Other Fan Fiction ❯ Hybrid ❯ OUTTAKE - "Dialogue Formatting Test" ( Chapter 16 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Hybrid OUTTAKE - "Dialogue Formatting Test" (rough draft), a DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon fanwork by Raberba girl

A/N:  This is not a real part of the story; it's a test to help me pin down what sort of formatting to use for all the different languages in this fic.

Hiccup's native languages are Dragonese and Norse.  Eret's is [English].  Undebuted Character's is {French}.  The princess's is {unknown}, but different from all those. ^^;

...I don't know if I should add this, but Eret & Undebuted both know each other's languages, though they can understand it better than they can speak it.  Eret knows Norse (he's gotten more fluent by now), but Undebuted does not.

Also, Hiccup & Eret have taught each other a bit of Dragonese and English.  Hiccup & Undebuted have taught each other a few words of Norse, Dragonese, and French. X'''D

o.o.o

"[And, cut!]"

Now that the scene was over, the characters all relaxed, and Eret actually stretched his arms over his head with a groan.

"{You are worn out, my poor dear,}" Undebuted said affectionately, starting to massage his shoulders.

"[Ach--  Ah, that feels good...]" he sighed.

"Hurt?" Hiccup inquired, confused.  "Hurt but is good?  Good hurt???"

"I will explain later," Eret murmured, flapping a hand at him dismissively.

Princess, being tended to by her maidens, smiled when Toothless came over to sniff at her.  "{You honor me, Jet.}"

"This smell, they are putting tree bark and resin on her body, I don't know why,"
Toothless wondered, trying to figure out the perfume.

Hiccup came hurtling from the side to crash into Toothless.  "Play with me!"

As they wrestled, Eret, grinning, dove in among them.  "[Yaaaahhhh, humans vs. dragons!  Undebuted, be on my team!]"

"{Oh, no!}" she cried, laughing, "{I will not stoop to your level!  Besides,}" she added in a mutter, "{I think you boys would slaughter me, playing so rough....}"

The princess craftily bade one of her maidens to bring a bowl of fish, and smiled when Toothless suddenly jerked his head up at the scent.  She set the food carefully before her, and sat with perfect posture as the Night Fury bounded over and buried his snout in the bowl.

Hiccup scrambled up and tried to shove the dragon aside for his own share, but yelped when Eret hoisted him up over one shoulder.  "Oi, Hicc," Eret lectured, "no raw fish when you are human, you know that."

"Fish!" Hiccup shrieked indignantly, "Fish, fish, fish!"  Then, in Dragonese, "Half Of Me, help me!"

Toothless ignored him.

"{Hiccup, come here,}" Undebuted crooned, and Eret obligingly dumped the teenager practically into her lap.

"Pet me," Hiccup demanded, even as Undebuted's hands were reaching to caress him.  He purred and pressed into her touch.  "I like this caress me {my dear}, Undebuted is nice to me," he remarked in Dragonese, repeating the French endearment he'd often heard Undebuted use.

"[That's not exactly the best way to teach him how to be human, either,]" Eret remarked.

"{Well,}" Princess pouted, "{if these base mortals are allowed to touch sky-lords without censure, I, as queen, shall claim the right as well.}"  Toothless had just finished eating and was now licking the last of the fish slime from his lips.  Princess held out her hands to him.  "{Jet~}" she crooned, "{Jet, O magnificent one, will you permit me to lay hands on your exalted person?}"

Toothless, seeing very nice human soft claws poised ready to caress, leaned right into them.  Princess made a slightly less-regal-than-usual sound of pleasure as she scratched his sweet spots.

"{My lady's blessings are through the roof by now,}" one of her maidens pouted enviously in a whisper.

"[Okay, this is totally unproductive, time's up,]" Eret announced.  He seized Hiccup by the shoulders and hauled him upright.  "Hiccup!  Human time!"

"Human time, human time, don't like it," Hiccup pouted.

"Ah, ah, ah," Eret scolded, eyebrow and hand raised like an expectant schoolmaster.

Hiccup sighed loudly.  "I - DO - NOT - LIKE - BEING - HUMAN," he asserted, obedient in grammar but defiant in tone.

"{What did he say?}" Undebuted asked curiously.

"[Pouting about being human,]" Eret translated.  "Hiccup, come on, walk with me, we will practice."

"I DO NOT LIKE PRACTIIIIIICE!!"

"If you do good, I will give you [chocolate]."

Hiccup leaped in an explosion of excited energy, prompting Toothless to jump around with him as well.  "[Chocolate chocolate chocolate] I love this sweet good [chocolate] thing!!!"

"[Okay,]" Eret laughed, "[great.]  Practice first, then chocolate, eh?"

"Mean Eret give chocolate now!" Hiccup shrieked, but then launched upright and sauntered a few steps with his hands in his pockets, imitating the way Eret sometimes walked.  "I am human now," he said condescendingly.  "My name is 'Hiccup' instead of Dragonheart, it's stupid I don't like it but it's true now, blech."

"{Hiccup dear, will you escort me?}" Undebuted said warmly, rising to her feet and linking her arm through Hiccup's.

Hiccup raised his chin haughtily.  "Undebuted is a ['fine lady'], I am a ['fine gentleman'], I will escort her steal Eret's mate, hahaha, it's funny."

"Not funny," Eret pouted.

"{Don't be jealous, my dear~}" Undebuted chuckled.

