Sanji got up and said, “You don't deserve to win this fight. Face it, you're a bad influence, your accent is less annoying than Mihawk's, and that is a bad thing, and you called Nami Nami-sama! Sama isn't even a real word!”
Sanji gritted his teeth with fury. This man was not only a walking stereotype but also denied the existence of Japanese terms.
Dub Sanji made the second move, though. He did a series of flips at Sanji and shouted, “Jerome Jostler!”
This tore the chef up inside to hear names like these. Sadly, he was gritting his teeth to long to stop the finishing move, which Dub Sanji called Double-Layer Cake Kick.
Sanji rubbed his chin and asked, “Why didn't I cough up any blood when you did that?”
“Our captain doesn't believe in bleeding,” Dub Sanji answered, “he wants kids to end up carefree and stabbing each other believing that there'll be no bad results.”
Sanji cringed and thought, `God, every time this guy speaks I feel a pretty girl committing suicide.'
With that, the chef ran up to the dubbed cook and said, “It's time for you to deal with my ultimate combo.”
With that, he sent a kick right to Dub Sanji's neck and shouted, “Collier Coup!”
Apparently, Dub Sanji heard a bunch of fancy orchestral music playing in the background while this happened. `That's way better than the synthesizer,' he thought to himself as Sanji landed his foot on his clone's stomach and shouted, “EPAULE!”
This was a new feeling for Dub Sanji. For the first time in his life, he actually coughed up blood. He got up moments later only for Sanji to jump behind him and shouted, “Mouton Shoot!” thus sending the disgrace packing through a series of trees.
Sanji took a drag from his death stick and said, “Tobacco beats candy any day of the week, you loser.”
Meanwhile, Nami was still resting and looked up at the sky. She sighed and thought, `Why hasn't Sanji found anything to eat yet?'
Suddenly, a girl who looks just like her stood right in front of her and asked, “Tell me, are you Nami?”
Nami blinked and said, “Yes, I am Nami, but how did you know that and why do you look like me?”
“The reason for that is because I AM you,” this new Nami answered, “only more kid-friendly.”
Nami blinked and asked, “If you're me, why do you sound like you're twelve years old?”
“Because teenaged girls have to sound as young possible,” Dub Nami replied, “Everybody knows that.”
Nami couldn't stand this other version of her any longer. She wanted to think that she was day-dreaming, but she couldn't escape the fact that this was real.
She pulled out her Clima Tact, only it had balls on the two ends of it and was a bit more slender. Dub Nami blinked and asked, “Why does yours look so much cooler than mine?”
“I guess your world isn't up to date with mine. I got it in Water 7. How far have you got?” Nami asked.
Dub Nami stared blankly and said, “My friends and I are still in Alabasta, and I just recently got the Clima Tact.” (Believe me, she has. I've regrettably seen these dubs on Youtube)
Nami grinned and said, “That means yours is the weak version. This version is five times stronger. Wait… did you call it Alabasta?”
Dub Nami nodded as Nami screamed and spat, “It's ARABASTA, you idiot! GOD, you can at least get it right!” (I personally don't make a big deal about that change)
With that, Nami twirled one of the thirds of her Clima Tact as a small yellow ball came out and she said, “Thunder Ball.”
Dub Nami gasped and retorted, “It's called Thunder ORB, not BALL!”
With the, she swung her Clima Tact to the side as a small yellow ball about the same size with a little less yellow came out of it. The two collided, and in the end, Thunder Ball beat the Thunder Orb and touched Dub Nami's chest. Upon making contact, Dub Nami took in a heavy surge of power and nearly passed out.
She shook and asked, “Why is it so powerful?”
Nami laughed and explained, “In Water 7, Usopp made me an improved Clima Tact, so now Thunder Ball deals as much damage as the old Thunderbolt Tempo used to deal.”
As Dub Nami protested that it was really called Thunderbolt Tempest, Nami ignored her and explained, “As you can see, your Clima Tact is inferior to mine in every way possible.” (And believe you me, if you read the manga, you'll see that I'm not just splitting hairs when I say this. It really IS that powerful)
Dub Nami gritted her teeth, turned her Clima Tact into windmill shape and shouted, “Cyclone Tempest!” (Not sure if that's the attack I'm thinking of)
The attack hit dead on, but Nami only flew back a little ways. She rubbed her forehead and asked, “Was that the best you could do? Man, I forgot how weak my old Clima Tact was.”
Dub Nami growled and went in for another attack only to be struck in the face by the good Clima Tact as Nami created a series of heat and cool balls and created her Thunderbolt Tempo. That was it. Dub Nami was finished.
As soon as that was over, Sanji arrived with a piece of boar and said, “I found this lying around. Say, Nami, why do you look like you've been in a fight.”
“You wouldn't believe it, but I ran into a kid-friendly clone of me,” she stated as Sanji gasped and explained how he dealt with the same fate.
Well, that's their story. Let's get to the others, shall we? And we will… next time.