One Piece Fan Fiction ❯ Sub vs. Dub ❯ Al Kahn Gets OWNED! ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Sub vs. Dub
The ordeal was finally over. The horrible dubbed Straw Hats had finally been dealt with. The entire crew had made their way back through the forest and ended up in the middle of the island. Dead center was a huge building that looked more modern than anything the Straw Hats had ever seen.
“That's a HUGE tower!” Luffy commented in amazement as Nami sighed and stated, “This isn't the time to think about that.
“You wouldn't believe what I ran into!” Usopp stated, “I'm not lying this time! I literally ran into myself… only I sounded like a broken cassette! Whoa, where did that come from? Is there even such thing as a cassette?”
“Well, we believe you this time,” Nami replied, “I ran into a dubbed version of myself too, only she sounded like a 12 year old.”
“Mine sounded like an angsty teen,” Zoro complained as Sanji stated, “Mine was a thug with a cold.”
“Mine sounded like a nerdy girl,” Chopper wined as Robin stated, “Mine was Texan.
Luffy sighed and stated, “You didn't have it so bad. Mine sounded like a little shrill girl with a sore throat.”
It was then confirmed that everyone had been dubbed and experienced it.
Zoro turned to the tower behind them and stated, “This must be the place where that bastard boss of theirs processed them.”
Each member of the Straw Hats nodded and agreed to break it. Unfortunately, the doors were unlike any they'd seen before. They were automatic and only opened for invited guests.
The Straw Hats simply put all their force into their most powerful attacks and knocked down the door with next to no effort. (Now, could a Naruto ninja pull that off? I don't think so.) Luffy glared into the seemingly empty room and shouted, “IS ANYONE HOME?”
Suddenly, as if by magic, a bunch of random happy hobos came out of nowhere and said, “Look, we have guests! Welcome to the 4kids tower where we make America the saddest place on Earth!”
`I still don't know what America is,' the swordsman thought as the hobos took them on a tour. Some hobos were dressed up like Oompa Loompas and singing a bunch of theme songs made by 4kids.
“This where we process our theme songs,” the tour hobo explained, “We're too lazy and stupid to write our own, which is why we're homeless, so we use a machine to shoot random words that we sort in the order we're most accustomed to.”
Upon entering the next room, the tour hobo pointed to their surroundings and said, “This is the synthesizer room. We use up to 20 at the same time which is why music often tends to cut off the one currently running. We think it works.”
Every Straw Hat covered his/her ears as the God-awful music played in the background.
Finally, after going through the voice-acting room, the covering cleavage room and the anti-alcohol/nicotine facility, it was time for the final area.
“This is where our boss, Al Kahn devises all of his evil schemes to ruin personas,” the tour hobo explained, “He has a slight weight problem, but that's okay. He tries to make the world a safer place.”
It was then that the tour hobo did the one thing he should not have done. He went and opened the door.
The second it opened all the way, the Straw Hats lunged at the fatass before them and started to beat the living crap out of him.
“You made me into a child!” Nami spat, whacking him on the head with her Clima Tact.
“You lowered my blade's power 90 percent!” Zoro shouted, slicing the man's arm off.
“You turned my Rumble Ball into a fruit!” Chopper spat, punching him in the face.
“You turned me into the pussy!” Usopp shouted, bashing on the head with a decent-sized hammer.
“You made me Texan!” Robin shouted, breaking his back.
“You gave me a cold and a lollipop!” Sanji complained, kicking him in the balls.
“You turned me into a shrill little girl!” Luffy spat sending him flying with Gomu-Gomu no Pistol.
That was that. It was finally over. Luffy cracked his knuckles and said, “He's been dealt with now.”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a fat man who looked suspiciously like the man they'd just killed came out from behind a sofa that just came out of nowhere.
He laughed and asked, “Did you really think you could kill the president of 4kids Entertainment? I don't think so!”
Everyone turned around and shouted, “GASP!” (Imagine them actually saying the word in unison)
To make matters worse, the man they'd just killed had just melted half his face off to reveal a bunch of circuitry and bolts. Everyone cringed in shock as Al Kahn was revealed to be a robot and the real Al Kahn was now in their presence.