"[He knows exactly what he's doing, he called you my--  Er, my {wife},]" he said, using the French word.

She raised an eyebrow.  "{Am I not your wife?}"

"[I mean, he knows you're my woman, that's why he thinks it's funny to 'steal' you from me.]"

"{Alas, I am being carried off by this barbarian ruffian, this [Viking dragon],}" Undebuted said, dramatically lifting a hand to her forehead and leaning back until the confused Hiccup caught her.

"Undebuted is playing?" the dragon-boy wondered.  "Undebuted is ['teasing']?"

"She [teases] me, Hiccup," Eret pouted.  "Do not call her my 'mate,' she is my [wife]."

"Undebuted is Eret's mate that he loves, [wife]," Hiccup said, testing the words to see if they fit.  "Friend, companion?  Loves her.  [Wife].  Undebuted belongs to Eret is his ['wife'], Eret belongs to Undebuted is her ['wife']?"

"NO!" Eret screeched, causing everyone to stare at him.  He blushed a little, then said firmly, "Undebuted is woman, so she is my [wife].  I am man, so I am Undebuted's [husband]."

"['Husband', wife], too many words!" Hiccup screeched.  "Eret and Undebuted love each other and have sex and make babies, companions/mates, THAT IS TRUE THING!"

Eret slapped a palm over his face.

"{What is he saying that's got you both so riled up?}" Undebuted wondered in amusement.

"[I will never understand dragons,]" Eret grumbled.  "[Trying to sort out spouses and mates and friends and whatever 'Companion' means in Dragonese,]" he tried to imitate the chirping purr Hiccup had made, which he knew was a freaking different word than the ten or so other purrs Hiccup used for what Eret thought were basically the same concepts, "[it's a mess.]"

"{You are turning poor Eret's brain to soup again,}" Undebuted cooed at Hiccup, who cooed back, imitating her tone in Dragonese.

Eret shook his head.  "[Well, since I've apparently lost the privilege of escorting my own wife....]"  He gave a small smile to Princess and held out his arm to her.  "[May I escort you, then, Your Majesty?]"

"{You are mocking me,}" she said coldly.  "{But you are favored by the sky-lords, so I will deign to let you touch me, foreigner.}"  She rose gracefully to her feet and laid her bejeweled arm on Eret's.

The two pairs walked slowly around the garden, Eret and Princess in silence, Hiccup and Undebuted chattering animatedly, Toothless wandering between Hiccup and various things he found interesting.

"{Tell me of your adventures, Hiccup dear,}" Undebuted said encouragingly.  Then in English so that he had a better chance of understanding, "[Tell me, you do many wonderful things when I do not see you!]"

"[Adventures]," Eret said helpfully.  "Tell her what you do while you are gone from her, Hiccup."

"['Adventure'], this is fun exciting thing me and Toothless do--"

"Hiccup," Eret called.

"TOOTHLESS AND I do together, I will tell Undebuted she will be happy!"

"Do not say what you already will say," Eret corrected again.

"ARGH!  Undebuted!!" Hiccup said in frustrated distress.

"[Begin the story], {my love,}" she said encouragingly.

"[ONCE UPON A TIME!]"  Hiccup glared at Eret, who nodded in approval.  "Story start I say [ONCE UPON A TIME] but I cannot say 'I will tell you a story,' Eret says it's wrong!"

"[Once upon a time, a thing does happen,]" Undebuted prompted.

"[Once upon a time] me and Toothless--  No, TOOTHLESS AND I, we flying.  We were flying.  We saw wolf pack with dog, a wolf pack with a dog, I DON'T LIKE IT IT'S TOO HARD NO [CHOCOLATE] NOOOOOOOOO, HALF OF ME LET'S GO PLAY NO [CHOCOLATE] I'm upset!"  He leaped onto the dragon's back and flew away.

Eret sighed.  "[I give up.  I don't care if Hiccup's a freaking dragon or a human, anyway; I can understand him fine.]"

"{There are things we say without words,}" Undebuted murmured, drawing close to caress his face.

Princess, unable to tolerate the disrespect of being ignored, startled them both by putting her arm possessively around Undebuted.  "{You will tend to me first,}" she stated.  "{We will walk together, and only when I am finished with your company will I let you have your man again.}"

"{I see I have a new escort now!}" Undebuted laughed.  She waved back at Eret.  "{I will return to you later, my love!}"

Eret rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air.  "[Fine, whatever.]"

o.o.o

Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase, feedback is very much needed!  (That's the sole reason I wrote this!)  I would be much obliged if you could answer some or all of the following questions!

Could you figure out which language(s) were being spoken at any given time?

If so, how easy or difficult was it to tell?  If not, how much did that bother you?  Do you have any suggestions for improving clarity?

What did boldface indicate?

Which language did no formatting indicate?

Which language did italics indicate?

Which language did [brackets] indicate?

Which language did {braces} indicate?

Which language did {italicized braces} indicate?

What do you think of the language formatting in general?

........Do you think I should just make the undebuted character English like Eret is? *cries*  (I'm not sure yet how important her nationality will be.)

o.o.o

Casual author's notes: Lol, I had to look up what "braces" were called. XD  (Apparently another name for them is "curly brackets.")

I will update with a (short, but) new chapter of To Put It In Perspective later today!  And I will try very hard to catch up on the rest of the messages I didn't get to last night; thank you guys so much! :D

Chapter 15
Chapter 17
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