Original Stories Fan Fiction ❯ Randomness from the Master of Penguins ❯ The cat ( Chapter 1 )

*Ahem* hello and welcome to the first installment of the penguin masters random stuff she does and stuff. This story is set in my real world. All of that which has been written down actually happened in my real world. All characters are copyright to me. If you have a problem with some of the normal everyday my world humor then stop reading and don't leave angry comments. I rule penguins!
STORY TIME!!!!

 

 

 

Today in my world there was this cat. This cat saw a squirrel and jumped after it. The cat got the squirrel. Sadly the squirrel was a cyborg squirrel that strangled the cats tail to death because it thought its tail was a giant, furry, evil worm bent on destroying the pebble he put in a tree yesterday. After that the cat came to my house. I let it in and it started screaming. So to shut it up, I painted it purple. Then the cat was happy. After that a giant dinosaur stepped on the cat, but the cat ended up okay because it had a magical exoskeleton.

 

So I ran naked through the city screaming about purple cats with magical exoskeletons and giant dinosaurs. I left out the part about the squirrel because I didn't see that part, because I wasn't there. So that means I know nothing about this squirrel of which you speak. Anyway after running naked through the streets screaming about purple cats, I was arrested by the AGP (angry gay police) luckily they were all guys so I was safe from harm (because I was naked and they were gay). They took me to a pretty white room that was soft. I thought I was safe from the dinosaur, but then it bit off the roof above me. I escaped that place and went home. My house was fixed and everything was okay. Inside the purple dead-tailed cat was waiting.

 

At this point in the story I would like to point out that I am not insane at all. As far as I can tell. If you think I am, well I don't care. Yes I do!! No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't. Yes I- WOULD I JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!! Fine, I'm stupid anyway. I dislike me.

 

“Hello, I've been waiting for you, Master of Penguins.” The cat said as I opened the door.

 

“GASP! Magical exoskeleton dead-tailed purple cat! You can talk!!!! And you sound evil!!” I replied in shock.

 

“Yes, I know I sound evil, I've been practicing. Anyway I wanted to ask you if you wanted some Jews.” He answered.

 

I stared at him like he was crazy then after minutes of uncomfortable silence I said, “Why on earth would I want Jews?”

 

The cat laughed and replied “Not Jews, Jews! You know the stuff you drink? Made from fruit?”

 

“Oh,” I replied realizing what he meant, “you mean juice.”

 

Now it was his turn to stare at me like I was crazy for a few minutes of uncomfortable silence before saying “What is juice? I bought some Jews, do you want some? It's in the rotaregirfer.”

 

“What?” I asked in confusion. “You mean the refrigerator?”

 

“Sure, whatever.” He replied nonchalantly.

 

So I went to the refrigerator and got some juice. Together the cat and I drank it all. There was 200 gallons of it. When the juice was gone we decided to go dancing at the club. When we got there it was full of dancing people. It was very fun and amazing. Eventually the cat and I got separated, he had run off after a couple of females and I was drooling over these three hot guys. Then something terrible happened……

 

The AGP were there and some of them were girls. I was dressed this time so none of the guys recognized me. I panicked when I saw one of the guys walking toward me. It turned out he just came to tell me I looked great in my top, which was a black top with a picture of my mother on it that said whore under her picture.

 

Pardon me for the interruption but this lame joke will only be understood if you have watched let me borrow that top. Just search it on You Tube if you're a loser and you haven't watched it yet. Sorry for intruding, now back to the story.

 

I got bored at the club soon after that and went looking for the cat. I hadn't see him in over an hour so I assumed he must have been having a good time or had been stabbed with a sharp buffalo and robbed by a cat robber. I got distracted a few times by dancing crumpets (okay like 12 times) but I eventually found him, the lost him again. After hours of searching I couldn't find him so I went home.

 

Sometimes the cat is in my house when I get home from doing whatever it is I do, and sometimes he's not. He comes and goes at unexpected times. He often helps in my journey to obtain some thing, but he has also been known to hinder it. Though when is present during a fight he is always on my side. I love him.

 

The cat is sitting next to me now, threatening to gouge my eyes out with sharpened crumpets. He says its because I'm still writing. Why am I still writing?? I don't really know. This chapter of the stories of my real world is pretty much over ah well it doesn't matter. The crumpet tells me to continue to type for it wishes to taste my eye-jews. Oh *ahem* pardon me I meant eye-juice.

 

THE END!

 

(Of this chapter!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Authors notes: Well that was 100% true. I would never lie to you, would I? I would like to clear up any confusion about Cat Robbers. You see cat robbers are NOT Cat burglars. They are a closely related cousin of the Cat Burglar. By for now!

Penguin master, signing off.