“One thing is for certain,” Zoro uttered, “You made a mistake by showing your face around here.”
Kahn laughed and scarfed down a big Mac that his chef hobo cooked up for him (It didn't taste very good) and laughed maniacally. He choked for two seconds, spat up the bit in his mouth and resumed laughing.
“You can't destroy me, because I have protection!” he stated, pointing to the dubbed Luffy, Zolo, Nami, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper and Robin.
“They're still alive?” they spat as Kahn laughed and explained, “See, they're your dubs. Sure, you can make them bleed, but in my world, death doesn't exist, so you can't kill them!”
“Big flipping deal,” Sanji retorted, “We can just knock them out again. They can't make us bleed.”
The dubbed Straw Hats laughed and replied, “That's where you're wrong, fools! Mr. Alfred Kahn gave us all super powerful 4kids-logic-defying drugs, so we have the power to make you bleed.”
Usopp simply cringed and uttered, “Oh, snap.”
Then he regained his composure and spat, “You still can't defeat Captain Usopp! Besides, your soldiers are out of date! They don't have half the abilities that we do!”
It was true. A lot of their abilities hadn't been revealed yet in the dub, so they couldn't do a thing.
“We should have waited for Water 7,” Zolo stated, “Then Dub Luffy here could save us with Gear 2 and Gear 3.”
It was then that the fight had commenced. Dub Luffy had done the same thing to Luffy that he had at the start of the fight, only this time, Luffy dropped blood.
“Let's see you beat you beat Gear Third!” he spat, biting his thumb and turning his fist super huge while shouting, “Gomu-Gomu no Giant Pistol!”
The giant fist sent Dub Luffy flying through the wall as his body went right through a rock. Kahn glared and spat, “I never let them get stabbed before because stabbing is the only way you can kill them!”
Zoro had no better options. After being hit by his own special attack, he was ready for revenge, so he knocked Zolo's swords out of his hands and stabbed him in the chest.
Neither of the two versions of Nami dropped blood, but Nami had managed to send Dub Nami into a fatal shard of glass.
Usopp simply aimed a Shuriken Star at Dub Usopp's chest while Sanji sent Dub Sanji flying into the same rock Dub Luffy had been jabbed into and Chopper became Horn Point and stuck his antlers right through Dub chopper's chest.
Robin simply picked up a shard of glass and jabbed it through Dub Robin's back.
Sure, the real Straw Hats actually were bleeding after their fight, but they were still full of energy. Kahn trembled with fear and spat, “Let's not be hasty, okay?”
“Shut up,” Luffy threatened, just recovering from his mini state and sent the man packing out the window and onto the ground.
Zoro looked out and stated, “No one could survive that fall.”
Suddenly, the tour hobo gasped and pleaded, “Please don't kill me! I didn't want to work for him! He just promised me a home!”
The crew simply walked passed him as he breathed a sigh of relief and pulled out a walkie talkie. He cleared his throat and ordered, “Men, release the other dubs!”
Upon entering the final room leading to the exit, a bunch of pods opened up as more dubbed characters jumped out and attacked the group. Sanji took out the Shaman King cast, Nami defeated the `Mew-Mew Power' cast, Chopper took apart Kirby, Right Back at Ya, Zoro defeated Sonic X, Robin beat up Winx Club and Usopp took apart G. I. Joe, Sigma Six.
“What a nuisance!” they all spat in unison as they exited the 4kids tower. As they left, two remaining pods opened up and the two most dangerous dubs came out.
Meanwhile, just as the Straw Hats had left the island mourning over the fact that they had received no prize, Al Kahn awoke and said, “Thank goodness I follow the 4kids no death rule, or else I'd be a goner.”
Suddenly, a marine ship parked itself up to the coast he'd ended up on and crushed him as Smoker emerged and stated, “There must be pirates worth high bounties here!”
Suddenly, he and Tashigi gasped as two figures that looked just like them stood before them. The Smoker clone had no cigars, but he had smoke coming out of his mouth anyway. He looked up and greeted, “Hi, I'm Captain Chaser of the Navy.”